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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859202">The Before and The After</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaRachille/pseuds/KaylaRachille'>KaylaRachille</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All American (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Absent Parents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Blood, Blood and Injury, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Bullying, Car Accidents, Child Loss, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Father-Son Relationship, First Kiss, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Headaches &amp; Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Mentions of Cancer, Mild Language, Mother-Son Relationship, Nightmares, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Pre-Season/Series 01, School Dances, Survivor Guilt, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Wakes &amp; Funerals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:08:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>90,670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaRachille/pseuds/KaylaRachille</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><b><br/>Chapter Nine - <i>The Discovery</i> has been posted!</b><br/><b><br/>Story Summary:</b>  </p><p>On Asher's 12th Birthday his older brother, Collin, takes him to the arcade to celebrate. On the way over to the Baker's house, they get into a car accident turning everyone's world upside down. With his parents overcome with grief at the loss of their older son the Bakers are there for Asher in the aftermath of the accident and the years following.<br/><b><br/>Snippet from Chapter Nine:</b> </p><p>He stops abruptly on the landing before he goes down the last eight steps to the first floor when he hears hushed voices coming from by the front door.   </p><p>“How is Ms. Gwen?” He hears Gloria asks in her sweet and caring tone that she always speaks in.   </p><p>“She got a scan done today. And the doctor should have her results in a few days to see if her tumor has shrunk.” He hears Laura reply in a tired voice.<br/><i></i><br/>Wait, a tumor. Does that mean my mom has cancer?  He wonders as he holds his breath waiting for them to say something else about his mom.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Asher Adams &amp; Olivia Baker, Asher Adams/Olivia Baker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Accident</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi y'all! My name is Kayla! I have been a fan of All American since the season 1 premiere. Welcome to my first ever published fan fiction story! I have written many stories over the years for various fandoms, but I have never posted one before. So, I am beyond excited but also super nervous to share this story with you! I got this idea from learning in the show that Asher's mom had a secret that made her leave and I thought what if Asher had a sibling...so then came the idea for this story. I hope y'all enjoy it! I have had so much fun writing it! &lt;3</p><p>Disclaimer: I own none of the characters except for Collin Adams. :) </p><p>Please note: This chapter and the next few ones will deal with a car accident and it's aftermath so if that is something, they may be triggering to you please read with extra caution and care. :)</p><p>Oh, and I have decided to have Asher's birthday in March during Spring break week since we haven't seen in the show exactly when his birthday is. ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gwen hums lightly to herself slowly mixing up pancake batter in a glass bowl. The bright morning sunlight shines through the kitchen window above the sink casting the pale-yellow walls and white cabinets in its golden light. The coffee pot peculates in tune with the washer and dryer breaking through the quietness of her routine.   </p><p>Wiping her hands on her apron and sitting down the bowl she picks up her mug cupping her hands around the sides she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths enjoying the warmth from the steam and the scent of the ginger. Taking a small sip and finding it still too hot she sits it back down.      </p><p>Hearing the small quiet footsteps approaching from down the hall she smiles.  </p><p>"Good morning, Asher," Gwen calls without turning around from her position at the kitchen island. "You're up early." She states her smile widening watching her youngest son jump up onto the barstool closest to her.     </p><p>"Good morning, Mom," Asher says grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl. "How'd you know it was me?" His blue eyes shining brightly with curiosity. </p><p>"Happy Birthday, baby," She says pulling her son into a quick hug. "I knew it was you because I have eyes in the back of my head like all mothers do." Gwen jokes receiving a grin from Asher. "And since you were old enough this has always been our thing on your birthday. What flavor do you want this year?" She asks dividing the pancake batter into three bowls for the different flavors.  </p><p>"Chocolate chip of course!" Asher says with a wide grin taking a bite of banana. </p><p>"Just what I was thinking." She says with a wink turning around to grab a bag of chocolate chips out of the cabinet. "Wash your hands and then you can help." She instructs walking to grab the blueberries out of the fridge.  </p><p>"Okay!" Asher exclaims hopping down off the barstool with excitement ringing in his voice and his half-eaten banana left lying on the kitchen island countertop forgotten. </p><p>"We'll make the chocolate chip ones first." She says watching Asher quickly tear open the bag pouring the chips into the pancake batter. </p><p>"Is that enough mom?" He questions holding the bag in midair above the bowl. </p><p>"Maybe a little more." Asher shakes a few more chips from the bag looking back up with a question in his eyes." Maybe just a few more." Gwen says with a grin placing her hand on top of Asher's emptying the rest of the bag into the bowl. "How's that?" She questions with a wink.  </p><p>"Perfect," Asher answers his eyes dancing with joy.  </p><p><b>***</b>   </p><p>"Happy Friday, family!" Collin's happy voice calls from the kitchen archway running a hand through his hair still wet from the shower.  </p><p>Collin passes the table reaching out to ruffle Asher’s hair on his way. "Happy Birthday, squirt." He says with a wide grin.  </p><p>"Hey!" Asher shouts smoothing his hair back down but with a ghost of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. </p><p>"Good morning, mom," Collin says kissing his mom on the cheek. "Those pancakes look delicious."   </p><p>"You got in late last night, Collin." Gwen says a question in her voice watching her oldest son pouring himself a glass of orange juice. </p><p>"Oh yeah sorry about that mom we got swamped with pizza deliveries right around closing time," Collin explains while taking a drink.  </p><p>"That's fine, honey. Just call next time please." Gwen says plating the first batch of pancakes.  </p><p>"Will do, mom."    </p><p>"Banana pancakes for you." She explains handing Collin his plate. "How is it that you are about to graduate high school?" She questions a hint of sadness in her voice placing the second batch of pancakes into the pan.   </p><p>"Oh, don't worry mom I'm not going to forget you while I'm at college. I still need somewhere to do my laundry." Collin says with a snort picking up the syrup bottle from the kitchen island taking his seat at the table.     </p><p>"Is that so?" Gwen says with a laugh. "Well, that's good to know."   </p><p>"But seriously mom I could never forget any of you," Collin says nodding toward Asher returning the bright smile he gets from him.   </p><p>"Oh, I know," Gwen exclaims picking up Asher’s plate making her way over to the table.   </p><p>"Extra, extra chocolate chip pancakes for my birthday boy," Gwen says smiling brightly with a wink as she sits the plate of pancakes down in front of Asher. "How are you twelve today?" She questions kissing the top of her youngest son's head.    </p><p>"Thanks, mom." Asher chuckles taking a large bite of the pancakes after covering them with syrup. "They're so good!"   </p><p>"They sure are mom." Collin agrees nodding.   </p><p>"Thanks, boys." Gwen says smiling brightly at them both.   </p><p>"Morning boys," Harold calls as he passes them in a rush fixing his tie. </p><p>"Morning dad." They both call at the same time. </p><p>"Jinx you owe me a soda," Asher exclaims grinning. </p><p>"You got me little brother." Collin winks. "Where's the fire dad?" He asks eyeing their dad's quickened movements with curiosity. </p><p>"I got to go into the office early this morning," Harold states quickly pouring coffee into his travel mug. </p><p>"The last batch of pancakes are almost done. Please just sit down for a quick breakfast." Gwen says waving him over to the table. </p><p>"We have our budget meeting for this quarter, and I can't be late." He states glancing down at his watch. </p><p>"Harold please just ten minutes it's Asher's birthday," Gwen says with a pointed look toward their youngest son. </p><p>Guilt flashes across his face but he covers it with a tight smile turning to walk toward the table picking up the newspaper from the kitchen island on the way. </p><p>He sits down heavily across from Asher and unfolds the newspaper to the sports page.</p><p>"Happy Birthday, son." He says with a nod.  </p><p>"Thanks, dad. You want some orange juice?" Asher asks pouring himself a glass. </p><p>Harold shakes his head in response returning his attention to the sports section.     </p><p>" Hey, dad guess why you can’t trust atoms?"  He asks around a bite of pancake. </p><p>"Don't talk with your mouth full, Asher." Comes his father's stern voice from across the table his eyes never leaving his newspaper. </p><p>"Sorry, dad," Asher mumbles reaching for his glass of orange juice to wash the food down with.  </p><p>"It's fine, baby," Gwen says turning around from the stove to catch her son's eyes sending him a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Her gaze turns to her husband and her smile drops into a frown. Shaking her head, she turns back around dividing the pancakes into two plates. </p><p>"So why can't they?" Collin inquires nudging Asher with his elbow. </p><p>"Oh um, they make up everything," Asher says his voice flat shrugging. </p><p>"Seriously Asher if being a biologist doesn't pan out then you should definitely try being a standup comic," Collin suggests through his laughter.  </p><p>"If you say so," Asher says with a small smile.  </p><p>"And blueberry pancakes for you and me, Harold." Gwen takes her seat smiling at both her boys. </p><p>Harolds folds up the newspaper quickly cutting his pancakes and covering them with syrup. </p><p>"So, when do you begin football training this summer at UCLA Collin?" Harold questions looking toward his oldest son. </p><p>"Um, I'm not sure yet. Maybe June." Collin answers with a shrug.  </p><p>"I can't wait to see you play out on that field son." Their dad states with a dreamy look in his eyes.</p><p>"I'm going to make you all proud I promise," Collin says with a determined nod.  </p><p>"Let's not put too much pressure on him though," Gwen interjects. "Remember to always have fun out there," Gwen says looking at Collin.  </p><p>"I will." Collin nods sending his mom a small smile. </p><p>"Are you going to play again next year Ash?" Collin asks turning his attention back to the birthday boy. </p><p>"Maybe. Jordan wants me to." Asher answers with a shrug. </p><p>"But do you want to?" Collin asks unsurely as he picks up at his little brother's hesitation. </p><p>"Yeah, it was fun. Jordan says his dad might be our coach in high school." Asher reveals for feeling better that he won't have to get used to a new coach when he plays in high school. </p><p>"That'd be cool." Collin agrees knowing that having Coach Baker as a familiar face on the football field will help Asher make his transition into high school much easier for him. </p><p>"You know Asher if you keep working on your catches you could be playing at UCLA one day just like your brother." Their dad says beaming with pride. </p><p>"You think so?" Asher asks tentatively. </p><p>Their dad nods in response. </p><p>"Remember what I said about pressure Harold." Gwen cautions looking between her sons and her husband. </p><p>"Your mom is right boys always have fun out there as you're winning." He says taking a drink of coffee. </p><p>"That's not exactly what I meant." Gwen says frowning. </p><p>"We know what you mean mom," Collin says smiling at their mom. </p><p>"Hey, dad guess what?" Asher asks in between bites looking over at his dad who is finishing his last bite of pancakes. "I got accepted into the Accelerated Science Summer Program that starts in July mom got the letter yesterday." He continues to look hopefully over at his dad who doesn't answer. With a sigh he casts his eyes back to his plate. He squishes a bite of pancake into the pool of syrup putting his fork down. </p><p>Sharing a look with his mom across the table Collin clears his throat. "Ash, that's awesome bud." Waiting for Asher to meet his eyes before he continues. "I am so proud of you."   </p><p>"Really?" Asher asks surprised.   </p><p>"Well of course. I know how hard you worked to get into that program." Collin explains with a proud smile. Asher sends his brother a small smile back in return. From her seat, Gwen mouths a "thank you" to her oldest son. “Anytime” he mouths back in response.    </p><p>"And now I have something for you, Ash," Collin says getting up from the table disappearing down the hall toward his room.    </p><p>Asher watches the doorway with curiosity a smile spreading across his face.   </p><p>"Okay, here you go," Collin announces returning to his seat holding out the package to Asher but then pulling it back just out of his reach. "Now if you don't like it, I can always return it. So, no pressure." Collin explains.   </p><p>"I know I am going to love it," Asher says his eyes never leaving the gift.    </p><p>"Okay, here you go." Collin hands it to him. Asher quickly rips through the gift wrap. "Hey, I was going to save that." Collin jokes watching as the wrapping paper falls to the floor in a crumpled mess.  </p><p>"Too late." Asher chimes back. His eyes widen as he removes the last bit of gift wrap opening the box revealing the new <em>Spider-Man</em> comic book. "But this has been sold out for months. Me and Jordan checked back at the comic bookstore every week." Asher recalls surprised.     </p><p>"Maybe I camped out for the midnight release," Collin explains with a shrug.   </p><p>"You did for me?" Asher asks in disbelief.    </p><p>"Yeah, I did. Happy Birthday, Ash." Asher jumps up from his seat rushing over to hug his brother. Collin hugs him tighter at hearing Asher's muffled "thank you" from where his face is pressed into his shoulder. "Anything for you little brother," Collin whispers so only Asher can hear him.   </p><p>Asher pulls back smiling widely at his big brother despite the tears shining in his eyes. Collin squeezes his shoulder returning the smile.    </p><p>"Okay, this is from your dad and I." comes their mom's voice. Asher turns to find a large gift box propped up in his chair.   </p><p>Looking between his mom and dad his eyes dancing he steps forward toward his chair his elbow clipping his glass of orange juice. He reaches his hand out frantically to catch the glass, but his hand stops in midair when it falls with a loud clatter against his plate. He takes in a sharp intake of breath as the orange liquid spreads across the table spilling off the opposite edge onto their dad’s lap.   </p><p>"Damn it Asher!" his dad yells standing up his face reddening. He looks down angrily at the large wet spots on his pants. "Now I'm going to be late for work." Harold huffs throwing down his newspaper.    </p><p>"I-I'm so-sorry D-dad." Asher stammers out backing up toward the wall.   </p><p>Gwen gets up from her chair brushing away her shock from Harold's outburst to grab a dishtowel from the island.    </p><p>"Here." She extends the dishtowel out to him and he jerks it out of her hand.   </p><p>He stalks out of the kitchen disappearing down the hallway to go change his clothes slamming the bedroom door behind him.    </p><p>Collin looks over to Asher who has pressed himself up against the wall with his hands balled into fists at his sides. His eyes are wide and filled with fear as they dart around the room. Collin makes his way over to his little brother crouching down next to him.   </p><p>"Hey, bud—" Collin pauses at feeling Asher jump when he places his hand on his shoulder. "It's just me, Ash." He says softly.   </p><p>"I-I d'didn't m-ean too." Asher chokes out fighting back tears.   </p><p>"I know you didn't and so does dad." Gently unfolding Asher's fingers from his palms where his nails are digging into the skin.    </p><p>"But—"     </p><p>"It's just some spilled juice," Collin says nonchalantly.   </p><p>"He's going to be late for work because of me and his boss will—" His breath hitching in his throat.   </p><p>"Hey, Ash look at me," Collin says squeezing his shoulder. "It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Just take some deep breaths." Collin frowns at watching his little brother struggling to breathe.   </p><p>"I-I c-can't." Asher gasps.    </p><p>Collin guides Asher to the nearest chair having him sit down slowly crouching down in front of him again.    </p><p>"Ash everything is okay. Just calm down. Just try to breathe like me." Collin takes in full deep breaths willing his little brother to do the same gently squeezing his hands. "There you go bud. Just breath. In and out just like that." Collin says rubbing soothing circles on his back.           </p><p>Asher jumps at the sound of the front door slamming. The kitchen goes quiet the only sound is the orange juice dripping off the table and onto the floor and Asher's shaky breaths.   </p><p>"You okay baby?" Gwen questions worry etched into her strained voice moving to stand behind Asher's chair.    </p><p>"Mom?" Asher asks quietly with tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry.”   </p><p>"Hey, it's okay. It was just an accident baby. Your dad knows that too." Gwen reassures her youngest son moving to his side to wrap her arms around him. "He's stressed about work not you, but he will be apologizing to you as soon as he gets home," Gwen explains rubbing comforting circles over his chest, shushing his sobs as he clings to her.    </p><p>Collin straightens from his crouched position breathing a sigh of relief at seeing Asher lean into their mom’s embrace.   </p><p>"I'm going to go speak to dad really quick." Collin says. At his mom's curt nod, he turns on his heel angrily.                     </p><p>Harold is sitting in his car with the keys hanging from the ignition, and the engine off staring straight at the garage door. He jumps at the sound of the persistent knocking on the window. Looking out the window he finds Collin glaring at him he sighs turning the key over rolling down the window.     </p><p>"Son—" He starts holding up his hand but is cut off.   </p><p>"Dad, what the hell was that?" Collin spits out through gritted teeth.   </p><p>"I don't know." Harold sighs averting his son's eyes.   </p><p>"What do you mean you don't <em>know</em>?" Collin scoffs. "Asher just had a damn panic attack because of the way you treated him for fuck's sake," Collin recalls in disgust.    </p><p>"Is he okay?" Harold asks the guilt causing a lump to form in his throat.     </p><p>"If you call crying and clinging onto mom okay then yeah, he is <em>fucking </em>fantastic." Collin sneers his eyes narrowing.     </p><p>Harold opens his mouth to respond but he can’t find the right words.    </p><p>"You know dad Asher tries so damn hard to gain your approval for everything he does but it's never enough. Did you even hear anything he said about his science program he got into this summer?" He asks heatedly crossing his arms over his chest.   </p><p>"No." He mumbles in a low voice.   </p><p>"Of course, you didn't dad because all you ever hear or think about is something involving football. Well sorry to break it to you dad but there is a lot more to life than football." Collin shouts his voice rising with each word as he throws his hands up in frustration.    </p><p>"I'm so—" Harold swallows again his voice thick.   </p><p>"No don't apologize to me save it for Asher." Collin snaps shaking his head backing away from his dad's car.    </p><p>"Collin, wait!" His dad yells after him.   </p><p>Collin storms up the front steps not turning around at the sound of his dad's pleas for him to come back. He goes inside closing the door taking a deep breath with a barrier now between him and his dad leaning against it heavily. Rubbing angrily at the few stray tears that fell from his eyes he pushes himself off the door making his way toward the kitchen to help pick up the pieces of their family like he always does after their dad's anger shatters it.   </p><p><b> ***  </b>  </p><p>"So little bro what is on the birthday agenda today?" Collin asks Asher leaning onto the couch arm smiling down at him where he is laying on his stomach on the floor reading his comic book.    </p><p>"Um, I don't know," Asher mumbles not looking up from his page.   </p><p>"Come on, Asher I know you've had something planned for weeks that you've wanted to do today," Collin says sliding down onto the couch.   </p><p>"I thought you had to work today though," Asher states his eyes glancing up slightly at his brother and then back down to his comic book the disappointment evident in his voice.   </p><p>"Nope I'm all yours today champ. Carter is covering my shift at the restaurant tonight remember." Collin reassures Asher. "Now tell me your plans."    </p><p>"Oh, yes I forgot about that. If it's okay I thought, we could go to the arcade. But only if you would have fun though." Asher explains his fingers pulling at a stray thread in the carpet.    </p><p>"It's your day Ash. But yeah, the arcade sounds really fun." Collin says nodding and smiling down at his little brother again.    </p><p>"Okay. I can't wait to crush you at Pac Man!" Asher exclaims sitting up excitedly.   </p><p>"Oh, is that so little brother? You think you can beat me? I was the king of Pac Man back in middle school." Collin says chuckling happy to see Asher excited for their plans with the incident with their dad behind them.   </p><p>"Sorry big brother but there is going to be a new king of Pac Man today," Asher states standing up his eyes dancing with excitement.   </p><p>"We'll see. May the best player win." Collin says playfully extending his hand out to Asher. "Let's shake on it."   </p><p>Asher reaches out to shake his hand and Collin grabs him pulling him down beside him on the couch tickling him.   </p><p>"Stop, please!" Asher pleads through his laughter.   </p><p>"Never!" Collin answers smiling reaching for his tickle spot under his arm. "Only if you say I'm staying the King of Pac Man today." Collin declares in a horrible British accent over Asher's loud laughter.   </p><p>The phone on the kitchen wall rings in the background around their laughter.   </p><p>"Asher, Jordan is on the phone." their mom calls from the kitchen.   </p><p>"You're saved by the phone this time little brother," Collin says smirking helping him up.    </p><p>Asher runs quickly into the kitchen turning around to stick his tongue out at Collin on the way. Taking the phone excitedly from his mom hopping up onto the barstool.    </p><p>"Hey, Jay." Asher smiles drumming his fingers on his knee.   </p><p>"Happy Birthday Ash!" Jordan exclaims excitedly to his best friend.   </p><p>"Thanks!"    </p><p>"Are you busy tonight?" Jordan asks. "My mom said you could come over for a sleepover!" Jordan explains grinning into the phone.   </p><p>"Um, let me ask," Asher answers turning his attention to where his mom is loading the dishwasher. "Mom, can I go over to Jordan and Olivia's tonight for a sleepover?" Asher questions coiling the phone cord through his fingers.   </p><p>"I don't know Asher." His mom hesitates, drying her hands on a dishtowel.   </p><p>"Please, mom." Asher pleads.    </p><p>"It is <em>his</em> day mom." Collin pipes in from where he sits on the countertop a lopsided playful grin on his face.    </p><p>"Not you too." their mom sighs her resolve breaking knowing that Asher needs something fun after the incident at breakfast. "Okay, okay you can go. Let me talk to Laura about it."   </p><p>"She said yes Jordan. She wants to talk to your mom though." Asher explains all in one breath.   </p><p>"Okay." Asher hears Jordan explaining excitedly to his mom that he is coming. Asher hops off the barstool handing his mom the phone. "Thanks, mom!" Asher gives his mom a quick hug. "I'll go pack!" Asher hurries off to his room picking up his comic book from the living room floor on the way.   </p><p>"Hi, Laura," Gwen says chuckling softly watching her youngest son running out of the room.    </p><p>"Hi, Gwen. I told Jordan and Olivia to wait until another day, but they insisted." Laura explains wiping the last drops of cake batter off the countertop.    </p><p>"Oh, it's fine. He's excited about coming. He's packing already." Gwen explains waving away Laura’s concern.   </p><p>"The twins are so excited for him to come. They've been sitting everything up all morning." Laura says looking over at the cupcakes cooling waiting for the icing on the countertop.   </p><p>"I'm sure what they have planned will brighten his day," Gwen says with a hint of sadness dripping in her voice.    </p><p>"What happened?" Laura sighs knowing how her best friend's husband could be at times. Glancing over at Jordan sitting at the kitchen table reading the back of the Spider-Man DVD case he got earlier to surprise Asher she takes a few steps back toward the fridge out of his earshot.    </p><p>"Oh, we had a mishap at breakfast this morning with some split juice," Gwen explains with a sigh her heart still heavy at seeing her youngest son cry earlier.   </p><p>"Gwen, I'm sorry. Are you and the boys okay? If you ever need anything you know I'm here." Laura reassures her gripping the phone tightly.      </p><p>"Thanks, and yes we're okay now. Yeah, I know you are. And thank you. I appreciate it, a lot. I'm just tired you know. The kids deserve better." Gwen sighs once more sending Collin a sympathetic smile across the kitchen where he still sits on the counter with his arms crossed and a scowl darkening his features.    </p><p>"Mom." Comes Olivia's voice shaking Laura from her thoughts. She looks up from the tiled floor to find her daughter skipping through the patio door her long ponytails swinging with each step. "Can I tell Asher happy birthday now?"   </p><p>"Did you clean up your paint and brushes Liv?" Laura asks. Olivia nods eagerly. "Okay. Just let me tell Asher's mom bye first." Laura watches as Olivia grabs a popsicle from the freezer and joins Jordan at the table before speaking again. "But really Gwen if you need anything at all you just let me know. I'm always here." She reassures her once more.   </p><p>"Thanks again, Laura. Yeah, I will forever grateful that I have you as my best friend." Gwen says quietly.   </p><p>"And yes, I always will be too Gwen."  Laura agrees clearing the emotion from her throat. "Olivia wants to wish Asher a happy birthday now."   </p><p>"Okay. I'll have Collin take him the phone," she says waving over her oldest son. "Take Asher the phone please Olivia wants to talk to him." She instructs giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.   </p><p>"Sure thing, mom." Collin gives her a quick hug taking the phone.    </p><p>Collin knocks on Asher's open bedroom door pressing the phone receiver against his chest.   </p><p>"Your girlfriend is on the phone." Collin teases a smirk on his lips.   </p><p>Asher turns around quickly from putting clothes into his backpack. "She's not my girlfriend." A light blush spreading across his cheeks grabbing the phone frantically.    </p><p>"Whatever you ever say, little brother." Collin throwing his hands up in defense shrugging. "We're leaving in ten minutes for the arcade, okay."    </p><p>"Okay." Asher agrees turning back around to fold the clothes he picked out pressing the phone to his ear. "Hey, Liv."   </p><p>"Happy Birthday Asher!" comes Olivia's sweet voice through the receiver.   </p><p>"Thanks!" Asher says with a smile his blush deepening slightly.   </p><p>"My mom said we can get pizza and watch a movie. Your turn to pick since it's your birthday." Olivia explains all in one breath.   </p><p>"Sounds fun Liv," Asher says zipping his backpack.   </p><p>"What time will you be here?"   </p><p>"Um, probably around five. Collin is taking me to the arcade for a while."   </p><p>"That sounds fun. See you then Asher. Bye." Asher hears Jordan saying something in the background. "Jordan says bye too and to bring your sleeping bag."   </p><p>"Okay I'll bring it. See you guys then. Bye." Hanging the phone up he goes over to his closet and pulls out his sleeping bag.    </p><p>"Ash, you ready?" Comes Collin's voice from the living room.   </p><p>"Yeah. I'm coming." Asher calls back. He looks down at his new comic book and decides to leave it not wanting to lose it. Grabbing his things, he hurriedly makes his way out to the living room to where Collin is waiting by the door.   </p><p>"You ready for the ultimate smack-down little brother?" Collin asks daringly.    </p><p>"Only if you are." Asher retorts.   </p><p>"Oh, you know I am," Collin says throwing his arm loosely over Asher's shoulders. "Let's do this."     </p><p>"Boys are you forgetting something?" comes their mom's voice from behind them her arms crossed.   </p><p>"Oh yeah sorry mom," Asher says dropping his bags by the door turning around to hug their mom.   </p><p>"Have fun at the arcade and the Baker's. Be good for Laura and Billy." Gwen instructs cupping her hand under Asher’s chin giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Love you, baby."   </p><p>"I will. Love you too mom." Asher calls over his shoulder picking up his bags up before rushing out the door to Collin's truck.   </p><p>"Please drive safe and call me when you're heading home." She instructs her oldest son pulling him in for a hug. "Love you, sweetheart."   </p><p>"I will take care of your precious cargo and I will call you. Don't worry we'll be fine.” He reassures her. “Love too mom," Collin says smiling down at his mom.   </p><p>"You are both my precious cargo understand." Returning Collin's smile, she gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Have fun." Gwen says following Collin to the door. </p><p>They both laugh at the sound of the horn beeping making Asher's impatience clear.    </p><p>"Guess that's my cue," Collin smirks shaking his head slightly gesturing toward the truck.  </p><p>As he makes his way down the front steps, he turns waving back to their mom before continuing down the driveway toward the truck.   </p><p>Gwen waves back lingering in the doorway minutes after the taillights have disappeared down the street an uneasy feeling settling over her.    </p><p>She shuts the door swallowing against the lump in her throat.    </p><p>Making her way down the hall to the bathroom to take a shower she draws in some deep breaths.   </p><p>Her babies would be fine she tells herself stepping into the shower.   </p><p>They would be just fine.   </p><p><b> *** </b>         </p><p>“Now that is what I call a victory!” Asher exclaims excitedly over all the murmur of voices and sounds of the other arcade games jumping up and down.    </p><p>“Yeah, you won fair and square little brother.” Collin agrees smiling proudly at watching Asher’s score move above his to first place on the scoreboard. “Awesome job, Ash. I bow to you,, my King.” Collin laughs as he curtsies.    </p><p>Asher laughs his eyes shining brightly the colored lights from the game dancing in them.    </p><p>“Well, we should probably be heading out. It’s 4:30.” Collin decides glancing down at his phone placing it back into his left jean pocket.   </p><p>“Time really does fly when you’re having fun doesn’t it,” Asher states turning away from the game.   </p><p>“It sure does.” Collin agrees leading their way out of the game room and into the lobby.    </p><p>Collin groans at the sight of the rain coming down in sheets halting in front of the exit door.       </p><p>“Should we make a run for it?” Collin questions looking back at Asher.   </p><p>“I don’t think it is stopping anytime soon,” Asher observes jumping slightly at the sound of thunder.   </p><p>“One more birthday competition?” Collin challenges hoping to get his little brother’s mind off the storm pushing the unlock button on the key fob.   </p><p>“On my count,” Asher exclaims with a determined nod toward the door. “One, two—” Asher sliding by Collin dashing out the door his laughter getting lost against the loud roar of the rain.    </p><p>“Hey!” Collin calls surprised running out the door after him.   </p><p>Collin pulls open the truck door climbing quickly into the cab.    </p><p>“You better be glad it’s your birthday and I let you win that race.” Collin declares smirking.    </p><p>“Oh, is that so. I think you’re just afraid to admit that your little brother is faster than you.” Asher teases brushing his soaked hair off his forehead.     </p><p>“Guilty.” Collin agrees throwing his hands up in defense.    </p><p>Their laughter echoes inside the cab muffled against the pelting rain.    </p><p>Collin puts the key into ignition and the truck roars to life.   </p><p>“You cold?” He asks turning the defrosters to heat on full blast.    </p><p>“A little,” Asher admits rubbing his hands up and down his arms.    </p><p>An easy silence falls over them as the fog clears from the windows and the rain slacks a little.    </p><p>“Well, my King your chariot is ready to take you to the Baker Palace for your birthday sleepover festivities,” Collin states in his horrible British accent with a laugh.    </p><p>“I’m ready when you are,” Asher says laughing until his stomach hurts.    </p><p>“As you wish my majesty.” Collin half bows pulling on his seat belt and waiting for Asher to do the same.   </p><p>"Do you think Dad was right?" Asher asks quietly staring out the truck window at the raindrops pelting against its glass.    </p><p>"About what?" Collin inquires his brow furrowing at the sudden subject change pulling out of the arcade parking lot.   </p><p>"That I could be as great as you one day at the football."    </p><p>Glancing over quickly at his little brother who now faces him with an uncertain look crossing his shadowed features. He sighs then nods before answering. "Dad's right you can be as great as me one day at football or maybe even better but only if that's what you want. I don’t want you to feel pressured into playing because I did. Don't ever play for anyone other than yourself, Ash." Collin brakes slowly nearing the red stoplight.   </p><p>"I want to play football for me,” Asher says casting his eyes back out the window.     </p><p>"That's my only condition is that you play just for you," Collin states glancing toward his little brother. “Can you promise me that, Ash?” Collin asks placing a hand on Asher’s shoulder.   </p><p>“I promise Collin,” Asher answers turning his gaze back to his brother his eyes full of determination.    </p><p>“Good,” Collin says with a nod. “We still have some time before I graduate and go off to college to practice those catches together.”    </p><p>“You’ll help me?” Asher asks surprised.    </p><p>“Of course. What kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t?” Collin inquires punching Asher’s shoulder lightly.   </p><p>“A sucky one,” Asher answers with a smirk laughing.    </p><p>Collins shakes his head lightly laughing too. “That’s for sure.”   </p><p>“Thanks, Collin with your help my team will be unbeatable next year,” Asher exclaims excitedly.   </p><p>“No big deal. That’s what big brothers are for.” Collin explains.    </p><p>“You’re the best. Love you.” Asher says scooting over quickly to give Collin a quick hug.    </p><p>“Thanks. I am pretty great if I do say so myself.” Collin smirks. “Love you too, Ash.” Smiling over to Asher as he scoots back over to his seat.    </p><p>The stoplight turns green, and Collin releases the brake and the truck rolls forward into the intersection as he lightly presses on the gas.    </p><p>Asher snaps his head toward the left at the sound of brakes being slammed on and tires screeching against the blacktop. The shrill sound of a horn blaring fills his ears. His heartbeat thuds against his chest as fear ices its way through his veins. He shuts his eyes tight against the blinding white light filtering through Collin’s window.    </p><p>Collin reaches out frantically toward Asher only grasping at empty air slamming on the brakes.    </p><p>“Collin wat—” Asher screams his voice getting caught in his throat.    </p><p>The sound of metal crushing metal fills the truck cab. The driver-side door smashes in sending hot white pain down Collin’s entire left side as his vision goes black.  </p><p>The airbags fly out pushing both of their bodies back with a jolt. The windshield shatters raining shards of glass down onto them slicing at their skin.   </p><p>The truck skids quickly to the right slamming into something harshly coming to an abrupt stop.  </p><p>The stifling silence rushes into Asher's ears making them ring. The air thickens inside the cab with the strong stench of blood and smoke hanging in it.  </p><p>Asher snaps his eyes open with a gasp looking over to Collin to find him slumped against the steering wheel his eyes closed and blood trickling down his face.     </p><p>"I'm sorry bubby." Asher sobs swallowing thickly against the copper taste in his mouth. “Please be okay.” He whimpers before the world around him fades away into darkness.    </p><p>
  <em>I'm so sorry...</em>
</p><p></p><div class="ms-editor-squiggler">
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Asher and his brother are rushed to the hospital after the car accident. Their parents and the Bakers both rush to the hospital to be their sides. In the aftermath of the accident everyone's life's will be forever changed.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, y'all I am so excited to be posting Chapter two of this story! I have had so much fun writing it so far and I have so many ideas for it! <br/>I hope y'all enjoy it!<br/>It is another long one! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A loud scream pulls Asher from the darkness causing his ears to ring. He clamps his mouth shut tightly when he realizes the scream is coming from his own raw throat. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blinking against the blurriness he slowly opens his eyes finding a bright light shining through his window casting a long shadow across his lap. He gasps his muscles tensing bracing for another impact. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, there bud.” Calls a calm voice he doesn’t recognize from outside the truck. “Can you hear me?” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods his head closing his eyes against the wave of dizziness that crashes over him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, keep your eyes open for me bud. Okay?” The voice calls again sounding closer this time. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher slowly opens his eyes blinking a few times the dizziness slowly passing.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There you go.” The voice encourages. “My name is James Parker and I’m a firefighter and I’m going to help get you out of there.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher hears other voices from farther away but because of the loud ringing in his ears he can’t make out the words. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you tell me your name, son?” James asks the small boy trapped inside the mangled truck. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Son</span>
  </em>
  <span> was that his dad he thought through the fogginess in his mind. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher.” He answers his voice coming out hoarse swallowing thickly his throat raw. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a cool name. Can you tell me if anything is hurting?” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My left wrist and my head </span>
  <span>does</span>
  <span> a little.” Asher says wiping away rain drops from his face. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. Anything else?” James asks nodding. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shakes his head no in response. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you tell me who is in there with you?” James questions stepping closer to the truck to get a better view of the driver. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher jerks his head over to the left toward his brother feeling the blood drain from his face. Guilt rushing through him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How could I forget Collin? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wonders tears streaming down his face.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He reaches out toward his brother’s still form a sharp pain in his left wrist causing him to pull back.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“M-my b-</span>
  <span>roth</span>
  <span>—” Asher chokes out clutching his throbbing wrist to his chest. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay. We’re going to get you and him out.” James reassures him waving over his squad.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just keep looking over at me.” James instructs gently at seeing Asher’s panicked pulls at his seatbelt. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you go to Beverly Middle? I have a son about your age that you might know. His name is JJ.” James offers hoping to distract him and keep him calm.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah I do. And JJ was on the football team with me.” Asher reveals pulling his hands away from the tight seatbelt in frustration. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you looked familiar.” James exclaims looking closer at the young boy trapped in the truck.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t play much though.” Asher states sadly.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay there’s always next year.” James encourages with half a smile. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Asher says with a shrug. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>James turns towards his team instructing some to go over to the other vehicle and for some of them to stay with him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m scared. My mom and dad will be so mad.” Asher suddenly says his wide eyes darting around.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay to be scared. But I am sure your mom and dad will be so happy that you are okay they won’t be mad at all.” James explains turning back around at hearing Asher’s voice his heartbreaking for the boy glancing over toward his brother who is still not moving behind the steering wheel.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But—” Asher trails off looking over again at his brother. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing the panic rising in the boy’s eyes James nods quickly to his team standing just behind him awaiting his signal. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Asher. My team and I are going to have to cut through the door so we can get you and your brother out. It’s going to be loud, but it won’t hurt you. I need you to be </span>
  <span>really brave</span>
  <span> for me right now. Can you do that for me?” James calls out to him above a loud roll of thunder. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher looks through the broken window to see more strange faces and he nods swallowing the fear rising in his throat. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cover your ears for me bud, okay.” James instructs giving a nod to his team to proceed when Asher gives him the go ahead.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The loud sound of the tool cutting through the door makes Asher jump at first shutting his eyes tightly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>James leans over the seat once his team have fully removed the door across Asher to cut his seatbelt off pulling it carefully away from his tensed body. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great job, bud. I am really proud of you.” James encourages </span>
  <span>once he</span>
  <span> sees Asher blink his eyes open. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My friend, Jenny, here is going to put a brace around your neck before we move you just in case you have an injury we don’t know about.” James explains nodding toward the paramedic. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” Asher agrees </span>
  <span>quietly</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, sweetie. This will only take a second.” Jenny says placing the c-collar around his neck smiling warmly at him securing the brace into place. “Okay you’re all good to go.” She says signaling back to her partner to bring the stretcher closer. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I look at that cut on your forehead?” She asks cautiously.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At his nod she places her gloved hands under his chin titling his head gently to the side to assess his cut. She dabs it with a piece of </span>
  <span>gauze from her bag,</span>
  <span> and he pulls back slightly wincing. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, sweetheart.” She apologizes. With the blood cleared from the cut she decides it’s not deep enough for stitches. “I’m going to place a bandage over your cut, okay?” He nods again as she reaches in her bag for a butterfly bandage. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There we go. Anything else hurting besides your wrist and head?” She questions looking him over for more possible injuries. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” He answers </span>
  <span>quietly</span>
  <span> tears pooling in his eyes again glancing toward his brother again.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking back to her partner with a nod them both deciding that it is time to move him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Asher. We’re going to move you to the </span>
  <span>stretcher</span>
  <span> now, okay?” Jenny explains.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t leave him though.” Asher says shaking his head his eyes never leaving his brother. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, bud. It’s okay. As soon as they get you out, we can get to your brother to help him. Can you be brave for me again?” James calls out making his way back over to the truck from where he was assisting with the other vehicle.     </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll try.” Asher whispers. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>James nods to the two paramedics staying close by in case Asher needs to be calmed down again. He watches as they silently left Asher from the truck placing him gently onto the stretcher. They quickly buckle the straps raising the stretcher up back to </span>
  <span>its</span>
  <span> full height. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher’s eyes never leave his brother with silent tears falling down his face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You promise you’ll get my brother out.” Asher asks turning his gaze toward James as he is rolled passed.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise, bud.” James says with a determine nod finding tears pooling in his own eyes at seeing the fear and hope mixed in the boy’s face. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take good care of him.” James instructs the paramedics patting Asher on the </span>
  <span>shoulder.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will. He’s in good hands now.” Jenny says winking down at Asher. “Stay safe. JJ and I will see you at home.” She says turning her attention to her husband </span>
  <span>briefly</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will do.” James says with a nod </span>
  <span>turning</span>
  <span> back around toward the truck taking in a deep breath readying himself for the next rescue mission.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he is loaded into the back of the ambulance and </span>
  <span>as</span>
  <span> the paramedic slips an oxygen mask onto his face Asher looks back out to the accident </span>
  <span>scene,</span>
  <span> he gasps at the mangled heap that is now his brother’s truck. His brother’s side is completely smashed in from the where other vehicle hit into them along his brother’s door. And his side is smashed in just behind his door where it slammed into a </span>
  <span>light pole</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Please be okay bubby</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thinks to himself.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He casts one last long look out toward where his brother is still in the truck before the ambulance doors are slammed shut blocking his view. The siren begins to wail as they pull away from the accident and away from his brother.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jordan the icing is for the cupcakes not </span>
  <span>you.“</span>
  <span> Olivia</span>
  
  <span>exclaims</span>
  <span> placing her hands on her hips facing her twin with a </span>
  <span>disapproving</span>
  <span> look on her face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
  <span>Jordan</span>
  <span> asks shrugging eating another spoonful of icing. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Liv’s right Jay let’s ice the cupcakes first and then you can both share the leftover icing. Sound good?” Laura says playing </span>
  <span>referee</span>
  <span> between the twins. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordan nods laying his spoon down and picking up a cupcake and pastry bag swirling icing onto it. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Satisfied at seeing her brother back on task Olivia claps her hands together. “Asher is going to love these cupcakes. Chocolate is his favorite flavor.” She states smiling brightly.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, he will for sure.” Laura agrees. “They look and smell so good.” Laura says looking over at the finished </span>
  <span>ones</span>
  <span> decorated with red sprinkles. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, mom.” Olivia says shaking out more sprinkles onto her cupcake. “You want some sprinkles? She asks Jordan extending the bottle out to him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.” He says with a nod taking the bottle. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay there’s two more cupcakes left so you guys finish them up while I get out the rest of the snacks.” Laura instructs glancing at the clock on the wall frowning when she </span>
  <span>sees</span>
  <span> it says 5:30. “What time did Asher say that Collin would be dropping him off again?” She questions the kids hiding the concern in her voice.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Five o’clock. Why?” Olivia calls back icing her last cupcake. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s five </span>
  <span>thirty</span>
  <span> now.” Laura states her brow furrowing. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They probably just got lost in a game.” Jordan guesses placing his cupcake into the container. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah I say you are right.” Laura agrees with a </span>
  <span>tight-lipped</span>
  <span> smile turning around to open the cabinet pulling out the </span>
  <span>assortment</span>
  <span> of chips the kids picked out.    </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hearing the front door open and close she walks into the hallway hoping it is Asher rushing in with an apology on his lips and an excited recant of his day so far. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing her husband standing there instead surprises her and she pauses for a moment. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Disappointed to see me?” Billy asks with a playful pout shaking off his soaked jacket. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? No.” Laura </span>
  <span>answers</span>
  <span> shaking her head stepping closer to her husband chuckling. “I just thought you were someone else.” She explains. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew I should’ve gotten rid of that boy pool last year.” Billy jokes dropping his bags on the floor and pulling Laura in for a hug and kiss. “I missed you.” He says against her lips. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you more.” She whispers back against his lips. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad!” comes the twins’ voices in </span>
  <span>unison as they</span>
  <span> run toward them as they break apart.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, baby girl and little man,” Billy says pulling both Jordan Olivia in for a tight hug. “I missed you both so much.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We missed you too, Dad.” Jordan says grinning.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gosh, how long was I gone for Laura? Because our kids aren’t so little anymore are, they.” Billy observes stepping back to get a better look at the twins noticing they have both grown at least two inches while he was gone. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Three weeks too long. And </span>
  <span>no,</span>
  <span> they’re not.” Laura agrees. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You surprised us Daddy we didn’t think you would be back until Sunday.” Olivia exclaims her brown eyes sparkling as she looks up at their dad. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The conference ended sooner </span>
  <span>than</span>
  <span> we expected so I had come home to all of you as soon as I could.” Billy explains smiling at them all. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher is going to so excited that you are here, Dad. Do you think we could do some football drills </span>
  <span>tomorrow?</span>
  <span> And maybe even Collin could come over too.” Jordan asks his voice hopeful.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher? Is he coming over?” Billy asks in confusion. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. The kids had an idea for a sleepover for Asher’s birthday tonight.” Laura explains. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds like fun guys. But yeah, Jay we can run some football drills tomorrow if Asher wants to too.” Billy nods in agreement toward Jordan. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes! Thanks, Dad. I can’t wait.” Jordan exclaims smiling brightly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad I need your help.” Olivia says grabbing his hand pulling him toward the kitchen.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura watches with a smile as Billy lets himself be guided by Olivia and as he listens to both twins speaking nonstop at the same time. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The phone rings </span>
  <span>amidst</span>
  <span> a clash of thunder making Laura jump. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.” She says into the </span>
  <span>receiver</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi. Lauren it’s me Gwen.” Comes her best friend’s nervous voice through the line. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Gwen. Have you heard from Collin? He hasn’t dropped off Asher yet.” Laura questions hoping that her best friend will know where her </span>
  <span>sons</span>
  <span> are. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s </span>
  <span>actually</span>
  <span> why I was calling. I have tried Collin’s cellphone several times and I </span>
  <span>haven't</span>
  <span> gotten an answer yet.” Gwen explains starting worriedly out the kitchen window at the rain pouring down clutching the phone tightly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The twins told me that Collin took Asher to the arcade, so I am thinking they are probably just caught up in a game and lost track of time.” Laura assures her hoping that she is right. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you’re right.” Gwen agrees nodding. “I’m sure that I am just overacting and worrying for nothing, and that they are just fine.” She says wiping away a few stray tears that had fallen pulling her cardigan tighter against the chill. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can call the arcade for you if you like.” Laura offers placing the lid on the cupcake container. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah </span>
  <span>that'd</span>
  <span> be great. Thank you.” Gwen says. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome. I’ll call you right back.” Laura </span>
  <span>promises</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, bye.” Gwen clicks the phone off beginning to pace around the kitchen once more clutching the phone tightly to her chest begging Collin to call her. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing with fear </span>
  <span>in</span>
  <span> her rising with each passing </span>
  <span>second,</span>
  <span> she decides to try to reach Collin again. She sucks in a sharp breath at the sound of her son’s voice reaching his voicemail for the sixth time. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Collin. It’s </span>
  <span>me</span>
  <span> mom. Please call me back as soon as you get this to let me know that you and Asher are okay. I love you both so much.” Gwen says her voice thick with emotion by the last line of the message running a shaky hand down her face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> Hearing the front door open she hurries toward the sound her heart racing clicking the phone off.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coll—” She calls out her voice fading as she sees Harold walk through the door. “Have you heard from Collin?” She questions hastily. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Why?” Harold asks shrugging off his jacket.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The boys were going to the arcade and then Collin was going to drop off Asher at the Bakers’ for a </span>
  <span>sleepover,</span>
  <span> but they </span>
  <span>haven't</span>
  <span> made it there yet.” Gwen explains. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure they’re fine.” Harold says waving away her concern making his way to the fridge for a beer. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope so.” Gwen exclaims quietly. “When Asher comes home tomorrow you need to apologize to him for the incident at breakfast.” She tells him from where she stands </span>
  <span>behind</span>
  <span> the couch watching as he sits down heavily in the recliner.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know and I will.” Harold says avoiding his wife’s eyes. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>So,</span>
  <span> Collin </span>
  <span>did get</span>
  <span> through to you then.” Gwen states crossing her arms over chest. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. He made me realize how unfair I was being to Asher.” Harold reveals staring down at his beer without taking a drink. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” She says nodding.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The phone rings in her hands and she stares down at it begging for it to be her sons. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Gwen it’s me. I called the arcade and one of their employees said he saw the boys leave around four thirty together.” Laura explains.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s been almost </span>
  <span>an</span>
  <span> hour and a half ago. Something has happened I just know it.” Gwen exclaims her voice shaking. “I’m getting another call.” She explains at hearing the beeping through the line. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay I bet it’s the boys.” Laura says hopefully. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen clicks over to the other line taking a deep breath before answering.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.” Gwen breaths into the phone gripping the phone so tightly that her knuckles turn white. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello. Am I speaking with Mrs. Gwendolyn Adams?” The unfamiliar voice questions on the other end. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Yes,</span>
  <span> this is she.” She answers biting her thumbnail.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Hi, Mrs. Adams. I’m Renee and I am a nurse here at Beverly Memorial. And I am calling you this evening to inform you that your sons were involved in a car accident this evening.” The nurse explains in a caring tone.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Are they </span>
  <span>are</span>
  <span> okay?” Gwen asks panicked. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was told that your youngest son is in stable </span>
  <span>condition,</span>
  <span> but </span>
  <span>your</span>
  <span> older son is still in critical condition.” The nurse explains gently. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay we’ll be right there.” Gwen says clicking off the phone.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Harold,</span>
  <span> we have to get the hospital right now.” Gwen exclaims in a rush toward the door grabbing her jacket and purse off the coat rack. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” He questions jumping up placing his full bottle of beer on the coffee table. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The boys were in a car accident. We have to get to Beverly Memorial right now.” Gwen explains over her shoulder pulling open the door. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll drive.” He states on her heels grabbing the keys from her hand. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>They make their way to the car in a rush silently.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they pull out of the driveway Gwen dials Laura’s number and presses the phone against her ear. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Gwen. Did you hear from the boys?” Laura questions smiling over at where Billy and the twins are hanging up Asher’s birthday sign that Olivia painted for him above the dining room table.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Laura—” Gwen chokes out around a sob pressing her hand against her mouth.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gwen, what is it?” Laura asked in alarm. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The boys we’re in a car accident. We’re on our way to Beverly Memorial right now.” Gwen explains in one breath. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Oh,</span>
  <span> my goodness. Are they okay?” Laura questions sharing a </span>
  <span>wide-eyed</span>
  <span> look with Billy who glances over at hearing her words. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Gwen sobs.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay we’ll meet you there.” Laura promises hanging up the phone. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Making her way over to the coat closet she calls over shoulder to the twins. “Jordan, Olivia. I need you to get your shoes on for me right now” She grabs her jacket and the kids’ </span>
  <span>raincoats</span>
  <span> quickly shutting the closet door.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why Mom?” Jordan questions running up to her.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher and Collin have been in a car accident and we are going to go see them at the hospital.” Laura explains placing a gentle hand on Jordan’s shoulder.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are they okay?” Jordan and Olivia ask at the same time slipping on their shoes.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know babies.” Laura says softly zipping up her jacket and watching the kids do the same.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” Billy says grabbing his keys from the table in the hallway pulling open the door leading the way to the car.    </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen follows the nurse down the hallway toward the </span>
  <span>trauma</span>
  <span> bay where Asher is with her heart pounding in her ears. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your son Collin is still being seen by the </span>
  <span>doctor,</span>
  <span> but you should be able to see him soon.” The nurse informs them looking down </span>
  <span>briefly</span>
  <span> at her tablet. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Harold says politely with a nod from behind Gwen. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, here we are.” The nurse says coming to a stop pulling back the curtain revealing their youngest son behind it.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sight of seeing Asher sitting in the middle of the bed with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head down breaks Gwen’s heart. He has an IV in his right hand and a brace on his left. He has an oximeter on his right index finger and nasal canula oxygen tube in his nose.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby?” She questions rushing over to his right side wrapping her arms gently around him finding him shaking. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mommy?” He whispers.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here baby. I’m here.” Gwen reassures him kissing the top of his head. She pulls back slowly cupping the sides of his face gently rubbing her thumbs across his cheeks. “Are you okay baby?” She questions tears pricking at the corners of her eyes looking into his sad blue eyes.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods slightly tears slipping silently down his face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry mommy.” Asher apologizes sobbing hiding his face behind his own small hands.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have anything to be sorry for Asher.” Gwen exclaims confusion written on her face as she glances over across to Harold pulling up Asher’s hospital gown where it has fallen off his shoulder. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your mom is right son. It was just an accident Asher.” Harold reassures him placing a gentle hand on his left shoulder.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At hearing the curtain being pulled back they look up to find a doctor stepping into the small space.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, I’m Dr. Whitman.” She introduces. “I was in charge of your son’s care when he was brought </span>
  <span>in, and</span>
  <span> I must say he is one very lucky boy.” She explains smiling warmly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>So,</span>
  <span> he’s going to be okay?” Gwen questions cautiously rubbing comforting circles on Asher’s back. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah he will be.” The doctor says with a nod looking down at her tablet. “He’ll need to take it easy for the next few days because he will be sore from the impact of the accident. He also some bruising along his chest from the seatbelt and a small cut on his forehead that didn’t require any stitches. And his left wrist is just a sprang. And his CT scan came back clear.” The doctor explains. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He had a CT scan?” Harold questions concerned.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he was complaining of head pain at the accident scene, so we wanted to make sure there was no further injury. But everything looks great. I will start his discharge papers and you will be able to take him home shortly.” The doctor informs them turning to leave. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, our other son Collin was brought in too. Do you know how he is?” Gwen questions.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will go see what I can find out.” The doctor says disappearing behind the curtain. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you’re okay baby.” Gwen exclaims with a sigh of relief pulling in for another hug,</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sniffles finally looking at them. “You’re not mad?” He asks </span>
  <span>quietly</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Of course,</span>
  <span> we’re not Asher.” Harold reassures him patting him gently on the shoulder.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Collin going to be okay?” He asks wiping at his tears. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t know yet baby.” Gwen answers running her hand through his hair. Looking closer at her youngest son’s face she finds it pale and dark circles under his eyes. “Just close your eyes.” Gwen tells him pulling close to her running a hand through his hair.   </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>For next the fifteen minutes Gwen and Harold look between Asher and the curtain waiting to hear news about Collin. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the curtain is pulled </span>
  <span>back,</span>
  <span> they all three </span>
  <span>jump</span>
  <span> at the sound revealing the doctor wearing a serious expression on her face. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The doctor in charge of Collin’s care would like to speak with you both out in the hallway.” She explains gesturing out to the hallway. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” Harold says with a nod. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, please don’t leave me.” Asher panics holding tightly onto his mom. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay. We’ll be right back.” Gwen reassures him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please.” Asher pleads fresh tears falling from his eyes.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hearing footsteps approaching from down the hall Gwen smiles at seeing the Bakers’ standing behind the doctor.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher someone is here to see you.” Gwen says hoping that once he sees them it will help to cheer him up. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher looks up through his tears to find Olivia and Jordan standing there with their mom and dad he wipes away his tears quickly with his right hand. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harold waves them into the small room stepping aside to allow them to stand next to Asher. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay your dad and I are going to go speak with the doctor now about Collin.” Gwen tells Asher giving him a kiss on the cheek before moving around the bed.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura gives Gwen a quick hug. “We’ll keep him company.” </span>
  <span>She reassures</span>
  <span> her with a warm smile. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Gwen says casting one last look toward her youngest son following her husband and the doctor out into the hallway. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, I’m Doctor Jensen.” The </span>
  <span>doctor</span>
  
  <span>introduces</span>
  <span> himself pausing to shake both of their hands. “I have </span>
  <span>overseen</span>
  <span> your son Collin’s care since he was brought in.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is he?” Gwen asks as Harold grabs her hand. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am very sorry Mr. and Mrs. Adams but we have done all that we could.  The injuries that your son sustained in the accident were to serve and he didn’t make it.” The doctor explains in a strained voice.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Gwen asks in disbelief. “Take me to my son now.” Gwen pleads.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gwen—” Harold starts wrapping his arms around his wife. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I need to see my baby right now.” Gwen chokes out tears streaming down her face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, of course this way.” The doctor </span>
  <span>obliges</span>
  <span> with a curt nod leading the way down the hall. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harold and Gwen follow the doctor silently feeling numb each step feeling heavier than the last and their hearts shattered. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, there Asher. How are you doing bud?” Billy asks turning his attention back to Asher after hearing the conversation from the hall sharing a knowing look with Laura. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay.” Asher answers.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We brought you cupcakes.” Olivia says showing him the container with a sweet smile.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Asher replies with a shy smile. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Knock, knock.” comes a voice from the hall pulling back the curtain. “I hear that someone is being discharged.” The nurse states smiling brightly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods looking down at his hands.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it okay if I take the oxygen off you now?” The nurse asks putting on gloves. Asher nods once more and she moves to the side of his bed switching the oxygen off and gently removing the nasal canula from his </span>
  <span>nose and</span>
  <span> behind his ears. “There we go. Is that better? The nurse inquires glancing over at his stats smiling when she sees they stay stable. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Asher says </span>
  <span>quietly</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now for the IV.” The nurse says tapping Asher’s hand gently.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will it hurt?” Asher asks pulling back slightly.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise not to hurt you. Scouts honor.” She says winking returning the boys smile flushing out the IV line with saline.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Olivia and Jordan reach their hands through the bed rails to place them on Asher’s left arm for support.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. One, two, three.” She counts down pulling out the IV in swift motion placing a small piece of gauze and band aid over the spot. “How was that?” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It didn’t hurt at all.” Asher says surprised looking toward his two best friends.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good. You need anything else darling?” The nurse questions stepping the door. Asher shakes his head. “Okay I’ll be back in a little while and </span>
  <span>you</span>
  <span> can go home.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Laura calls after her.  The nurse nods walking over to the nurse’s station. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want a cupcake?” Olivia asks taking the container from her mom.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.” Asher says smiling. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We put red sprinkles on them since that is your favorite color.” Olivia explains handing him one. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Asher replies taking a bite. “It’s good.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew you would love them.” Olivia exclaims with a grin.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura looks out to the hallway with a worried expression on her face her heart breaking for her best friend knowing that the news they have just received about Collin has turned their world’s upside down. She looks helplessly over at Billy who has an unreadable expression on his face staring intently at the kids. She swallows the emotion gathering in her throat taking the cupcake that Olivia offers with a force smile bracing herself for the what is about to come.   </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The doctor comes to a stop in front of the trauma bay where Collin is a few doors from their other son’s room looking back at his parents seeing them nod that they are ready. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen and Harold gasp as the doctor pulls back the curtain revealing their oldest son laying on the bed lifeless a white sheet pulled up onto his bare chest. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, no not my baby. Please not my baby!” Gwen </span>
  <span>shrieks</span>
  <span> sobs wracking her body as she goes over to Collin grasping his hand finding it ice cold. “Mommy’s here Colly. I’m here.” She says stroking his hair finding blood still caked in it. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry son.” Harold chokes out grasping his other hand. “Dad’s here too.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We both love you so much Collin.” Gwen says laying her head onto the pillow close to his ear.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The doctor steps away from the door and pulls the curtain to give the parents some privacy.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At hearing Gwen and Harold’s strangled cries and pleas from down the hall Billy and Laura share another knowing look and glance toward Asher who starts to shake his head at the sound.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, please not Collin.” Asher sobs pulling his knees up once more to his chest. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Jay and Liv why don’t you guys come with to the cafeteria to get some drinks.” Billy says placing a hand on both their shoulders. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad what’s happening?” Jordan asked in confusion.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll talk about it on the way okay.” Billy explains guiding them both toward the hall.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher honey I am so sorry.” Laura says going over to Asher wrapping him into a hug. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please not Collin.” Asher sobs over and over his small body shaking. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura does the only thing she knows to and holds him tightly as he cries finding tears falling from her own eyes. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Making their way back from the cafeteria with a variety of drinks for everyone Billy pauses when he sees Harold sitting in a chair in the hallway. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, kids. You all go ahead and go back to Asher’s room okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Billy instructs watching as the kids wordlessly </span>
  <span>make,</span>
  
  <span>they're</span>
  <span> up the hall.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harold I am so sorry about Collin. I—” Billy trails off not knowing what else to say holding out a </span>
  <span>bottle</span>
  <span> of water to him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Harold says with a nod reaching out to take the water bottle. “I can’t believe it. My son is gone Billy.” Harold says swallowing the emotion thick in his voice.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you or Gwen need anything you just let us </span>
  <span>know</span>
  <span>. Anything at all.” Billy offers.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Actually, could you take Asher home with you. Gwen collapsed after we saw Collin and the doctors what to keep her overnight for observation.” Harold explains clearing the emotion from his voice.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is she okay?” Billy asks in alarm.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah they said it was from shock. She should get to go home tomorrow.” Harold recalls numbly what the doctors told him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay that’s good. But </span>
  <span>yeah,</span>
  <span> we will take Asher home with us. He can stay as long as you all need him to.” Billy says without a moment of hesitation. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Billy.” Harold says getting up from the chair to make his way back to his wife’s room.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome, Harold.” Billy says extending his hand out to the other man shaking it firmly.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Making his way back to Asher and his family he pulls back the curtain to find Asher sitting in a wheelchair his bottom lip quivering with the same nurse from before standing behind it. Asher is dressed in a pair of Jordan’s sweatpants and a white t-shirt that hang loosely from him making him look even smaller.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we ready now?” The nurse questions looking down at Asher with a sad smile.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods slightly his eyes red and rimmed with tears. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>They make their way down the hallway toward the car silently with Laura holding the twins’ hands following close behind the nurse and Asher. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy goes ahead of them to pull the car around to the door stepping out into the cool Spring night air he breaths fully for the first time since they received the call about the accident. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rain has slowed down to a light sprinkle as they pull into the driveway. Billy puts the car in park with a sigh looking over to his wife finding her staring intently back at the kids in the backseat.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They look so young.” She whispers.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy follows her gaze and smiles at the sight of the kids huddle together in the backseat asleep. Asher is in the middle and Jordan and Olivia both have their arms around him </span>
  <span>protectively</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate to wake them.” Billy whispers back.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll </span>
  <span>go</span>
  <span> get the beds ready before we do.” Laura decides shutting the car door softly behind her. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy watches as his wife disappears behind the front door with a sigh looking back at the kids in the rear view mirror knowing they are in for a long night. </span>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So there was Chapter Two and I hope y'all enjoyed!<br/>Leave me kudo/comment and let me know what you thought!<br/>I am already working on Chapter Three and it should be up soon!<br/>I hope y'all stay safe and healthy out there!<br/>Sending lots of love! &lt;3<br/>The next chapter will be called The Nightmare. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After being released from the Emergency Room Asher spends the night at the Baker's like he has a million times before. But tonight, is different with everyone's heartbroken over the death of his older brother, Collin. Asher has a nightmare about the accident and the Bakers are there him in the aftermath of it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, y'all again! :) </p>
<p>I am back again with the third chapter of my story and I am so excited about it! </p>
<p>It has a lot of hurt and comforting moments between Asher and the Bakers and his mom too! </p>
<p>So, I hope y'all enjoy it! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Asher climbs cautiously up onto the large bed in the guest bedroom that is closest to Jordan’s and Olivia’s rooms holding his left wrist close to his chest. He settles down against the pillows and shivers glancing around the room he finds it much larger and colder than he remembers from all the other nights he has stayed over. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At seeing him shiver Laura pulls the covers up around him and tucking them in tightly around his small body. “There you go.” She comforts smiling down at him a hint of sadness in her eyes. “You need anything else, sweetheart? She asks lingering beside the bed for a moment. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I’m okay.” He answers quietly starting down at his hands resting on top of the blanket</span>
  <span> picking at the bandage on his right hand. </span>
  <span> “Thank you.” He says glancing up at her with such emotion in his wide blue eyes that she feels her heart skip at the sight. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome, Asher.” She says reaching out to give his right hand a light squeeze. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small knock on the open bedroom door echoes throughout the room. Laura looks over to find Jordan and Olivia standing side by side with their pillows clutched to their chest’s with wide eyes. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom?” Jordan questions in an uncertain tone shifting his weight from one foot to the other. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Jay?” Laura responds giving her son an encouraging nod while giving Asher’s hand one more squeeze before letting it go. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we sleep in here tonight with Asher?” Jordan asks glancing over at Olivia as he does.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds like a great idea, bub.” Laura decides smiling warmly over at the twins. “What do you think Asher? Does that sound good to you?” She asks smiling warmly down at him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods his head in response the corners of his mouth lifting slightly as his gaze travels over to the twins.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordan and Olivia look at each other with identical smiles lighting up their tired faces racing over to Laura hugging her on either side. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, mommy.” Olivia exclaims sweetly her voice muffled with her face pressed against Laura’s shirt. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome, darlings.” Laura tells them as they look up at her. “Did you guys brush your teeth?” She asks raising her eyebrow. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” They answer in unison turning to climb onto the bed on either side each of Asher scooting in toward the middle to be closer to him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll be right down the hall if you guys need anything. Okay?” At their nods she bends down to kiss the top of each of their heads. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she reaches the hallway after flipping off the light and shutting the door a small voice calls her back into the room.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you leave the door open, please?” Asher calls quietly just above a whisper peeking out from under the covers where he is sandwiched between the twins.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Absolutely.” She nods pushing the door open halfway as it creaks loudly spreading light across the bed and their shadowed features. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He yawns settling back down onto his pillow. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She lingers in the doorway watching as Jordan throws a lanky arm protectively across Asher and Olivia turning onto his side. She places her hand over her heart as Olivia laces her fingers with Asher’s curling in closer next to him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>With one last glance into the room seeing them all starting to drift off to sleep she makes her way down the long hall toward her and Billy’s bedroom rubbing at her sore neck muscles. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are the kids? They asleep?” Billy asks glancing up briefly from his tablet scrolling aimlessly through his emails. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah they are all exhausted.” Laura says stepping into her walk-in closet grabbing her </span>
  <span>nightgown</span>
  <span> and robe. “Did you hear from Harold?” She questions pausing in front of the master bathroom doorway.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, he called and said that Gwen woke up for a while but the doctors gave her some medicine to keep her calm so she could rest. She still gets to come home in the morning. He said he would</span>
  
  <span>pick up Asher</span>
  <span> after he takes her home</span>
  <span>.” Billy explains turning his tablet off and placing it onto the nightstand. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good to hear.” Laura agrees crossing her arms against the shiver that runs through her. “I still can’t believe this is all happening.” She says in disbelief shaking her head.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t either.” Billy sighs running a tired hand down his face. “You coming to bed soon?” He asks settling against the pillows stifling a yawn. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah I’m just going to change first.” Laura says turning around making her way into the bathroom.   </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> She slips quickly into her nightgown discarding her clothes into the hamper with her mind racing with the events of the day.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Letting out a tired sigh she hastily ties her shoulder length blond hair into a low ponytail pushing the sleeves of her satin nightgown up to her elbows. placing her face cloth under the warm water streaming from the bathroom sink. Wringing out the water from the cloth she pumps out some of her makeup remover onto it and </span>
  <span>begins</span>
  <span> to slowly remove her makeup. Her eyes never quite meeting her reflection in the mirror.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turning off the bathroom light she shrugs on her robe making her way over to the bed when </span>
  <span>a </span>
  <span>scream from the down hall </span>
  <span>makes</span>
  <span> her freeze. Billy jumps up quickly shoving away the covers running toward the scream. Laura follows closely her heart pounding at hearing all the kids screaming now. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy pushes the bedroom door fully open fumbling for the light switch. The light floods through the room as Olivia and Jordan rush over to their dad clinging to him. Laura steps around them throwing a look of concern over her shoulder to Billy knotting the tie of her robe. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She cautiously makes her way over to Asher who is sitting straight up in the bed with his hands covering his face tears streaming down it uncontrollably. Laura’s heart clenches at the sight her hand reflexively reaching out to comfort him but pulling back when she sees the pool of vomit in his lap soaking through the comforter. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher, sweetheart.” She calls her voice soft. “How about we get you cleaned up bud.” She offers extending</span>
  
  <span>out </span>
  <span>her hand </span>
  <span>again</span>
  
  <span>to him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I’m s-so s-so-sorry.” Asher chokes out around sobs his voice trembling pulling his knees up to his chest the vomit sloshing farther down the top of the comforter.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong Asher.” Laura reassures him. “We all get sick sometimes.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was having a nightmare, mom.” Jordan explains anxiously still clinging to his dad. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you remember what it was about?” Laura questions placing a gentle hand on Asher’s shoulder. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He jumps slightly at her touch taking in a shuddering breath before answering. “T-the a-</span>
  <span>acc</span>
  <span>-accident.” He stammers out not looking up fresh tears falling from his eyes. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay sweetheart.” Laura says clearing the emotion from her own voice. “Let’s go get you cleaned up now.” She tells him in a comforting tone folding back the covers. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At his hesitation she takes his right hand giving it a gentle squeeze to help pull him out of his panic.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything is fine sweetie. You go with Billy and Jordan and they will get you some more clothes. And Olivia and I will get the bed cleaned up. How’s that sound?” Laura instructs wrapping an arm around Asher’s shaking shoulders.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods slightly crawling off the bed tentatively standing up shakily next to Laura. She instantly wraps him in a hug hoping to provide him the comfort he is needing. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Better?” She questions brushing away his tears with her thumbs smiling down at him. “Let’s go.” She says at his nod guiding him over to Billy and the twins. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“After we get everything cleaned up, we should go down to the kitchen for some hot chocolate. What do you say kids?” Billy questions an arm around both Jordan and Olivia looking down at them and then over to Asher and Laura. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we mom?” Jordan and Olivia ask at the same time sending a hopeful glance toward their mom.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. How about you Asher?” Laura asks peering down at him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods hastily wiping away his tears stepping toward the door. Billy smiles at him taking his hand guiding him across the hall toward Jordan’s bedroom with Jordan following on their heels.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordan looks through his dresser drawer toward the bottom to find the pajamas that he has outgrown and holds up a pair of red plaid ones toward Asher. “Are these okay?” He asks.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods biting nervously at the fingernails reaching for the pajamas. “Thank you.” He whispers staring at the floor. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You're welcome Ash.” Jordan responds turning back around to grab a white t-shirt for him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Standing out in the hallway waiting for Asher to change Jordan looks up to his dad with a question in his wide brown eyes. “Is Asher going to be okay, dad?” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy sighs at his son’s questions chewing at the inside of his cheek. “He will be one day. It’s going to be really hard for him. He is going to need us, Jay.” Billy answers clearing his throat cla</span>
  <span>p</span>
  <span>ping his son on the shoulder. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’ll always have all of us. Won’t he dad.” Jordan affirms. Billy nods in agreement toward the bathroom door as it opens slowly and Asher steps out sending them a small timid smile which they return making their way downstairs together in silence. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura closes the lid of the hamper in the laundry room after depositing the bed clothes into it turning around to Olivia. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Want to help me with the hot chocolate LIv?” She questions smiling at her daughter’s eager nod following her into the kitchen. “You get the hot chocolate and the mugs while I put on the water.” She instructs filling the electric tea kettle up. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>They are adding in the last spoonful of hot chocolate mix into the final mug when the boys and Billy walk into the kitchen. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You boys are just in time.” Laura exclaims adding in mini marshmallows into the kids’ mugs. “Care to help me with the mugs Billy.” She asks picking up two of them heading over to the couch gesturing for the kids to follow her sitting the mugs down carefully onto the coffee table. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiles at them spreading the blanket from the back of the couch across their laps the three of them snuggled together closely in the middle of the couch. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy comes over sitting the mugs down on the coffee table picking up the remote control to the fireplace pressing the on button. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura reaches the kids their mugs one by one receiving a tired grateful smile from each of them. Settling back against the couch cushions cupping her hands around her mug she watches Billy do the same. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She takes a small sip of hot chocolate wishing that it was coffee sharing a long look with Billy a wash of different emotions playing over both of their features the fireplace casting a ghostly flickering light upon their faces. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sending the kids upstairs to bed Laura watches them with sadness deep in her features climbing the stairs. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope Asher sleeps this time. He looks exhausted.” Laura says sighing gathering the mugs from the </span>
  <span>coffee</span>
  <span> table. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I hope he does too.” Billy agrees folding the blanket and placing it back onto the couch.  “Poor little guy I wish there was something I could do take his hurting away but only time will do that.” He sighs heavily following his wife into the kitchen.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Placing the mugs into the sink she smiles tiredly at Billy’s reflection in the kitchen window as he rubs gently at her tense shoulder muscles from where he stands behind her. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should head up to bed.” She says turning around giving him a quick kiss glancing over at the clock on the stove. “It’s late.” She exclaims after seeing it is nearly one in the morning.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah we should. Let’s go check on the kids.” Billy agrees grabbing her hand leading the way to the stairs.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>After finding the guest room and the kids’ rooms empty, they make their way to their room smiling at each other when they find the kids laying in the middle of their bed half asleep. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Looks like we are having ourselves a sleepover tonight Laura.” Billy says making his way to the bed grinning widely tickling the kids as he climbs in. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, it does.” Laura exclaims laughing softly climbing into bed pulling the covers over them all. “Everyone have enough room and cover?” She asks the kids sett</span>
  <span>l</span>
  <span>ing into the pillows at their nods.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight babies.” She whispers. She finally closes her heavy eyes after three tired </span>
  <em>
    <span>“goodnights”</span>
  </em>
  <span> are whispered back to her.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy finds her hand giving it a squeeze keeping their fingers laced together their arms resting protectively over the kids. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Exhaustion settles over all of them swiftly with a light rain </span>
  <span>falling</span>
  <span> outside lulling them into a quite sleep. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura wakes to the bright morning sun streaming through the bedroom window</span>
  <span>s</span>
  <span> the events of yesterday floating quickly back to her causing her temples to throb. She rubs at them tiredly</span>
  
  <span>stifl</span>
  <span>ing </span>
  <span>a yawn with the back of her </span>
  <span>left hand</span>
  <span> glancing over to Billy and the twins on the other side of the bed still asleep. She bites back a chuckle at seeing Billy hanging halfway off the bed with Jordan and Olivia a tangled mess of arms and legs taking up most of his half of the bed. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stills her gaze on Asher surprised to find him already awake staring up at the ceiling. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, sweetheart did you sleep okay? Any more bad dreams?” She questions softly running a gentle hand through his hair pausing when he flinches. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher shakes his head slightly in response. At seeing the haunted look in his eyes and the dark shadows under them she presses her lips into a thin line knowing that he most likely did have another nightmare, but she decides not to upset him with more questions.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good.” She says with a nod. “Are you still sleepy?” She asks feeling her own body </span>
  <span>still </span>
  <span>weighed down with tiredness. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I call my mom?” Asher whispers with tears pooling </span>
  <span>into the corners of</span>
  <span> his eyes.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah, of course you can.” Laura exclaims pushing off the covers standing up. “Come with me bud.” She instructs extending her hand out to Asher. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes her hand tentatively easing himself out of the bed carefully, so he doesn’t wake up Billy and the twins. Laura gives his hand a gentle squeeze when she finds it trembling. Sending him a warm smile she leads their way downstairs the golden morning sunlight lighting the way.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura picks up the phone from the table in the hallway on their way </span>
  <span>into</span>
  <span> the kitchen. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She dials the hospital’s number as Asher sits down at the kitchen table </span>
  <span>watching</span>
  <span> her with worried eyes. She sends him an encouraging smile from where</span>
  <span> she</span>
  <span> stands leaning against the kitchen counter </span>
  <span>listening to the</span>
  <span> phone ringing loudly in the otherwise quiet house. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, you’ve reached Beverly Memorial. How may I direct your call?” Comes the receptionist’s cheery voice through the line.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, yes I would like to be connected to Gwendolyn Adams’ room please.” Laura responds politely. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry ma'am but visiting hours aren't until nine o’clock and that is when I can direct calls back to patient's rooms. May I take a message for her.” The receptionist explains</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura glances over at the clock on the stove and groans internally when she sees it reads only half pass seven. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just one moment, please.” She says into the phone taking a few steps toward Asher placing her hand over the earpiece. “I’m going to step in the office just for a moment to talk on the phone. Okay? I’ll be right back. I promise.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher nods despite the tears shining in his eyes. “Is my mom okay?” He whispers hesitantly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah she is. They are just looking up her room number for us.” Laura explains hoping that she is right. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> Stepping into the office she presses the phone back up to ear. “Okay, I’m back. Sorry about that.” She explains crossing her arms over her chest.   </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s no problem ma'am. May I take your message now for Mrs. Adams?” The receptionist responds in the same cheery tone as before. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, actually I need you to direct me to her room right now.” Laura instructs in an authoritative tone. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry but—”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you don’t understand.” Laura interjects shaking her head. “I need you to direct me to Gwen’s room right now because I have her scared little boy sitting at my kitchen table who just lost his older brother in a car accident last night and now he is afraid he is going to lose his mom too.” Laura tells her the emotion thick in her voice.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I didn’t realize that Mrs. Adams was the mother from the car accident. Let me see what I can do.” The receptionist explains a hint of sadness in her voice. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Laura tells her. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura breaths out a sigh of relief when she finally hears ringing coming through the line. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.” Sounds Gwen’s tired hoarse voice through the phone.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Gwen.” Laura breaths into the phone.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Laura?” Gwen questions the surprise evident in her strained voice. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah I’m here </span>
  <span>Gwennie</span>
  <span>.” Laura assures her best friend. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Asher? Where’s my baby?” Gwen sobs out running a shaky hand across her face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s okay. He’s waiting in the kitchen to talk to you. He </span>
  <span>is </span>
  <span>so terrified of losing you</span>
  <span> too.” Laura tells her clearing the emotion from her throat.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should be there with him right now. I feel like such a terrible</span>
  <span> mother. I </span>
  <span>–“ She</span>
  <span> trails off </span>
  <span>breaking down into </span>
  <span>sob</span>
  <span>s</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Gwen. It's okay. I'm taking him the phone right now.” Laura explains making her way out to the kitchen </span>
  <span>quickly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She places a gentle hand on Asher's shoulder smiling down at him. “Someone wants to talk to you.</span>
  <span>” She explains handing him the phone.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grips the </span>
  <span>phone tightly </span>
  <span>hastily </span>
  <span>pressing it to his ear. </span>
  <span>“Mommy?” he whimpers </span>
  <span>tears falling freely from his eyes and down his blotchy cheeks. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm here baby. Mommy's here.” Gwen cries at the sound of her </span>
  <span>son's broken voice.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay</span>
  <span>? When are you coming home?” He asks sniffling.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm fine baby. I promise. </span>
  <span>I get to come home in a little while.” She explains hoping </span>
  <span>to calm him down gripping at the thin hospital blanket with her free hand.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm so sorry mommy.</span>
  <span>” Asher whispers.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for baby.” Gwen </span>
  <span>tells him </span>
  <span>worry edging into her voice.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But </span>
  <span>I made </span>
  <span>Colly</span>
  <span> take me to the arcade </span>
  <span>and if we would've just stayed home</span>
  <span>—”</span>
  <span> Asher trails off his </span>
  <span>voice </span>
  <span>breaking into a sob.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Asher honey it was just an accident it wasn't in any way your fault.” Gwen assures through her own tears her voice </span>
  <span>echoing loudly</span>
  <span> off the white walls in her empty room. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura crouches dow</span>
  <span>n next to Asher prying the phone gently away from his fingers </span>
  <span>with tears spilling from her own eyes</span>
  <span> she</span>
  
  <span>presses</span>
  <span> the speaker phone button setting it on the table. She wraps him in a tight hug shushing his cries and Gwen's coming through</span>
  
  <span>the phone</span>
  <span> loudly</span>
  <span>. </span>
  <span>She kisses the top of his head rocking him back and forth gently. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>That is how Billy finds them </span>
  <span>when</span>
  <span> he </span>
  <span>comes</span>
  <span> downstairs. With a </span>
  <span>furrowed brow and worry in his deep brown eyes he wraps his </span>
  <span>strong </span>
  <span>arms </span>
  <span>around </span>
  <span>his wife and</span>
  <span> his</span>
  <span> god son </span>
  <span>holding them tightly</span>
  <span> until their </span>
  <span>tears dry and</span>
  <span> their throats are raw. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura stares out </span>
  <span>the patio door into the backyard at the kids</span>
  <span> in the tree house</span>
  <span> taking a long sip of her </span>
  <span>extra strong coffee. </span>
  <span>The warm Spring sun shines through the glass bringing little warmth to her cold </span>
  <span>skin covered with goosebumps</span>
  <span>. </span>
  <span>Her headache still </span>
  <span>pounding</span>
  <span> lightly</span>
  <span> against her temple</span>
  <span>s. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turns away from the door at hearing the lid on the dryer being closed sitting her mug down on the countertop. She pulls her cardigan tightly around her middle shuffling her house shoes sluggishly against the tiled floor toward the laundry room. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiles at finding their nanny and housemaid, Gloria, </span>
  <span>inside singing a song </span>
  <span>quietly</span>
  <span> in Spanish. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gloria turns around at hearing the door creak open a smile forming on her lips </span>
  <span>her </span>
  <span>warm brown </span>
  <span>eyes creasing slightly at the corners.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Mrs. Baker.” She calls above the clothes tumbling around in the dryer.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Gloria.” She says returning her smile. “</span>
  <span>And you know it's just Laura.” </span>
  <span>She says leaning</span>
  <span> heavily</span>
  <span> against the doorframe. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Long night?” She questions gesturing down to the </span>
  <span>vomit stained </span>
  <span>comforter she is scrubbing. </span>
  <span>“Was it Liv or Jay?” </span>
  <span>A hint of concern edging into her voice. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A very long night indeed. And it was actually Asher “ She answers </span>
  <span>quietly</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gloria's hands still </span>
  <span>and she turns around her expression full of </span>
  <span>sadness</span>
  <span>. “Oh, I heard about the accident and the Adams' </span>
  <span>son</span>
  <span>. </span>
  <span>It's such a tragedy.</span>
  <span>” She exclaims shaking her head. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> it is.</span>
  <span>” Laura agrees pressing her lips in</span>
  <span>to</span>
  <span> a thin line. Silence falls over them for a moment</span>
  <span> both lost in their own thoughts</span>
  <span>.</span>
  <span> “</span>
  <span>Why</span>
  
  <span>don't you take</span>
  <span> a few days off and spend some time with </span>
  <span>your </span>
  <span>kids and grandkids Gloria? I know they would love to see you.” Laura offers. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have work to </span>
  <span>do Mrs. Baker.” Gloria states without turning around. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If there is anything this accident has showed me it's that time </span>
  <span>with our family is so important. So please take the time off and be with yours.” </span>
  <span>Laura pleads a hopeful look in her eye. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gloria turns around at hearing Laura's plea biting her bottom lip sighing. “Okay I'll take a few days off Laura. She agrees her name sounding strange on her tongue. “Isabella has been wanting me to take her to the park.” She says smiling at the thought of her </span>
  <span>three-year-old</span>
  <span> granddaughter.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds like fun.” </span>
  <span>Laura smiles over to her.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what's your plans for today? She asks </span>
  <span>putting the comforter into the washer.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was about to make the kids lunch.” </span>
  <span>Laura answers not knowing what to do after that.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mind if I stay and help?” </span>
  <span>Gloria inquires turning the washer on.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh</span>
  <span> , of course not. I would love your company.</span>
  <span>” Laura exclaims hooking her </span>
  <span>arm </span>
  <span>under Gloria's </span>
  <span>pulling her away from the laundry knowing she is going to need </span>
  <span>a distraction from her racing thoughts tonight.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what is on the menu today? Gloria asks washing her </span>
  <span>hands. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was thinking of something simple like PB</span>
  <span>&amp;</span>
  <span>J sandwiches.</span>
  <span>” </span>
  <span>Laura says reaching into the cabinet for the jar of peanut butter. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That is one of the kids’ favorite lunches. It’s perfect for a day like today.” Gloria agrees drying her hands grabbing the strawberry jelly out of the fridge.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Could you please grab the grape jelly too.” At Gloria's questioning look Laura explains further. “Asher doesn’t like strawberry jelly only grape.” She explains with a slight chuckle. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, okay.” Gloria laughs grabbing the jar. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>They busy themselves with spreading the peanut butter and jelly onto slices of bread falling into an easy comfortable silence. Laura cuts the crust off Olivia sandwich and cuts Asher’s sandwich into halves down the middle. She smiles over at Gloria watching her cut Jordan’s sandwich into halves diagonally. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>They're </span>
  <span>not spoiled one bit are there?” Laura jokes with a soft laugh. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O</span>
  <span>h, no not all.” </span>
  <span>Gloria says with a </span>
  <span>grin </span>
  <span>returning </span>
  <span>her laugh.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>A knock sounds on the front door </span>
  <span>as </span>
  <span>they are washing off the carrots and celery.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy gets up from his office chair rubbing at his tense neck from hours of sending emails to his colleagues telling them he won’t be able to make the next conference on Monday opening the door with a heavy tired sigh.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harold.</span>
  <span>” He observes in surprise his brow </span>
  <span>f</span>
  <span>urrowing.</span>
  
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Hey</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> um</span>
  <span> we weren't expecting you this early. Is everything okay?” He states</span>
  <span> clearing his throat</span>
  
  <span>glancing down at his </span>
  <span>watch </span>
  <span>finding it only </span>
  <span>half pass noon.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, yeah. Gwen got released early so I took her home and then I—” Harold explains clearing his throat staring above Billy’s shoulder not meeting his watchful gaze. </span>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Arrangements are Tuesday at eleven.” He offers shoving his hands into his pants pocket's tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> “We’ll be there early.” Billy promises nodding his head. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Asher ready? I don’t want to leave Gwen </span>
  <span>alone </span>
  <span>for too long.” Harold asks grasping his car keys. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go check.” Billy turns slightly. “Follow me.” He calls back over his shoulder. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Harold.” Laura says going over to hug him as he steps into the kitchen. “I’m so sorry about Collin. I just can’t believe it.” She states pulling back taking in his exhausted features. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Laura.” He responds quietly.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher can stay longer if you need.” Laura offers. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Thank you both so much for keeping him.” Harold says looking between Laura and Billy. “Gwen was asking for him before she went to sleep. So, I—” He explains trailing off. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We understand.” Laura says placing a gentle hand on his forearm with a kind smile nodding toward Billy. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asher. Your dad is here bud</span>
  <span>.” Billy calls out the patio door.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher lifts his head from the ground at the sound of Billy's voice. </span>
  <span>Scuffing his borrowed shoes against the ground </span>
  <span>underneath the swing one more time he hops off the swing glancing over at Olivia and Jordan </span>
  <span>finding </span>
  <span>them casting identical sad looks </span>
  <span>his way. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leads the way </span>
  <span>back to the house</span>
  
  <span>silently </span>
  <span>staring down at the ground wondering where his own shoes had ended up. Remembering </span>
  <span>the amount of blood that </span>
  <span>had </span>
  <span>soaked the carpeted </span>
  <span>floorboard </span>
  <span>of his brother's truck he can only guess they had been thrown out</span>
  <span> along with his clothes. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stepping into the kitchen Olivia and Jordan hug Asher tightly at the same time. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish you didn't have to go.” Olivia says </span>
  <span>with a </span>
  <span>sniffle pulling back slightly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher shares a look with his dad before turning back to his two best friend</span>
  <span>s</span>
  <span>. “My mom needs me.</span>
  <span>” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Ash. We understand don't we Liv.</span>
  <span>” Jordan says nudging his sister on the shoulder.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nods pulling Asher into another hug. Jordan </span>
  <span>wraps </span>
  <span>his </span>
  <span>arms </span>
  <span>around </span>
  <span>them both. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura places Asher's sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil into the spare lunch pack she had found in the pantry closet watching the kids with a sad smile. Adding in a container of celery and carrots along with some extra snacks for him to take home with him knowing that her best friend would be resting the entire day. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laura </span>
  <span>steps </span>
  <span>around</span>
  <span> the </span>
  <span>kitchen island to hug Asher as he walks by.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you need anything at all you call no matter the time. Okay?”</span>
  <span> Laura </span>
  <span>tells </span>
  <span>him pulling back slightly to look him in the eyes.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods</span>
  <span> looking</span>
  <span> up at </span>
  <span>her </span>
  <span>with a</span>
  <span> sad</span>
  <span> grateful smile.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She kisses </span>
  <span>the top of his head </span>
  <span>reaching</span>
  <span> for</span>
  <span> the lunch pack handing it to him. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes it with a shy smile stepping toward Billy's open arms.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take care of yourself</span>
  <span> bud.” Billy tells him</span>
  <span> pulling back to ruffle his hair. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher stills a memory flashing through his mind of Collin ruffling his hair just yesterday morning. He swallows It feeling like years ago to him now.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher follows his dad reluctantly toward the door. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Baker's </span>
  <span>stand</span>
  <span> in the </span>
  <span>doorway watching</span>
  <span> the father and son </span>
  <span>walk down the driveway toward their car. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Opening the</span>
  <span> car</span>
  <span> door Asher turns back </span>
  <span>toward </span>
  <span>the house </span>
  <span>waving slightly before climbing into the car. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billy </span>
  <span>closes the door as </span>
  <span>their </span>
  <span>car</span>
  <span> disappear</span>
  <span>s</span>
  <span> out of their</span>
  <span> sight down the street.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The pouring rain, </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>th</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>e crushing metal,</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> the brakes being slammed on, </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>the tires screeching,</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> the broken glass</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>, the copper smell of blood</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>, his brother's too still body</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>slumped over </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>the steering wheel</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>, the sinking feeling of dread building in his chest. </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>His brother</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>’s cold empty eyes staring </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>over </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>at him</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Look what you did Asher.” </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Collin's </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>cold </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>voice accuses</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> him</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>. “It's all your fault. </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>You killed me.”</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> H</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>e spits</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> out through gritted teeth his</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> voice </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>filled with hatred</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I'm sorry bubby. I didn't mean too.” Asher cries shaking his head. </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The sirens</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> wailing </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>cut </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>through his panic as his brother's eyes fall shut. </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>A scream rips through his throat</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> making his ears ring.</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher jerks awake a scream </span>
  <span>fading on his lips. He </span>
  <span>peels</span>
  <span> away the covers</span>
  <span> from his</span>
  <span> body</span>
  <span> coated with a cold sweat</span>
  
  <span>with a trembling hand.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>He rubs angrily at the tears streaming down his face</span>
  <span> sitting on the edge </span>
  <span>of </span>
  <span>his bed. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes in some shuddering breaths his brother's words</span>
  <span> from his nightmare</span>
  <span> running through his mind.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Look what you did</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> Asher</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>.”</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It's all your fault. You killed me.” </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He chokes back a sob his stomach lurching </span>
  <span>as fear grips tightly at him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He walks numbly down the hall not looking toward his brother's closed bedroom door as he makes his way to his parent's bedroom. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pushes the door open slowly </span>
  <span>cringing as it creaks loudly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom? Dad?” </span>
  <span>He calls into the dark room</span>
  <span> swallowing </span>
  <span>thickly</span>
  <span> against the nausea rising in his throat</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it Asher?” His dad gruff </span>
  <span>voice answers laced with sleep. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had a nightmare.</span>
  <span>” He whispers feeling his cheek</span>
  <span>s burn with embarrassment. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go back to bed son.” Harold tells him turning </span>
  <span>over </span>
  <span>away </span>
  <span>from his son. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher lingers in the doorway for a moment </span>
  <span>closing his eyes against another wave of </span>
  <span>nausea</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At </span>
  <span>feeling </span>
  <span>the bile rise </span>
  <span>quickly in his throat he turns running toward the </span>
  <span>bathroom. </span>
  <span>He falls to his knees in front of the </span>
  <span>toilet lifting the lid just in time to empty the contents of his stomach </span>
  <span>into it.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At </span>
  <span>hearing</span>
  <span> her son </span>
  <span>throwing up Gwen jumps up quickly making</span>
  <span> her</span>
  <span> way</span>
  <span> to him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She flips o</span>
  <span>n the light switch  florescent light filling </span>
  <span>the small space. She finds Asher still leaning </span>
  <span>over the toilet dry heaving with tears streaming down his </span>
  <span>pale face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It's</span>
  
  <span>okay baby just let it all out.</span>
  <span>” Gwen comforts rubbing small circles on his back. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher sits back on his heels wiping </span>
  <span>at his mouth with the back of his hand. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <span>done?” She questions softly</span>
  
  <span>peering down at him </span>
  <span>grasping his shoulders gently.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods his head </span>
  <span>slightly standing up shakily. </span>
  <span>She reaches around him flushing the </span>
  <span>toilet</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I'm s-so-sorry m-mom.” </span>
  <span>Asher stammers out </span>
  <span>his </span>
  <span>voice trembling. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It's okay baby. You have nothing to worry about. </span>
  <span>Okay?” She tells him in a comforting tone</span>
  <span> placing</span>
  <span> her hands on</span>
  <span> the sides of his face </span>
  <span>wiping away his tears. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She runs</span>
  <span> a wash </span>
  <span>cloth under </span>
  <span>the cool water wringing it out. </span>
  <span>She hands it to him and watches as he wipes his face lightly.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Putting an arm around his shoulders</span>
  <span> holding onto his right hand finding it clammy</span>
  <span> she </span>
  <span>guides him out toward the couch in the living room. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sits down placing the </span>
  <span>cushion in her lap </span>
  <span>pulling Asher down next to her. </span>
  <span>He lays his head onto the </span>
  <span>cushion curling his legs underneath him</span>
  <span> pressing</span>
  <span> his back</span>
  
  <span>against the couch. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen holds his right hand threading her fingers through his hair soothingly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She </span>
  <span>hums a familiar tune softly </span>
  <span>smiling down at Asher </span>
  <span>as he </span>
  <span>floats his eyes closed</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes fall close shortly after drifting into a fitful sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
  <span>*</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asher wakes </span>
  <span>to the sound of</span>
  <span> his parent's</span>
  <span> voices coming </span>
  <span>from the kitchen</span>
  <span> rubbing</span>
  
  <span>the sleep from his eyes</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>…</span>
  <span>what do </span>
  <span>we</span>
  <span> do now…”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just can't believe he's gone…”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“…I'm worried about Asher.” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He'll be okay…”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I don't know how we </span>
  <span>can move on…” </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss him so much…”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At hearing them breaking down in sobs </span>
  <span>he winces covering his ears</span>
  <span> his heartbeat thumping </span>
  <span>loudly</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>His breath comes in short gasps tears falling from his own eyes. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At hearing </span>
  <span>footsteps approaching the back of </span>
  <span>the couch he shuts his eyes tightly. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pretending to be asleep.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pretending to </span>
  <span>have not heard them. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pretending that his heart isn't shattered. </span>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, there it is the third chapter of the story! :D </p>
<p>Thank y'all so much for reading my story and for your support! &lt;3 </p>
<p>Leave me a kudo or a comment and let me know what you thought if you want to! ;) </p>
<p>The next chapter is titled 'The Goodbye' so it is going to be a sad one. </p>
<p>I have started writing it, so I hope to have it posted soon! </p>
<p>Take care and I wish y'all good health!  </p>
<p>-Kayla &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tuesday the day that both the Adams and the Bakers families have been dreading has finally arrived. It is the day of Collin's funeral. They day they must say goodbye to their son, brother and friend. The Baker family continues to be there for the Adams when they need their support the most.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, again everyone!<br/>I am so excited to be posting another chapter!<br/>I wanted to get this one out sooner but it took quite awhile to write and edit. It is a long one it's just over 8,000 words.<br/>I am very happy with how it turned out though.<br/>I hope y'all enjoy reading it!<br/>P.S. I am basing their ages off the characters being 16 at the start of season one which premiered in 2018. And I made up the names for Asher's grandparents and they will only be making minor appearances in the story.<br/>Please Note: This chapter deals with survivor's guilt so if that could be triggering for you then please read with extra caution and care. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Asher wakes tangled in his sweat soaked sheets with his heart pounding in his throat and to the moonlight shining through his curtains. He glances over at the clock on his nightstand and he sighs running a shaky hand over his face when he sees it is only six in the morning.  </p><p> He sits up against his headboard taking in gulps of air with flashes of his nightmare running quickly through his mind. His brother’s cold voice still ringing loudly in his ears. </p><p><em> “Look what you did Asher.” </em> </p><p><em> “You killed me.” </em> </p><p>“Please, stop.” He whispers out brokenly into his dark, empty room.  </p><p>He jumps slightly at hearing the shower turn on down the hall. He covers his ears with his hands when he hears his mom’s loud, broken sobs over the sound of the water from the shower.  </p><p>“I’m so sorry.” He chokes out around his own sobs.  </p><p>He stays like that with his knees pulled up to his chest and his hands covering his ears rocking back and forth on his bed sobbing until a knock on his door breaks through his panic. </p><p>“Asher, honey it’s time to get up.” Comes his mom’s tired voice from behind the door.  </p><p>He straightens slightly wiping away his tears with the back of his hand as the door opens. </p><p>“Oh, you’re already awake.” Gwen observes stepping into the room. “How’d you sleep?” She asks sitting down on the edge of his bed looking closer at his tired face. </p><p>“Not much.” He answers truthfully with a shrug avoiding his mom’s watchful gaze. </p><p>“Another nightmare?” She questions with concern furrowing her brow at his seeing his nod she takes his hand squeezing it gently. “Why didn’t you wake me?” She wonders feeling guilt wash over her searching her son’s blank face. </p><p>“I just woke up when you were in the shower.” He tells her finally meeting her eyes.  </p><p>“Oh, sweetie I’m sorry.” She says pulling him into a hug, “You want to talk about it?” She asks smoothing a hand over his hair. </p><p>She feels him shake his head against her shoulder in response. “Okay. That’s okay you don’t have to baby. But I’m here anytime you want to though.” She tells him pulling back slightly to look him in the eyes. </p><p>“Thanks, mom.” He whispers a few tears slipping from his eyes.  </p><p>“Anytime, baby. Anytime.” She assures him wiping away his tears with her thumbs. “Now it’s time to get ready. Okay?” She tells him glancing over sadly at his suit neatly folded laying on his desk chair.  </p><p>“Okay.” He simply says standing slowly.  </p><p>“It’s going to be a hard day Asher.” She says taking his small hand in hers once more as he steps in front of her. “But your dad and I are here for you and so are the Bakers.” She tells him holding his timid gaze. </p><p>“Yeah, I know mom.” He says softly with a slight nod staring down at the carpeted floor.  </p><p>She stands pulling him into a quick hug kissing the top of his head. “I love you so much Asher.” She whispers holding back her tears. </p><p>“I love you too mom.” He whispers back. </p><p>She watches him pick up his clothes and silently slip out of the room. She releases a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding feeling at a loss not being able to tell her son that everything would be okay like she had always been able to before. Because deep down she knew that their lives would never be the same.  </p><p>Standing up smoothing out the wrinkles from her black skirt she walks in a daze to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee that no one will drink.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Asher wipes his hand in a circular motion against the bathroom mirror clearing away the fog left behind by the steam from the shower. Water drips down his face from his wet hair still soaked. </p><p>He stares down at his bare chest still covered in dark bruises from the accident. He rubs a gentle hand hesitantly along his bruised skin wincing at the soreness.  </p><p>He flicks his gaze upward meeting his own darkened blue eyes in the mirror finding them filled with sadness with purple shadows underneath them. He takes in his reflection not recognizing the ghostly pale face staring back at him.   </p><p>He peels away the bandage from the cut on his forehead with a shaky hand and frowns when he sees it's almost healed.  </p><p><em> Why wasn't I injured  </em> <em> worse… </em> </p><p><em> Why am I still here when Collin is  </em> <em> gone…? </em> </p><p><em> Everyone knows the accident was my fault… </em> </p><p>His dark thoughts swirl in his mind causing the room to tilt slightly. He grips the edges of the sink shutting his eyes tightly.  </p><p>Tears spill from his eyes at the thought of having to say goodbye to his brother. He doesn’t know how he is going to when he still can’t even believe that he is gone. He covers his mouth with his hand hoping to muffle his sobs. </p><p>He straightens pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes to stop the tears from flowing when he hears a knock on the bathroom door.  </p><p>“Asher, are you okay in there honey?” His mom’s worried voice questions through the door.  </p><p>“Yeah.” He calls back unable to hide the thick emotion from his voice.  </p><p>He quickly pulls his white t-shirt over his head throwing his towel and pajamas in the hamper. Picking up his dress shirt from the floor he pulls open the door. He steps out into the hall to brush pass his mom but her gentle hand on his shoulder stops him. </p><p>She cups her hand under his chin tilting his head up locking their tear-filled eyes. “I know it hurts baby.” Gwen tells her youngest son. “I miss him so much too.” She admits wrapping her arms around him tightly pulling him in close. His tears soak through her blouse, but she only pulls him closer because she still has Asher and for the moment that is the only thing keeping her heart from breaking completely.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Laura hangs up the phone after double checking with the florist that the flowers she ordered for the service would be arriving on time pacing back and forth in the kitchen. With a long sigh she pours her now cold coffee down the sink. Rinsing out the mug she jumps at feeling a hand on her shoulder the mug shattering as it falls into the bottom of the sink.  </p><p>“Shit.” She mutters grabbing hastily at the broken glass.  </p><p>“I’m sorry Laura.” Billy apologizes with a frown. “Here let me get that for you.” He offers reaching to take the broken mug from his wife. </p><p>“It’s fine Billy. It’s fine.” She says holding up her hand to stop him. “I’ve got it.” She brushes pass him throwing the pieces into the trash can with a loud clatter.  </p><p>“You okay?” Billy asks carefully with concern in his eyes.  </p><p>“I’m fine.” She answers staring at her empty hands. “I just really don’t want to do this today.” She admits quietly.  </p><p>“Hey. I’m going to be right there with you.” Billy assures her pulling her into an embrace. “They’re going to need us today.” He whispers against her hair the image of Asher’s scared face when they walked into the Emergency Department room flashing through his mind.  </p><p>“Yeah, I know.” She nods sighing. “Are the kids up yet?” She asks pulling away clearing her throat.  </p><p>“Yeah they should be down in a few minutes.” Billy explains watching his wife pull out all the cereal boxes from the cabinet pausing when she grabs the box of <em> Lucky Charms </em> staring down intently at it. </p><p>“Asher told me once that he doesn’t like the marshmallow pieces so he would always give them to Collin so they wouldn’t go to waste.” She recalls looking over to him with a watery smile. “So, who is he going to give them to now?” Laura asks slamming the cabinet door breaking down into a sob.  </p><p>Billy steps over to his wife without a word grabbing the cereal box gently from her hands sitting it down on the counter with the other boxes then he pulls her tightly against his chest. </p><p>They stay like that clutching tightly to each other until they hear the twins coming down the stairs. Breaking apart Laura turns toward the sink to wipe at her tears and Billy heads toward the bottom of the stairs to greet Jordan and Olivia giving his wife time to compose herself.  </p><p>“Good morning little man.” Billy tells Jordan pulling him into a quick hug. Jordan squirms out of his arms muttering a sleepy good morning as he steps off the bottom step.  </p><p>“Good morning baby girl.” Billy says turning his attention to Olivia pulling her into a quick hug. </p><p>“Good morning daddy.” She says with a small smile returning his hug before hopping off the bottom step making her way into the kitchen.  </p><p>“Pick whichever cereal you guys would like but you got to eat quickly. Okay?” Laura instructs sitting out the carton of milk. “We need to leave in fifteen minutes.” She informs them looking down at her watch.  </p><p>The twins both grab at the box of <em> Froot Loops </em> at the same time pulling it toward themselves.  </p><p>“Let go Liv I had it first.” Jordan exclaims tugging the box toward him.  </p><p>“No, you didn’t. I did.” Olivia argues back her eyes narrowing.  </p><p> “Guys please not right now.” Laura pleads pouring them both a glass of orange juice.  </p><p>“Sorry mom.” They mutter at the same time. Olivia lets go of the cereal box following Jordan over to the kitchen table. </p><p>“It’s okay sweethearts.” Laura tells them sitting down their glasses of juice before kissing the top of both of their head’s. “Now eat please then go put on your shoes.” Laura instructs gently her hands resting on the backs of their chairs.  </p><p>“We will mom.” Olivia assures her taking a bite of the sugared cereal nudging her brother with her elbow to do the same. An unusual silence falls over them both as they eat their breakfast.  </p><p>Satisfied that the kids were done fighting for now Laura steps away from the table pouring herself another cup of coffee. </p><p>“You want me to make you something?” Billy questions around a bite of jellied toast.  </p><p>“No, I’m fine thank you.” Laura says with a small smile sipping her coffee. “I couldn’t eat it anyway.” She says nervously checking her watch once more.  </p><p>Billy nods in response reading through the email informing him that the conference he had missed this week had been rescheduled for another two weeks away. He sighs knowing he will have to leave them again soon.  </p><p>Ten minutes later the twins are pulling on their shoes when Olivia freezes her eyes wide staring through the open French doors into the dining room. </p><p> “I didn’t even get to show Asher the birthday banner I made for him.” Olivia exclaims crossing her arms pouting slightly. </p><p>“Sweetheart it’s okay.” Laura tells her following her daughter’s gaze to the birthday banner still hanging above the dining room table. She was going to take it down this morning when she reopened the doors she had closed on Friday night when she had come into to get the beds ready for the kids but she had forgotten in her rush to get ready. “I promise you both that in a few weeks we will take Asher out to so guys can celebrate his birthday with him. Okay?” She decides receiving a nod from them both.   </p><p>The doorbell rings and Laura steps around them her brow furrowed to answer the door. </p><p>“Gloria?” She asks surprised her eyes widening.  </p><p>“Sorry to just show up like this Laura.” She starts nervously staring down at the pan in her hands covered with aluminum foil. </p><p>“It’s okay Gloria. But I thought you took the time off to spend with your kids and grandkids.” Laura inquires eyeing the pan in her hands. </p><p>“I did. And I have been.” Gloria explains meeting her gaze once more. “I was up all night thinking about Asher and his parent’s. And as you know that cooking always relaxes me. So, I cooked some dishes for them.” Gloria explains gesturing toward the pan she's holding. </p><p>“Oh, Gloria that was so kind of you.” Laura tells her smiling brightly. “You should go to the service with us.” She offers glancing over at Jordan and Olivia who are now ready waiting by the door who nod back to her in agreement. </p><p>“Oh, um I should be getting back home soon.” She says with a shrug readjusting her hold on the pan.  </p><p>“We would all love for you to come. And I know the more familiar faces that Asher sees there today the better.” Laura tells her in hopes she can convince her to come with them.  </p><p>“But the food.” She deflects averting her gaze. </p><p>“Well it just so happens that the caterer is an old friend that I hired for the reception at the Adams’ so I can just tell them to drop by here to pick up the food you made.” Laura offers with a smile. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Gloria asks hesitantly. </p><p>“Absolutely.” Laura says with a determined nod. </p><p>“Okay I will come.” Gloria decides with a small smile.  </p><p>“Perfect.” Laura smiles taking the pan from her. “It smells delicious.” She compliments recognizing the familiar smell of Gloria’s lasagna.  </p><p>“Thanks. There’s a container in the car with more dishes.” She explains gesturing out to the driveway.  </p><p>“I’ll go get it.” Billy offers with a nod.  </p><p>“Sit it just inside the door and put this one on the top.” Laura instructs sitting the pan down on the hall table grabbing her keys. “Okay, let’s go.” She tells the twins adjusting her purse strap on her shoulder.  </p><p>She smiles as Jordan and Olivia step in front of her to hold hands with Gloria making their way down the driveway to the car.  </p><p>Billy joins them in the car a few minutes later settling in behind the wheel smiling at the twins in the rearview mirror seated by the windows both talking at the same time to Gloria who is listening intently to them.  </p><p>He reaches over the console to grab his wife’s hand raising to his lips to gently kiss the back of it locking their eyes. He gives her hand a reassuring squeeze at seeing the sadness in her eyes to let her know he is there for her. </p><p>Pulling out of the driveway heading toward the service Billy feels a sense of dread wash over him at the thought of having to say goodbye to Collin. He pats the inside pocket of his suit jacket feeling the folded paper still there. It’s the eulogy he wrote late Sunday night after Harold called him to ask him if he could read it. He had agreed feeling honored to read about the young man and his short life. He swallows against the lump forming in his throat reciting the words he had written in his head during the drive to the church.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Asher huffs in frustration pulling his tie off for the fifth time still not able to fix it correctly.  </p><p>“Need some help?” His dad questions from behind him causing him to jump. Their gazes meet in the hall mirror for a brief second before Asher averts his gaze back down to his tie nodding slightly.  </p><p>He turns around handing his dad the tie backing up slightly from the anger burning in his dad’s eyes. </p><p>Harold slips the tie around his youngest son’s neck tucking it under his shirt collar with a question forming on his tongue. “Did he say anything to you after the accident?” He finally questions looping the tie into a knot.  </p><p>“No.” Asher answers quietly shaking his head hesitantly. “He never woke up as far as I know.” He whispers meeting his father’s gaze finding it softening slightly.  </p><p>“What were guys talking about it?” He questions fixing the tie tightly into place.  </p><p>“Um, football.” He says clearing his throat. “He just told me to always play for myself.” He tells him with his eyes watering.   </p><p>“That’s good advice.” Harold tells him clasping his shoulder.  </p><p>“I’m sorry he’s not here dad.” Asher says staring at the ground his tears threatening to fall. </p><p>“Me too, son. Me too.” His dad says with a stiff nod his own eyes burning with tears.  </p><p>“Are you guys ready to go?” Gwen calls down the hall from where she’s waiting by the front door.  </p><p>“We should get going.” Harold says dropping his hand limply from his son’s shoulder down to his side making his way to the door.  </p><p>Asher follows his dad reluctantly loosening the tie hoping to ease the tightness in his chest. </p><p>His mom smiles kindly at him holding his suit jacket out for him to slip on.  </p><p>Following his parent’s out to the car Asher stuffs his hands deeply into the pockets of his suit jacket.  </p><p>Harold and Gwen share a long look at seeing Asher scoot over into the middle of the backseat instead of in his usual spot by the window but decide not to comment.  </p><p>Their drive to the church to say goodbye to Collin is silent all them lost deeply in their own grief.  </p><p>*** </p><p>The tall stone church looms in front of them as they pull into the parking lot stopping just behind the hearse that is pulled alongside the church steps.  </p><p>Asher unbuckles his seatbelt breathing in deep at the tight band being released from his sore chest. He watches both his parent’s get out of the car and he follows.  </p><p>He leans against the car door as his parents climb the steps greeting the priest who is waiting for them by the open church door. </p><p>His parents disappear inside the church as a car pulls up behind theirs. He turns slightly shielding his eyes against the bright sun to find his grandparents stepping out of the car.  </p><p>“Oh, Asher sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” His mom’s mom says through tears pulling him into a hug. He holds his breath against the strong swirl of his grandma’s perfume. She pulls away wiping at her eyes with a crumpled tissue she finds in her purse.  </p><p>“Hey, there champ it’s good to see you’re okay.” His mom’s dad tells him clasping his shoulder.  </p><p>Asher nods looking behind them toward the church door.  </p><p>“Are you ready?” His grandma asks extending her hand out to him. He nods his head even though he knows he will never be ready to face what it is waiting inside.  </p><p>“Are you coming in with us, Arnold?” His grandpa, Charlie, asks over his shoulder to his dad’s dad. Asher glances over to find his other grandpa flicking a cigarette down onto the blacktop parking lot stomping it out with his shoe nodding curtly his lips forming into a tight line.  </p><p>Asher lets himself be led up the steps of the church by his grandparents with his other grandpa following behind them in silence.  </p><p>His parents are standing at the front of the church next to the casket both sobbing loudly. He pulls away from his grandma’s hand gently choosing to sit down on the front bench of the shorter row of pews not ready to go up there with his parent’s yet.  </p><p>His grandpa, Charlie, clasps him on the shoulder as he walks by guiding his grandma toward his parents. Asher looks away not wanting to watch them cry over his big brother. He takes in the stained-glass windows lining both walls on either side of the church. The golden sunlight shines through spreading a prism of color across the marble floor.  </p><p>Asher shuts his eyes tightly against the memory that flashes through his mind of him and Collin at ages four and ten sitting in one of the middle pews waiting impatiently for the egg hunt after the Easter Sunday service swinging their legs back and forth until their mother whispered sternly for them to stop. That was the last Easter Asher remembers attending at the church, but he can’t remember why.  </p><p>“Hey, Ash.” Jordan says quietly walking up to him with Olivia at his side.  </p><p>Asher opens his eyes relief flooding through him at seeing his two best friends standing in front of him.  </p><p>“Hi.” He whispers back patting at the empty spaces next to him on the bench.   </p><p>Sitting down next to him Olivia takes his right hand scooting in close to his side and Jordan wraps his arms around his shoulders. Laura and Billy smile sadly at seeing the kids comfort each other as they make their way to toward the front with Gloria walking with them.  </p><p>People start to arrive filtering through shaking hands with his parents, his grandparents and Asher some of who he recognizes and others he doesn’t. At the rate which the church fills it looks as if the whole town has come to pay their respects to his brother.  </p><p>“There he is.” Asher hears a somewhat familiar voice say. He looks up to find the firefighter, James, that recused him from the accident standing in front of him with his wife and JJ. “It’s good to see you son.” James tells him with a smile extending out his hand to him. </p><p>“Thank you for getting my brother out, sir.” Asher tells him quietly shaking his hand.  </p><p>“You’re welcome Asher.” James tells him his smile falling slightly. “I made you a promise that day son. I am so sorry about your brother.” He tells him glancing over his shoulder toward the casket.  </p><p> “Thank you, sir.” Asher says with a nod.   </p><p>James stares at the young boy for a moment longer before moving to speak with Billy before the service about his latest conference. His wife, Jenny, sits down next to Gloria with a polite smile complimenting her dress. And JJ sits down next to Jordan to talk to him sending a small wave toward Asher as he does. Asher and Olivia remain quiet finding comfort in the silence hanging between them clutching each other’s hands.    </p><p>As the service begins Billy looks across the aisle to Laura who is sitting by Gwen giving her an encouraging nod. She returns it leaning down slightly to whisper something in Gwen’s ear squeezing her hand offering what comfort she can to her. Billy rests his arm on the back of the bench looking at the kids. Jordan is biting his bottom lip nervously with his arm still wrapped around his sister and best friend. Olivia has her head laying on Asher’s shoulder a few tears slipping from her eyes. Asher is staring blankly straight ahead. Billy watches them for a moment longer until the priest motions over to him to come up and read the eulogy.   </p><p>Billy unfolds the paper from his pocket carefully looking down at it through blurry vision. He already knows it word for word anyway. He takes in a deep breath before stepping up to the microphone scanning his eyes through the crowd gathered for Collin. He finds no empty seats. </p><p><em> “Collin Harold Adams was born on August  </em> <em> 30 </em> <em> , 1995 to Harold and Gwendolyn Adams. He departed this life on March 28, 2014 at the age of eighteen. He is survived by his father, mother, younger brother, Asher, his paternal grandfather Arnold Adams, his maternal grandparents Charles and Mary Nelson and his aunts and uncles and many cousins. He is preceded in death by his paternal grandmother Abigail Adams. He was a senior at Beverly High where he was a wide receiver for the Beverly Eagles. He had received a full scholarship to play football for UCLA. His favorite pass times were football, working on cars, spending time with his little brother and video games. Collin always had a smile for everyone he met and always had a new joke. He will be greatly missed by everyone that was blessed to have known him.”  </em> </p><p>Billy steps back surveying the rows of people not finding a dry eye he wipes at his own tears that had fallen that he hadn’t even noticed. The priest shakes his hand as he makes his way to sit back down next to the twins and Asher.  </p><p>“And now some members of the football team would like to say a few words.” The priest announces.  </p><p>Asher blinks watching the Beverley High quarterback and his brother’s best friend, Carter, compose himself before speaking. </p><p>“I met Collin on our first day of kindergarten. I was a shy kid and I was sitting alone when Collin came up to me asking if I liked Power Rangers. He let me play with the red one even though that was his favorite too. And from that moment on we were inseparable.” Carter remembers sniffing loudly before continuing. “On the first day of first grade the first thing that he told me was that he was going to have a baby brother. His parents didn’t know if the baby was a boy or girl yet, but Collin was convinced that he was getting a baby brother. And he was right. He loved his little brother so much and always included him in everything we did.” He recalls. Asher glances up to find Carter smiling down at him and he is surprised to find himself smiling back at him thinking of how much Collin loved him. “That’s who Collin was he made everyone feel included and loved. He was our brother, our captain and our friend. He was one star of a wide receiver too. So, this fall when I am at UCLA, I will be playing every game in his honor.” Carter finishes stepping down as the rest of the team clap him on his back as he walks to his seat.  </p><p>For the rest of the service stares Asher straight ahead not hearing anymore of the words that are spoken about his brother clutching tightly at Olivia’s hand.  </p><p>“Are you ready son?” Comes his dad’s voice from where he stands in front of him now with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his dress pants. He nods standing slowly following his dad with Billy and the twins following close behind them. </p><p>He walks stiffly toward the casket with each breath he takes in feeling more restricted the closer he gets. He shuts his eyes tightly when he stands next to the casket, to his brother, coming to abrupt halt.  </p><p>“Take your time.” His mom tells him appearing at his side grasping his hand while his dad places a gentle hand on his shoulder.  </p><p>Asher takes in a few shuddering breaths before opening his eyes. Peering into the casket, into his brother’s face, he feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. All the blood that he remembered that covered his brother’s face in the truck after the accident has been washed away. And his blonde hair that he usually kept in messy waves is now swept over to the side in a neat part. He doesn’t recognize the body laying inside as his brother.  </p><p>He turns away from his brother not able to look at him anymore. He bumps into someone looking up at them with an apology on his lips his tears finally falling when he sees it is Laura. She wraps her arms around him without a moment of hesitation. He cries harder at hearing his mom and dad break down behind him. He glances over his shoulder to see his mom and dad hunched over the casket holding onto his brother’s hands neither of them ready to let go.  </p><p>Laura guides him outside with Billy and the twins following on their heels. She nods toward Gloria finding her waiting by the door. Gloria takes hold of Jordan and Olivia’s hands heading out the door.  </p><p> “I’m going to ride with Gwen and Asher can ride with you guys. Okay?” Laura tells Billy standing outside the rear passenger door looking inside to her husband where he is getting into the driver side. </p><p>“Sounds good.” Billy nods waiting for the kids to climb in with Asher first in line.  </p><p>“Stop pushing Jordan!” Olivia turns around yelling at Jordan. </p><p>“I’m not!” Jordan yells back. </p><p>“Jay, Liv not right now please.” Laura warns the twins looking between them. </p><p>“I can’t sit by the window.” Asher mumbles shaking his head.  </p><p>“What do you mean bub?” Laura asks looking down at him in concern.  </p><p>“I can’t sit by the window.” Asher repeats now crying the panic rising in his throat. </p><p>“Hey, it’s okay sweetheart.” Laura says gently placing a hand on his shoulder.  </p><p>“I’ll go in first.” Olivia offers stepping around Asher to climb into the car turning around to reach her hand out to him with a sweet smile. He grabs her hand muttering a thank you before climbing into the car. Jordan settles in next to Asher without a word. </p><p>“I’ll see you guys there.” Laura says glancing at each of the kids before nodding toward Billy locking their gazes for a moment. She closes the car door with a heavy sigh to find Gloria waiting with her arms open by the front passenger car door.  </p><p>“I’ll take care of them.” Gloria reassures her pulling her into a quick hug before she gets in the front seat. </p><p>Laura turns back to the church to see her best friend coming down the steps holding on to her mom. She pulls Gwen into a tight hug once she stops in front of her at the bottom of the steps.  </p><p>“I’ll ride with you. Okay?” Laura tells her feeling Gwen nod against her shoulder. “Asher is with Billy and the twins.” She explains guiding her to the car. </p><p>Laura lets Gwen climb in first into the backseat and Laura follows as Gwen’s mom climbs on the other side. They both grasp her hands a silence falling between them.  </p><p>They all watch through their car windows as the football team carry the casket holding Collin’s body down the front steps of the church slowly to the waiting hearse. </p><p>***    </p><p>With a light mist of rain falling onto them standing next to the open grave they watch with blank faces as the casket is lowered slowly into the ground.  </p><p>Asher stands in front of his mom and dad feeling nothing but coldness causing him to shiver.  </p><p>Harold shrugs off his suit jacket after seeing him shiver placing it onto Asher's thin shoulders the arms of the jacket almost reaching down to the muddy grass.  </p><p>None of them make a move to walk away from the gravesite as the grave is filled with dirt. A distant rumble of thunder threatens more rain. The crowd behind them begins to thin out each of them casting one last empathic glance toward Asher and his parents before they slowly turn away.  </p><p>Once the grave is half full Harold tugs at Asher’s arm with the rain falling steadily now. His son looks up to him with his face blank and a plea in his eyes to stay. He nods down at him turning around to Billy.  </p><p>“You guys go ahead. We’re going to stay until they’re finished.” Harold tells him gesturing toward the grave his lips pulled into a tight line.  </p><p>“We’ll stay too.” Billy tells him with a determined nod glancing over at Laura and the twins nodding in agreement along with him.  </p><p>Harold nods back bringing his attention back to the nearly full grave placing a hand on his youngest son’s shoulder and grasping his wife’s shaking hand. </p><p>As they pull away from the cemetery, away from Collin, with their clothes soaked and their hearts heavy, the skies finally clear.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“All the flowers at the service were beautiful Laura. Thank you.” Gwen tells her best friend from across the kitchen table blotting at her eyes with a tissue.  </p><p>“You’re welcome Gwen.” Laura says with a small smile toward her.  </p><p>“And Gloria thank you so much for all the food. That was so thoughtful of you.” Gwen says gesturing toward the plate of cookies on the table. </p><p>“You’re welcome. I felt like it was the least I could do.” Gloria explains with a shy smile. </p><p>“I really appreciate you both so much.” Gwen admits her voice thick with emotion as her mom grasps her hand.  </p><p>Gwen wipes her eyes once more with the mascara stained tissue glancing up as Asher passes by the kitchen archway.  </p><p>With each corner and wall of the house feeling like it is closing in on him Asher makes his way through the sea of people looking for a door. Turning a corner, he sees the patio door when a hand on his shoulder stops him. </p><p>“There he is.” A slurred voice comes from behind him. He looks up to see his grandpa, Arnold, staring down at him holding a bottle of beer. “This boy here.” He pauses looking around the room at the blurred faces snaking an arm around Asher’s shoulders. “Is going to make us proud one day just like his brother did out there out on that field.” He says taking another drink of his beer. “But if only he can learn how to catch the damn ball.” His grandpa sneers with a dark chuckle.  </p><p>“Dad that’s <em> enough </em>.” Harold says stepping into the room his eyes narrowing toward his dad.  </p><p>“I’m just telling everyone the truth.” Arnold says letting go of his grandson.  </p><p>Asher backs away slowly looking in between his dad and grandpa with a worried expression. He had seen them fight before and it could get heated between them quickly. He breathes a sigh of relief when he feels his hand grasp the doorknob of the patio door.  </p><p>Walking out unnoticed he closes the door against their raised voices. He slips off his socks and shoes rolling up his dress pants to his shins dipping his feet into the cool water of the pool.  </p><p>The water ripples at the sudden disturbance pixelating his reflection. The sun shines brightly off the blue water causing his eyes to squint against the it's glimmer. He peers closer at his face reflecting to him finding the stranger from earlier in the bathroom mirror still there.  </p><p>He grips at the sides of the tiled pool leaning over closer toward the water.  </p><p><em> But if only he can learn how to catch the damn ball.  </em>His grandpa’s words ring loudly in his head.  </p><p><em> I’ll never be as good as Collin was at anything. </em> He thinks bitterly.  </p><p><em> I should've  </em> <em> of </em> <em>  been the  </em> <em> one to die in the accident </em> <em>  not Collin.  </em>Tears gather in his eyes at the thought. </p><p>He leans over a little farther kicking his feet at his reflection in disgust. His fingers slip off the wet tiles sending him toppling over into the pool before he can even blink.  </p><p>He opens his mouth to scream but he only swallows a mouth full of water. His eyes burn from the chlorine and his lungs scream at him begging for oxygen. He looks up to the sunlight streaming through the water feeling his body go numb falling farther away from the water’s surface. </p><p>Olivia looks out the patio door on her way back from the bathroom to find Asher no longer by the pool. </p><p>“Have you seen Ash?” Olivia asks Jordan when she steps back into the living room. </p><p>“No, I think he is still out by the pool though.” Jordan tells her taking the last bite of his sandwich. </p><p>“Let's go check.” Olivia says grabbing his hand leading the way to their best friend.  </p><p>“Asher?” They both call stepping closer toward the pool.  </p><p>Jordan's eyes go wide when he sees that Asher is under the water. He crouches down at the edge of the pool reaching his hand into the water down to Asher. He pulls upward with all his strength when he feels Asher’s hand grasp his own. His heart falls as he feels Asher’s hand slipping from his own. He reaches his arm down farther into the pool only grasping at the water.   </p><p>“Olivia, help me!” Jordan yells panicked over his shoulder at his sister.  </p><p>“Asher!” Olivia cries crouching down next to Jordan reaching her own hand down in the pool.  </p><p>They share a wide eyed look both panicking when they can’t reach Asher.  </p><p>“Dad!” Jordan yells toward the house.  </p><p>“Daddy!” Olivia cries with tears streaming down her face.  </p><p>Billy jerks his head toward the open door at his hearing his kid’s panicked screams.  </p><p>He rushes out the door with his heart racing not knowing what is wrong and if he can help.  </p><p>Laura excuses herself from the table getting up to the find the twins. She weaves her way through the crowd stepping into the family room when she hears them yelling. She runs toward the open patio door freezing when she sees Billy pulling Asher from the pool.  </p><p>“I got you bud. I got you.” Billy tells him rubbing circles on Asher’s back as he coughs up water.  </p><p>“Is he okay?” Laura calls from the doorway with her hand pressed over her heart.  </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah he’s okay.” He answers her out of breath glancing down at Asher in worry. </p><p>Laura glances over to the twins to find them both wide eyed with tears streaming down their faces staring at Asher.  turns around weaving through the crowd hurriedly once more to find Gwen.  </p><p>“Gwen.” Laura gasps out her friend meeting her eyes at hearing the urgency in her voice. “Billy just pulled Asher from the pool—” She explains trailing off when Gwen brushes by her before she can explain to her that he is okay. </p><p>On her way back outside Laura pauses in the hallway to pull a towel from the top shelf of the linen closet taking a deep breath following her friend out the door. </p><p>“Asher, honey are you okay? What happened?” Gwen asks falling to her knees next to her son as Billy loosens his grasp on him and reaches out to her. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.” Gwen assures him kissing the top of his head hugging him tightly.  </p><p>“I just fell in. I didn’t mean to mom.” Asher whispers through his tears. </p><p>“I know baby. I know.” Gwen tells him wrapping the towel around his shoulders that Laura hands her.  </p><p>Laura goes over to the twins hugging them both. “You guys okay?” She asks them smiling down at them when they nod.  </p><p>“Let’s go get you changed out of these wet clothes.” Gwen instructs Asher gently helping him up off the cold cement.  </p><p>She guides him inside away from the questioning eyes of the crowd that has gathered. Billy straightens from his crouched position to stand next to Laura and the twins all of them staring after Asher in confusion. None of them sure what exactly just happened.  </p><p>Harold nods at Billy from the doorway before turning to follow his wife and son into the house.  </p><p> *** </p><p>The next morning Laura rings the Adams’ doorbell for a second time her lips turning down in a frown. She switches the takeout coffee cup from her right hand to the crook of her left elbow rummaging through the bottom of her purse for the spare key that Gwen had given her for emergencies. She swallows against the fear rising in her throat hoping that this wasn’t one of those times the incident that happened yesterday still vivid in her mind. </p><p>“Gwen?” She calls out pushing the door open slowly into the large house her voice echoing off the empty walls.  </p><p>She steps inside cautiously closing the door behind her. She sits down the coffee cups on the coffee table and places her purse on the couch arm.  </p><p>“Gwen?” She calls once more down the long hallway her heels clicking loudly on the hardwood floor as she walks down it.  </p><p>Her only answer is the sound of clothes tumbling in the dryer and the sound of her best friend’s muffled cries coming from behind a closed door.  </p><p>She pauses in front of the laundry room door taking in a deep breath before knocking lightly. </p><p>“Gwen? Can I come in?” She questions worry edging into her voice.  </p><p>“Laura?” Gwen answers through her tears.  </p><p>“Yeah, it’s me. I’m coming in. Okay?” Laura decides hearing the panic in her friend’s voice. She opens the door slowly slipping inside the room. </p><p>Seeing her best friend of over twenty years sitting on the tiled floor of her laundry room with her knees pulled up against her chest and back pressed up against the washer truly breaks Laura’s heart. </p><p>“Oh, Gwen what happened?” She asks in a gentle voice eyeing the white knuckled grip that Gwen has on the piece of red fabric in her hands that she’s clutching it tightly to her chest.  </p><p>Laura steps closer to her pausing when she sees the basket of clothes thrown about on the floor and the laundry detergent spilled across the tiles.  </p><p>“I found one of Collin’s shirts in the hamper.” Gwen explains through a sob looking down at the shirt in her hands.  </p><p>“Oh, honey I’m so sorry.” Laura tells her closing the distance between them as she sits down beside her on the cold tiled floor. She wraps a comforting arm around her friend’s shaking shoulders pulling her in close. “I’m so sorry.” She repeats again as Gwen cries. </p><p>They sit together on the tiled floor for what seems like hours before Gwen raises her head from Laura’s shoulder with a flush of embarrassment across her cheeks.  </p><p>“I’m sorry. I—” Gwen apologizes getting up from the floor. </p><p>“You have nothing to apologize for.” She tells her taking the hand that Gwen extends down to her standing up next to her. “I’m glad I was here.” She admits hooking her arm under her best friend’s leading them away from the pain caused by the crumpled red shirt laying on the floor.  </p><p>“Here you go.” Laura says with a kind smile handing Gwen her coffee. Sitting down across from her Laura takes a long sip of her own lukewarm coffee. </p><p>“Thank you.” Gwen whispers staring down at her hands in her lap not reaching for the coffee. </p><p>“Where are Harold and Asher?” Laura questions the silence from the rest of the house settling in between them.  </p><p>“Harold took him out for pizza since we um, didn’t get to yet.” Gwen explains not wanting to mention the accident. </p><p>Laura nods in response taking another long sip of coffee. “That’s nice. I think he could eat pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner.” Laura says with a soft chuckle. </p><p>“I’m pretty sure he does every chance he gets.” Gwen says the corners of her mouth turning up slightly at the thought of her youngest son’s love for pizza.  </p><p>“How is he doing?” She questions concern edging into her voice. </p><p>“He’s been having nightmares.” Gwen tells her sighing.  </p><p>“He had one at our house too.” Laura tells her remembering the fear in the boy’s eyes that night.  </p><p>“I made him a doctor appointment for Friday for the nightmares.” Gwen explains. “And for the pool incident too.” She says locking eyes with Laura.  </p><p>“Gwen, you don’t think that—” Laura gasps out her eyes widening at her friend’s words. </p><p>“No. No I don’t think he meant it.” Gwen tells her honestly dropping her gaze to the table. She takes in a shuddering breath before explaining further. “I just have to make sure Laura. I can’t lose my other baby. I just can’t.” She chokes out lifting her gaze once more with tears shining brightly in her eyes so much like Collin’s that Laura must look away for a moment to compose her own self.  </p><p>Laura clears the emotion from her throat reaching her long, slender arms across the table to grasp her friend’s cold hands in her warm ones squeezing them tightly. She locks their gazes once more before speaking. “I promise you that Asher is going to be okay. He has you, Harold, me, Billy, Jordan and Olivia that will always be here for him and we all love him so much.” She tells her with a determined nod. “We will all help each other through this.” She says going over to Gwen to wrap her in a comforting hug.  </p><p>“I’ll go clean up the laundry room.” Laura offers pulling out of the embrace. </p><p>“Oh, you don’t have to do that.” Gwen tells her wiping at her eyes.  </p><p>“I want to. It’s the least I can do.” She explains with a gentle smile.  </p><p>“Um, could you put Collin’s clothes in the container in the hallway.” Gwen calls after her. Laura turns around in the kitchen archway nodding toward her. “I was going to but—” She explains trailing off her voice filled with sorrow. </p><p>“It’s no problem, Gwen.” She assures her. “I will put them in there for you.” She tells her gently turning to make her way down the hall. Her eyes linger on Collin’s closed bedroom door at the end of the hall for a moment her eyes burning with tears before going into the laundry room.    </p><p>At hearing the front door open and close Laura folds the last shirt still warm from the dryer stepping back to observe the laundry room. She observes with a satisfied smile. The basket of clothes that was on the floor are now neatly folded and separated into three piles and the laundry detergent has been mopped up from the tiles.  </p><p>No trace of the breakdown from earlier remains inside the room.  </p><p>She puts the container of Collin’s clothes into the hall closet across from the laundry room with sadness washing over her.  </p><p>Closing the closet door, she finds a small smile spreading across her face at hearing Asher’s voice floating down the hallway.  </p><p>She steps quietly into the living room picking up her purse from the couch arm. </p><p>“Laura?” Asher questions with the surprise evident in his voice from behind her. She turns around to find him standing in the kitchen archway. “Are Jay and Liv with you?” He asks with a hopeful smile rushing over to hug her.  </p><p>“No, they’re not today bud.” She tells him returning the hug. “But they are already planning your guys’ next sleepover. Does that sound like fun?” She smiles ruffling his hair lightly.  </p><p>“Yeah it does.” Asher responds a hint of sadness flashing across his face before he sends her a small smile. “Tell them I said hi.” He adds pulling away disappearing once more into the kitchen.  </p><p>“I will.” She calls after him turning her attention to Gwen as she walks in the room. “Well, I should get going. Call me later?” She asks once she gets to the front door pulling her friend into another hug.  </p><p>“Yeah, I will for sure.” Gwen tells her. “And thanks for everything today. I don’t know what I would do without you Laura.” She admits in a grateful tone.  </p><p>“You’re so welcome Gwen.” Laura tells her pulling back slightly to look her in the eyes finding them tear filled. “Anytime you or Asher need anything I’m always going to be there for the both of you both. Okay?” She tells her with a determined nod and a kind smile. At Gwen’s nod she pulls her back into the embrace.  </p><p>“Well you should get back home to the twins. I hope they haven’t drove Billy too far up the wall by now.” Gwen tells her with a small grin pulling out of the embrace.  </p><p>“Yeah, I haven’t gotten any calls so they should be okay.” She says looking down at her phone returning her grin. “I really meant what I said Gwen. Anytime. Anytime at all.” Laura tells her once more with her hand on the doorknob.  </p><p>“I know you do Laura. And I will call you later tonight. Promise.” Gwen tells her stepping out onto the front steps behind her.  </p><p>“Good. I will be looking forward to it.” Laura says with a nod walking down the steps.  </p><p>“Drive safe.” Gwen whispers. Laura turns around after hearing Gwen’s plea finding her best friend’s face filled with an anxious look her with her hand covering her mouth. “Laura, I’m so sorry. I—” She stammers out remembering how just days before she had spoken the same words to Collin. </p><p>Laura walks back up the steps slowly stopping halfway reaching out to grasp both of Gwen’s hand. “I will be careful. I’ll call you when I make it home.” She reassures Gwen her lips pulled into a tight smile with her own eyes burning with tears. </p><p>“Okay.” Gwen says wiping hastily at the tears that slipped down her cheeks. “Talk soon.” She tells her with a watery smile.  </p><p>“Talk soon.” Laura echoes back with a smile making her way down the front steps once more.  </p><p>Gwen takes in a shuddering breath rolling her tense shoulders up and back watching Laura walk down the driveway the same steps both her sons took just days before. Swallowing against the lump in her throat she goes back inside at seeing Laura make it to her car.  </p><p>Before turning out of the driveway Laura casts one last long look back to the house with a heavy sigh hoping that the promises, she made her best friend about her son would be able to be kept.   </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So there it is Chapter 4!! I hope y'all enjoyed it!<br/>I had so much fun writing this one! It is my favorite chapter so far!<br/>Thank y'all so much for reading!<br/>The next chapter is called The Dance and will be more light hearted and will feature more of JJ and Ashivia content is coming!<br/>I am hoping to have it posted on Sunday!<br/>Take care!<br/>Thanks so very much, Kayla! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Anniversary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It has been one year since the accident and since Asher lost his older brother, Collin. It's also his 13th birthday but he doesn't really want to celebrate it. The Bakers continue to be there for Asher when he his parents aren't. And the Spring Fling dance is coming up and he doesn't have a date.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, again y'all!<br/>I am back finally with Chapter 5 and I couldn't be more excited about it!<br/>I am so sorry that it took me so long to post a new chapter.<br/>I struggled with getting the tone right with this one. So I am hoping that I was able to balance to the lighter moments with the heavier ones effectively.<br/>I am hope y'all enjoy this chapter because I had so much fun writing the Ashivia content for it!<br/>It's another long one at just over 9,600 words - the longest one yet. Are y'all enjoying the longer chapters?<br/>Enjoy!<br/>P.S. I made a few edits to the last chapter in case you read it before I edited. Collin's middle name is now Harold and Asher's birthday is now March 28th. This is nothing that will affect the plot of the story though. :)<br/>Please note: The chapter while it is somewhat lighter then the previous chapters it still does deal with some heavier themes such as alcoholism, alcohol abuse and implied domestic abuse so if that could be triggering to you in any way please read with extra caution and care. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Asher paces in his bedroom willing the tears not to fall his shoes leaving deep imprints in the carpet. He wouldn’t cry today. He just couldn’t. He knew if he let himself that he would crawl under his covers and not come out until the morning. Which was very tempting to him in the moment with all the emotions swirling around in his tight chest.  </p><p>But he had promised Olivia and Jordan that he would come over. They had both sounded so excited on the phone to see him and he didn’t want to let them down. No one in his house would be missing him today anyway. He just hoped that hadn’t asked him over to celebrate his birthday. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to celebrate again after what had happened last year.  </p><p>It had been three hundred and sixty five days since he had lost his big brother, Collin, in the accident and still every time he closed his eyes to go to sleep all he could see was his brother’s body slumped over the steering wheel. He doubted that he would ever get that image out of his head.  </p><p>Pausing for a moment to glance at the picture of him and Collin that was taken after Collin’s last high school football game, which would be the last football game he would ever play in, on his nightstand he takes in a long shuddering breath in through his nose and out through his mouth at seeing their smiles with Collin’s arm slung over his shoulders. They were so happy that night because Collin and the Eagles had won the state championship. He hadn’t seen his parents smile that much before or ever again.  </p><p><em> Just calm down. </em>He tells himself as he turns and walks out to the living room where is mom is still laying on the couch where he left her over an hour ago.  </p><p>This past week leading up to the anniversary of Collin's death has been terrible for her and Asher can’t help but to feel guilty for her depression. She was diagnosed with it six months ago, and he doubts that the medicine was helping her at all from the current state that she is in. He watches her carefully for a moment taking in the wrinkled clothes she has been wearing for four days and the way she is staring blankly at the tv screen. The woman before him on the couch is only a shell of the person who made him chocolate chip pancakes and who laughed and smiled with him a year ago. <em> I would do anything to have her back </em> he thinks glancing toward the kitchen the memories of his last birthday rushing back to him. </p><p> But that was all before the accident and before everything changed.  </p><p><em> I’m so sorry </em> mom he thinks with tears gathering in his eyes once more. He bites at his bottom lip anxiously thinking of what he can do or say.  </p><p>He takes in a deep breath before speaking. “Hey, mom um should I call Laura to come pick me up?” He offers swallowing his throat dry. “You look tired.” He observes spreading the blanket from the back of the couch around her attempting a smile.  </p><p>She blinks a few times but doesn’t look up. “Sure.” Gwen whispers settling deeper into the couch cushions pulling the blanket up to her chin as she does. </p><p>Asher stares down at his mom for a moment longer his guilt growing before he turns away to go call the Bakers who always seem to be there for him when his parents aren't.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Sitting on the steps with his duffle bag packed beside him he tenses at seeing Laura pull up in the driveway. It feels so oddly similar to his birthday last year with the phone call from Oliva and Jordan to come over and then him packing his bag for a sleepover. But this time it wouldn’t be his brother who would be dropping him off. But then at the same time everything feels so strangely different. </p><p>He sighs standing picking his bag up timidly making his way to their car. He is greeted by three bright smiles as he climbs into the empty front passenger seat.  </p><p>At his questioning look Laura explains further. “They insisted you sit up here.” Laura tells him smiling in the rearview at the twins in the backseat.  </p><p>Asher nods slightly setting his duffle bag into the floorboard between his feet. Pulling his seat belt on he locks eyes with Jordan and Olivia and returns their smile, but his doesn’t reach his eyes.  </p><p>As they pull out of the driveway Asher stares out the window at the familiar houses and streets his brow furrowing when they make a different turn then down the Baker’s street. He doesn’t comment though.  </p><p>The iron gate that traces along the edges of the cemetery comes into their view and his heart speeds up. He hadn’t been here in almost in a year since his brother’s funeral.  </p><p>“What are we doing here?” Asher asks quietly as Laura parks the car.  </p><p>“I thought you might want to visit him today. It’s okay if you don’t want to though.” Laura tells him placing a gentle hand on his forearm sending him an encouraging smile.  </p><p>“Could you guys come with me?” Asher asks quietly glancing out the car window toward the rows of headstones remembering exactly where his brother’s is.  </p><p>“Of course, we will.” Laura says unbuckling her seatbelt. Olivia and Jordan do the same getting out of the car stepping up onto either side of their best friend to loop their arms through his sending him all the support they can on what they know is such a hard day for him.  </p><p>Asher walks timidly up to his brother’s grave with the twins by his side and Laura following silently behind them. He casts his eyes down to the fallen leaves from Autumn still stuck to the base of the headstone and the weeds sprouting around the headstone’s edges and he feels guilty for not coming sooner. He glances down the row of graves to see flowers decorating most of them with shame. He hadn’t thought to bring anything. </p><p> “I should have brought him something.” He states shoving his hands into his jean pockets.  </p><p>“We picked these out if you would like to put them on there.” Asher glances back over his shoulder at hearing Laura’s voice to find her holding a bouquet of artificial flowers.  </p><p>“We remembered that blue was his favorite color.” Olivia explains with a small smile.  </p><p>"Thank you. They’re beautiful.” He tells them in awe of their kindness.   </p><p>He turns back around crouching down in front of the headstone the grass still wet with morning dew soaking through his pant leg. He places the flowers into the ground as close to the headstone that he can toward the middle. He pulls a few handfuls of weeds up and peels away the crumbling dead leaves from the stone. He shrugs hoping it looks a little better now.   </p><p>With a sharp intake of breath, he glances up at the headstone his eyes tracing over every letter of his brother’s name: <em> Collin Harold Adams </em>.  </p><p>He flicks his eyes down to the dates his vision blurring: <em> August 30, 1995 – March 28, 2014 </em>.  </p><p>And then finally down to the words under his birth and death date: <em> Beloved son, brother and friend.  </em> </p><p>He stands up suddenly from his crouched position scrubbing his sweaty palms against the front of his jeans biting back his tears he steps back closer to Laura, Jordan and Olivia. </p><p>A wind chime chimes peacefully in the distant hanging from a shepherd's hook on someone’s grave. Asher watches as dandelion seeds float through the air promising new growth wherever they land in the grass. He looks up at the sky to find it a beautiful shade of blue without any clouds a perfect day if it wasn’t so tainted with guilt and sadness.  </p><p>“I don’t know what to say.” Asher says nervously feeling so many emotions bubbling to the surface and the words that were forming in his brain but not on his tongue.  </p><p>He wasn’t so sure that he had said the words out loud until he felt Laura’s comforting hand on his shoulder and her calm, assuring voice encourage him. “That’s okay. I’m sure you have a lot that you want to say. You can take all the time that you need, and you can even say the words in your head if you like. He’ll still hear you” She explains smiling down at him. </p><p>He nods his head in response closing his eyes letting the words inside his head flow without voicing them out loud not sure if he could anyway.  </p><p><em> Hi, Colly. I’m not really sure where to start. But, um it’s been a year since the accident and I’m sorry I haven’t come by yet. I just wasn't ready, and I didn’t want to ask mom and dad. I think about you every day though. And I miss you so much. I am so sorry about the accident. I would do anything to go back in time and stop it so that you would still be here. I love you so much bubby. </em> </p><p>He lets himself cry then at the thought of how hard and lonely this past year without his brother has been. The constant look of sadness on his parent’s faces no matter how many good grades he brings home or how he does his chores without being told nothing changes their expressions. He just simply isn’t enough to make his parents happy anymore and it hurts. He tenses at first at feeling himself being pulled into a tight hug by Laura and the twins, but he finally let’s himself relax at feeling safe and loved in their arms. He doesn’t honestly know how he would have made it without them this past year.  </p><p>Laura is the first to pull out of the embrace saying that she will be in the car if they need her and to take all the time that Asher needs. Jordan and Olivia stay by his side for a while longer with their arms still wrapped around him until Jordan pulls away mumbling something about being cold.  </p><p>“We can stay as long as you want to Ash.” Olivia whispers to him wrapping her arms around him even tighter trying to hide her shiver.  </p><p>“Here you can have my hoodie you must be freezing.” Asher tells her feeling her shiver against the cool morning breeze. He pulls his hoodie off swiftly handing it to her. “Just a few more minutes then I’ll be ready.” He tells her watching as she pulls the hoodie on covering her bare arms with a nod. </p><p>“Thank you.” She says looking down briefly at her hands now covered with the sleeves of his hoodie putting her arms around him again. “I miss him too.” She whispers laying her head against his chest sniffling softly as a few tears slip from her eyes.  </p><p>He stays quite not trusting his own voice resting his chin lightly on the top of her head. He breaths in deeply with tears slipping from his own eyes as he stares down at his brother’s grave. With Olivia’s arms wrapped around him he feels warmer than he has in a year. And he never wants to let her go.  </p><p>Pulling back to wipe at his tears he smiles down at Olivia to say thank you nodding toward the car. She smiles back wiping at her own then she takes his hand leading the way back to where her brother and mom are waiting. She only lets his hand go when she climbs into the back seat with Jordan and he climbs into the front seat.  </p><p>As they drive away Asher glances once more to his brother’s grave hoping that his brother really did hear what he said, and he hopes that he knows he meant every word.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Asher and Olivia lay down together on the rug in the middle of the treehouse floor once Jordan disappears down the ladder after Laura calls up to them that JJ is on the phone for him. A comfortable silence hangs around them as Olivia cuddles into Asher’s side resting her head on his chest still wearing his hoodie.  </p><p>Olivia lifts her head from Asher’s chest studying his face intently noticing that his jaw is clenched tightly. His eyes are closed but she hadn’t missed the dark circles that were there when they picked him up. He looks absolutely exhausted even though he would never admit it. She knows he has had trouble sleeping because she had heard her mom on the phone with his mom talking about his nightmares.  </p><p>“Ash?” She asks her voice coming out louder then she meant.  </p><p>“Yeah, Liv.” He responds without opening his eyes. </p><p>She sits up biting her lip. “What do you think it is like to kiss someone?” She asks pushing a strand of her curly hair behind her ear nervously.  </p><p>“Um, I don’t know I’ve never kissed anyone before.” He admits a light blush spreading across his cheeks as he sits up locking eyes with Olivia.  </p><p>“Maybe we could try.” She suggests sitting up on her knees scooting closer to him never breaking their eye contact.  </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He stammers out sitting up on his knees too swallowing nervously.  </p><p>With their faces inches apart Asher flicks his eyes down to Olivia’s lips noticing they look so soft. He drags his tongue over his wishing they weren’t so dry and chapped.  </p><p>“If you don’t want me to kiss you just say something.” Olivia whispers flicking her eyes down to Asher’s lips then blinking her eyes up to meet his eyes again.  </p><p>He swallows again leaning in closer her breath tickling his cheek. She presses her lips so softly against his as he kisses her back just as softly. He wishes they could stay like this forever.   </p><p>“Happy Birthday Asher.” She whispers with a soft smile sitting back on her heels.   </p><p>Asher touches his tingling lips gingerly with his index and middle fingers still not believing that he just kissed Olivia.  </p><p>He returns her smile as she grabs his hand pulling him up with her from the wooden floor. “Well we should go inside before Jordan eats all the cake.” She explains with a giggle leading their way down the ladder of the tree house.  </p><p>Asher looks down at their joined hands feeling his heartbeat pick up as they cross through the backyard to the house. His wets his lips that have now stopped tingling tasting Olivia’s strawberry lip balm left behind from their kiss. He’s never liked the taste of strawberry anything, but he knows he will never get tired of tasting Olivia’s lip balm on his lips.  </p><p>“There you two are.” Laura says with her hands on her hips as they walk through the patio door and into the kitchen sending her identical sheepish smiles. “You both are just in time for cake.” She says smiling at them seeing their joined hands turning around to scoop out ice cream onto their plates.  </p><p>“Could I try strawberry ice cream today?” Asher asks hesitantly.  </p><p>“Of course, you can. I just didn’t think you like strawberry flavored anything.” Laura exclaims putting back the scoop of cookies and cream ice cream back into the container and then scooping out some strawberry ice cream onto his plate with a skeptical look. </p><p>“Um, I just wanted to try something new today.” Asher exclaims quietly shrugging a light blush spreading across his cheeks as he sends a knowing grin to Olivia which she sends back.  </p><p>“Well nothing wrong with that.” Laura says handing him his plate.  </p><p>“Strawberry for me too mom. Please.” Olivia tells her sweetly.  </p><p>Once they all have a piece of chocolate cake and strawberry ice cream Laura watches as the kids file out the patio door sitting at the table on the deck. She can’t help but smile as Olivia scoots her chair over to be closer to Asher their knees touching slightly under the table.  </p><p>She sighs as the kids’ laughter rings through the open patio door from a joke that Jordan just told as she moves to place the ice cream containers back into the freezer her thoughts drifting to her best friend. She knows that Gwen has been struggling lately and that today must be so incredible hard for her. She takes one last glance out at the kids knowing that they’ll be okay turning around to call her best friend in hopes of helping her through the first anniversary of her older son’s death. She can only hope that she will be able to provide her some comfort.  </p><p> *** </p><p>The next Wednesday after Spring break at school Asher in sitting at his normal lunch table with Jordan and JJ waiting for Olivia. He glances toward the lunch line frowning deeper at each kid that isn’t her.  </p><p>She is late today. And Olivia is never late for anything. He taps his plastic fork against his tray nervously biting his lip. </p><p>“Earth to Asher.” Asher blinks a few times reluctantly peeling his eyes away from the lunch line to look across the table at JJ after hearing his friend’s voice to find him waving his hand. </p><p>“What did you say?” Asher asks with curiosity edging into his voice furrowing his brow.    </p><p>“I was asking who are you taking to the Spring Fling dance?” JJ asks from across the table with a smirk on his face.  </p><p>“Um, I haven’t asked anyone yet.” Asher says with a shrug glancing over again at the shortened lunch line.  </p><p>He smiles as his eyes land on Olivia making her way over to their table letting out a sigh of relief. </p><p>“How about Liv?” JJ asks his smirk widening and his eye dancing with amusement. Asher’s eyes widen slightly at his suggestion his mouth hanging open.   </p><p>“What about me?” Olivia questions looking between JJ and Asher placing her tray down on the table taking her usual seat next to Asher.  </p><p>“I was just telling Ash he needs to ask someone to the dance before all the options are gone.” JJ explains raising his eyebrows at his friend gesturing toward Olivia.  </p><p>Asher just simply shakes his head in response not missing the grins that JJ and Jordan share. Without a word he pushes his tray toward Olivia’s for their normal food trades on pizza Fridays. She always takes his salad and he always takes her corn. It has been their thing since elementary school.  </p><p>“They had the Italian dressing today.” He tells her handing the dressing packets to her smiling when she smiles brightly at him. </p><p>“Thanks.” She says pushing his tray back to him after grabbing the packets tucking a piece of her curly hair behind her ear.  </p><p>“So, guess what Butler did in math class again today?” JJ questions excitedly. Asher listens intently just happy to have the conservation off him for a moment.  </p><p>“What did he do?” Jordan inquires a grin already on his face already thinking of all the possible things that their friend and teammate could have done this time.  </p><p>“He fell asleep again, but he got caught this time.” JJ says with a laugh. “He was snoring so loud too.” JJ recalls slapping the table tears starting to fall from his eyes from laughing so hard.  </p><p>“No, way!” Jordan exclaims joining in on his friend’s laughter. </p><p>“Yes, it’s true. And he got detention for the rest of the day.” JJ informs them. </p><p>“Man, he’s going to have to stop staying up all night playing video games.” Jordan says taking a bite of pizza shaking his head.  </p><p>“Yeah don’t act like you don’t do it too.” JJ accuses with a laugh around a bite of pizza. </p><p>“Not every night like he does.” Jordan explains defending his self.  </p><p>“Yeah, sure whatever you say.” JJ says rolling his eyes.  </p><p>Olivia clears her throat as JJ shows Jordan a video on his phone placing a gentle hand on Asher’s forearm. She smiles over at him when his blue eyes meet her brown ones. </p><p>“So, I was thinking that we should go to the dance together.” Olivia tells him nervously tensing as his eyes widen and he breaks their eye contact. “You think it’s a terrible idea don’t you.” She says pushing her tray of half eaten food away.  </p><p>“What, Liv. No, I don’t.” Asher explains shaking his head meeting her eyes once more. “I would love to go with the dance with you. You were the only person I had in mind asking anyway but I figured you had already been asked.” Asher reveals a light blush creeping onto his cheeks.  </p><p>“I mean I figured you were coming over to our house before the dance anyway, so it just makes sense that we go together.” She says joining their hands pulling them under the table to rest gently between them away from any prying eyes.  </p><p>“Makes sense to me too.” Asher agrees looking down at their joined hands then back up at his best friend sending her a bright smile that for the first time in over a year reaches his eyes.  </p><p>They keep their hands clasped together for the rest of the lunch period giggling over Asher trying to eat his traded corn with his left hand, but he doesn’t mind because he doesn’t want to ever let go of Olivia’s hand.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Asher spins the lock on his locker putting in the combination from memory pulling the door open getting out his books for the last period of the day his eyes widened as a piece of folded notebook paper falls onto the tiled floor. He unfolds the paper with curiosity building inside hi, finding Olivia’s familiar cursive handwriting on the page. </p><p><em> My dress for the dance is red. -Liv.  </em> He traces the heart <em>  s </em> he drew by her name with his index finger.  </p><p>He smiles down at the words written in blue ink. Olivia always wrote in blue ink. He folds the note back up and puts into the front pocket of his backpack.  </p><p>He shoves his books into his backpack walking to his last class feeling lighter than he has since the accident. He finds himself actually looking forward to the dance with Olivia.  </p><p>Now all he needs is a tie. A <em> red </em> tie.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“Will you come in with me?” Asher asks his dad timidly with his hand resting on the door handle.  </p><p>“No, I’m not going in there.” Harold says shaking his head looking pass his son to the mall and the crowd of people bustling about and then into the backseat where the six pack of beer he bought earlier on his way home from work sits feeling the familiar intensifying itch for a drink under his skin making him feel smothered in the car. “You’re on your own this time.” He tells him briefly glancing at his son not missing the hurt that flashes in his eyes.  </p><p><em> Aren’t I always? </em> Asher thinks bitterly as he steps out of the car without a glance back at his dad. It takes all his restraint to not slam the car door behind him.  </p><p>Walking into <em> Macy’s </em> Asher is a little overwhelmed at the amount of people inside. He weaves his way through the racks of clothes and clusters of other customers wondering if this is where Olivia bought her dress for the dance.  </p><p>“Looking for anything in particular?” A blonde saleswoman asks him politely at seeing his lost expression.  </p><p>“Um, yeah a tie for my school dance.” He tells her shyly.  </p><p>“I can help with that.” She says nodding for him to follow her. “So what color is the lucky young lady’s dress?” She asks as they make their way over to the suit and tie section. </p><p>“My friend’s dress is red.” He tells her eyeing all the different shades of red ties not realizing there were so many.  </p><p>“What shade of red is the young lady’s dress?” She inquires following his gaze to the display of ties.  </p><p>“Um I don’t—” Asher starts before a familiar voice from behind him cuts him off.  </p><p>“The young lady’s dress is a classic red.” Billy tells the saleswoman winking at Asher as she turns around to grab the right shade of red tie.  </p><p>“Thank you.” He tells her politely taking the tie from her extended hand.  </p><p>“Is that all you will be needing today dear?” She says clasping her hands together.  </p><p>“Yes, ma'am that’s all.” Asher answers with a nod following her to the register. </p><p>“Okay that will be $22.78.” She tells him after bagging it for him.  </p><p>Asher grimaces slightly digging reluctantly into his pant pocket for the crumpled twenty dollar bill that he has left over from his Christmas money from his grandparents.  </p><p>“Oh, and this too ma'am.” Billy exclaims stepping up to the counter placing Jordan’s tie down onto it winking once more at Asher.  </p><p>“Yes, but of course.” She chimes with a smile placing the second tie in a separate bag without any further explanation.  </p><p>“So, who did you ask to the dance?” Asher asks Jordan stepping back next to him watching Billy swipe his credit card with a small but grateful smile.  </p><p>“Layla.” Jordan says nervously. “I mean she’s new here and Olivia’s new friend and she doesn’t know a lot of people here yet.” Jordan explains with a shrug. </p><p>“She seems nice.” Asher tells him with a nod.  </p><p>“You ready boys?” Billy asks handing each of them their bags.  </p><p>“Thank you, Billy. I will pay you back.” Asher tells him as they make their way to the door.  </p><p>“You’re welcome Asher. And don’t worry about it.” Billy says patting Asher on the shoulder as they round the corner. “You want anything to eat Asher?” Billy questions gesturing toward the food court. </p><p>“No, I’m okay. My dad is waiting for me in the car.” Asher explains taking a step toward the door. </p><p>“Okay. If you’re sure.” Billy says eyeing him skeptically.  </p><p>Asher nods glancing toward the door then back to Billy and Jordan. “Thank you again for the tie.” He says with a timid grin gesturing toward the bag.  </p><p>Billy nods watching Asher walk out the door a deep feeling of worry spreading through him. </p><p>Asher steps out the door into the warm Spring air feeling cool to his flushed face. He makes his way back to the car hurriedly not wanting to keep his dad waiting any longer.  </p><p>He climbs into the passenger seat reaching for his seatbelt. “Dad, guess what. Billy and—” Asher begins to explain but stops when he glances over to his dad finding him slumped over in the driver seat. An image of Collin slumped over the steering wheel flashes before his eyes causing his blood to run cold.  </p><p>“Dad?” He questions cautiously reaching over the console to touch his dad on the shoulder. “Dad?!” He says louder the fear rising in his voice when his dad doesn’t respond to him shaking his shoulder.  </p><p>A knock on the car window causes him to jump clutching at his chest turning toward the window he finds Billy and Jordan standing there with identical looks of concern on their faces. Asher turns the key over rolling down his window frantically.  </p><p>“Everything okay Asher?” Billy questions peering into the car his brow furrowing.  </p><p>“My dad won’t wake up.” Asher informs them near hysterics reaching to shake his dad’s shoulder again still not getting a response. <em> No, this can’t be happening agai </em>n Asher thinks his breath hitching in his throat.  </p><p>At seeing that Harold is still unconscious Billy moves to the driver side pulling the car door open with his heart racing.  </p><p>“Harold!” He calls out loudly into the car sighing as Harold still doesn’t make any movement. Billy leans over him to undo the seatbelt when Harold’s hot breath hits him in the face and the strong stench of alcohol burns his nostrils. Anger seethes through him as the realization hits him that Harold was only passed out drunk. That he had drank himself into oblivion knowing that his son would be coming back to the car. That he would be needing to drive his son home. And that he didn’t even care.  </p><p>Billy glances over at Asher a wash of pity coursing through him at seeing Asher pressed against the car door his eyes wide and filled with fear gripping his left hand around the seatbelt that is still hanging loosely across his chest with Jordan’s hand on his shoulder.  </p><p>“Please, dad wake up.” Asher whimpers shaking his head tears streaming down his face.  </p><p>Billy straightens standing up locking eyes with Jordan over the top of the car roof fishing his car keys out of his pocket throwing them over to his son. “Take Asher to our car okay.” Billy instructs him with a determined nod.  </p><p>He bends back down into the car door smiling over at Asher. “He’s going to be fine, Ash.” Billy tells him hoping to calm the boy’s panic. “Go with Jordan to our car. And I’ll be right there.” He instructs him gently wanting to get Asher out of this situation quickly. The situation that Harold so carelessly put his son in. The situation where Asher feels like he is losing yet another family member.  </p><p>“No, I can’t leave my dad. I left Collin and he—” Asher explains stopping when he can’t catch his breath as the tightness in his chest builds. </p><p>At sensing Asher’s panic attack Billy moves back over quickly to the passenger side of the car opening the door with concern. He crouches down next to him prying his fingers one by one from the seatbelt grabbing his hand cautiously remembering that Laura did the same once when Asher had a panic attack after experiencing another nightmare at their house a few months after the accident.  </p><p>“Hey, bud I need you to breathe for me okay. In an out. Come on you can do it.” Billy instructs squeezing his hand frowning as Asher shakes his head clenching his eyes shut tightly. “Come on Ash just try to breathe with me.” He tries again taking in a deep breath and letting it out through his mouth with an audible swoosh. The tension in Billy’s jaw slacks slightly at seeing Asher finally take in a shuddering breath. “There you go bud. Just like that in and out.” Billy encourages looking over his shoulder to Jordan. “You okay Jay?” He smiles up at his son when he nods in response his eyes still wide staring down at his best friend.  </p><p>Once Asher’s panic subsides and he opens his eyes Billy squeezes his hand once more. “Jordan is going to take you to our car now bud. Okay?” He tells him gently explaining further when Asher opens his mouth to protest. “I promise Asher that your dad is okay. I’m just going to talk to him for a minute and then I’ll be right over there with you guys.” Billy explains helping Asher out of the car pulling him into a quick hug feeling him still trembling slightly.  </p><p>Asher steps next to Jordan without a word sending one more look toward his dad before following him through the parking lot. Billy lips turn up slightly at the corners when he sees Jordan throw his lanky arm over Asher’s shoulders protectively.  </p><p>He sighs turning back toward the car picking up Asher’s tie that had fallen out the bag slamming the passenger door not caring if he startles Harold. With the anger from earlier seething through him once more he rounds the car again jerking the driver door open as Harold finally begins to stir. </p><p> “Asher?” Harold slurs blinking against the bright sunlight groaning as his head pounds.  </p><p>“Oh, so you’re worried about your son<em>  now </em>. After he already found you passed out drunk. After he thought you were going to die. And after he just had a damn panic attack because he was afraid of losing you like he did Collin if he left you alone in the car.” Billy yells in Harold’s face his voice getting louder with each word not caring who hears him.  </p><p>“I lost my son Billy.” Harold states running a shaky hand down his face.  </p><p>“Yeah, I know you did, and Asher lost his brother. But you have got to get your shit together. Asher deserves better than <em> this </em>.” Billy tells him a look of disgust spreading across his features at seeing the empty beer bottles littering the floorboard under Harold’s feet and in the back floorboard too. “Were you drinking before you drove Asher here?” Billy questions in an accusatory tone his eyes narrowing.  </p><p>“No, those are from yesterday when I couldn’t make myself get out of the car to go in the house after work.” Harold explains nodding toward the backseat. “It’s so hard being there Billy. Every corner of the damn house is filled with a memory of Collin and most days it is just too much.” Harold admits staring down at the empty beer bottles at his feet.  </p><p>“But think how hard it is for Asher. He’s just a kid and he needs you and Gwen to be there for him. He deserves better than <em> this </em>.” Billy tells him again gesturing once more toward the beer bottles crossing his arms over his chest.   </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Harold says finally meeting his eyes with a sigh guilt washing over him. </p><p>“Don’t tell me. You need to tell your son.” Billy tells him shaking his head as he pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. “Here’s some money for a taxi. We’ll come back for the car later.” Billy tells him throwing the bills into Harold’s lap slamming the car door shut.  </p><p>As Billy walks to his car with anger still pulsing in his veins, he covers it with a smile when he climbs into the car smiling at the boys in the backseat. He assures Asher once more that his dad is going to be fine and that he’ll be at home when he gets there in hopes of diminishing the boy’s worry.  </p><p>“Who’s up for some ice cream?” He asks chuckling softly at the boy’s excited nods.  </p><p>As he pulls out of the parking lot, he sighs hoping that his words got through to Harold and that he will start being the father that Asher so needs and deserves. He can only hope.  </p><p> *** </p><p>At dinner on the evening of the dance Gwen fells the grey cloud that has been surrounding her for the last year soften a little at seeing how excited Asher was for the dance. It was just her and Asher home for their shared pepperoni pizza as Harold was out for his usual nightly round of drinks with his colleagues. She hadn’t seen her son smile this much since the accident and she could only hope that it would last.  </p><p>Cleaning up their plates and the pizza box she glances down at her watch finding that it is nearly six which is when Billy was coming to pick up Asher for the dance.   </p><p>“Well, don’t you look handsome.” Gwen tells Asher leaning on the door frame of the opened bathroom door smiling in the mirror at her son. He is dressed in black dress pants and a black button-down shirt. She swallows willing herself not to think about how Asher had insisted on wearing them even though they were Collin’s. She swallows once more willing herself not to think about how much Asher looks more like Collin with every passing day except their different hair colors.  </p><p>“Thanks, mom.” Asher says breaking Gwen from her thoughts grinning as he locks eyes with his mom. “Could you help me with my tie?” He asks turning around from the mirror with a frustrated sigh at another unsuccessful attempt. </p><p>“Of course.” She tells him pushing off the doorframe moving into the bathroom her slippers scuffing across the tiles. She takes the tie and gently places it around his neck tying into a loose loop then tucking the tie under his shirt collar. “There you go.” She says after pulling the tie into place.  </p><p>“Thanks, mom.” He tells her wrapping his arms around her. Gwen is taken aback for a moment by her son’s hug before her heart melts and she hugs him back tightly. She’s been so wrapped up in her own pain and guilt that she hasn’t been there for her youngest son these past few months. She hadn’t even told him <em> Happy Birthday </em>.  </p><p>“Mom?” Asher asks softly pulling back to look at his mom to find her crying. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to—” Asher starts to apologize as his mom cups her hand under his chin causing him to pause.  </p><p>“You didn’t do anything Asher. I was just thinking.” Gwen explains wiping at her tears with her free hand waving away her son’s concern. “And now there’s your ride to the dance.” She exclaims as the doorbell chimes down the hallway.  </p><p>“I can stay home with you if you need me to mom.” Asher offers his lips slipping down into a frown and blue eyes clouding with worry.  </p><p><em> So, much for his happiness </em> Gwen thinks bitterly pursing her lips.  </p><p>“No, baby. I’m going to be just fine.” She says kissing the top of his head. “And you my amazing son are going to have the most wonderful time at your school dance.” She tells him placing her hands on his shoulders guiding him toward the front door.  </p><p>“Hi, Billy.” She greets as she pulls open the door. </p><p>“Hello, Gwen.” Billy says with a nod. “You ready for the dance bud?” Billy asks turning his attention to Asher with a smile.  </p><p>Asher looks up at his mom once more before nodding hesitantly. He hugs her again pulling away quicker this time before he has time to say he isn’t going to the dance. Before he decides to not leave his mom home alone.  </p><p>“The dance is over at ten. So, we will have home sometime after that.” Billy tells Gwen watching Asher climb into the car.  </p><p>“That will be just fine.” Gwen says waving to her son. Billy nods turning on his heel toward the car. </p><p>Gwen closes the door after watching Billy and Asher pull out of the driveway with the quietness of the house making her ears ring.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“Asher is downstairs with Jordan.” Billy informs his wife leaning on the door frame of the twin’s bathroom door smiling at watching Laura fix Olivia’s hair.  </p><p>“Okay. I’m almost done.” Laura glances her eyes meeting Billy’s in the mirror a soft smile on her lips before casting her eyes back down to her daughter securing her hair in place with a red barrette to match her dress. “Alright you’re all set Liv.” She tells her placing her hands on Olivia’s shoulders smiling brightly at her daughter. “You look absolutely beautiful.” Laura admires taking in the joy in Olivia’s eyes and her bright smile.  </p><p>“Your mom is right you do look absolutely beautiful baby girl.” Billy tells his daughter as she steps out into the hallway.  </p><p>“Thanks daddy.” Olivia tells him giving him a quick hug before making her way downstairs.  </p><p>“And you Mrs. Baker look absolutely beautiful as well.” Billy tells his wife holding her at arm’s length before kissing her softly. “Save me a dance tonight.” Billy states leading their way downstairs to the kids holding Laura’s hand all the way.  </p><p>Jordan’s words fade into the background as Olivia walks down the stairs in her red dress Asher’s mouth hanging open at how beautiful she looks.  </p><p>“You look amazing.” Asher manages to compliment as Olivia steps next to them where they are waiting by the front door.  </p><p>“Thank you.” Oliva says blushing smoothing her hands along the front of her dress nervously.  </p><p>“Um, your dad let me stop and get you a flower.” Asher tells her handing her the single pale pink rose with a matching pink ribbon wrapped around the stem. He had picked that color because of the happiness that she brings him. He smiles shyly at her as she takes his hand.  </p><p>“It’s beautiful Ash. Thank you.” She says admiring the flower stepping closer to him to kiss him on the cheek. His cheeks and ears instantly reddening at her brave displace of affection.  </p><p>He glances at Jordan to find him grinning at them. He grins back all of his fears that Jordan would be mad at him fading away.   </p><p>“Is Layla meeting us here?” Asher asks clearing his throat still holding onto Olivia’s hand.  </p><p>“She called and said her dad was dropping her off at the dance.” Jordan explains slipping on his shoes. </p><p> “Picture time.” Billy exclaims as he steps down from the stairs taking out his phone.  </p><p>They scoot in close with Olivia in the middle and Asher on her right side and Jordan on her left with their arms around each other all of them wearing identical smiles with happiness sparkling in their eyes.  </p><p>“One, two, three.” Billy counts down snapping the picture the flash illuminating their skin. “Perfect.” He says nodding satisfied at how the picture turned out.  </p><p>“Send it to me and to Gwen.” Laura tells him as they follow the kids out to the car. </p><p>“Already did.” Billy tells her with a grin.  </p><p>“You read my mind.” Laura says pulling her phone out of her clutch to set the picture of the kids as her lock screen background. </p><p>Climbing into the car Laura looks into the backseat to make sure amongst all the excitement the kids haven’t forgot to buckle, and her heart is warmed at the sight. Asher is sitting once again in the middle of the twins since they both know that being by a car window is one of his triggers since the accident.  </p><p>Laura glances down at her phone after feeling it buzz signaling a text.  </p><p><em> They all look so grown up. And our babies look so cute together. </em> Gwen texts a winking face emoji following her words.  </p><p><em> They sure do. And  </em> <em> oh, </em> <em>  my heart they are so sweet together. </em> Laura texts back ending it with the same winking face emoji.  </p><p>Laura locks her phone placing it back into her clutch with a content smile on her face. </p><p>Their drive to the school dance is filled with excited tales and laughs from the backseat with both Billy and Laura enjoying the happiness that hearing the kid’s excitement brings them.  </p><p>***   </p><p>“Congratulations on your new job as head coach of the Beverly High Eagles.” James Parker tells Billy stepping next to him to shake his hand. “JJ is so excited to have you as his coach when he gets to high school.” He informs him smiling.   </p><p>“Thank you. Yeah, I’ve seen JJ play and he is very impressive out there on the field. I will be happy to have him on my junior varsity team.” Billy responds with a nod taking a drink of fruit punch.  </p><p>They look out onto the gym floor which has been converted to a dance floor for tonight finding their son’s dancing with their dates both of them grinning widely. Billy scans the crowd of student’s frowning when he doesn’t find Asher and Olivia amongst them. He sighs in relief as his eyes land on them standing next to the refreshment table drinking punch and laughing at something that Asher whispers in her ear.  </p><p>“Were Asher and his brother trapped inside the truck after the accident?” Billy asks the question that had been nagging at him since the incident with Asher and his dad in the mall parking lot two days before remembering the fear that was in Asher’s eyes. And how the thought of leaving his dad alone in the car like he had Collin sent him into a spiral of panic.  </p><p>“Um, yeah they were.” James answers with a stiff nod clearing his throat his tone solemn. “It is one of those accidents that has stayed with me even now a year later. When we pulled up to the accident scene, I didn’t think there would be any survivors after seeing how mangled the truck was.” He recalls pausing to take a sip of fruit punch. “Asher was so terrified at having to leave his brother so that we could get him out.” James explains flashes of his own nightmares swirling in his mind where he didn't get Asher's brother out of the truck like he had promised. “I promised Asher before he was taken away by the paramedics that I would get his brother out, but I just couldn't promise him that he would be okay.” He admits sharing Billy's look of sympathy toward Asher who is now standing alone. </p><p>“Wow, that’s tough.” Billy says glancing over at James who is lost in his memories of the accident scene. “You got Collin out just like you said you would.” He assures him clasping him on the shoulder.  </p><p>“Yeah.” James agrees clearing the emotion from his voice. “Asher’s parents are very lucky that they didn’t lose both of their son’s that day in the accident.” James states. </p><p>Billy nods in response hoping that Harold and Gwen realize that as well. He can only hope that they do.  </p><p>“Bro, when are you going to ask her to dance with you?” JJ asks Asher coming over to pour himself a cup of fruit punch slightly out of breath from dancing.  </p><p>“She’s been dancing with Layla and their friends.” Asher says shrugging.  </p><p>“Yeah, but she came here with <em> you. </em>” JJ tells him with a scoff.   </p><p>“I know.” He says embarrassed.  </p><p>“Well then go ask her.” JJ shouts over the slow song that starts playing through the speakers behind them pushing Asher lightly out onto the dance floor.  </p><p> Asher walks timidly up to Olivia tapping on the shoulder taking a deep breath. She turns around smiling warmly at him. </p><p>“Hi.” She says above the music. </p><p>“Hey.” He calls back taking her hand. “Would you like to dance?” He questions holding his breath waiting for her answer.  </p><p>“I thought you’d never ask.” She answers her smile widening.  </p><p>She loops her arms around his neck interlacing her fingers to rest against the back of his neck gently. He places her hands on her waist timidly returning her smile. He takes in the scent of her soft floral perfume as she steps in a little closer to him.  </p><p>“This has been the best school dance I ever been to.” Olivia admits resting her head on his shoulder. Asher nods in agreement even though this is the first one that he has ever been too. But having Olivia as his date has made for the perfect night.  </p><p>They stay in each other’s arms even after the slow song ends and the DJ’s voice sounds through the speakers loudly lost in their own little world. If only they could stay there. </p><p>“So, kids I hope you’ve had a great time tonight! This is the last song and I hope to see you all out there dancing to it!” The DJ exclaims excitedly pressing play on his laptop.  </p><p>Olivia and Asher smile excitedly at each other as the beginning beats of the <em> Cupid Shuffle  </em>blare through the speakers. Olivia grabs his hand pulling him into the line forming in front of them alongside Jordan and Layla.  </p><p>“Yes, boys I’ve been waiting for this song all night!” JJ shouts over the loud music elbowing his way into the line in between Jordan and Asher. </p><p>They finish dancing to the song out of breath but with smiles spreading across their faces. Olivia grabs Asher’s hand as the crowd around them begins to walk off the dance floor and they follow.   </p><p>*** </p><p>The red and blue lights flash through the trees that line the street illuminating the dark street in fluorescent color. Billy and Laura share a look of concern as they drive closer to the lights realizing that they are coming from Asher’s house.  </p><p>As Billy pulls the car into the Adams’ driveway Laura turns in her seat to Asher who is sitting once again in the backseat in between Jordan and Olivia with a look of fear spreading over his shadowed features.  </p><p>“Ash—” Laura starts as Asher’s lets out a gasp climbing over Olivia to jump out of the car as Billy pulls up behind the police car coming to a stop. </p><p>“Mom!” Asher yells running up the front steps two at a time toward his mom. “What’s going on?” He questions panic rising in his voice.  </p><p>“It’s okay baby.” Gwen tells him pulling him for a hug her voice shaking.  </p><p>“Gwen?” Laura asks a worried expression on her face stepping up next to her best friend glancing over her shoulder to where Billy is talking to Harold who is in the back of the police car and then over to where the twins are huddled together in the backseat. “What happened?” She inquires placing an arm gently on Gwen’s forearm.    </p><p>“Asher, baby go inside for me okay. I’ll be there in just a minute.” Gwen instructs her son softly cupping her hand under his chin so she can look him in the eyes. The fear she finds in his wide blue eyes makes her heart constrict. At his hesitation to move she pulls him in close to her once more. “I’m fine baby I promise.” She reassures him watching him with worry etched deep into her features as he slips inside without a word or without looking toward his dad. <em> God </em> <em>  how did this happen </em> she thinks turning her attention back to Laura attempting a smile.  </p><p>“Gwen, what happened?” Laura tries again placing her hand once more on Gwen’s forearm she gives it a gentle squeeze to let her know that she is there and ready to listen.  </p><p>Gwen places her hand over mouth pondering how to explain exactly what did happen. She runs a shaky hand through her hair taking a step forward to sit on the top step. She sighs when Laura follows her lead taking in a deep breath. Laura grabs her best friend’s hand hoping to send her the strength she is needing right now smiling sadly at her to explain. “Harold was out drinking again.” She finally whispers looking down at their linked hands noticing how her short bitten off nails compared to Laura’s manicured nails look out of place from her usual polished appearance.  </p><p>But like everything else in their life’s over this past year the cracks are beginning to show.  </p><p>“He’s been doing that a lot lately.” Laura observes brushing Gwen’s fallen hair out of her face to look her in the eye gasping when she sees the bruising on her cheek. “Oh, Gwen what happened?” She says reaching for her other hand squeezing them both tightly. “You can tell me anything.” Laura assures her taking a cautious look toward the police car and Harold sitting without handcuffs on in the backseat. </p><p>“He called me to come get him because his friends wanted to stay longer, and he didn’t.” Gwen explains after a few moments of silence taking in a shuddering breath. “I was so angry with him. I told him I didn’t want alcohol around Asher at least not in the amount that he drinks it. But he won’t listen to anything I have to say about it. Ever since Collin died it’s all he does.” Gwen explains her anger from their fight returning with each word.  </p><p>“Then what happened?” Laura asks encouraging her to continue.  </p><p>“We fought all the way home and then when we got inside too. He stumbled onto the couch and I was tired, so I was going to lay down until Asher got home. I went to move passed him and I tripped on the rug and fell into the coffee table. But I swear to you Laura that Harold didn’t hit me. I wouldn’t stay if he did. It was just an accident. I guess that the neighbors heard all of the commotion and got worried.” Gwen explains glancing up at hearing footsteps approach. </p><p>“Good evening, ma'am.” The police officer greets tipping his hat toward them. “Are you wanting to press charges against your husband Mrs. Adams?” He asks gesturing back toward the car his eyes growing serious as he takes out his notepad.  </p><p>“What? Charges?” Gwen asks shocked her eyes widening.  </p><p>“Gwen, sweetheart Harold could be charged with domestic violence.” Laura explains gently. </p><p>“But he didn’t hit me.” Gwen exclaims recoiling her hands from Laura’s straightening her slouched posture. </p><p>“Are you sure he didn’t ma’am.” The police officer asks in a skeptical tone.  </p><p>“I promise.” She answers with a determined nod as Laura places her hand on her knee.  </p><p>“Okay, if you’re sure. But if you ever need us again don’t hesitate to call.” He says with a nod handing her his card with his personal cellphone number on it. “Does he have somewhere to stay tonight?” He asks looking over to Harold.  </p><p>“How about the guest house?” Laura offers nudging Gwen.  </p><p>“Yeah that’d be fine.” Gwen agrees staring down at her lap. </p><p>“Have a good night ma’am.” The police officer tips his hat once more turning on his heel to explain the situation to his partner.  </p><p>“Gwen I can come back once we get the twins settled at home.” Laura tells her wrapping her arm around her best friend’s trembling shoulders watching as Billy helps Harold down the pathway to the back of the house where the guest house is.  </p><p>“No, you don’t have to do that. We’ll be fine.” Gwen tells her meeting her eyes. “I should go check on Asher he missed his migraine medicine.” She explains standing up.  </p><p>“Oh, I forgot about that.” Laura says standing up alongside her.  </p><p>“That’s okay he didn’t want to take it before the dance because it makes him sleepy.” Gwen explains with a small smile looking toward the open front door.  </p><p>“Oh, okay.” Laura whispers following her friend’s gaze. “Look, Gwen if you or Asher need anything call us please. I don’t care what time it is.” Laura assures her pulling her in for one last hug. </p><p>“I will.” Gwen nods pulling back taking a step toward the front door. “Talk to you in the morning then?” Gwen asks reaching her hand out toward the doorknob.  </p><p>“Of course.” Laura nods lingering on the steps for a moment longer after Gwen slips in the house. With a tired sigh she makes her way to the car smiling at the twins as she gets in waiting for Billy to get back to the car before explaining to them what had happened.  </p><p>She glances back up at the house as Billy rounds the corner walking down the driveway with a deep frown on his face. She hopes that Asher and Gwen will be okay tonight. She can only hope.  </p><p>Gwen steps into kitchen to find Asher with his head laying down on the table using his arms as a pillow.  </p><p>“You have another migraine baby?” Gwen asks softly rubbing the back of his neck. </p><p>“Just a small one.” Asher whispers wincing at the sound of his own voice.  </p><p>“Go get changed into your pajamas. Okay? And I will be right there with your medicine.” Gwen instructs gently keeping her voice low knowing that if Asher admitted to having a migraine then it was an intense one already. She helps him up out of the chair watching sympathetically as he stumbles down the hallway until he disappears into his bedroom.  </p><p>She hurriedly grabs the pill bottle from the cabinet and a bottle of water from the fridge. She hastily runs cold water over a washcloth in the bathroom sink wringing out the excess water before going into Asher’s room.  </p><p>Finding her son in the pitch dark room curled up into the fetal position with his eyes shut tightly and silent tears streaming down his face breaks her heart. She makes her way over to him quickly using the moonlight streaming in between the blinds to guide her way.  </p><p>“Here you go baby.” She tells him softly placing one of his migraine pills into his hand and uncapping the bottle of water for him. She watches as he takes it hurriedly wincing as he raises his head from the pillow. When he settles back down onto the pillow after she takes the water bottle from him, she places the cool washcloth over his eyes hoping that it will offer him some comfort from the pain.  </p><p>She settles onto the bed softly next to him hoping that she doesn’t jostle him too much causing him even more discomfort. She props her head up with her right hand her elbow resting on a pillow smoothing her left hand through his hair tenderly humming lightly willing his migraine to pass soon.  </p><p>Gwen straightens relaxing back against the headboard as she senses that Asher has finally drifted off to sleep once the medicine finally eased his migraine. </p><p>The migraines had started after the accident and all his scans had luckily came back clear. And the doctors had told them that his migraines were mostly caused by stress and lack of sleep. Which she knew this past week he hadn’t much sleep at all and then with the stress of tonight this migraine attack had been building up for a while.   </p><p>She peers down at her son while still smoothing her hand through his hair wishing that she could take all his pain away that wish growing more with each migraine that he had and with each terrible situation that he has to face. She could only wish. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So there it is Chapter 5! I hope you guys enjoyed it! :)<br/>If you would like leave me a comment down below and let me know your thoughts! Because I just love hearing what you guys think about my story! Did you enjoy the Ashivia content I included in this chapter? The scene of them kissing in a treehouse was one of the first things I thought of when planning out this story. :D<br/>I wanted to say a most sincere thank you to all of you who have read, left a kudo and have left such sweet comments on my story! It truly means the world to me and I appreciate each and everyone of you so so much! &lt;3<br/>I am hoping to have the next chapter up real soon. It will be called The Jersey and it will feature football tryouts, more of Asher and Jordan's friendship and of course more Ashivia content! ;D<br/>Take care.<br/>Thanks so very much, Kayla. &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Jersey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Making the Beverly High junior varsity football team would mean everything to Asher but most importantly it would mean following in his older brother, Collin's, footsteps. After finding himself in a frustrating sitution Asher quickly realizes that obtaining the jersey doesn't bring him all the happiness that he had hoped that it would.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, y'all I am finally back again with a new chapter! :D<br/>I am so sorry it took me so long to update!<br/>I hope y'all enjoy this chapter - it's a super long one at a little over 12,000 words!<br/>So I hope the length helps to make up for the long wait!<br/>This chapter really sets the stage and tone for the rest of the story.<br/>Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments it means  so much to me! </p><p>I have changed the rating to mature for the story which is more for the later chapters then this one. </p><p>P.S. I am back in my creative flow of writing so expect more chapters soon! :D</p><p>Please Note: This chapter involves scenes with the following topics: bullying, alcoholism and implied domestic abuse so if any those could be triggering to you in any way then please read with extra caution and care. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On the last Friday of summer vacation Asher, Jordan and JJ stand on the sidelines of the football field with the other freshmen hopefuls waiting anxiously to see if their names are on the list for the junior varsity football team as the early August sun beams down on them reddening their skin and making more sweat bead out across their foreheads. </p><p>“Alright. Listen up boys.” Calls Coach Baker’s booming voice sounding above the mummers of their conversations fading on the boys’ lips as they turn their attention over to him. “As your new coach I am happy to announce the players who made it onto this year’s Beverly High junior varsity team.” Billy announces glancing down at his clipboard.  </p><p><em> I have to make the team I just have to. </em> He thinks staring intently at the clipboard willing his name to be on the list as tension hangs in the air around him in the huddle biting his bottom lip until he can taste copper blood mixes with his saliva.   </p><p>“Jordan Baker is our QB 1.” Coach Baker announces the first name on the list a proud smile spreading across his face as he looks up from the list to his son. Asher has to refrain himself from rolling his eyes when Jordan pretends to be surprised when his name is called because there was no way he wasn’t making the team.  </p><p>“You got this Ash.” Jordan whispers encouraging his best friend before stepping up to stand beside his dad taking the jersey he hands him.  </p><p> With each name that is called from the list that isn’t his the dread that he won’t make the team builds inside him as his thoughts drift to all his missed catches from the last practice play from tryouts earlier. </p><p><em> I have </em> <em>  to make the team  </em> <em> I </em> <em>  just  </em> <em> have </em>  <em> to </em> <em> . </em> He thinks again crossing his arms in a huff. </p><p>“And...” Billy chuckles as he pauses for dramatic effect before reading the last name on the list. “JJ Parker will be our third linebacker.”  </p><p>“Yes!” JJ shouts running forward to excitedly high five Jordan as they congratulate each other before he pulls his jersey on with a bright smile.  </p><p>Asher glances away from his two friends and the team's celebrations his shoulders slumping in defeat as he turns around making his way to the sideline benches. Picking up his duffel bag from the pile he sighs as tears burn in his eyes. </p><p><em> My dad is going to be so disappointed in me </em>. He thinks pulling off his gloves in frustration.  </p><p> “Hey, Asher!” Billy calls jogging up to him with a wide smile. “Will you come with me to my office for a minute?” He asks clasping him on the shoulder studying his face intently. </p><p>“Um, sure.” Asher nods slightly shoving his gloves into the pocket on the outside of his duffel bag before following Billy off the field.   </p><p>“Take a seat Ash.” Billy tells him as he rounds the desk to his chair placing his clipboard down on the mountain of papers piled atop his desk.  </p><p>“Am I in trouble?” Asher asks hesitantly as he scoots stiffly back in the chair his feet dangling an inch above the floor.  </p><p>“What? No of course you’re not.” Billy says with a light chuckle shaking his head.  </p><p>“Oh, okay.” Asher mumbles with a shrug glancing around the office his eyes falling on the team picture from two years ago. He blinks as his vision becomes blurry when his eyes land on his brother kneeling in the front row. “Um, if it’s okay I would like to try out again next year for the team.” Asher offers dropping his eyes from the picture to meet Billy’s warm eyes.  </p><p>“There’s no need for that.” Billy assures him holding up his hand glancing down at his clipboard.  </p><p>“But—” Asher starts before being cut off. </p><p>“You made the team Asher.” Billy tells him meeting his eyes with the same wide smile from before out on the field. </p><p>“I did?” Asher questions in surprise his eyes widening. </p><p>“Of, course you did. You were great out there today Ash.” Billy assures him clasping his hands in front of him resting them gently on his desk.  </p><p>“But I missed all those catches.” Asher explains still not understanding how he made the team.  </p><p>“Only because you were trying to catch throws that were never going to make it to you.” Billy explains with a chuckle. At Asher’s confused look he explains further. “I knew you were on the team after the first day of tryouts. So earlier today I wanted to see what the other boys were capable of since I had decided you were already on the team.” Billy tells him.  </p><p>“Oh, I thought I didn’t make the team.” Asher says breathing out a long breath still stunned at the news that he made the team.  </p><p>“Well you did so believe it bud.” Billy tells him with a bright smile. “But, there’s only one problem.” Billy admits glancing down once more at his clipboard. “You left the number selection blank on the signup sheet, so I went ahead and picked a number out for your jersey.” He explains rummaging through his desk drawer for the jersey. “Now, if you want a different number then this one it’s no problem to change it.” He explains unfolding the fabric and laying it out so Asher can see the number. “The principal and the old coach retired your brother’s number after the accident. But I thought since you were going to be playing that you may want to wear it. Principal Landon said it was okay.” Billy explains carefully watching Asher’s face as a look of hurt mixed with guilt crosses over it before fading into a look of determination as he sees his brother’s number printed on the jersey. </p><p>“I would be honored to wear his number.” Asher tells him with a determined nod his eyes never leaving the jersey. “But can I ask my dad about it first.” He asks flicking his eyes up for a brief second his voice coming out nervous.  </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah of course you can Ash.” Billy tells him with a smile as a knock sounds on the office door and he looks up to find Assistant Coach Davis standing there. “Now, you better make your way out to the van. Laura has already texted me twice wondering where you are.” Billy explains watching as Asher jumps up quickly from his chair and carefully picks up the jersey from his desk before disappearing out the door without a look back. </p><p>Billy nods towards Davis offering him the seat that Asher just vacated. As they settle into their seats to go over their game plan for the upcoming season a small, timid knock sounding on the door pulls them from their discussion about offense and defense strategies. With a sigh Billy gets up from his desk to open it to find Asher standing there anxiously twisting the fabric of the jersey in his hands.  </p><p>“Yes, Asher?” Billy prompts at seeing a question forming on his lips. </p><p>“Um, I forgot to ask what position I will be playing.” Asher explains casting his eyes to the floor shifting his weight from foot to foot nervously.  </p><p>“You’re going to be our wide receiver.” Billy tells him smiling. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Asher asks hesitantly finally looking up.  </p><p>“Yes, Ash I’m sure. Like I said before you’re a really great player and now all you need to do is believe in yourself.” Billy tells him hoping that he can convince Asher that what he is saying is true. </p><p>“Okay.” Asher says turning slightly around in the doorway. “Thanks, Billy. I mean Coach Baker.” Asher calls over his shoulder as he rushes out of the locker not wanting to keep Laura waiting any longer.  </p><p>“You’re welcome Asher. Just remember to believe in yourself.” Billy calls after him as he shuts the door before settling back behind his desk sending a quick text to Laura to let her know that Asher is on his way before turning his attention back to the playbook as he and Assistant Coach Davis begin working once again on their game plan for the coming season. </p><p>Asher bounds up the stairs to the parking lot when two strong hands pull him back forcefully by his shoulders. He lets out a shocked gasp as he trips over his own feet landing hard scraping his knees and the palms of his hands against the concrete.  </p><p>“Well, what do we have here?” A voice snarls from above him. “Little Adams thinks he can play football now.” The voice chuckles mockingly grabbing the jersey roughly away from Asher’s right hand away.  </p><p>“Give it back.” Asher pleas reaching for the jersey as it is pulled back from his reach. </p><p>“Number eighty-three.” The same voice observes letting out a low whistle. “He thinks he can actually play like his brother did.” The voice taunts laughing as the other voices join in on the laughter.  </p><p>The hit to his eye comes without any warning and brings tears to Asher’s eyes but he bites his lips not wanting to show them any of his pain or fear.  </p><p>“Tell Coach you don’t want to wear this number or there will be consequences.” The same voice threatens as another punch is thrown to his ribs knocking the breath from Asher’s lungs.  </p><p>He keeps his head down as one of them dumps the contents of his duffel bag out onto the ground beside him followed by his jersey that they each stomp on as they walk away. </p><p>He stays on the ground for a few minutes catching his breath before picking up the jersey and his other stuff off the ground shoving it all back into his duffel bag with shaky hands. </p><p>Sliding open the van door he climbs into the backseat scooting over to the middle he mumbles an apology to Laura for keeping them waiting.  </p><p>“What the hell happened to your face Ash?” Jordan questions from the second row where he sits next to JJ when he sees the dark bruise forming around Asher’s right eye his smile fading. </p><p>JJ follows his gaze his own smile slipping into a frown and the punch line of his joke forgotten as concern fills him for their friend.  </p><p>“Language Jordan.” Laura scolds from the driver seat turning around taking off her sunglasses. </p><p>“Sorry mom.” Jordan apologizes over his shoulder his eyes never leaving Asher’s face.  </p><p>Olivia turns around to follow her mom’s gaze back to Asher and they both gasp at the same time when they see Asher’s black eye. </p><p>“What happened Asher?” Olivia asks him in a gentler tone than her twin did.  </p><p>“Butler got me with his elbow when he was putting on his helmet. It’s no big deal really.” Asher explains with a shrug hoping to dismiss their worry. </p><p>“I’ll get you some ice when we get back to the house.” Laura explains sending Asher a soft smile before pulling out of the parking lot. </p><p>“But you made the team, though right?” JJ questions searching Asher’s face. At his nod JJ’s smile returns. “Hell, yes! Oh, sorry Mrs. B.” His says meeting Laura's eyes in the rearview mirror as she arches her eyebrow at him. “We are going to be unstoppable this year!” JJ exclaims excitedly turning around to high five Asher then Jordan.  </p><p>“If you say so JJ.” Asher sighs as Jordan and JJ turn back around going back to their conversation from before his black eye forgotten for now.  </p><p><em> Are you sure you’re okay Ash?  </em>Olivia texts Asher once the attention is off him.     </p><p><em> Yeah, I’m okay Liv. Promise </em>. Asher texts back which takes him a few attempts to type out with his still shaking fingers.  </p><p><em> Tell Coach you don’t want to wear this number or there will be consequences.  </em>The threat from the varsity team players rings over and over in his mind the whole car ride to the Baker’s.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“You can get in if you want to Liv.” Asher tells her gesturing toward the pool as he settles back into one of the lounge chairs by the pool shielding his eyes against the bright sun as he looks up at her.  </p><p>“No, I’m good.” Olivia assures him sitting down next to him in the chair handing him the ice wrapped in a dishtowel that her mom had gotten for him before she disappeared into her office. She floats her gaze out to the pool watching Jordan and JJ race each other from side of the pool to the other in amusement. “Those two never stop do they.” Olivia observes with a laugh shaking her head slightly.  </p><p>“No, they never do.” Asher agrees with a small laugh placing the ice gingerly under his eye as Olivia leans back in the chair next to him.  </p><p>Asher wraps his left arm loosely around her when she lays her head against his chest leaning into the warmth that she brings him.  </p><p>An easy silence falls between them as they continue to watch Jordan and JJ in the pool the sun shining on them making their eyes heavy. </p><p>The ice melts quickly under the hot California sun the relieve it gives Asher from the throbbing pain under his eye only a temporary solution. Asher lays the soaked dishtowel onto the small table by the lounge chair carefully to not disturb Olivia. He peers down at her with half closed eyes a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he runs his hand softly through her curly hair.  </p><p>Olivia blinks the sleep from her eyes lifting her head from his chest as she interlaces her fingers through Asher’s studying his face taking in his clenched jaw and the dark bruise around his right eye.  </p><p>“Are you sure you’re okay Ash?” She whispers in his ear giving his hand a gentle squeeze.  </p><p>“I’m fine Liv.” Asher assures her with a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes squeezing her hand back.  </p><p>Olivia nods at his answer not wanting to press him anymore. “Gloria made some lemonade if you want some.” She tells him sitting up still holding onto his hand. </p><p>“Yeah. That sounds good.” He agrees as she pulls him up with her following her into the house.  </p><p>Olivia smiles over at Asher who is standing across from her on the other side of the kitchen island as she takes a long drink of lemonade a light blush creeping across her cheeks as she thinks how good he looks with his hair grown out.  </p><p>“What?” Asher questions returning her smile nervously pushing back his longer bangs that had fallen into his eyes. </p><p>“I was just thinking we have a few minutes to ourselves if you want to—” She trails off looking toward her mom’s closed office door and then to her dad outside at the grill. “Well, you know.” She says almost shyly taking his hand.  </p><p>“Um, yeah.” He says with a nod letting her lead him quietly up the stairs to her bedroom.  </p><p>Sitting on the edge of her bed with their knees pressed together their kisses are soft at first each of them working up the courage to explore each other more. </p><p>Asher brushes Olivia’s long hair behind her shoulder leaving the sweet taste of her strawberry lip balm covered lips behind momentarily to leave a trail of featherlight kisses down the soft skin of neck before kissing her lips once more.  </p><p>Before Asher can gently push her hand away Olivia smooths her hand under his shirt and up his stomach her touch causing goosebumps to form on his arms. She stills with her hand on his ribs when she feels him pull back slightly taking in a sharp breath. She opens her eyes to find him covering his wince with a tight smile.  </p><p>“Are you okay?” She whispers against his lips.  </p><p>“Never better.” He whispers back against hers with a small smile.  </p><p>“Are you <em> sure </em>?” She asks leaning back slightly to look him straight in the eyes.  </p><p>“Liv—” He starts before she cuts him off.  </p><p>“Asher what really happened? Where did you get those bruises from?” Olivia asks pulling back putting distance in between them worry etched deep into her soft features. “And don’t you dare lie to me.” She warns crossing her arms over her chest.  </p><p>“It really was just Butler, Liv.” Asher whispers not meeting her gaze pulling the hem of his shirt down.  </p><p>“So, he elbowed you in the ribs too?” Olivia accuses knowing that there is a bruise along his ribs to match the dark one under his eye. </p><p>“Liv, please I’m okay.” He tells her with a sigh hoping she’ll just let it go.  </p><p>“I know that Butler didn’t give you those bruises Asher.” She exclaims arching her eyebrow. “I can ask my mom and dad to help you with whatever is going on. You know they will.” She offers standing up to walk toward the door.  </p><p>Asher grabs her wrist in a gentle plea not a tight threat to stop her from telling her parents.  </p><p>“Please, Liv. I’ll be okay. I promise.” Asher pleas with her dropping his gaze to the floor.  </p><p>“I’m worried about you Ash.” Olivia admits curling her toes into the carpet biting her lip nervously.  </p><p>“I should go.” He decides standing up abruptly letting go of her wrist as he walks around her to the door. “I’ll text you later Liv.” He calls over his shoulder not able to look her in the eyes.  </p><p>Because he knows if he took one glance into those caring brown eyes of hers that he would break down and tell her the truth.  </p><p>And he couldn’t tell anyone not even Olivia the truth about how he got the bruises.  </p><p>He vanishes from the doorway and out the front door before she can gather her thoughts and call him back her mind spinning with all the scenarios that could have caused his bruises.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“Okay. What’s up with you two?” Billy finally asks as he looks between the twins after he finishes his second serving of barbecue ribs since they both have been unusually quite during dinner. “Your mom and I usually have to play referee to make you both talk one at a time.” He recalls wiping the barbecue sauce from his hands looking at them for an answer.  </p><p>Jordan and Olivia share a look across the table and Jordan shrugs not answering. Olivia sighs deciding to tell their parents what’s on both of their minds.  </p><p>“We’re worried about Asher.” Olivia whispers sitting her fork down beside her untouched plate of food.  </p><p>Billy and Laura share a look across the table since Laura had filled him on the black eye that Asher had when he got into the car and he told her that he hadn’t had it when he was in his office.  </p><p>“I thought he said that Butler accidentally gave it to him.” Laura says remembering how Asher wouldn’t meet their eyes as he explained how he had gotten the black eye. </p><p>“He has a bruise on his ribs too.” Olivia reveals her eyes widening at her own admission.  </p><p>“How do you know that?” Laura asks her brow furrowing since she knew that Asher hadn’t gotten into the pool with Jordan and JJ.  </p><p>“We were um...” Olivia stammers out trailing off embarrassed her ears and cheeks burning.  </p><p>“We’ll talk about that later.” Laura decides sending Billy a pointed look at seeing his lips pulled into a tight line before she pats her daughter’s forearm knowing what she was about to say. </p><p>“What if it’s his dad?” Jordan voices his darkest fear about his best friend’s bruises. At seeing the shocked expressions his family send him he explains further. “I mean we all know how his dad is about football.” He says with a shrug.  </p><p>“But his dad wasn’t at practice though.” Olivia states drumming her fingers nervously against the table. </p><p>“Yeah but we don’t how long he has had the bruise on his ribs.” Jordan reminds her.  </p><p>“True.” She agrees the same fear gripping her brother now grips her too.  </p><p><em> What if it his dad? </em> She thinks a shiver running down her spine.  </p><p>“I’ll talk to Gwen on Monday after Harold goes to work and Asher goes to school. I have a late case that morning anyway.” Laura decides sipping her wine. “Now eat please.” She tells both the kids with what she hopes is an assuring smile.  </p><p>Her and Billy share one last look of silent desperation across the table after the seed of doubt has been planted in both of their minds that Harold could be abusing Asher.   </p><p>*** </p><p>“Asher are you feeling okay?” Gwen asks her son cautiously across the table staring at the bruise under his eye with worry not sure if he had told her the truth about how he got it.  </p><p>“Yeah I’m okay mom.” He says with a small smile sitting up a little straighter in his chair.  </p><p>“You haven’t touched your dinner. Spaghetti was always your favorite.” Gwen observes staring at him in concern.  </p><p>“It looks great mom.” Asher tells her twirling some of the noodles around his fork without taking a bite. “I’m just tired.” He says laying his fork down not having the stomach to eat sending her an empathic smile.  </p><p>“Okay.” She says with a nod not wanting to push him. She watches with sad expression on her face as Harold comes through the front door and stops by the fridge for a beer. </p><p>“So, how was football tryouts? Did you make the team?” Harold asks Asher as he slides into his seat piling his plate with spaghetti. </p><p>Asher tenses at his dad’s questions because it is the most that he has willingly said to him in the two years since his brother died. “Um, yeah I made the team.” Asher tells him quietly. </p><p>“That’s my boy.” Harold exclaims clasping him on the shoulder. “So, what are Coach Baker’s plans for you?” He asks with actual joy dancing in his eyes not even noticing Asher’s black eye.  </p><p>“Um, I’m not really sure yet. I'm going to be the wide receiver though.” Asher explains carefully watching his dad’s face for any sign of anger with his dad’s hand on his shoulder feeling heavier with each passing second.  </p><p>“Just like Collin. Not to pressure you but your brother was one hell of a wide receiver.” His dad says proudly dropping his hand from his son’s shoulder to take a drink of beer. “Will you be starting the games?” He asks taking a bite of spaghetti.   </p><p>“Yeah he was.” Asher mumbles sadly rubbing at his throbbing temples. “I’m not sure yet.” Asher answers tiredly.  </p><p><em> Tell Coach you don’t want to wear this number or there will be consequences.  </em>The threat from before ringing in his ears again causing a knot to form in his stomach.  </p><p>“I think that’s enough questions for now Harold.” Gwen explains looking over symmetrically at Asher.  </p><p>“I’ll stop asking my son questions when I’m damn good and ready!” Harold shouts slamming his hand down on the table causing the silverware to clank loudly against the plates and causing Asher to jump.  </p><p>“Don’t yell at mom!” Asher yells at his dad through gritted teeth angrily standing up from the table his chair scraping loudly against the hardwood floor.  </p><p>“It’s fine baby.” His mom interjects placing a gentle hand on his forearm hoping to calm the situation before it escalates further.  </p><p>“No, it’s not. Nothing is ever going to be fine again mom.” Asher scoffs pulling his arm away from his mom’s hold. </p><p> He stomps away from the table, away from the questions, away from the pressure, away from everything slamming his bedroom door forcefully.  </p><p>“Did you even notice his black eye Harold?” Gwen asks anger seething through her as she pushes her chair back from the table throwing her napkin on top of her plate.  </p><p>She turns away from him as he opens his mouth then closes it his lips forming a tight line the guilt filling him as he realizes he hadn’t even noticed his son’s black eye. </p><p>“Well maybe next time you will take the time to ask your son how he is before all you talk to him about is football.” She exclaims sending him one last disgusted look as she leaves the kitchen making her way down the hall to her son. </p><p>“Go away.” Asher says to the soft knock on the door clutching the pillow tighter to his chest.  </p><p>“It’s just me.” His mom reveals as she opens the door slowly.  </p><p>Asher sighs as he glances up to his mom seeing the worry in her eyes. He rolls over onto his side away from her not wanting to discuss any more about his bruises, football tryouts or anything else. He feels the mattress dip slightly as his mom sits next to him.  </p><p>Gwen opens her mouth to offer words of comfort to her son but closes it knowing that what he needs most right now is just her presence.  </p><p>She threads her fingers through his hair humming a song she used to sing to her boys when they were younger and were upset.  </p><p>Gwen stills when she feels Asher’s shoulders start to shake and when she hears the small whimper that escapes past his lips covered by the back of his hand.  </p><p>“Oh, baby it’s okay.” She comforts her son pulling him against her chest shushing his sobs as the tears flow uncontrollably down his cheeks.  </p><p>Gwen’s heart breaks at seeing her son cry like this. She knows that something is so wrong, and she wants so badly to fix it. But for now, all she knows to do is just hold her son.  </p><p>*** </p><p>The next morning Asher stands in front of the full-length mirror hanging on the back of the bathroom door holding the jersey up against his chest his eyes locking onto the red number standing out against the dark blue fabric.    </p><p><em> Eighty Three.  </em>His brother's favorite number. His brother’s football number.  </p><p>He hadn't told anyone but deep down he had so wanted to one day wear his brother's football number, but he never thought it would be possible.  </p><p>He flicks his eyes up to his reflection finding that his black eye looks even darker in the dim yellow light of the bathroom.  </p><p><em> Tell Coach you don’t want to wear this number or there will be consequences. </em>  </p><p>The threat from yesterday running through his mind once more at seeing the bruise.  </p><p>He blinks rapidly to stop his thoughts from spiraling any further replacing their threats with some of the last words his brother ever spoke to him minutes before the accident.  </p><p><em> " </em> <em> Dad's right you can be as great as me one day at football or maybe even better but only if that's what you want. I don’t want you to feel pressure into playing because I did. Don't ever play for anyone other than yourself, Ash." </em>  </p><p>Remembering his promise he made to Collin that day that he would always play for himself an intense look of determination settles onto his face and in his eyes as he decides to add one more person to the list - his brother.  </p><p>“Dad?” Asher questions cautiously stepping beside his dad’s recliner hiding the jersey behind his back.  </p><p>Harold only grunts in reply keeping his eyes trained on the documentary he’s watching that he can’t remember the name of or what it is even about as he takes another long drink of his fourth beer the bright glint of the morning sun starting to dull and the faces on the television starting to blur.  </p><p>Asher gulps in a shaky breath swallowing thickly against the lump forming in his throat. “I-I” Asher stammers out taking in a deep breath to calm his nerves. “Billy, I mean Coach Baker gave me a jersey yesterday and he said I could change the number if I wanted to, but I told him I wanted to ask you about if first. .” Asher explains breathlessly his heart pounding in his ears as he waits for his dad’s answer. </p><p>“Well let’s see it.” Harold says gruffly turning off the television in annoyance sliding his glassy eyes over to his son. </p><p>Asher nods timidly holding out the jersey in front of him watching the realization cross his dad's face before it twists up in anger at seeing Collin’s number printed on the jersey. </p><p>“Why the <em> hell  </em>did Billy give you that number it was your brother’s.” HIs dad states through gritted teeth.  </p><p>“He said that he thought since I was playing that I might want to wear his number.” Asher explains lowering the jersey from his dad’s heated gaze his arms falling limply at his sides.  </p><p>“Well you’re giving it back because you are not wearing Collin’s number.” Harold tells him anger edging into his voice shaking his head.  </p><p>“Why?” Asher questions a look of hurt flashing through his blue eyes. </p><p>“Because you’re never going to be able to play as great as him Asher.” His dad sneers cracking open another beer turning away from his son.  </p><p>“But Coach said—” Asher tries to explain his voice breaking as tears gather in the corners of his eyes.  </p><p>“I don’t care what he told you. You’re giving the jersey back.” Harold tells him through gritted teeth grabbing the jersey roughly out of Asher’s hands throwing it down at his feet. He turns away from his son turning the television back on sinking deeper into the recliner deciding he will be drinking his self into a numb oblivion before noon.  </p><p> Asher stays frozen in his spot his dad’s words replaying over and over in his mind above the high volume of the TV.  </p><p>Hearing the front door unlock signaling that his mom is back from the grocery store it pulls him from his stupor. He picks the jersey up off the carpet and disappears down the hall to his room. </p><p>Before his mom knows that something is wrong and she tries to fix it. </p><p> *** </p><p>On Monday morning like she promised her kids she would Laura finds herself standing nervously outside of the Adams’ house for a long five minutes before she works up enough nerve to ring the doorbell. She takes a deep breath and straightens her posture as she waits for Gwen to open the door.  </p><p>“How could you?” She accuses when her best friend appears onto the porch next to her. When Gwen opens her mouth to ask what she is talking about Laura cuts her off before she can. “You told me that if Harold was abusing you or Asher that you would leave. That you wouldn’t stay with him.” Laura exclaims crossing her arms over her chest her eyes narrowing more with each word. </p><p>“Laura what in the world are you talking about?” Gwen asks her brow furrowing in confusion. </p><p>“Friday after football tryouts Asher had a black eye and the only thing he would tell me was that another teammate gave it to him. But then we found out he had a bruise on his ribs too.” Laura explains her words coming out sharply.  </p><p>“So, your first instinct was to think my son was lying and to accuse Harold of abusing him?” Gwen questions shaking her head in disbelief. “He told me the same thing that another teammate gave him the black eye. He said it was just an accident.” Gwen explains her voice strained. </p><p>“So, I’m guessing he didn’t tell you about his bruised ribs then.” Laura guesses watching as Gwen drops her gaze and bites her bottom lip. </p><p>“No, he didn’t.” Gwen admits quietly as concern fills her for her son. </p><p>“Look Gwen if something is going on you know I can help you.” Laura offers. </p><p>“Harold doesn’t hit Asher or me.” Gwen tells her meeting her gaze once more. “He drinks a lot yes. But he wouldn’t hit us. And like I promised you I wouldn’t stay with him if he ever did.” Gwen explains desperation filling her voice urging her best friend to believe her.  </p><p>“Well I hope all that is true.” Laura tells her sending her a steely gaze. “Because I won’t stand by and watch as my best friend and godson are abused.” Laura explains the emotion thick in her voice at the very thought of them being.  </p><p>She turns on her heel leaving Gwen to stare after her with her mouth hanging open in shock. </p><p>Gwen stands on the porch long after Laura pulls out of the driveway the seed of doubt planted firmly in her own mind that maybe her husband could be abusing their son.   </p><p> *** </p><p>Asher pulls his jersey on quickly in his rush to get to practice. He was already fifteen minutes late for warmups because he had to stay late after school to take a make up test for algebra.  </p><p>Heading out the locker room door he curses under his breath when he realizes that he forgot his gloves in his locker dropping his duffel bag by the door he turns on his heel to grab them hastily.  </p><p>He runs out to the field grimacing as he sees the rest of the team is already running laps.  </p><p>“I'm sorry Coach. I-“ Asher starts to explain but stops when he sees the disapproving look that Coach Baker sends him.  </p><p>“Practice started twenty minutes ago Asher.” Billy tells him turning his gaze back out to the practice field crossing his arms over his chest.  </p><p>“Yeah I know. I'm sorry.” Asher apologizes feeling heat spread across his cheeks. “I had to take a make up test.” He explains flatly.  </p><p>“Just don't be late again.” Billy states his gaze softening a little at Asher's mention of the make up test. “You owe me two extra laps today Ash.” He tells him gesturing toward the field. </p><p>Asher’s only answer is a sigh he lets out dropping his duffel bag by the bench along with the other bags before running out onto the field falling in pace with Jordan and JJ. </p><p> The shrill sound of Coach Baker's whistle from across the field halts them all in the middle of their last practice play. </p><p>“Alright, that's enough for today boys. Bring it in.” He instructs them waving them over. “Great job out there today team.” He compliments as they make their way to sidelines as the varsity team starts to file from the locker room and out onto the field.  </p><p>“Hey Ash.” Jordan greets jogging up to him wiping the sweat from his forehead with a towel from his duffel bag. “You know if you ever need anything I’m here right?” Jordan asks in an effort to reassure his best friend and himself following Asher’s gaze out to the practice field where the varsity team is warming up for their practice.  </p><p>“Yeah, I know Jay. Thanks.” Asher tells him nodding his eyes never leaving the varsity team.  </p><p>“Are you okay?” Jordan asks noticing Asher’s wince when he lifts his water bottle up to take a drink.  </p><p>“Yeah. Just sore from practice.” He explains with a tight smile to cover his pained expression. “I guess I am just still feeling JJ’s tackle.” He recalls with a shrug.   </p><p>“Yeah that was one insane hit that’s for sure.” Jordan agrees following Asher’s gaze once more out across the practice field to the varsity team who are now running laps. “That’s going to be us one day.” Jordan says clasping Asher on the shoulder.  </p><p>“Yeah if only I can start catching more of your throws.” Asher sighs remembering his grandpa’s words from years before making his ears ring and his shoulders slump in defeat.  </p><p><em> I won’t be able to make my parents proud of me if I can’t catch the damn ball. </em> Asher thinks feeling frustrated with himself.  </p><p>“Hey, you got most of them today. For the last ones my arm was just getting tired. You’re doing really great out there on the field.” Jordan assures him slinging his arm over his shoulders. “Are you coming to our house for dinner tonight?” He asks as they make their way off the field.  </p><p>“Um, I have a lot of homework. So, maybe tomorrow?” Asher explains readjusting the strap of his duffel bag on his shoulder.  </p><p>“Yeah, sure thing.” Jordan tells him eyeing him carefully before he turns making his way to start his homework on the bench outside of his dad’s office as he waits for his dad to finish with the varsity team’s practice.  </p><p>Asher sighs exhaling a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding while talking to Jordan making his way to shower knowing that his dad was working late, and he wouldn’t be there to pick him up for a while anyway.  </p><p>After his shower Asher steps cautiously out the door looking both ways to find that the coast is clear. He sighs stepping out deciding to go and talk with Jordan until his dad gets there when a hand on his shoulder makes him freeze. The hand forcefully spins him around making his head spin.  </p><p>“I thought we told you not to wear that number anymore.” The voice threatens Asher poking him in the chest hard with a index finger.  </p><p>“I-I uh—” Asher stammers out backing up against the brick wall.  </p><p>“I don’t think he took our threat seriously boys.” The same voice taunts looking over his shoulder at his three teammates all of them returning his dark smirk. “I think it’s time for us to teach him a lesson.”  </p><p>***  </p><p>Looking up from the notes he scrawled out during the varsity team’s practice about game plans for the defense Billy lays his clipboard down on his desk rummaging through the piles of papers which Laura has told him for months to organize for his tablet. Not finding it under the papers or in the drawers he sighs getting up from his desk tiredly.  </p><p>“Hey, Jay. I’m going out to the practice field for a minute to look for my tablet.” Billy tells his son receiving a slight nod from him as he walks past him.   </p><p>Heading down the steps to the practice field he walks over to the benches along the sidelines finding his tablet laying on the ground underneath them. He picks it up finding that it thankfully still turns on as his eyes catch the glimpse of a duffel bag laying on the ground over by the edge of the bleachers. He sighs making his way over to pick up the bag that he assumes one of the players must of left.  </p><p>Bending down to pick up the duffel bag he gasps when he sees Asher laying on the ground unmoving a few feet in front of him.  </p><p>“Asher?!” Billy calls out in alarm running over to his slumped body. He kneels next to him placing his hands gently on his shoulders to roll him over onto his back. “Hey, bud it’s just me. It’s me Billy.” He explains when Asher presses his bloodied palms against his chest in a weak effort to push him away in a panic. Billy’s mouth goes dry and his breath gets caught in his throat when he sees the amount of blood that is trickling from Asher’s mouth and nose. “Asher what happened?” He asks sitting the shaking boy up in his arms leaning him gently against his chest.  </p><p>“I-I’m s-sorry.” Asher whispers out brokenly blood dripping from his mouth as he does as tears stream down his face mixing with the dirt and blood on his cheeks.  </p><p>“You don’t have anything to be sorry for bud.” Billy tells him softly his brow furrowing deeper as he sees Asher's jersey that is ripped in several places down the front laying on the ground along with his duffel bag. “Let’s get you up. Okay?” He decides picking up Asher’s belongings before pulling him up gently with him from the ground. He pauses when Asher inhales sharply. “What’s wrong?” He asks peering down at him in concern.  </p><p>“I’m okay.” Asher breaths out once the sharp pain in his side subsides, he slips on a small smile to hide his wince.  </p><p>“Will you be able to walk all the way back to my office?” Billy asks letting Asher lean most of his weight on him. Asher sends him a determined nod taking a hesitant step forward blinking away the dark spots from his vision as they begin to walk off the field. </p><p>The walk back to Billy’s office is painfully long for Asher who tries several times to straighten his stance and to lift some of his weight off Billy but the sharp pain in his side stops him each time. He peers up at Billy through his blurred vision to find him smiling down at him. He lets out a sigh of relief when he realizes that Billy doesn’t seem to mind that he is half dragging and half carrying him down the sidewalk as the office finally comes in to view.  </p><p>“Jordan!” Billy yells as they walk through the door to the locker room.  </p><p>“Dad?” Jordan calls back sliding his notebook and textbook off his lap and onto the bench jumping up at hearing the urgency in his dad’s voice. “What happened Ash?” He asks running up to them fear icing through him at seeing his best friend in his current bloody state. He snakes an arm around Asher’s shoulders letting him lean some of his weight on him too.  </p><p>“It’s nothing Jay. I’m okay.” Asher tells him without any emotion in his voice.  </p><p>Billy and Jordan share an identical look of concern as they make their way into the nurse’s office.  </p><p>“Let’s get the blood cleaned off of you.” Billy tells Asher guiding him over to the exam table. He wets a towel hastily under the warm water streaming from the sink as Jordan helps Asher up onto the table.  </p><p>Asher stays silent as Jordan places a gentle hand on his shoulder for support.  </p><p>He winces and pulls away when Billy touches the towel to his lip. “Sorry bud.” Billy apologizes sympathetically wiping away the dried blood from his lip and chin as gently as he can. His eyes narrow at seeing the deep spilt on his bottom lip and the deep cut on the inside of his mouth where he guesses that he bit through with his top teeth. As soon as he wipes away the dried blood it’s replaced with fresh blood from both cuts.  </p><p>He moves his eyes up to Asher’s nose and inhales a sharp breath when he says the amount of blood still flowing steadily from it and the dark bruise forming across it.  </p><p>“Asher, we need to go get your nose and ribs x-rayed okay bud.” Billy tells him deciding that his injuries are too much for the First Aid Kit in the cabinet.  </p><p>“No. Please I’m okay. I promise. I just fell in the shower.” Asher says pulling away from them both his eyes widening at the idea of having to go to the Emergency Room.  </p><p>“Asher you can’t even sit up straight.” Billy observes eyeing Asher’s slumped posture carefully.  </p><p>“I’ll be okay.” Asher says trying to sit up straight but bends over in pain when a sharp pain shoots through his side. Once the pain subsides, he looks up into Billy and Jordan’s concerned faces and sighs. “I’ll go.” He decides knowing that at least one of his ribs is probably for sure broken. </p><p>“Okay. Let’s go.” Billy says with a nod sending him a small smile. He and Jordan both step up on either side of Asher and help him down from the table letting him take all the time he needs.  </p><p>Once they are in the car and on the way, Billy decides to call Gwen to let her know about Asher and he sighs knowing that it is going to be a hard call to make. </p><p>She picks up on the first ring. “Hi, Billy. I’m so sorry. I’m on my way. Harold got home late and forgot that it was his day to pick up Asher.” Gwen explains breathlessly almost running a stop sign in her haste to get to her son.  </p><p>“Gwen—” Billy tries to interject but she doesn’t hear him.  </p><p>“Tell him on my way. God, I can’t believe Harold did this. I’m so sorry.” Gwen continues braking at another stop sign.  </p><p>“Gwen I’m taking Asher to get his ribs and nose x-rayed.” Billy explains cautiously.  </p><p>“What? Why?” Gwen questions her heart racing at his words.  </p><p>“I’m not really sure what happened.” Billy admits sliding his glance over to Asher slumped in the front seat for a brief moment. “He’s going to be fine though.” He tries to assure her and himself.  </p><p>“Let me talk to my son. I need to hear his voice.” Gwen says panic searing through her at the thought of her son being hurt.  </p><p>“Mom I’m fine.” Asher tells her with a sigh when Billy hands him the phone. </p><p>“Asher honey what happened?” Gwen questions unable to hide the concern in her voice sighing in relief at hearing her son’s voice.” </p><p>“I just fell...” Asher explains trailing off the guilt from his lie filling him instantly.  </p><p>“I’ll be right there.” Gwen tells her son clicking off the call after turning down the next street taking a shortcut to the hospital.  </p><p>After parking in the first parking spot she finds in the Emergency Room parking lot she vaguely recognizes Billy’s car parked in a row closer to the door as she hurriedly makes her way to the automatic sliding door the same fear gripping her that iced through her two years ago when she rushed through the same automatic sliding doors after getting the call about the accident.  </p><p>Walking into the waiting room she steps up to the receptionist’s desk willing herself not to think about how that the last time she was here she lost her oldest son.  </p><p><em> I heard his voice. He sounded okay. </em>  </p><p>She tries to reason with herself taking in a deep breath before addressing the receptionist.  </p><p>“Hi, I’m here for my son Asher Adams. He was brought in by his football coach.” Gwen explains readjusting her purse strap on her shoulder her li.  </p><p>“Okay let me check.” The receptionist says barely taking her eyes off of her computer screen. “He’s had x-rays and he should be back in the trauma bay now.” The receptionist tells her with a small smile. “Do you have his insurance card with you?” She asks before Gwen can step away.  </p><p>“Um, yeah.” Gwen says reaching into her purse for her wallet with shaky hands. “Here you go.” She hands the card over to her tapping her fingers nervously against her thigh.  </p><p>“Okay. He’s in trauma bay one. It’s just to the left once you go through the door.” The receptionist tells her handing her the card back.  </p><p>“Thank you.” Gwen mumbles shoving the card and her wallet back into her purse not taking the time to zip it back. She has her hand on the doorknob before the receptionist can even push the button to unlock it.  </p><p> She pulls back the privacy curtain stepping quickly into the small space letting out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding when she sees Asher sitting up in the bed with a small smile on his face talking with Olivia who is standing next to him. Laura is standing behind her daughter typing away at her phone answering emails from her colleagues.  </p><p>“Asher? Are you okay?” She questions finally finding her voice against the lump forming in her throat as she takes in the dark bruise on her son’s nose and his swollen bottom lip. The blood has stopped now and has been cleaned off leaving his skin tinged a light pink.  </p><p>“Hi, mom. I’m fine.” He greets his smile slipping slightly embarrassment filling him with all eyes on him as Jordan and Billy step into the room behind his mom.  </p><p>“Oh, baby what happened?” Gwen asks stepping up to the bed taking his hand tears pricking the corner of her eyes.  </p><p>“Like I said mom I just fell.” Asher explains shifting uncomfortably on the bed under her gaze dropping his eyes down to his lap. </p><p>“Sweetheart we all know that isn’t what happened. Someone did this to you.” Gwen tells him softly squeezing his hand. Anger seething through her at the thought of someone hurting her son. She looks over her shoulder at Billy and then over to Laura both sending her identical sympathetic smiles.  </p><p>“Mom, I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter anyway.” Asher tells her pulling his hand away from hers to fidget nervously with the plastic ID band on his wrist.  </p><p>“Like <em> hell </em> it doesn’t.” Gwen tells her son desperation filling her voice. “Someone hurt you Asher and I want to know who it was.” Her voice softening as she grabs his hand again holding it tightly.  </p><p>“Don’t worry Gwen we’ll find out who did this.” Billy promises with a determined nod his own anger seething through him. “Was it someone from the football team?” Billy guesses hoping that he is wrong. At Asher's silence he swears and shakes his head knowing that his suspicions are true.  </p><p>“So how is our patient doing?” The doctor asks cheerfully stepping into the small space pulling back the curtain. </p><p>“I'm okay.” Asher answers shyly. </p><p>“That's good.” The doctor states nodding looking down at his tablet before turning to Asher's mom. “So, Mrs. Adams your son's scans came back clear, so he doesn't have a concussion. Although a small headache may be likely. He has one cracked rib that will take several weeks to heal. His nose isn't broken, but it is severely bruised.” The doctor rattles off as Gwen squeezes Asher's hand tightly.  </p><p>“Okay.” Gwen nods at the doctor sighing in relief knowing that Asher's injuries could have been so much worse. </p><p>“Once I stich the cut on the inside of his mouth where he bit through with his top teeth, you'll be all sit to take him home.” The doctor explains disappearing behind the curtain to get the supplies he needs. </p><p>“Thank you.” Gwen calls politely after the doctor.  </p><p>Gwen shares a look of relief with Billy and Laura all of them knowing that since it was players from the football team that it wasn't Harold. </p><p>“Well we should get going.” Billy states clearing his throat. </p><p>“Call me when you guys make it home.” Laura tells Gwen as she hugs her. </p><p>“I will.” Gwen promises with a nod.  </p><p>Laura and Billy move out into the hallway watching as Jordan and Olivia both hug Asher neither of them wanting to leave their best friend.  </p><p>“Text us when you get home?” Olivia asks nervously chewing on her bottom lip after Jordan steps out into the hall with their parents. She scans her eyes over his face taking in his injuries one last time.  </p><p>“Yeah, for sure.” Asher says with a nod. </p><p>Olivia waves at him before she disappears behind the curtain following her family down the hall.  </p><p>Gwen isn't surprised to find Harold leaning on her car since she called him on her way to the ER when Asher and her walk out into the parking lot after the doctor finished with his stitches but she can’t help the anger that washes over her at seeing him standing there. </p><p>“We'll talk at home.” Gwen tells him her eyes narrowing.  </p><p>Harold's lips form a tight line as he glances over her shoulder to Asher. </p><p>“Are you okay?” He asks his son letting out a long, tired sigh.  </p><p>“Yeah, dad I'm fine.” Asher assures him his words coming out slurred since his mouth is numb from the Novocain shot. </p><p>“What happened?” Harold questions shoving his trembling hands into his pockets.  </p><p>“He got attacked by some older members of the football team.” Gwen explains her anger growing at the thought. </p><p>“Where the hell were the coaches?” Harold accuses his eyes narrowing. </p><p>“It wasn’t Billy's fault dad.” Asher exclaims defensively crossing his arms over his chest.  </p><p>“Like hell it’s not—” Harold bites back his voice coming out sharper than he means.  </p><p>“That’s enough Harold.” Gwen interjects sending Harold a steely look. “It’s been a long day and I need to get Asher home.” She explains placing a comforting hand on Asher’s shoulder.   </p><p>“I'll see you both at home later.” Harold tells them curtly pushing himself away from the car.  </p><p>Gwen stares after him with a disappointing look as Asher rounds the car climbing into the passenger seat. She lets out a frustrated sigh before climbing into the car with her son. </p><p>On the way home Asher looks out the car window trying to string the right words together to explain to his mom about what happened. He isn't able to find the right ones until be counts all the street signs to their house and they are pulling into the driveway. </p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on mom. I was just embarrassed by letting myself get beat up. That's why I didn't want anyone to find out.” Asher explains in a whisper his words coming out clearer now since the Novocain has worn off some looking over cautiously over at his mom out of the corner of his eye. He watches as his mom's expression changes from the anger that has been plastered there for the last hour softens into a look of empathy. </p><p>“Asher honey you did nothing to cause those bullies to attack you.” Gwen tells her son taking off her seat belt reaching for her son's hand. “None of this is your fault.” She assures him looking deep into those sad deep blue eyes of his with the hope that he knows that she isn't just talking about today's attack. She means that about everything that has happened in the last two years – the accident, her depression, his dad's drinking, the bullying, absolutely <em> everything </em>.  </p><p>Asher nods his head slightly in response not fully believing his mom's words his tears finally spilling over and he doesn't try to stop them this time.  </p><p>Gwen pulls her son in close feeling tears streaming down her own cheeks at her son's pain wanting nothing more but to take it away.  </p><p>When Asher pulls away from her and leaves her alone in the car she can't help but to feel a coldness swirl through her at seeing the blank look that fills his eyes replacing the sadness.  </p><p>She stares after him watching as he disappears from her line of sight behind the front door. She lets out a tired sigh knowing that he will be having nightmares tonight that even she won't be able to comfort.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“Just point out to us which players attacked you and we will take care of the rest.” Billy instructs him gently from where he stands leaning against the filing cabinet gesturing toward the team picture laid on the top of the principal’s desk.  </p><p>Asher nods leaning forward slowly wincing when his side catches at the sudden movement.  </p><p>He scans his eyes over the faces of the varsity football team picture from two years ago recognizing some of the players that Collin use to hang out with while the others are strangers.  </p><p>He inhales a sharp breath when his eyes land on the three players that attacked him kneeling in the front row on the opposite end from his brother.  </p><p>He points them out silently to Coach Baker and Principal Landon with a trembling finger.  </p><p>“Are you sure?” Principal Landon questions from behind his desk.  </p><p>Asher nods moving his eyes over to his brother's smiling face hoping that he would be proud of him.  </p><p>“Okay. Okay we'll take care of it now.” Principal Landon states nodding his head. “You were very brave today Asher.” He compliments with a smile. “And on behalf of the school and myself I would like to apologize for the attack.” He states with a stiff nod.   </p><p>“And on behalf of the team and myself we all want to apologize for what happened Asher.” Billy apologizes stepping up to clasp Asher on the shoulder. </p><p>“Thank you.” Asher tells them both.  </p><p>“You're free to go back to class now.” Principal Landon instructs nodding toward the door. </p><p>Asher nods picking up his backpack from the floor looping the strap over his shoulder stepping toward the door.  </p><p>“Oh, and one more thing Asher.” Billy says moving to unzip his laptop case pulling out the new jersey he had ordered to replace the one that got destroyed almost forgetting to give it back to him. “I think this belongs to you.” He tells Asher handing him the jersey with a wide smile.   </p><p>Asher reaches for the jersey smiling as he eyes the red eighty three feeling like now the number is his too and not just his brother’s.  </p><p>“Thank you.” He whispers holding the jersey close to his chest as he turns around walking out the door. </p><p>He breaths a sigh of relief when he steps outside of the principal's office to find Olivia and Jordan waiting for him in the hallway sending him identical proud smiles.  </p><p>“We're so proud of you Ash.” They say at the same time looking over at each other with a laugh. </p><p>“Thanks.” Asher says joining in on their laughter. </p><p>Olivia moves to his right side looping her arm through his and Jordan moves to his left side throwing an arm over his shoulders as they walk to their History class together Asher feeling lighter than he has in a while knowing now that the bullying was over. </p><p> *** </p><p>On her way to the door Gwen pulls her unwashed hair into a messy high ponytail. She's unable to hide her surprise when she opens the door to find Laura there with a sheepish smile on her face holding two coffees.  </p><p>“A peace offering.” Laura offers extending one of the coffees out to her best friend. “Four creams and two sugars. Just how you like it.” She says at seeing Gwen’s hesitant look.  </p><p>Gwen nods in thanks finally meeting her gaze. “Laura I—” Gwen says trailing off looking down at the ground pulling at a loose thread on the hem of Collin's faded and bleach stained Beverly High football sweatshirt that she can't get rid of no matter how much the image or words fade or the fabric frays with each wash.  </p><p>“Look Gwen I’m so sorry for the things I said the other day. I was way out of line.” Laura apologizes shifting her weight nervously from foot to foot.  </p><p>Gwen sighs crossing her arms over her chest. “Laura you were only concerned about Asher. So, please don’t ever apologize for that.” She tells her offering her a small smile as she takes her coffee. She steps aside so Laura can walk through the door.  </p><p>“I was going through some old pictures.” Gwen explains gesturing toward the photo albums scattered out on the coffee table. “You want to go through with me?” She asks sitting down next to Laura on the couch sipping her coffee.  </p><p>“I’d love too.” Laura says taking a sip of her own coffee propping her chin up onto her palm peering down at the photo albums intently. “I remember when we put this one together. We had just dropped off Asher and the twins for their first day of school and we were feeling down so we put together this photo album and one for the twins.” She recalls pointing toward the pale blue photo album on top of the stack.  </p><p>“Oh, and don’t forget all that ice cream we ate while we put it together.” Gwen recalls with a small laugh sitting her coffee down on the table before picking up the photo album opening it slowly. “I had forgotten how much they looked alike as babies.” She says smiling fondly smoothing her hand over both of her sons' pictures.  </p><p>Laura looks over Gwen’s shoulder to look at the boys’ hospital pictures as Gwen traces their full names and birthdates written below each one in her perfect cursive handwriting.  </p><p>“They sure did. Just like twins.” Laura agrees returning her smile.  </p><p>Gwen flips the page over taking in a shuddering breath as she sees the first picture on the page is of Harold holding Collin in the hospital for the first time flashing the camera a proud smile and then beneath it is one of Gwen holding him with an equally proud smile across her tired face. The next few pages of the album chronicle Collin's first year: his first bath; his first tooth; his first haircut; his first Halloween and Christmas; his first steps; his first birthday.  </p><p>After flipping through the pictures of Collin's first day and year of school Gwen covers her mouth with her hand to hide her gasp that comes out when she sees the next picture of her on the day that Asher was born helping Collin hold a sleeping newborn Asher swaddled in a blue blanket in his lap smiling up at the camera with a smile so big that his eyes are squinted shut.   </p><p>“He was so happy to be a big brother. From the moment we told him about Asher he was so excited.” Gwen remembers picking aimlessly at her chipped burgundy nail polish as her eyes cloud over looking at the picture a moment longer before turning the page.  </p><p>“He was the best big brother.” Laura says glancing at the next picture of Collin when he was about ten with his arm around a four-year-old Asher standing side by side together on the beach wearing identical swim trunks and bright smiles.  </p><p>“They always loved the beach. Collin would build sandcastles with Asher for hours and hours.” Gwen recalls fondly staring at the picture as a single tear falls down her cheek as Laura gives her hand a comforting squeeze. “I just wish he was still here, and I know that Asher does too.” Gwen whispers brokenly.  </p><p>“I know you both do.” Laura tells her feeling tears prick at the corner of her own eyes.  </p><p>“Sometimes I close my eyes for a few minutes and imagine that he's still here and the pain from losing him stops for just a moment.” Gwen explains as she closes her eyes for a moment. “I just miss him so much.” She admits breaking down into sobs.  </p><p>Laura pulls her best friend in close letting her cry out all her pain as she runs a comforting hand up and down her arm.  </p><p>Once Gwen dries her tears with the back of her hand, she pulls away from Laura slowly a hint of embarrassment flushing across her cheeks. “Sorry...” Gwen trails off smoothing her hands down along the soft fabric of her sweatpants.  </p><p>“Don’t apologize. I’m always here for you.” Laura assures her with a smile.  </p><p>Gwen stares down once more at the picture of Collin and Asher a pang of guilt settling in her stomach as she thinks about how much Asher has been struggling since the accident.  </p><p>“I should have known that something was wrong when he came home with the black eye.” Gwen says wrapping her arms tightly around her middle.  </p><p>“Gwen we all had our doubts, but no one knew what truly was going on. But Billy and the principal will handle it.” Laura assures her with a warm smile.  </p><p>“I just feel like sometimes Asher would be better off without me here.” Gwen admits flicking her eyes up to look Laura in the face. </p><p>“Oh, Gwen you know that’s not true.” Laura exclaims unable to hide the shock in her voice her brow furrowing at her friend’s admission.  </p><p>“Sometimes I feel like it would be so much easier to leave because I can’t keep all of these bad things from happening to him.” Gwen explains shifting uncomfortably under Laura’s intense gaze.  </p><p>“Gwen honey listen to me.” Laura tells her pausing to grab her hands. “You’re his mom and he needs you. And no mother can stop all the bad things from happening to her children as much as we would all love to it’s just not possible.” Laura explains squeezing her hands as she sends her best friend what she hopes is an assuring smile.  </p><p>“I know. I just wish I could be a better mom to him.” Gwen says dropping her gaze down to her lap.  </p><p>“You’re doing the best you can with everything. It’s been a hard time for all you of these past two years Gwennie.” Laura tells her pulling her into a hug.  </p><p>“I’m trying. And it has been so hard.” Gwen says against Laura’s shoulder letting out a long breath.  </p><p>“I know.” Laura says in a comforting tone pulling out of the embrace so she can catch Gwen’s gaze. “How about we look at some more pictures?” Laura suggests gesturing toward the pile of unopened photo albums on the coffee table.  </p><p>“Sure. And I will go put us on some fresh coffee.” Gwen says sniffing as she wipes away a few stray tears looking toward their cups of coffee left forgotten on the table.  </p><p>Laura nods with a small smile picking up one of the albums opening the cover. She smiles settling back onto the couch flipping aimlessly through the photo album of the field trips and class activities from Asher, Jordan and Olivia’s first year of school she sighs wishing that they could all go back to the simpler times captured in the pictures. </p><p>*** </p><p>“Hey, Asher. Will you come in here a minute?“ Harold calls as he glances up as his son runs pass the living room to the front door pausing the video on the TV screen. </p><p>“I can't dad. I'm going to be late.” Asher calls with his hand on the door knob. </p><p>“Please it will only take a minute.” Harold pleas his voice coming out strained.  </p><p>“Okay.” Asher decides dropping his duffel bag onto the carpet before opening the door to signal to Coach Baker that he'll be right there. “What is it dad?” He asks his curiosity sparked when he sees his dad is actually sober for the first time in months.  </p><p>“I wanted to apologize to you son.” Harold tells him gesturing to the empty space beside him on the couch.  </p><p>“What for?” Asher asks sitting down next to his dad his brow furrowed. </p><p>“For how I treated you about wearing Collin's number.” Harold explains hanging his head in shame.  </p><p>“You were just in a bad place dad.” Asher offers remembering how wasted his dad was that morning he showed him the jersey.  </p><p>“Don’t make excuses for me Asher. I had no right to treat you that way. And I’m sorry that I did. You don’t deserve that.” Harold explains throwing an arm around his son’s shoulders. </p><p>“Thanks dad.” Asher says smiling in relief at his dad’s words.  </p><p>“And I know that Collin would want you to wear his number.” His dad states as tears gather in his eyes. “And it’s okay with me too.” He says glancing down at the red number on Asher’s jersey.  </p><p>“I’m going to make you and Collin proud of me dad.” Asher promises with a determined nod.  </p><p>“You already have son.” Harold tells him with a proud smile pulling him in for a hug. </p><p>“Asher?” Billy calls from the front door causing Harold and Asher to pull out of their embrace wiping at the tears on their cheeks that neither of them had realized had fallen.  </p><p>“In here.” Asher answers clearing his throat. </p><p>“Hey, there you are. We better get a move on if we want to make it to the game in time.” Billy informs him glancing down at his watch as he steps into the living room relief flooding through him at seeing that Asher is okay.  </p><p>“Right. Sorry Coach.” Asher apologizes standing up from the couch. “See you at the game dad?” He asks looking down hopefully at his dad.  </p><p>“Wouldn’t miss if for the world Asher.” His dad promises smiling up at his son. Asher returns his dad’s smile before turning around to head out to the van picking up his duffel bag by the door on the way.  </p><p>“Well I should get going.” Billy says stepping closer to the front door after hearing it shut behind Asher.  </p><p>“Billy, wait just a minute.” Harold exclaims getting up from the couch taking a few timid steps across the living room.  “So, what happened to the boys that were bullying Asher?” Harold asks following Billy to the door.  </p><p>“They were suspended for two weeks. Once they come back, they’ll be transferring to the alternative school. And they won’t be playing football anymore. And no graduation or prom for them either. Principal Landon takes bullying very seriously.” Billy explains wrapping his hand around the doorknob.  </p><p>“Good. That way they won’t be able to hurt Asher or anyone else again.” Harold says nodding at the information. “I wanted to thank you for all you’ve done for Asher.” He explains sincerely.  </p><p>“I’m just glad the bullying was handled before it got any worse.” Billy says clearing the emotion away from his voice as the image of Asher’s bloodied face that day he found him on the field flashes through his mind.  </p><p>“Me too. I was too busy getting drunk to even notice or care.” Harold admits the guilt from his actions filling him again. </p><p>“Well I hope you’re doing better now.” Billy guesses at seeing that Harold is sober. After he receives a nod from him, he continues. “I would do anything for Asher.” He tells him putting emphasis on the last word.  </p><p>“I know Billy. Thank you.” Harold tells him walking over to shake his hand. </p><p>“Anytime.” Billy nods in response returning his firm handshake before pulling open the door. “See you at the game Harold.” He calls over his shoulder stepping out onto the porch.  </p><p>Harold watches from the doorway as Billy pulls out of the driveway before turning back into the house to see if Gwen is ready to leave for the game.  </p><p>Asher catches the ball clutching it to his chest running as fast as he can toward the goal line narrowly pushing pass the other team's players trying to block him. </p><p>Adrenaline fills him at hearing the roar of cheers from the Beverly students and parents as he runs across the goal line just as the clock runs out of time.  </p><p>Asher looks up at the scoreboard gasping when realizes that they just won the game and that he just scored his team the winning touchdown.  </p><p>Asher laughs as JJ picks him up swinging him around excitedly. </p><p>“Ash, dude that was incredible!” JJ shouts as he sits him down.  </p><p>“Thanks.” Asher says out of breath high fiving Jordan as he runs up to them. “That was a great throw Jordan.” He compliments taking off his helmet sweeping his sweaty bangs off his forehead.  </p><p>“Thanks. But it was an even better catch.” Jordan tells him taking off his helmet too.  </p><p>Asher smiles a real smile that reaches his eyes as he catches his dad’s proud look he is sending him from the bleachers where is standing next to his mom both of them cheering loudly.  </p><p><em> You did it. </em> His dad mouths to him. Asher nods back pulling his eyes away from his parents when the rest of team runs up to them to celebrate.  </p><p>Asher follows behind JJ and Jordan holding hands with Olivia walking toward their usual booth toward the back of the Pizza Hut.  </p><p>Asher shakes his head lightly at JJ's joke joining in on the laughter with his friends.  </p><p>He finds a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth when he looks over at his mom to find her looking happier than she has since the accident as she talks and laughs with Laura. </p><p>He looks over to his dad listening intently to the story that JJ's dad is telling him and Coach Baker. He smiles wider when he sees his dad shake his head turning down the beer that the waitress offers him.  </p><p>He turns back to Olivia grabbing her hand smiling over at her.  </p><p>“You did amazing out there tonight Ash.” Olivia whispers sweetly in his ear kissing him on the cheek.  </p><p>“Thanks, Liv.” Asher whispers back as the waitress brings them their pizza and cheese sticks sitting them down in the middle of the table. </p><p>He glances over again at his parents taking in their relaxed expressions as happiness floods through him as he realizes he has finally found something that makes them as happy as Collin was always able to.   </p><p>Winning at football.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank y'all so much for reading!<br/>I hope you enjoyed this chapter!<br/>Please leave me a comment and let me know what you thought! &lt;3<br/>I have already started writing Chapter 7 and I am hoping to have it posted very soon! Chapter 7 is going to be called The Party and it will be the first chapter that will contain spoilers for the show. This specific chapter will be dealing with the scenes of Olivia's flashback in season 1 episode 12. So if you haven't watched it yet you may want too before reading the next chapter. ;)<br/>Thank you again for reading my story! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As Asher's home life continues to crumble around him, he finds a way to forget everything for a little while by going to parties. After she recieves some devastating news Gwen makes the hardest decision she's ever had to make. When one night when things go too far at one of the parties it changes everything for Asher and the Bakers.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, y'all I am finally back with another chapter and it is a super long one! :D<br/>Sorry it took me so long to update again.<br/>I hope that you guys enjoy it! I had so much fun writing this one!<br/>This one is over 16,000 words so I hope that it isn't too long.<br/>Please Note: This chapter contains some heavier themes such as underage drinking, underage drug use, drug overdose and mentions of cancer so if any of those might be trigger for you please read with extra care and caution. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The humidity from the hot mid-August day still hangs heavily in the night air making Asher’s clothes stick to him from the sweat that instantly coats his body as he shuts the front door not caring when it slams shut loudly behind him with a frustrated sigh as his parent’s shouts fade away as he steps hurriedly down the porch steps.  </p><p>He circles around the house when he remembers the bag of his dad’s empty beer bottles, he had cleaned up yesterday after another one of his dad’s late night binge drinking episodes out by the pool that he had hidden from his mom under one of the shrubs lining the house.  </p><p>He was trying to hide how bad his dad’s drinking had gotten from her, but he knew in the back of his mind that she probably already knew anyway.   </p><p>He scuffs the toes of his shoes along the concrete driveway as he drags the trash bag alongside him glancing up to the dark night sky. He sighs throwing the bag into the trash bin at the end of the driveway hiding it under a larger, fuller bag. Glancing up again to the night sky he wishes he could see the stars in the city like they could on the vacation they took to his grandparent’s lake house four summers ago. He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his shorts stepping out of his driveway and onto to the sidewalk to make the short walk to JJ’s as memories of the last family summer vacation they had taken both before and after the accident plays in his mind like a movie.  </p><p><em> Asher had been so disappointed when his parents</em><em> told him they weren't going on their usual summer family vacation with the Bakers.  </em> </p><p><em> He had sat in the backseat of the car for two long hours with his arms crossed with a pout on his lips staring out the window at the unfamiliar road. Collin had</em><em> tried to cheer him up for the first hour with jokes but nothing he had said worked. By the second hour, he had given up and decided to take a nap leaving Asher to pout in silence.   </em> </p><p><em> By the time they had made it to the lake house, it was almost noon and the summer heat hit </em><em>them as they </em><em>stepped out of the car and made their way up onto the porch to greet his grandparents. </em> </p><p><em> Asher had put on his best fake smile for his grandparents not wanting to ruin their happiness with his bad mood.  </em> </p><p><em> As his grandparent’s talked to Collin about his upcoming senior football season Asher slipped away unnoticed to sit on the dock. He swung his legs over the edge of the dock staring into the murky green water as it rippled from where he dipped his feet into it. The water was so different from the salty clear blue ocean water he was used to. This water felt so much heavier. Like he could just slip in and disappear. </em> </p><p><em> He casted a long look up to the lake house as a feeling of loneliness spread through him. He wished that his grandparents cared as much about him as they did Collin. But that was just how things were because Collin had always been their favorite.  </em> </p><p><em> He was about to get up and walk back to the house when something pushed him hard from behind sending him flailing into the water. His mouth stayed open in surprise and he gulped in a large amount of water. He broke through the surface of the water swimming up toward the bright glint of sunshine to see Collin standing on the dock laughing hysterically. He coughed with his lungs on fire begging for oxygen.  </em> </p><p><em> “Are you okay Ash?” Collin called in alarm at seeing his little brother almost choking on the water he had swallowed.  </em> </p><p><em> Asher nodded his head swimming toward the dock.  </em> </p><p><em> “I’m sorry little brother. I didn’t mean for you to swallow all that water.” Collin apologized as he extended his hand down to him. </em> </p><p><em> “I’m okay.” Asher responded smirking up at his big brother grabbing onto his hand and pulling it hard. He laughed as Collin fell into the water beside him. “Gotcha!” He shouted splashing water at Collin as he surfaced.  </em> </p><p><em> Collin stared wide-eyed over at Asher wiping away the water from his eyes with his mouth agape in shock before his lips twisted up in a smile.  </em> </p><p><em> “Yeah, you got me little brother this time.” Collin agreed. “One, two, three...” He counted as a mischievous grin spread across his face.  </em> </p><p><em> “What?” Asher asked before the realization hit him what Collin was about to do. “The last one to the rope is a rotten egg!” He shouted over his shoulder as he swam away just out of his brother’s reach.  </em> </p><p><em> Collin let out a long laugh before he swam after his little brother letting him reach the shade of the trees lining the lake where the rope hung from a tall oak tree. He let his little brother win their race and he let him take the first swing from the rope smiling as he splashed into the cool water. </em> </p><p><em> After spending a long afternoon taking turns swinging from the rope and floating in the water Asher and Collin with their fingers resembling prunes climbed out of the water and onto the bank making their way back to their grandparent’s lake house.  </em> </p><p><em> “That was really fun.” Collin exclaimed slinging an arm over Asher’s shoulders.  </em> </p><p><em> “Yeah, it was.” Asher agreed as he smiled up at Collin his bad mood from earlier dissipated. “Can we do it again tomorrow Col?” He asked as a hopeful look flashed across his face.  </em> </p><p><em> “Sure, we can Ash.” Collin promised him with a nod. “The last one to the house is a rotten egg!” He challenged running ahead of his little brother with a laugh. He let him win that race too.  </em> </p><p><em> After the sun had sunk below the horizon line and behind the trees, Asher and Collin gathered around the campfire with their dad and grandparents.     </em> </p><p><em> “So, show me the constellations again Ash.” Collin had suggested as he sat down next to him.  </em> </p><p><em> “Sure.” Asher agreed as he glanced up to the night sky taking in the bright stars. “That one</em><em> is the big dipper.” He explained pointing to the left. “And the one above it to the right is the little dipper.” Asher told him pointing again.  </em> </p><p><em> “Are there always together like</em><em> that in the sky?” </em> <em>  Collin asked glancing over at Asher his face shadowed with reflections from the fire.  </em> </p><p><em> “Yeah.” Asher nodded mesmerized by the thousands and thousands of stars twinkling above them his eyes never leaving the sky. </em> </p><p><em> “ </em> <em> They stick together just </em> <em>  like us then.” Collin exclaimed pulling Asher in for a quick hug before their mom appeared with the supplies they needed to make s’mores. </em> </p><p><em> They laughed and told ghost stories well past midnight before their mom announced that they</em> <em>all should be heading to bed as the fire dulled to just a few glowing embers and its warmth disappeared </em><em>leaving their hands cold</em><em>.  </em> </p><p>Asher smiles at the memory – one of his favorite memories he has of his brother – as he steps off the sidewalk and into JJ’s driveway weaving his way up the long, steep hill around all the cars parked along it in a zig-zag pattern. He glances down at his phone finding that he is over an hour late to the party, but he hopes he can make an entrance without being noticed. </p><p>He opens the front door to find the first floor empty and the basement door propped open with a kitchen chair. He crosses the marble floor feeling the vibrations from the music under his feet as he marvels over the fact that the same person that rescued him from his brother’s truck after the accident is the same person that is okay with all these parties that JJ has thrown almost every day this summer.   </p><p>“There he is! There’s our MVP!” JJ shouts over the loud music his words slurred as he snakes an arm loosely around Asher’s shoulders when he steps off the stairs and into the basement. Asher tenses as everyone’s eyes slide over him.  </p><p><em> So, much for arriving unnoticed. Why does JJ always have to be so damn loud? </em> He thinks plastering a fake smile on his face as he bumps his fist against Jordan’s.  </p><p>“Now let’s get you a drink.” JJ tells him letting his arm fall from Asher’s shoulder as he reaches for a red Solo cup on the table. “Here you go Ash.” He tells him handing him the cup filled to the brim with beer from the half-full keg. “Shit, sorry.” He apologizes as some of the beer sloshes out onto Asher’s shirt.   </p><p>“No, problem man.” Asher assures him taking the beer as he widens his fake smile. </p><p>“I can’t believe we’re going to be sophomores on Monday!” Jordan exclaims clapping Asher on the shoulder as he looks out over the crowd in the basement the strings of rope lights hanging along the tops of the walls flashing red then green then blue painting the walls and their skin in the bright neon colors.  </p><p>“Hell, yeah let’s drink to us having a kick-ass sophomore year!” JJ shouts raising his cup he just freshly topped off with more beer to his lips.  </p><p>Asher winces internally at the volume of his voice as he follows their lead and raises his cup to his lips. The stale smell of the beer reaches his nostrils so familiar to how his dad’s breath smells like daily that it makes his stomach churn. He watches through his half-opened eyes as Jordan and JJ both take long gulps of their drinks as he keeps his lips pressed together tightly pretending to take a long drink along with them. </p><p>Suddenly from behind someone bumps into Asher roughly causing him to stagger forward to keep from falling into Jordan as he opens his mouth in surprise some of the amber liquid sloshes into his mouth. He wants to gag at the taste when it stings against his tongue. It might as well be poison to him. </p><p>He tenses up as fear ices through him that it felt just like the bullies from last year. He wants to open his mouth to apologize but that would mean he would have to swallow the beer and he can’t do that.  </p><p><em> Just calm down it was just some drunk guy. </em> He tells himself inhaling a shaky but deep breath in through his nose.   </p><p>“Hey, what the hell man?” Jordan asks his face scrunching up in anger as he glares after the guy. “You okay Ash?” He questions searching Asher’s face his eyes softening when he finds it’s a few shades paler than it was before. </p><p> Asher nods giving Jordan what he hopes is a convincing smile before he looks toward the older guy.   </p><p>“Sorry.” The guy slurs out over his shoulder not even bothering to turn around pulling the blonde girl along with him that’s hanging tightly onto his arm.  </p><p>“Fucking asshole.” JJ says shaking his head watching the guy make his way over to the pool table.  </p><p>“Hey, didn’t that guy already graduate?” Jordan asks gesturing toward the guy.  </p><p>“Yeah, he did.” JJ answers taking another drink. </p><p>Asher quickly spits the beer back into his cup after Jordan’s and JJ’s eyes leave him and their focus switches to their conversation.   </p><p><em> It’s okay I didn’t actually take a drink. </em> Asher reasons with himself swallowing against the bitter taste in his mouth.  </p><p>“Well, what is he doing at a high school party?” Jordan questions crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>“I need someone on the inside to get me into those frat parties. But I don’t think it’ll be him though.” JJ decides taking another long drink before filling his cup up again.  </p><p> “You sure you’re okay Ash?” Jordan asks again glancing over at his friend. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine Jay.” Asher tells him in what he hopes is an assuring tone as he clears his throat to hide any emotion that had been built up from him almost having a panic attack.  </p><p>“Alright, boys let’s move this party over to the couch!” JJ exclaims after he fills his cup up leading the way over to the leather sectional.   </p><p>Asher sits down between JJ and Jordan listening to their conversation without joining in as he sinks back into the cushion hoping he can fade into the background on the couch unlike before when he was standing in the middle of the room. </p><p>He looks down at the red solo cup still filled to the top with beer hoping that no one notices he still hasn’t drunk any yet. He’s afraid to drink because he doesn’t want to be like his dad.  </p><p>He remembers the first time that Collin had come home drunk and how furious their dad had been and how loud he had yelled at him. But he highly doubts that his dad would even bat an eye if he came home drunk or if he sat down next to him and started drinking with him.  </p><p>But he doesn’t want to become an alcoholic like his dad. The fear grips him every time he’s at a party and is handed a drink. So, far he’s been able to just fake it that he’s drinking. He runs his index finger along the outside rim of the plastic cup with his thoughts racing.  </p><p>“So, are you going to take a drink or just stare at it all night?” Olivia asks with a grin as she makes her way over taking a seat on the coffee table littered with empty cups.  </p><p>Asher blinks his eyes up to meet her glazed over brown eyes. He takes in her straight hair that he guesses took hours to do and he barely recognizes her. But as he looks into those beautiful eyes of hers, he sees his girlfriend still inside.  </p><p>“So, I’m taking that as a no.” She guesses taking the cup out of his hand. He opens his mouth to object but she is already taking a drink before he can. “Shit, JJ. You got the cheap stuff tonight.” Olivia exclaims as a look of disgust crosses her face as she stares down at the cup.  </p><p>“It’s all my sister’s boyfriend could get. Sorry.” JJ explains with a shrug before turning back to his conversation with Jordan.  </p><p>“Okay, I forgive you for not drinking that Ash.” Olivia tells him sitting the plastic cup down on the coffee table. “But this is made only of the good stuff.” She explains as she reaches over picking up a red Jell-O shot from the tray. “Here.” She says with a grin handing him the small glass. </p><p>“Liv, I...” Asher trails off the shot glass feeling like a paperweight in his hand.  </p><p>“I’ll drink a shot with you.” Olivia offers picking up herself a red Jell-O shot too. She scoots closer to the edge of the coffee table pressing her knees against his smiling up at him through her dark lashes. “One, two...” She counts clicking her tongue with each word.   </p><p>As she counts Asher looks around to see at least ten pairs of eyes on him waiting to see him down the shot. He swallows nervously as he follows her lead raising the shot glass to his lips.  </p><p>“...three.” She finishes counting before she downs the shot in one swift drink.  </p><p><em> It’s just one drink. </em> He tells himself as he hesitantly tips back the glass. The vodka in the strawberry Jell-O shot makes his throat burn as he downs it causing him to cough.  </p><p>“Damn easy Ash.” JJ laughs slapping Asher on the back. “It doesn’t burn so much after you have a few.” He explains with a wink reaching for two blue Jell-O shots for himself and Jordan. </p><p>Asher watches as they both down their shots with ease and he feels his cheeks burn with a mix of embarrassment and regret.  </p><p><em> What did I just do?  </em>He thinks wearily staring down at the empty shot glass in shame. </p><p>“Don’t worry I felt the same way the first time I drank too.” Olivia whispers to him as a brief look of sadness flashes through her eyes as she stands up from the coffee table.  </p><p>He stares after her as she stumbles up the basement stairs in amazement that she can still read him just like a book. She knows him better than anyone that’s for sure.   </p><p>He downs the rest of the beer she left behind in his plastic cup with the faintest taste of her strawberry lip balm still on the rim mixing with the stale taste of the beer. He smirks knowing that she was right that the beer was cheap not that he knows what the more expensive stuff tastes like either.  </p><p>He makes his way up the basement stairs disappearing from the party unnoticed by Jordan or JJ as they are deep into a game of <em>Never Have I Ever </em>with some of their other teammates in search of Olivia.  </p><p>He sighs when he finds the first floor still empty deciding she must have gone upstairs. He climbs the winding staircase up to the second floor cautiously opening the first door on the right only finding a linen closet.  </p><p>He looks down the hall as his vision starts to get a little blurry as the alcohol courses through his veins. Relief floods through as his eyes land on a door that is cracked open slightly. He steps up to the door pushing it open the rest of the way hesitantly grimacing as it creaks loudly.  </p><p>“Asher?” Olivia questions out into the darkness as the light from the hallway spreads across the bed. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s me. I just wanted to make sure you were okay Liv.” He answers taking a hesitant step into the room. </p><p>“I’m fine Ash.” She assures him with a wave of her hand. “You’re missing the party.” She tells him her words coming out more slurred than before.  </p><p>“I don’t care about the party though.” He explains stepping up to the edge of the bed flipping on the lamp on the bedside table. “But I do care about <em>you Liv</em>.” He whispers as he takes her hand in his.  </p><p>“Will you stay with me?” She questions blinking against the bright light from the lamp before she looks down at their joined hands.  </p><p>“Of course, I will Liv.” He tells her smiling softly down at her before letting go of her hand for a second to grab the small trash can under the desk sitting by the bed just in case, she needs it. </p><p>He walks around to the other side pausing for a moment to send a quick text to let his mom know that he is staying the night at the Baker’s. Which he reasons with himself that it isn’t a total lie since he will be with Olivia.  </p><p>He pulls back the comforter and climbs in next to her as she curls into him laying her head against his chest her eyes growing heavy.  </p><p>“Just sleep Liv.” He whispers to her wrapping his arms around her. He looks around the room for the first time smoothing a gentle hand down her soft hair taking in the lavender walls and the matching floral comforter and curtains and guesses this must have been JJ’s older sister’s old room.  </p><p>He places a soft kiss on top of her head before he settles in deeper into the pillows letting his eyes fall shut as she snuggles in even closer to his side.  </p><p>The next morning, they both wake to the early golden sunlight shining through the window with Olivia’s head still laying on Asher’s chest and his arms still wrapped around her.  </p><p>“Good morning.” Olivia whispers pulling back slightly to look up at him with a shy smile.  </p><p>“Good morning Liv.” Asher whispers back smiling down at her before releasing his hold on her to sit up against the headboard. </p><p>“Thanks for last night Ash.” She tells him sitting up next to him as she interlaces her fingers with his. “I just didn’t want to be alone.” She admits averting her gaze down away from his kind eyes to her lap.  </p><p>“You’re welcome Liv.” He responds placing his free hand gently under her chin so he can look into those deep brown eyes of hers. “Anytime you need me I’m going to be right here.” He tells her giving her hand an assuring squeeze before planting a kiss on her forehead.  </p><p>“There you two are!” Jordan exclaims stepping into the doorway as relief floods through him at seeing his twin and best friend are okay. “I couldn’t find you guys anywhere and I—” Jordan explains before Oliva cuts him off. </p><p>“We’re okay Jordan. I just asked Asher to stay with me because I didn’t want to be alone.” She explains to her twin as she pulls back the covers and stands up smiling down once more at Asher before she walks over to Jordan. “Well we should get home before mom and dad get back from their trip.” She says to him before she slips out of the room.  </p><p>Once Olivia steps out the front door two floors away from her twin's and boyfriend’s watchful gazes, she takes out the little plastic baggie that the blonde girl by the pool table had given her last night staring intently at the two round white pills inside of it. She swallows as she feels the pull of temptation gripping at her to swallow both pills right there. But she doesn’t and puts them back in her pocket telling herself she’ll save them for later.   </p><p>“Yeah, I should be getting home too.” Asher agrees as he starts to make up the bed. </p><p>“Ash thanks for looking out for her man.” Jordan tells him as he watches his movements from the door. </p><p>“Of course, it’s no problem. I’m always going to be looking out for her.” Asher exclaims holding Jordan’s gaze as he nods before he turns disappearing from the doorway.  </p><p>After Asher finishes making the bed, he moves the small trash can back over to where it was sitting by the desk and he looks around the room satisfied that it looks like they were never there. </p><p>Once he is halfway home Asher’s phone buzzes in his pocket signaling that he received a text. He smiles down at his phone when he sees it’s from Olivia.  </p><p><em> Hi, Ash. We made it home. Let me know when you do too. Thanks again for last night. And I’m sorry I pressured you into drinking that shot. Forgive me? </em> </p><p>Asher’s smile falters slightly at her admission in no way did he blame her for him drinking. And if he was completely honest with himself there was a part of him that wanted to so he could just forget things for a little while. He texts her back quickly.  </p><p><em> Hey, Liv. I’m almost home. You’re welcome for last night. There was no way I would ever leave you alone. And there is nothing </em><em>for me to </em><em>forgive you for. I wanted to drink </em><em>that shot</em><em>. I promise. Call me later?  </em> </p><p>He stares down at his phone intently biting his bottom lip as the three dots appear immediately after he sends the text signaling that she is typing back a reply.  </p><p><em> Okay if you’re sure. Yeah, I’ll call you later Ash. &lt;3  </em>  </p><p>He smiles down at her text before he replies.  </p><p><em> Yes, I’m sure. Talk to you soon Liv. &lt;3 </em> </p><p>He pockets his phone before walking the rest of the way home. He lingers by the front door for a few minutes taking in some deep breaths before placing his key into the lock. He closes the door softly behind him tiptoeing into the house. </p><p>He lets out a long sigh when he finds his dad passed out on the couch with at least twelve beer bottles scattered on the carpet in front of the couch. He walks quietly over to him placing a hand carefully under his dad’s nose to make sure he is breathing. He lets out a silent relieved breath when he feels hot air hit against the back of his hand.  </p><p><em> He’s breathing. He’s just passed out. He’ll be okay. </em> He tells himself to calm his racing heart and his spiraling thoughts.  </p><p>He glances down at him for a moment longer watching his chest rise and fall before he goes into the kitchen to get a small bag out of the pantry to put the empty bottles in.  </p><p>After he picks up all the bottles and the caps, he hides the bag in the hall closet under some shoes to throw away later so his mom won't see them.  </p><p>He walks back over to his dad pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and laying it across him. He turns away from his dad after he watches his chest rise and fall three more times.  </p><p>“Where the hell have you been?” Harold asks through gritted teeth as he jerks the blanket off him grabbing his son by the wrist. </p><p>“I..I was at the Baker's.” Asher stammers out as he jerks his wrist out of his dad’s hold backing away from the couch. “I texted mom.” He tells him quietly with a shrug.  </p><p>His dad only grunts in reply as he turns his back away from his son settling into the couch cushions before he passes out again. </p><p>Asher backs out of the living room and starts down the hall pausing in front of his parent's bedroom door when he sees that it is cracked open. He peers inside of the room to find his mom asleep. He steps inside quietly to check on her breathing a sigh of relief when he sees that his mom is okay. He picks up her blanket from the floor covering his mom up with it before kissing her on the cheek. Watching her carefully he backs out of the room shutting the door softly behind him. </p><p>He runs a shaky hand down his face as he leans heavily against his closed bedroom door.  </p><p>Taking his phone out of his pocket he wills Olivia to call him because he wants to hear her voice. He needs to hear it.  </p><p>Hours later with the evening sun sinking low in the sky his phone finally rings Asher jumps at the sudden sound in the otherwise quite house leaning heavily against his headboard with his knees pulled up to his chest.  </p><p>He sits up releasing a shaky breath as he looks down at the screen to find Olivia's name flashing across the screen. </p><p>“Hey.” He says after he picks up the phone. </p><p>“Hi.” Olivia greets as she lays across her bed. “Told you'd I call.” She says with a smile even though he can’t see her. </p><p>“I never doubted you.” He responds with his lips curling up into the slightest hint of a smile as he takes in a deep breath at the sound of her sweet voice. </p><p>“So, you’re sure okay about last night.” She asks nervously chewing on her bottom lip her mind focusing on the two pills that she hid under all her stuff in the bottom drawer of her nightstand. Out of sight out of mind she told herself.  </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine Liv.” Asher assures her leaning back against his headboard.  </p><p>“Only if you’re sure.” She says in a skeptical tone. </p><p>“I promise that I’m sure.” He tells her with a small chuckle.  </p><p>They talk for hours as the moonlight streams through their bedroom windows about everything and anything until Laura appears in Olivia’s bedroom doorway to tell her that it’s time for bed.  </p><p>“Well, I got to go Ash.” Olivia tells him reluctantly as she sends her mom a slight pout.  </p><p>“It’s okay Liv. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” Asher tells her even though he is slightly disappointed at having to hang up. </p><p>“Okay see you then. Good night Ash.” She tells him as she gets up to brush her teeth.  </p><p>“Good night Liv.” He says before clicking off the phone call.  </p><p>Asher rakes a tired hand through his hair as he moves to put his phone on the charger before he lays down staring at the ceiling until his eyes finally fall closed just before daylight. </p><p>*** </p><p>(Two Months Later) </p><p>Gwen sits down at the kitchen table with her mug of coffee staring wearily down at the stack of overdue bills piled out on the oak tabletop hoping that her parent's might be able to help them out since Harold lost his job last month. </p><p>She jumps at the sudden shrill sound of her phone’s ringtone echoing throughout the quiet house almost spilling her coffee as she inhales a sharp breath when she glances down and sees her oncologist's number on the screen.  </p><p>“Hello.” She breathes out biting anxiously on her thumbnail. </p><p>Gwen gets up from her chair to look down the hall toward Asher's room where she is hoping that he is sleeping off his migraine, but she also hopes that he is asleep so that he won't overhear her phone call.  </p><p>“Hi, Mrs. Adams how are you doing today?” The doctor greets cheerfully.  </p><p>“I'm fine. And you?” Gwen answers as politely as her nerves will let her.  </p><p>“I'm doing fine. Thanks for asking.” The doctor tells her as Gwen hears her shuffling papers around and then the clicking of the keys on a keyboard.     </p><p>Gwen continues to stare down the hall toward Asher’s room with worry gripping at her since this is the first migraine he has had in a while as her anxiety increases as she waits for the doctor to say something. Anything.  </p><p> “We got your test results in from your biopsy.” The doctor finally informs her in a more serious tone than before.  </p><p>“What did they show?” Gwen asks after she swallows against the lump growing in her throat. She opens the front door and sits down heavily on the top step hoping to put as much distance as she can in between her son and the doctor’s answer. </p><p>“Well, Mrs. Adams I’m afraid to inform you but the biopsy we took from your right breast came back malignant.” The doctor tells her with sadness dripping in her voice. </p><p>“Malignant.” Gwen repeats the word in shock trying to process the diagnosis. “So, what does that mean?” She asks even though she already knows.  </p><p>“I’m sorry Mrs. Adams but malignant means the lump that we found is cancerous. Although we will have to take some further scans to assess what stage it is.” The doctor explains gently.  </p><p>Gwen feels like all the air has been knocked out of her as her ears start to ring.  She remembers the day a few weeks ago when she was in the shower and felt the lump. She had slid down the shower wall and sat in the stream of the shower crying well after the water had turned ice cold. </p><p>“Mrs. Adams are you still there?” Gwen barely hears the doctor's voice above the ringing in her ears. </p><p>“Um, yeah. I'm still here.” Gwen answers quietly wiping at her tears. </p><p>“Okay, my next appointment is Tuesday at two o'clock. Does that work for you?” The doctor questions after she glances at the calendar on her computer. </p><p>“Yeah, that'd be fine.” Gwen tells her even though the dread of going to the appointment floods through her instantly. </p><p>“Alright, Mrs. Adams I will see you on Tuesday.” The doctor affirms. Gwen numbly tells her goodbye before the phone line goes dead leaving her with her own thoughts. </p><p>She sits on the porch step for hours until she hears the front door open and she glances over her shoulder to Asher in the doorway with a worried expression clouding his features. </p><p>“Mom are you okay?” He questions after he shuts the door taking a hesitant step forward. </p><p>Gwen quickly turns around to hastily wipe away her tears hoping that her mascara isn’t smeared too much before she turns back to her son sending him a small smile as he sits down next to her. </p><p>“How are you feeling baby? Is your migraine better?” She asks grabbing his hand more for her own comfort than his.  </p><p>“Yeah, it’s better. My head is still a little sore but that’s normal.” Asher tells his mom looking closer at her face and seeing the sadness mixed with worry shining in her eyes. “Is something wrong mom?” He asks squeezing his mom’s hand.  </p><p>“I’m just worried about you baby.” Gwen tells him holding back her tears as she knows what she’s going to have to do so her son won’t find out about her diagnosis.  </p><p>“I’m okay mom. The migraines suck sure but they don’t last forever.” He assures her with a slight smile.  </p><p>“I know I just hate seeing you in pain that’s all.” She says giving him a kiss on the cheek before she pulls him in for a hug. “I love you so much Asher.” She tells him before he can pull away.  </p><p>“I love you too mom.” He says letting five cars pass by their house before he pulls out of the embrace sensing that his mom needed the comfort just as much as he did.    </p><p>Later that night hours after Asher had laid down Gwen finally works up enough nerve to start packing her things so she can move back in with her parent’s in Malibu.  </p><p>Gwen stills her movements from taking another one of her dresses off a clothes hanger holding her breath as she hears Asher down the hall in the bathroom rummaging through above the medicine cabinet for what she guesses is his sleeping pills. Sighing she glances at the alarm clock on the nightstand seeing its red numbers reading 11:33 she guesses that he hasn't been able to fall back asleep. </p><p>She takes the dress off the hanger before folding it and laying it on top of her other clothes in her suitcase after she hears Asher's bedroom door close.  </p><p>She picks up Collin’s Beverly High football sweatshirt the faded and stained fabric still soft as she runs her thumbs over it. She presses it close to her face willing the threads to still have her son’s scent still woven into them. But there are no traces of his scent left only her shampoo and perfume are settled into the dark blue fabric. She lays it down on the bed by her other bags in frustration.    </p><p>As she zips up her suitcase the glint of her diamond catches in the light from the floor lamp in the corner catching her eye. She holds it out in front of her staring down at it intently as a feeling of regret ripples through her. </p><p>Gwen makes her way over to the dresser catching her eyes in the large mirror hanging above it slipping her wedding ring off her finger that she has worn every day since her and Harold got married twenty-two years ago dropping it beside the small jewelry dish that Collin made her in his middle school art class as her eyes fixate on another one of her most special possessions sitting inside the dish. Her eyes cloud over with tears as she remembers the day that Asher gave it to her.  </p><p><em> It was a rare day in the middle of the week that Harold had off from work and they had taken advantage of it by spending the whole day at the beach as a family.  </em> </p><p><em> Asher had been so excited when he looked out the window and saw the ocean reflecting the early morning sun off its blue-green waters. The beach was always one of his favorite places.  </em> </p><p><em> “Not so fast mister.” Gwen had said when she opened the back car door to find Asher already out of his seatbelt about to jump out of the car as she gently held him in place with one arm as he tried to wiggle free from her grasp to run to the sand as she rummaged around in her beach bag with the other. “Let mommy put some sunscreen on you first. Okay? Then you can go play with bubby.” She explained to him smiling kindly down at him. He nodded up at her with his eyes trained on Collin and his dad already throwing a football back and forth to each other on the beach.   </em> </p><p><em> Once she slathered on the amount of sunscreen that she thought would be enough and all the amount that her four-year-old son was going to stand still long enough for her too she helped him out of the car after handing him his sand bucket. She watched with a smile and a small laugh as he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him across the sand over to his dad and brother.  </em> </p><p><em> She grabbed her beach bag and towel before following her sons’ and husband’s shoe prints in the sand along the beach until she found a spot not too far from where Asher was filling up his sand bucket to sit and relax. </em> </p><p><em> After the boys spent hours building sandcastles, throwing the football and chasing the tide back and forth between the water and the sand only pausing for a quick twenty minutes to eat lunch Gwen and Harold led a wore out Collin and Asher back to the car.  </em> </p><p><em> “Mommy.” Came Asher’s quiet voice from the backseat as Harold pulled onto the interstate.  </em> </p><p><em> “Yes, baby.” Gwen said as she stifled a yawn with the back of her hand before she turned around to peer into the backseat. She smiled as she glanced over to find Collin asleep with his head leaning against the car window using the extra beach towel she had packed as a pillow and then over to Asher sitting behind her in his booster seat as he swung his legs back and forth excitedly.  </em> </p><p><em> “I got you something.” He told her his blue eyes shining brightly as he held out his small hand curled into a tight fist. </em> </p><p><em> “You did.” She exclaimed her smile widening as she pretended not to notice the seashell that was only half covered by his tiny hand.  </em> </p><p><em> “Yeah, me and bubby found it in my sand bucket.” He exclaimed his voice filled with excitement as he uncurled his fingers revealing the light coral colored seashell. “Do you like it mommy?” He asked looking up at her with his wide hopeful eyes.  </em> </p><p><em> “I love it baby.” She told him as she reached for it not caring when she felt that it was sticky from his tiny hand as she held it out in her palm admiring it. </em> </p><p><em> “You can hear the water in it. Bubby showed me.” He explained watching her as she held it up to her ear. </em> </p><p><em> “Wow, you can.” She exclaimed pretending to be surprised as she listened to the ocean waves echoing inside the shell. “And I'm going to keep it forever and ever to always remember this day.” She told him as she held the seashell close to her heart.  </em> </p><p><em> “I love you mommy.” He had said so sweetly that her heart felt like it was going to melt at his words. </em> </p><p><em> “I love you too baby.” She told him as she patted his knee watching him as he yawned and blinked his eyes shut laying his head against his blanket and his seatbelt to keep his head from falling forward.  </em> </p><p><em> She watched both of her boys sleep in the backseat with a warm smile and her heart feeling fuller than it had since the days they were born until Harold pulled off the interstate at their exit toward home. </em> </p><p>Gwen blinks as a stray tear falls down her cheek as she holds the seashell up to her ear like she had that day that felt like a lifetime ago to her now. A wash of sadness falls over her as she hears the roaring sound inside the shell that Asher had so innocently believed that it really was the ocean that he could hear inside. She wishes that just for a moment she could go back to that day and relive the happiness they had felt.  </p><p>She picks up the jewelry dish that Collin made placing it and the seashell into her bag between her clothes, so they won’t get broke taking a piece of both of her sons with her.  </p><p>She sits her bags by the door rolling her sore shoulders up and back working out the tightness she turns around and takes a long look around the house still holding onto Collin’s sweatshirt.  </p><p>She takes in a shuddering breath placing her hand over her heart when her eyes settle on the door at the end of the hallway. The door to Collin’s room. She hasn’t been inside his room once since he died over three years ago.  </p><p>Before she even realizes it, she is opening Collin’s door and stepping into a time capsule. The room was still exactly as he had left it. The comforter on his bed half hanging off the bed; a basket of laundry sitting in the corner waiting to be put away; his laptop screen was still open on his desk; his letterman jacket was still hanging on the back of his desk chair; his acceptance letter is still laying on his desk.  </p><p>It’s like his room, like she still hopes sometimes too, that he will one day be coming back.  </p><p>She picks up the picture that she had taken of Collin and Asher standing together after Collin’s last high school football game wearing identical smiles. They looked so happy. She wishes more than anything that Collin was still here and to see Asher smile like that again.  </p><p>As she backs out of the room taking in one last long glance around Collin’s room, she wipes away the tears that fell down her cheeks with the back of her hand. </p><p>She clicks the door shut as softly as she can before she backs up against the wall and slides down onto the cold hardwood floor in the hallway. She pulls her knees up to her chest clutching the picture and Collin’s sweatshirt to her chest. She presses her palm to her mouth to muffle the sound of her sobs, so they don’t echo throughout the otherwise quiet house and wake Asher.  </p><p>She sits there for what feels like hours but at the same time only minutes before her sobs subside and her tears dry leaving her cheeks splotchy and raw. She swallows thickly and winces at how sore her throat is as she pulls herself from the floor.  </p><p>On shaky legs she steps in front of Asher’s bedroom taking in a deep breath before pushing the door open halfway. The light from the hallway spreads across the carpet and onto Asher’s sleeping form. She holds her breath willing Asher not to wake at the sudden light because she knows if he asks what she’s doing or where she’s going that she won’t be able to leave.  </p><p>And she has to leave because it is what is best for everyone. It would mean no more fighting between her and Harold; hopefully, it would mean fewer migraines for Asher, and she hopes above everything else Asher would be able to find happiness again. She reasons with herself that none of that is possible if she stays. Because if she stays then her son will have his heartbroken all over again if he found out about her cancer. She can’t cause her son that amount of hurt. She just can’t.   </p><p>She watches his chest rise and fall fighting the urge to pick up the blanket that has fallen on the floor and cover him with it. But she just couldn’t risk him waking up.  </p><p>She stands with one foot on the hardwood floor in the hallway and the other on the carpet of Asher’s bedroom watching him sleep wishing that his sleeping pills helped him sleep this much every night. </p><p>She turns away from his doorway leaving the door standing halfway open in hopes that the light from the hallway will keep any nightmares he may have at bay.  </p><p>As she steps out onto the porch with all her bags it starts to rain. She closes her eyes listening to it fall against the ground and the house. She used to love it when it would rain. But now every time it does it’s only a reminder for her of the time that she stood in the kitchen staring out the window at the downpour waiting for Collin to call her, but the hospital had called her instead.  </p><p>After she packs her bags into the trunk, she slides behind the driver seat gripping the steering wheel tightly after she turns the keys over in the ignition.  </p><p>She catches her red-rimmed eyes in the rearview mirror as she backs out of the driveway. She idles the car by the mailbox with her hand on the gear shift leaving the car in reverse as she looks up back at the house one more time.  </p><p>“I’m so sorry baby.” She whispers out in her empty car as she thinks of Asher waking up in the morning to find her gone.   </p><p>Inhaling a shuddering breath, she puts her car in drive pulling away from the house and from her son.  </p><p>The rain continues to fall steadily the entire drive down I-10 to her parent’s house in Malibu causing the familiar route to take forty-five minutes instead of the usual thirty.  </p><p>“Gwen?” Her mom questions in concern after she pulls the front door open after hearing the doorbell ring at just before three in the morning. “Honey, what's wrong?” She asks taking a closer look at her daughter's face as she ties the belt on her robe tighter. </p><p>“I left.” Gwen states as fresh tears start to fall at her admission. </p><p>“Oh, honey. It's okay. Come here.” Her mom says embracing her with an amount of warmness only a mother can.  </p><p>“Is Asher with you?” Her dad asks speaking up from where he had been standing silently behind his wife watching them closely. </p><p>Gwen shakes her head no against her mom's shoulder as a sob escapes past her lips.  </p><p>“We'll talk about everything in the morning. But for now, you need to rest.” Her mom tells her gently as she guides her up the stairs to the guest bedroom.  </p><p>Gwen finishes towel drying her hair that was soaked by the rain after she changed into dry pajamas. Her thumb hovers over Asher's number as her brain screams at her to call or text her son. But she can't at least for right now. She scrolls down her contact list until she finds Laura's number. She texts her hoping that she'll be able to understand her choice more than anyone else might. </p><p><em> Hi, Laura. I know it's late, but</em><em> can we talk in the </em><em>morning. It's urgent. </em> </p><p>Before she lays down, she places the jewelry dish down onto the dresser and places the seashell inside of it with a sad smile.  </p><p>She puts the picture of Collin and Asher on the nightstand not even bothering to put her phone on the charger or setting an alarm to wake up to because she knows sleep won't come to her tonight.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Two months in and seven bottles deep into her addiction Olivia swallows her daily morning pill just so she can make it through breakfast as she turns her music up loud over her parent’s shouts coming from down the hall to drown them out.  </p><p>With their parents still in their room Jordan and Olivia make their way downstairs silently grabbing a pop tart from the kitchen cabinet before they slip out the front door to wait for their mom in the car because they don’t want to witness another fight between their parents before school.  </p><p>Laura looks up from her case notes that are spread across the kitchen island as Billy walks in gliding over to the refrigerator without looking at her the tension from their argument still hanging thickly in the air between them.  </p><p>She glances down at her phone and sighs when she still doesn’t see a reply from Gwen. She had texted her over an hour ago after seeing her message that she needed to talk. She just hoped that her best friend was okay.  </p><p>“Can you drive the kids today?” Billy asks her as he pours coffee into his travel mug.  </p><p>“It is my day too.” She answers sharply taking off her reading glasses. “I have made us an appointment with a marriage counselor for this evening in Bakersfield.” She informs him adding the task to the calendar on her phone.  </p><p>“Why Bakersfield?” Billy questions his brow furrowing as he takes a sip of coffee.  </p><p>“Because no one really knows us there.” Laura tells him with a shrug as she gathers her case notes putting them in her briefcase.  </p><p>“But it’s almost a two-hour drive and I have to coach practice today.” He tells her crossing his arms over his chest.  </p><p>“Well, I guess Assistant Coach Davis will just have to do it today. Because we’re going.” Laura tells him arching her eyebrow as she slides the strap of her laptop case onto her shoulder. “We’ll meet around two since our appointment is at five.” She decides picking up her briefcase and coffee before she heads to the front door.   </p><p>“Sure.” Billy mumbles as he listens to her heels clicking loudly against the floor knowing there was no use in arguing with his wife about this because she was an attorney after all.  </p><p>“Your dad I have a counseling session today, so we’ll be home late.” Laura tells the twins once she settles in behind the steering wheel clicking on her seatbelt. “Here’s my card for pizza.” She says handing them the first credit card she finds in her wallet.  </p><p>“Thanks, mom. Would it be okay if we had a few guys over from the football team too?” Jordan asks winking over at Olivia.  </p><p>“Yeah, that’s fine. Just no party.” She says catching their eyes in the rearview mirror before pulling out of the driveway. </p><p>“Of course, we won’t mom.” Jordan promises sliding the credit card into his wallet. The rest of the ride to school is silent except for their mom talking to her partner on the phone.  </p><p>Jordan and Olivia wave to their mom before turning toward the school glancing over their shoulders as she pulls away from the curb. </p><p>“So, are we thinking the same thing?” Jordan asks as he walks beside Olivia up the front steps of the school. </p><p>“That we’re not ready for another day of hell.” Olivia smirks gesturing toward the school. </p><p>“Well besides that.” He exclaims holding the door open for his twin. </p><p>“If you mean that we are so totally throwing a party tonight. Then yeah we are thinking the same thing.” She says with a wink as she steps inside the school wishing to be anywhere but here.  </p><p><em> Tonight’s party was going to be great. </em> He thinks with a smile shaking his head slightly as he watches her disappear up the stairs before he walks down the hall to his locker. </p><p>*** </p><p>Asher jolts awake to the sound of his ringtone blaring from the other side of his room where he left it in his duffel bag. He kicks back the covers and groggily makes his way over to dig through the pile of clothes and books inside the bag for his phone. He answers the call just before his voicemail chimes in. </p><p>“Hello.” He says without looking at who is calling as he searches for a clean shirt in his closet.  </p><p>“Asher, what the hell man? It’s almost seven-thirty. Did you just wake up?” JJ asks where he sits in his dad’s truck with the air blasting. </p><p>“Yeah, sorry. I’ll be out in like two minutes.” He tells him clicking off the phone call. He changes his shirt in one swift motion before pulling on a pair of jeans that he hopes are clean enough. He slides his phone into his back pocket after he pulls on a pair of socks.  </p><p>He runs a comb quickly through his hair as he gargles a mouthful of mouthwash before he splashes his face with cold water.  </p><p>On his rush to get out the door he picks up his duffel bag and groans when he sees the study guide for the history test, they have today in first period that he had forgotten to study for.  </p><p>“Shit.” He mumbles under his breath deciding he’ll just have to study on the way to school as he shoves it into his duffel bag.  </p><p>Asher pauses for a second by his parent’s bedroom door wanting to check on his mom after remembering how sad she had seemed last night, but he decides he doesn’t have time because he doesn’t want to keep JJ and his dad waiting any longer.  </p><p>He slips his shoes on by the front door before he runs down the driveway toward JJ’s dad’s truck.  </p><p>“Sorry, Mr. Parker and JJ.” He tells them out of breath as he climbs into the backseat of the truck sitting his duffel bag down beside him. </p><p>“No worries Ash. And you know you can call me James.” James tells him catching his eyes in the rearview mirror before he puts the truck in drive. </p><p>“Right.” Asher says nervously with a nod before he takes his study guide out hoping he won't totally bomb the test. </p><p>When they make it to school Asher thanks JJ’s dad for the ride and he apologizes again before he follows JJ through the school doors with a dull headache throbbing against his temples.  </p><p>Asher stills his movements of getting his books out of his locker for his history class when he hears a familiar voice sound behind him.  </p><p>“So, JJ tell everyone there’s going to be a party at Chez Baker tonight!” Olivia exclaims as she passes Asher without looking at him as she watches JJ with a smile as he gets out his phone. </p><p>“Already done.” He says with a smirk after he sends a mass party invite on Facebook to their whole grade.  </p><p>“Perfect.” She says letting her eyes slide over to Asher for a second before she hooks her arm through Layla’s pulling her down the hall with her.  </p><p>Asher watches them leave barely recognizing the girl in the black leather jacket as his best friend and his ex-girlfriend. He knows it’s his fault they broke up because he was the one that let her walk away. </p><p>Asher shuts his locker as his phone buzzes in his pocket he takes it out and looks at it with a sigh after seeing its JJ’s party invitation. He’s not sure if he’s going but the free alcohol is tempting.  </p><p>He taps the maybe option as another notification flashes across his screen from Facebook. His breath catches in his throat when he sees it’s a memory of a picture of him and Olivia from a year ago. She’s smiling sweetly at the camera and he is kissing her cheek. He remembers that she didn’t want to take the picture because her hair was up, and she didn’t have any makeup on and he told her she looked beautiful. It was one of his favorite pictures of them. He decides not to share the memory to his timeline but instead keeping the memory just for him. </p><p>He hurries to his history class as the warning bell echoes throughout the now empty hallway.  </p><p>At lunch Asher takes his usual seat at the table with Jordan and JJ and the rest of the football team staring down at his tray without an appetite. It's the first pizza Friday that he can remember other than the times that one of them were sick that he and Olivia won't be trading their corn and salad. </p><p>He lets his eyes travel to Olivia's empty chair as the memories of their breakup play through his mind.  </p><p><em> It had happened last Friday </em><em>at yet another one of JJ's basement parties. </em> </p><p><em> Asher had </em><em>already downed four beers and was working on his fifth when he spotted Olivia in the corner of the basement </em><em>swallowing pills. He made </em><em>his way over to her worry covering his anger. </em> </p><p><em> “Liv, are you okay</em><em>? </em> <em> ” He had asked her over the loud music. </em> </p><p><em> “I'm fine Ash.” She </em><em>assured him waving her hand at his worry</em><em>. </em><em>“But</em><em> you can kiss me.” She had told him with a sly smile. </em> </p><p><em> At his </em><em>hesitation, she stepped forward crashing her lips to his </em><em>pulling him with her </em><em>to the nearest </em><em>empty room.  </em> <em> After seeing it's a bathroom she smirked </em><em>moving to </em><em>the </em><em>counter to sit on it</em><em>. </em> <em>  She wrapped her legs </em><em>around his waist as he stepped in closer </em><em>kissing her neck as she ran her fingers through his hair. </em> </p><p><em> “I want you so</em><em>bad right now Ash</em><em>.” She whispered to him </em><em>her words coming out slurred </em><em>before </em><em>she crashed her lips to his</em><em> with urgency </em><em>as she</em><em> tugged at the hem of his shirt </em><em>pulling it up. </em>  </p><p><em> He </em><em>stilled his movement</em><em>s as </em><em>the realization hit him about </em><em>what was about to happen.  </em> <em> He wouldn't lie </em><em>and say </em><em>he didn't want her too because he did but not like this. </em> </p><p><em> “Liv we</em><em> should stop.” He told </em><em>her </em><em>as she </em><em>kissed his neck.  </em> </p><p><em> “What?  </em> <em> Why?” She questioned as a</em><em> look</em><em> of hurt crossed her face </em><em>when </em><em>she </em><em>sat up straight.  </em> </p><p><em> “Because I'm worried about you</em> <em> Liv.” He told her </em><em>holding onto her hands. </em> </p><p><em> “I'm fine Ash </em> <em> .” She said </em><em>jerking her hands </em><em>roughly </em><em>out </em><em>of </em><em>his grasp. </em> </p><p><em> “No, you're not.” He had scoffed shaking</em><em> his head. “You're my girlfriend and</em><em> I know</em><em> that you've been using.</em><em>” He explained </em><em>his voice heated. </em> </p><p><em> “Well lucky for you don't have a girlfriend anymore </em><em>so you won't have to worry about me another damn second. </em> <em> ” She told him coldly as she slid </em><em>off the counter brushing pass </em><em>him without a look back </em><em>slamming the door behind her. </em> </p><p><em> He stared </em><em>after her </em><em>in disbelief </em><em>that </em><em>she had just broken</em><em> up with him.  </em> <em> He let her walk away without even trying to call her back.  </em> </p><p>“Are you going to eat your pizza?” JJ’s voice questions pulling Asher from his thoughts. </p><p>“Huh?” Asher mumbles blinking. “No.” He shakes his head when he finally realizes what his friend had asked. He slides his tray of untouched food over to him before he gets up from the table without another word.  </p><p>On his way out he spots Olivia sitting next to Layla and their new group of friends letting his eyes lock with hers for a second not able to fully read the expression that they hold before he leaves the cafeteria twenty minutes before their lunch is even over.  </p><p>***  </p><p>He waves his thanks to JJ’s dad for dropping him off after football practice before he turns walking up his driveway. He lets out a tired sigh when he sees his dad’s car in the driveway thinking that he is never home this early anymore.  </p><p>“Mom?” He calls out to the quiet house as he drops his duffel bag by the front hall closet letting the door click shut behind him as he kicks off his shoes. </p><p>He peers into the living room only to find the couch and chairs vacant and the television turned off. He moves to the kitchen and finds the counters wiped spotless and the sink empty of any dishes.  </p><p>Everything is in its place.    </p><p>His brow furrows as he walks down the hall toward his parent’s bedroom to check on his mom.  </p><p>“She’s gone.” His dad voice sounds from behind Asher making him jump as he turns around to face him with his hand still on the doorknob. </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Asher asks narrowing his eyes at his dad. </p><p>“She left us Asher.” His dad slurs out staring down at the beer bottle in his hand. “I’m actually surprised she didn’t take you with her.” Harold states with a shrug.  </p><p>“What do you mean that mom left dad?” Asher questions his heart pounding in his ears as he tries to process the thought that his mom is gone.  </p><p>“I guess she just couldn’t handle being here anymore. She's moving back with her parents in Malibu.” Harold recalls to him what Gwen had said in the voicemail she had left him as he stares down the hall toward Collin’s bedroom door. Asher follows his dad’s stare and swallows around the lump forming in his throat. “I’m going to need something a lot stronger than this tonight.” He says after he takes a long drink of his beer before he stumbles down the hall away from his son.  </p><p>As the October evening sun sinks down over the hills and the lights shine brightly from the city Asher sits by the pool sipping on a beer that he found that his dad hadn’t drunk before he had passed out in front of the muted television with the same thought running through his mind over and over.  </p><p><em> My mom left because of me. </em>      </p><p>Asher finishes his beer wondering what the hell he could have done to cause his mom to leave when his phone buzzes beside him with a text from JJ.  </p><p><em> Where the hell are you Ash? The party is crazy tonight.  </em> He replies with a quick  <em> I’m coming </em>after he decides that he’ll go since he doesn’t have anything else to do.  </p><p>Every light in the Baker’s house is turned on shining brightly against the dark sky as Asher walks up their driveway as the chill from the October night causes him to shiver.  </p><p>He decides to cut through the back-yard walking through the patio door hoping to slip into the party unnoticed by anyone.  </p><p>He sighs in relief as he sees the bar is empty and everyone else is either in the kitchen doing shots or watching Olivia in the living room as she dances on the coffee table.  </p><p>He watches her carefully as he sits down on one of the bar stools pouring himself a drink of whatever is on the countertop not really caring just wanting something to numb him, so he doesn’t feel the pain from his mom leaving for a little while.  </p><p>“There he is! There’s our QB 1! Let’s party!” He hears JJ yell over the music as he announces Jordan’s arrival when he walks through the front door.  </p><p>Asher takes the last slice of pizza from the box that someone left behind on the bar as he watches the crowd that was gathered around Olivia leave going into the kitchen with Jordan.  </p><p>“I’m sorry about the other night.” He hears her say before she sits down on the empty bar stool next to him reaching into the bowl of colorful pills that look like candy popping one into her mouth.  </p><p>He shrugs in response throwing his half-eaten slice of pizza back into the box not having an appetite for anything but alcohol.  </p><p>“Everyone just loves him.” She states as she looks over to her twin and everyone that is gathered around him. “You’re not going to go over and praise him like everyone else?” She questions looking back to Asher studying his face.  </p><p>“No not tonight.” Asher answers shaking his head as he avoids eye contact with her. </p><p>“Well, what’s wrong with you?” She asks with a smirk as she rolls her eyes.  </p><p>“I’ve just got some family shit going on.” He tells her sniffing back his tears as the thought of his mom leaving crosses his mind again.  </p><p>“Join the club.” She tells him as she reaches for the same bottle that he had filled his glass with. “I raise a toast to both our shitty families.” She says as she clinks the bottle together with his glass before taking a long drink.  </p><p>“Should you be drinking after that pill you took?” He asks her after he downs his own drink eyeing her with concern. </p><p>“Don’t worry about me.” Olivia says as she steps closer to him placing a small kiss on his lips. “Let’s go crash their party.” She tells him with a wicked grin grabbing his hand. </p><p>He lets her drag him into the kitchen as he licks his lips but only finding the strong taste of alcohol there and no trace of her sweet strawberry lip balm.  </p><p>“I’ll take that.” Olivia tells JJ as he pours the last bit of alcohol from the bottle into his shot glass. “Let’s play a little game called <em>Spin the Bottle.</em>” She announces as the crowd gathers in close to play. “I’ll go first.” She decides as she spins the bottle around on the granite kitchen island countertop. “Perfect.” She says smiling when the bottle stops in front of Asher.  </p><p>Asher lets Olivia pull him along again to the hall closet by the front door as JJ follows them. </p><p>“Okay, you got seven minutes lovers.” JJ informs them with a playful grin as he sets a timer on his phone. He sends them a wink before he shuts the door as Asher and Olivia step inside the closet.  </p><p>“Liv, are you okay? What did you take? How much did you take?” Asher questions her the concern thick in his voice as he holds on to her arms to keep her from swaying after JJ shuts the closet door.  </p><p>“I’m fine, Ash.” She promises her words coming out slurred dismissing his worry with a smile. “You talk too much.” She states moving to place her index finger against his lips, but she misses poking him in the eye because her fingers are numb and her vision is starting to blur. </p><p>“Ow.” Asher says blinking rapidly before rubbing at his eye to ease the pain. </p><p>“Shit, sorry Ash.” She apologizes biting her lip to hold in her giggle. But with one timid glance at his face her giggles escape past her lips.  </p><p>“It’s fine, Liv.” He tells her letting out a small nervous chuckle of his own.  </p><p>“Now that’s enough talking.” She tells him shushing him by placing her index finger against his lips.  </p><p>He swallows thickly looking into her deep brown eyes searching for the Olivia he knows that is still in there somewhere under the pills and the alcohol.  </p><p>She snakes her arms around his neck pulling him in closer flicking her eyes down to his lips before pressing hers against his softly.  </p><p>Asher stills at first before he gives in and kisses her back just as softly placing his hands on her hips pulling her closer to him.  </p><p>Olivia deepens their kiss running her hand through the back of his hair. She smiles against his lips breaking the kiss to trail a line of small kisses along his jawline. She pauses by his ear her hot breath tickling his skin. “We don’t have to stop after the seven minutes.” She whispers biting at his earlobe.  </p><p>“Liv...” Asher trails off when Olivia crashes her lips against his causing him to open his eyes open slightly in surprise. Feeling her start to sway to the right he tightens his hold on her.  </p><p>Her head starts to spin as the aftereffects of the pills start to pulse through her veins mixing with the alcohol. She trails more kisses along his jawline slower and sloppier this time. She blinks as black spots fill her vision.  </p><p>Asher opens his eyes as he feels her lips leave his skin and her head falls against his shoulder. He pushes back her hair that is hiding her face from view. His brow furrows as he sees her eyes are closed and her mouth is slightly open.  </p><p>“Liv, come on wake up!” He says patting her cheek gently. Panic ices through him when she doesn’t respond and her hand that was on his shoulder falls limply down to her side. “Liv, please wake up! This isn’t funny!” He shouts in alarm the panic he is feeling inside edges into his voice as he cups his hand under her chin leaning in toward her. The feel of her shallow breath against his face only brings him a small bit of relief as her eyes stay closed.  </p><p>“Please, Liv. You got to wake up. You can’t leave me too.” He whispers as he starts to cry running his thumb along her chin wiping away the drool that is pooling from the corner of her mouth.  </p><p>“I’m going to get you help. You’re going to be fine.” He tells her through his tears walking backwards across the carpet toward the closet door holding her upright in his arms. He adjusts his hold on her as he moves one arm to wrap his hand around the doorknob. His heart sinks when he turns the doorknob and finds it locked. </p><p>“JJ open the door please!” He shouts hoping that his voice reaches his friend above the loud volume of the music knocking on the door with his fist. </p><p>“What was that Ash you want ten more minutes?” JJ jokes laughing not letting go of the doorknob. </p><p>“JJ open the fucking door!” Asher shouts even louder his voice coming out tightly as he nears hysterics as he looks down at Olivia still unconscious in his arms pounding on the door in desperation.  </p><p>“Damn. Ash can’t you take a joke.” JJ scoffs pulling open the door rolling his eyes at his friend. He jumps back quickly in surprise as Asher falls back hitting the tiled floor in the foyer hard and Olivia lands on top of him her body unmoving.  </p><p>“JJ something is wrong with Liv.” Asher informs him as he rolls Olivia gently off him laying her carefully against the tiles before sitting up ignoring the way his head swims from where he hit it on the floor. “Someone help her please!” He pleads taking her hand in his squeezing it gently. His heart falls even more when she doesn't squeeze his back. </p><p>“Jordan!” JJ shouts over his shoulder in the direction that he last saw her twin as he falls to his knees next to Olivia. “Someone call 911!” He instructs to the crowd gathering around them his voice echoing against the walls of the house when someone abruptly shuts off the music.  </p><p>“Please, Livi wake up. Please don’t leave me.” Asher pleas rocking back and forth on his heels as he clutches her hand tightly to his chest looking down at her feeling helpless. </p><p>Asher hears footsteps running up to them, but he doesn't look up to see who it is.  </p><p>“What the hell did you do?” Jordan asks Asher through gritted teeth balling his hands into fists as he eyes Olivia laying on the floor. </p><p>Asher opens his mouth to respond but he gets cut off by a punch to his nose so familiar to the one that the bullies from last year had thrown at him. But this wasn’t one of those bullies it was Jordan his best friend. He falls back letting go of Olivia's hand as he does tears falling involuntarily down his cheeks. </p><p>“<em>Fucking</em> prick.” Jordan spits out turning away from Asher to kneel next to his twin.  </p><p>Asher leans heavily against the wall reluctantly putting distance in between himself and Olivia. Above the roaring sound in his ears, he vaguely hears JJ defend him to Jordan and someone talking panicked to 911. Feeling something warm against his top lip he touches it gingerly with his fingers. His brow furrows when he pulls away his shaky fingers looking down at them to find them covered with blood, his blood.  </p><p>Laura looks away from the car window as her phone lights up with a text from a number that she doesn’t recognize before it starts to ring. Her brow furrows as she sees it’s Jordan calling her. </p><p>“Hello?” She says above the loud background noise sounding around her son.  </p><p>“Mom? Something is wrong with Liv!” Comes her son’s panicked voice. </p><p>“What happened?” She asks in alarm.  </p><p>“I don’t know but she won’t wake up!” Jordan explains as he starts to cry looking down at his twin feeling helpless.  </p><p>“We’ll be right there.” She tells him as she hangs up explaining the situation to Billy as he turns on the emergency flashers on and speeds the rest of the way to their house.  </p><p>The ambulance is already in their driveway when they make it home. Laura jumps out of the car before Billy can even stop with her heart pounding in her ears. She runs through the open front door to find her baby girl laying on the floor unconscious with two paramedics on either side of her. She starts crying as she falls to her knees by her daughter’s head whispering over and over that she’s going to be okay.  </p><p>As Billy turns toward the door to follow the paramedics wheeling Olivia out of the house his eyes land on Jordan looking down at his red knuckles in shame and then he looks over to Asher who is wearing a blank expression with blood dripping from his nose. He runs a tired hand over his face coming to a conclusion on his own that Jordan had hit Asher. He gently places his hand on his son’s elbow leading him out to their car to follow the ambulance to the hospital deciding that he would deal with Jordan and Asher later.  </p><p>JJ crouches down in front of Asher glancing out the front door where the paramedics are loading Olivia into the ambulance and Laura scrambles in after her daughter.  </p><p>“Hey, Ash how about we get you off the floor?” JJ asks cautiously placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Asher only blinks in response as he lets himself be pulled up off the floor and be guided to the couch.  </p><p>“Here you go.” JJ tells Asher pressing a damp dishtowel into his friend’s hand happy to see that his nose has finally stopped bleeding. JJ paces in front of the couch as waits for his dad to pick up on the other line so he can drive them to the hospital.  </p><p>JJ guides Asher out toward his dad’s truck with a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder and his lips pulled into an unusual tight line of worry.  </p><p>“What happened JJ?” His dad asks as soon as he opens the passenger truck door. JJ glances up to his dad’s face finding that he looks tired after his long shift at the firehouse and then back down at Asher who is wearing a blank expression on his face.  </p><p>“Um, Liv she—” JJ starts to explain before Asher cuts him off. </p><p>“She overdosed Mr. Parker.” Asher states flatly still in shock.  </p><p>James grips the steering wheel tightly as he looks between his son and the boy that he rescued from the accident scene that still haunts him at nights after his team receives similar calls. “Get in.” He instructs them both. </p><p>Even though he isn’t on a call he uses the emergency lights on his truck anyway so they can make it to the hospital quicker. Because he knows even though it is a personal reason it is still an emergency.  </p><p>Asher is the first one through the automatic sliding doors leading into the Emergency Room waiting area with James and JJ following closely behind him.  </p><p>Billy looks up at the sudden sound of footsteps sounding against the gleaming pale-yellow tiled floors approaching them quickly.  </p><p>“Is Olivia okay?” Asher asks quietly as he timidly approaches Billy letting his eyes slide cautiously over to Jordan who is still staring down at his shoes.  </p><p>“We don’t know yet bud.” Billy tells him with a frown looking toward the door that leads to the trauma bays where he knows his baby girl is fighting for her life.  </p><p>Asher nods sadly backing into a corner to sit by himself in one of the hard plastic chairs. He grips his hand around his phone fighting the urge to call his mom. But he doesn’t want to be let down if she doesn’t answer.  </p><p>James sits down heavily next to Billy offering him an empathic smile because he can’t imagine how he would be feeling if it were his daughter that had overdosed. So, while they wait for some news, he tries to distract Billy by talking about what his plans are for the rest of the football season which is the only thing that he knows to do in situations like these. </p><p>JJ takes a seat next to Jordan as he eyes Asher in the corner looking completely lost. “Hey, Jay.” JJ greets with half a smile.  </p><p>Jordan nods keeping his eyes glued to his shoes not able to meet his other best friend’s eyes and he continues to ignore Asher’s presence. Because he knows if he takes one glance at his other best friend, the one that he hit, that it will completely break him. And he has to stay strong for his twin sister. No, his little sister he reminds himself as the memory of her laying lifeless on their floor plays over and over in his mind.  </p><p>After the tenth time of the door between the waiting room and the treatment area opening and closing without any news about Olivia they all stand when they Laura finally appears from behind the door walking toward them numbly as the door click shuts loudly behind her.  </p><p>“How’s our baby girl? Is she okay?” Billy asks standing up grabbing his wife’s hand searching her face intently for an answer.  </p><p>“The doctor said she’ll be okay.” Laura tells them as she breaks down in tears as the realization at how close they came to losing their daughter hits her.  </p><p>Billy puts his arms around his wife pulling her in close his own heart breaking with the same realization as his own tears start to fall.  </p><p>“Come here bub.” He tells Jordan when he glances over to find his son looking at them looking lost with his bottom lip quivering. “Everything’s going to be okay.” He whispers to them both placing a kiss to each of their cheeks.  </p><p>“Can we see her now mom?” Jordan asks once he pulls back regaining his composure </p><p>“Well they are about to move her to the ICU, but the doctor said she could have one visitor.” Laura explains looking around the room until her eyes find Asher still in the corner. </p><p>Billy nods in agreement at the silent question that his wife asks him with her eyes before she turns away making her way over to their godson.  </p><p>Jordan opens his mouth to protest that it should be him or his dad to see Olivia, but he closes it again tightly once he looks down at his bruised knuckles the guilt from him hitting his best friend resurfacing. With a tired sigh he takes his seat next to JJ again taking a quick timid glance toward Asher before staring shamefully down at his bruised knuckles again.  </p><p>“Hey, bub. Are you okay?” Laura asks Asher as she sits down slowly next to him placing a gentle arm on his forearm. He blinks at feeling her touch, but he doesn’t lift his eyes from the floor to meet her soft, understanding gaze. “Olivia can have a visitor. Would you like to go see her?” Laura offers wanting nothing more but to hug the hurting boy in front of her, but she knows him well enough to know that won’t bring him the comfort he needs right. Only seeing Olivia will be able to do that.  </p><p>“You guys are her family. You all should go.” He answers with a shrug flicking his eyes over briefly over to Billy and Jordan wanting nothing more than to see his best friend.  </p><p>“Well, Olivia considers you as her family too. So, if you want you can go see her. I’ll go with if you want.” Laura explains with nod toward the door where her daughter is still unconscious but has finally been stabilized.   </p><p>“They won’t be mad?” Asher asks biting on his bottom lip staring down at the floor again. </p><p>“Of course, they won't be.” Laura exclaims her heart breaking at his question.  </p><p>Asher nods hesitantly in response and Laura takes his hand in hers giving it an assuring squeeze as she leads him to Olivia’s bedside.  </p><p>“I’ll give you a minute alone with her.” Laura tells him once they are standing outside the trauma bay where Olivia is laying in the bed behind the privacy curtain.  </p><p>Asher’s legs are shaky as he crosses the five floor tiles separating him and his best friend pulling back the curtain as he disappears into the small room.  </p><p>He draws in a sharp breath willing his panic attack from earlier not to resurface as he steps closer to her bed. He fits his hand through the bedrail placing a gentle hand on her forearm careful of the IV in the back of her hand to offer what comfort he can to her as she did for him after the accident.  </p><p>"I'm so sorry Liv." He whispers above the steadily beeping of the machines she's attached to rubbing his thumb along her soft skin.  </p><p>"I should go.” Asher tells Laura when she steps up to the other side of Olivia his eyes never leaving his best friend's pale face as he backs away from the hospital bed almost tripping on the chair leg as he does.  </p><p>"Asher, honey wait you should stay." Laura tells him as she grabs her daughter's hand. </p><p>"I can't. Just tell her I'm sorry when she wakes up." Asher says with a look of guilt crossing over his face before he disappears down the hall and out the back exit of the hospital leaving Laura and Olivia alone.  </p><p>"I just can't believe I hit Asher JJ. I mean besides you he's my best friend. How could I do that? " Jordan tells JJ breaking the silence between since his mom took Asher to see Olivia.  </p><p>“Look Jordan I know that you didn’t mean to hit him and so does Asher. You just reacted to what you saw. And once Asher calms down from everything that happened, he’ll forgive you.” JJ assures him as he tosses the sports magazine, he was flipping aimlessly through back onto the end table by his chair.  </p><p>“I hope he will.” Jordan says rubbing his thumb along his bruised knuckles.  </p><p>“He will.” JJ affirms with a determined nod.  </p><p>Billy’s phone buzzes in the chair beside him flashing his wife’s name on the screen. </p><p>“Hi. Everything okay?” Billy asks as he picks up the phone.  </p><p>“Um, yes and no.” Laura answers still holding tightly to Olivia’s hand as she stares toward the sliding glass door that Asher just disappeared out of.  </p><p>“What do you mean?” He asks his anxiety drumming through his veins once more at Laura’s words. </p><p>“Olivia is okay.” She assures him after hearing the worry in his voice. “But Asher just left.” Laura explains her own voice coming out worried. </p><p>“Where did he go?” Billy questions his brow furrowing as he leans forward in his chair with James watching him carefully. </p><p>“I don’t know but I don’t think he should really be alone right now.” Laura explains running a hand tiredly down her face.  </p><p><em> Asher? </em> James mouths to Billy putting together the puzzle pieces of what Laura was saying.  </p><p>Billy nods in response before he turns back his attention to his wife to assure her that Asher would be okay. He swallows hoping that he was right.  </p><p>“We’ll go find him.” James decides standing up clasping Billy on the shoulder as he nods towards his son to follow him.  </p><p>“James and JJ are going to go find him Laura. You just stay focused on Olivia. It's going to be alright.” He tells her gently watching as James and JJ walk through the automatic sliding doors and out into the night. “They’ll find him.” He says sharing a look with Jordan who has tears shining in his eyes again. “They’ll find him.” He repeats before clicking off the call.  </p><p>Asher stumbles down the sidewalk the adrenaline finally wearing off and the alcohol finally taking hold as he makes his way toward the park and away from the hospital with his shadow looming alongside him as he walks underneath the fluorescent streetlights.  </p><p>“Sorry.” He mumbles as he almost bumps into a lady walking her dog as he catches himself before he trips into the grass. He pauses watching as the lady crosses the street half wondering why she was out so late, but he guesses she was wondering the same thing about him. He places his hand on the cool metal of the streetlight pole leaning his weight heavily against it as he blinks the tears away from his blurry vision.  </p><p>His stomach takes a violent leap and he barely makes it over to the trash can by the park entrance before he throws up the contents of his stomach – which is only half a slice of pizza and alcohol – on top of the plastic cups and food wrappers piled inside. </p><p>He makes his way over wearily to the park bench laying down as he shifts to find a comfortable position only groaning in frustration when he can’t find one. He uses his right arm as a pillow for his throbbing head as he stares out toward the fountain illuminated by the lights under the water swallowing against another wave of nausea as he wishes he had something to drink. He shields his eyes with his left arm when everything starts spinning around.  </p><p>“Asher?” He hears a voice call and it sounds so far away. Above the buzzing sound in his ears, the voice almost sounds like Collin.<em>  Almost</em>. </p><p>“Asher?” Another voice calls that sounds familiar but his brain won't register who it is through the fogginess. He wonders though if it could be his dad.  </p><p>“Ash, are you okay?” The first voice asks sounding closer this time. He blinks his eyes open slowly when he feels someone place their hand on his arm. He’s surprised when he finds JJ crouched down in front of him and his dad, James, standing behind with concern clouding both of their eyes’.  </p><p>His eyes widen when images of Olivia flash through his mind of her unconscious in his arms. “Oh, God Olivia is she okay? I have to get back...” He chokes out as his breath hitches in his throat at the thought of losing her like he had Collin.<em> I can’t lose her. I just can’t. </em>He thinks with tears burning his eyes as he tries to get up from the bench with his head feeling like it weighs a thousand pounds.  </p><p>“She’s going to be okay Ash.” JJ assures his friend gently guiding him back down on the bench. “Do you remember seeing her in the hospital?” He asks eyeing his friend with worry placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah, I remember.” Asher says blinking rapidly to stop his tears from falling. “Sorry.” He whispers averting his gaze down to the ground.  </p><p>“No, need to apologize bud.” James tells him stepping closer to the bench. “Do you think you can sit up?” He asks peering down at Asher with a sympathetic smile. </p><p>“I think so.” Asher guesses as he presses a tentative hand onto one of the wood planks of the bench to push himself up. “Thanks.” He whispers as he feels two strong arms on either side of him helping him to sit up.  </p><p>“How much did you have to drink tonight son?” James questions in a non-accusatory tone smiling understandably toward his son when he sends him a guilty look. </p><p>“Not much. A beer and a glass at the Baker's. I just didn't eat much today so it hit me pretty hard.” Asher answers honestly sitting up straighter when the nausea finally subsides.  </p><p> “Well, are you boys hungry? Because I am starved after my shift.” James asks chuckling when he hears Asher’s stomach growl. “I’ll take that as a yes then. Dinner will be my treat.” He offers with a wink before he walks back to his truck sending Billy a quick text on the way to let him know they found Asher. </p><p>“How did you find me?” Asher asks JJ curiously as they walk toward his dad’s truck. </p><p>“You had your location on, so I just used the <em>Find My Phone app.</em>” JJ explains flashing Asher his trademark lopsided grin as he shows him his phone screen. “And I know this is one of Olivia's favorite places.” He tells him glancing back over his shoulder before sending Asher a knowing smile.  </p><p>“Oh.” Asher simply states surprised his friend went through all that trouble to find him. “Thank you for finding me JJ. I—” Asher says as he trails off not able to find the right words.  </p><p>“You’re welcome Ash. I will do anything for you. You and Jordan are my best friends.” JJ tells him as he slings an arm over his shoulders. “And you don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it. I really do. I mean it was Liv and we all love her.” He explains to Asher with an understanding nod before he climbs into his dad’s truck.   </p><p>“Right.” Asher agrees with a nod before climbing into the truck after JJ. </p><p>“So, is this alright with you boys?” James asks as he pulls into a parking spot close to the door gesturing toward the all-night diner with a flashing neon open sign in the window.  </p><p> “Yeah, dad it is fine with me.” JJ answers as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “How about you Ash?” He asks looking hopefully into the backseat at Asher with a smile.  </p><p>Asher nods in response unbuckling his own seatbelt silently following JJ and his dad into the diner.     </p><p>“Good evening. You all just find you a seat wherever you would like, and I’ll be right with you.” The waitress greets them when they walk through the door as the bell above the door chimes.  </p><p>After nodding toward the waitress James leads them to a booth in the back sliding in next to the window as JJ slides in across from him and Asher sits down carefully to JJ.  </p><p>“So, what can I get you boys to drink tonight?” The waitress asks as she clicks her pen turning to a new page in her notepad. </p><p>“I’ll take a black coffee.” James says without hesitation as the waitress sits down three laminated menus down in on the table.  </p><p>“Alright.” The waitress nods writing it down quickly. “And for you hon?” She asks looking toward JJ. </p><p>“Um, Coke is fine.” JJ answers with a polite smile which she returns before she writes his drink choice down.  </p><p>“And how about you sweetie?” She asks looking toward Asher. Something in her voice that sounds so familiar to his mom’s makes Asher looks up from the table before he answers.  </p><p>“Just a Sprite.” He mumbles out with a sad but polite smile his smile dropping when he reads her name tag. <em> Gwen</em>. His eyes cloud over as the hurt from his mom leaving without a word resurfaces. He sighs pushing it back down for now.   </p><p>“Okay be right back.” She says with a nod not noticing Asher’s sad eyes staring after her.  </p><p>“So, what are you boys thinking of getting?” James asks as he picks up one of the menus glancing down at the options. </p><p>“Let’s see...” JJ trails off glancing down at his own menu.  </p><p>“I’ll just have a grilled cheese.” Asher decides after he looks at both sides of the menu. </p><p>“You sure that’s all you want?” James questions as he glances up from his menu trying to decide between a cheeseburger or a hot ham and cheese sandwich to watch him carefully. </p><p>Asher nods placing his menu back on the table timidly taking out his phone to see if anyone has texted any news about Olivia, but he is disappointed when he finds no new notifications on the screen.  </p><p>Halfway through their midnight dinner and after two refills of their drinks, Asher’s phone finally buzzes when he receives a text. He grabs it so fast from the table that he almost spills his drink. </p><p>“It’s from Jordan.” He informs James and JJ who both stop talking mid-sentence to hear the news. He unlocks his phone and opens the text as fast as his trembling fingers will allow him holding his breath as he reads it twice to fully understand it.  </p><p><em> Hi, Ash. It’s me Jay. I just wanted to let you know that Liv is awake. She’s going to be okay. And I’m sorry about earlier. Talk soon. </em>   </p><p>“She’s awake.” He whispers out to them as tears instantly spring into his eyes releasing the breath he had been holding. “She’s going to be okay.” He says in disbelief still letting the news sink in.  </p><p>“That’s great news!” James exclaims excitedly relieved at hearing his friend’s daughter will be alright. </p><p>“I knew Liv would pull through.” JJ says smiling as he claps Asher on the shoulder.  </p><p>“Well, I think this calls for a celebration. Banana splits anyone?” James offers as he laughs away his own nerves as JJ nods eagerly at the suggestion and Asher lets out a watery laugh of his own. </p><p>Asher knew that deep down that Olivia would have a long road ahead of her to recover from her addiction but for now just knowing that she was awake was enough to make him smile. And right now, he needed a reason to smile.     </p><p>After readjusting her pillows Laura leans back in the chair that folded out to make a small bed that the nurse had so kindly placed right beside Olivia’s hospital bed watching her daughter sleeping peacefully. She had only been able to stay awake for a few minutes but those were the happiest minutes for Laura, Billy and Jordan who were all so relieved to see those beautiful brown eyes of hers.     </p><p>Laura texts Billy back that she loves them both after reading his text that him and Jordan had made it back home safely. Taking in a deep breath she finally opens the text that she had received from that unknown number a few hours ago. </p><p><em> Hi, Laura, it’s me Gwen this is my new number. I’ve moved back to Malibu with my parents. Asher doesn’t know why I left, and</em><em> I don’t want to burden him with this. I got the test results back from my biopsy and they were malignant. I’ll have more answers after my appointment on Tuesday at two. I hope you will understand why I left. I’m so sorry. Talk soon?  </em> </p><p>Laura covers her mouth in shock as she reads Gwen’s message for the third time the words finally sinking in. Her best friend was in Malibu and she had cancer. </p><p>She pulls up the paper-thin blanket to cover her mouth to muffle her sobs as she cries for her daughter, her best friend, and her godson. </p><p><em> What else could possibly happen?  </em>She wonders wearily as she feels so alone and helpless as the steady beeping of her daughter’s heart monitor is the only thing that keeps her from falling apart completely.  </p><p>***    </p><p>On Monday morning Asher leans against the Baker’s van that is parked outside the front entrance to the hospital as he waits for them to come out with Olivia. </p><p>She’s being released from the hospital today and her parents and Jordan are driving her up to her inpatient rehab where she has to stay for sixty days. </p><p><em> I am going to miss her so much. </em> He thinks as he shoves his trembling hands into the pockets of his jeans.  </p><p>Despite everything he finds a smile tugging at his lips when the automatic sliding doors open up and he sees her being wheeled out in a wheelchair by a nurse.  </p><p>“Asher?” She states in slight disbelief that he is there as the nurse pushes her to a stop in front of him. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m here Liv.” He tells her as he grabs her hand smiling down at her. She grabs his other hand looking deep into his eyes as a mix of emotions flash through her own eyes trying to convey everything to him that she can’t put into words right now. He nods understanding everything that she wants to say and knowing that when she comes home that then she’ll be able to tell him.    </p><p>“Well, we should get going baby girl. You have to be checked in by noon.” Billy tells her gently as he clears his throat before rounding the van and climbing into driver seat.  </p><p>She nods silently letting Asher help her out of the wheelchair. She wraps her arms tightly around him after she stands up leaning heavily into his embrace when he wraps his arms around her.  </p><p>“I'm going to miss you so much Ash.” She whispers softly so only he can hear her. </p><p>“I'm going to miss you even more Liv.” He whispers against her hair his voice thick with emotion.  </p><p>Asher is the first to  pull away even though he never wants to let her go again but he knows how important it is for her to go to rehab so she can better.  </p><p>Jordan steps up next to his twin sending Asher a slight nod that he returns before he helps her into the backseat of the van as Asher waves to them both before he slides the door shut. </p><p>Laura turns to Asher with a sad smile across her face wishing she could tell him about his mom's diagnosis. But she would never betray her best friend's trust like that. So, she does the only thing that she knows to do. </p><p>“I have your mom's new phone number.” She tells him as she pulls the scrap piece of paper out of her purse she had written it down on for him.  </p><p>“I don't know what…” He says but trails off averting his gaze to anywhere but Laura's understanding expression.  </p><p>“Honey, I know that she left.” She explains sympathetically handing him the number.  </p><p>“Thank you.” He whispers looking down at the number as tears blur his vision.  </p><p>“Do you have a ride home?” She questions since he rode with them to the hospital. </p><p>“Um, yeah my dad is meeting me for lunch.” He answers the lie rolling so easily off his tongue before he can even blink. </p><p>“If you ever need anything Asher, we're always here for you.” Laura tells him as she pulls him in for a quick hug. </p><p>“Yeah, I know.” He says nodding as he pulls back picking up his backpack from the ground. He watches as she climbs into the passenger seat and the van pulls away leaving him standing there alone.  </p><p>He stands there for a few more minutes as their van disappears down the street and makes a safe right turn at a stoplight before he crosses the street toward the bus station. </p><p>“What can I do for you today dear?” The lady in the ticket window asks him smiling politely at him as he tentatively steps up to the window. </p><p>“I need a one-way bus ticket to Malibu.” He tells her evenly returning her polite smile. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank y'all so much reading another chapter! :D<br/>I would love to hear what you thought of this chapter and any predictions that y'all may have for the coming chapters! :)<br/>The next chapter will be called The Homecoming and we will get to see Asher's trip to Malibu and Olivia will be coming home from rehab.<br/>I hope to have the next chapter posted soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Homecoming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Asher takes a trip to Malibu in hopes of finding his mom, but he ends up finding something he never knew he was looking for. Laura supports Gwen through her cancer diagnosis and treatments. After Harold learns the news about his wife it puts things in perspective for him. When Olivia comes home from rehab Asher finally feels whole again but he still has some lingering guilt about the party and her overdose. Through some ups and downs Asher learns that home isn't always the four walls that surround you but the people that you are surrounded by who make you feel loved.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, y'all! :)</p><p>I am finally back with another chapter after a month of not updating. And I must say that this one is my favorite that I have written so far! :D</p><p>I am so so sorry that it has taken me this long to post a new chapter. The next chapter will be posted either at the end of the month or in early September depending on when I get my next series finished.</p><p>I just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you who have read, commented on, and left a kudo on my story so far! Your guys' support means the world to me! I appreciate y'all so much! :D</p><p>Thank y'all so much to for this story reaching over 600 hits! Like wow, it is so exciting for me to know that my story has been clicked on and read so much! It makes me so happy! :D</p><p>Thank you for sticking with me and my story! :D</p><p>Please Note: This chapter contains some themes that could be triggering such as mentions of alcoholism; mentions of cancer; self-deprecating thoughts and panic attacks. So, if any of that could be triggering to you at all then please read with extra care and caution. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <span>Asher rubs at his sore neck muscles from where he had fallen asleep on the bus ride to Malibu as he steps off the bottom step of the bus watching for a moment as the other passengers go their separate ways without ever giving him a second look because none of them are concerned as to why a kid from Beverly is there with a few changes of clothes in his backpack and two twenty-dollar bills in his wallet. He knows if someone was to ask him why he was there that he would just come up with some elaborate story as to why he was there and that he wouldn’t share the truth with a complete stranger. </span>
  
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  <span>But it would still be nice to be asked. To just be noticed. </span>
  
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  <span>Letting out a long sigh, he shoulders his backpack making his way down the somewhat familiar sidewalk toward the beach – the beach his family always took vacations to before the accident. </span>
  
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  <span>Finding an empty spot along the shoreline close to the water he sits down on the sand wishing he had thought to bring a beach towel as he watches the tide rolls in. The noon sun glitters against the blue water as he digs around in is his backpack for his sunglasses. </span>
  
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  <span>Through the dark tint of his sunglasses he watches as a little boy and who he guesses is his big brother throw a frisbee back and forth reminding him of how he and Collin use to throw a football back and forth together on their vacations to here.</span>
  
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    <span>Two summers before the accident Asher and his family had taken a day trip down to the beach. While their mom was visiting her parents, Collin suggested that they throw the football back and forth which Asher had reluctantly agreed to because he wasn’t very good at football but for as long as he could remember he had always wanted to do everything his older brother, Collin, did. And when it came to football the desire to make their proud dad of him was even stronger. </span>
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    <span>“Go long, Ash.” Collin called from down the beach before he threw the football. </span>
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    <span>Asher ran as fast as he could down the beach splashing into the salty water for the ball groaning when it landed at his feet instead.</span>
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    <span>“That’s okay you’ll get the next one.” Collin encouraged him with a wide smile. </span>
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    <span>“You’ve thrown the football eleven times already son. Just face it he’s not going to catch it.” Their dad had exclaimed from where he stood by Collin with his arms crossed. </span>
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    <span>Asher picked up the football pretending not to have heard their dad as he jogged back toward them with his shoulders slumped.</span>
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    <span>“You ready to go again?” Collin asked his smile never slipping. </span>
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    <span>“Maybe that’s enough for now.” Asher decided with a shrug looking out into the waves.</span>
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    <span>“Hey, you can do this. I believe in you.” Collin told him as he placed a hand on his shoulder. “Just one more time.” He said with a confident smile. </span>
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    <span>“Okay, just one more.” Asher agreed turning around to set up for the next throw. </span>
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    <span>“Keep your eyes on the ball.” Collin instructed as he drew his arm back. </span>
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    <span>Asher sent him a determined nod as he trained his eyes on the ball in his brother’s hand and as it spiraled through the air toward him. </span>
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    <span>He ran as fast as could across the sand with his brother cheering him on behind him catching the football just before it could land in the water</span>
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    <span>“What did I tell you Ash?” Came Collin’s voice as he ran toward him. “I told you could do it!” He exclaimed as he picked up Asher swinging him around. </span>
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    <span>Asher let out a laugh of surprise as the football fell into the salty water feeling a smile spread across his face at knowing that his brother was right. That he could catch the football after all.</span>
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</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Way to go little brother.” Collin whispered to him ruffling his hair after he put him down. “How about we go get some pizza to celebrate. I’m starved from all that throwing.” He inquired as he picked up the football before he gestured toward their dad as he slung a tanned arm loosely over his little brother’s shoulders. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sure.” Asher agreed smiling brightly up at his brother. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m so proud of you Ash.” Collin told him as they walk along the shoreline. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks, Col.” Asher said as Collin pulled him in for a half hug.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The last one over to dad is a rotten egg!” Collin called over his shoulder as he took off running with a laugh.  </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What—” Asher said in confusion before he realized what his brother had said above the loud crash of a small wave.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Like all their races Collin let Asher run a few paces ahead of him even though during their most recent races Asher had been getting faster. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, I guess I’m the rotten egg.” Collin exclaimed as he finally caught up with Asher who was standing by their dad. “You sure you shouldn’t be on the track team Ash?” He observed with a wide grin.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good job on that last catch Asher.” Harold complimented his youngest son with a slight nod as they walked toward the car.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks, dad.” Asher said in somewhat disbelief at his dad’s words.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Told you could do it squirt.” Collin whispered to him ruffling his hair before they got into the car. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks, Col.” Asher said smoothing down his hair with a bright smile as he climbed in the backseat next to his big brother. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher’s lips curl upward into an expression resembling a smile as he remembers how good it felt that day to have his older brother be so proud of him. He wishes that someone could be that proud of him like he always was. But he knows that given his parent’s behavior since his brother died that they never will be. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He watches the two young kids for a few moments longer before he pulls himself up from the warm sand dusting off his shorts before he shoulders his backpack again walking down the somewhat familiar sidewalk in the opposite direction this time with his destination in mind and the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Google </span>
  </em>
  <span>map on his phone giving him directions. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The football facility and field at Malibu High School is a lot larger and newer than Asher remembers when he used to travel here to watch his brother play. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe being a Dolphin wouldn’t be so bad if I get to play on that field.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Asher thinks as he climbs the bleachers looking out across the green field with its freshly painted white lines. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I saw someone new watching practice today.” Coach Skolnick says as the team makes their way off the field after practice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, sir.” Asher says as he shakes the coach’s extended hand. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re from Beverly, aren’t you?” The coach asks in a skeptical tone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, yes sir.” Asher answers stumbling over his words. “I'm the wide receiver.” He explains shifting his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot under the coach’s hard stare.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Adams, right?” The coach guesses peering closer at the boy in front of him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher nods in response looking out over the now empty field.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember your older brother now. He sure was one hell of a player. It's a shame what happened.” The coach recalls remembering how he used to watch the oldest Adams’ son play and how he used to wish at every game that he was on their team.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he was sir.” Asher agrees taking in a sharp breath at the mention of his older brother as he glances back at the Dolphins’ team coach.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What brings you to Malibu?” Coach Skolnick questions tapping a few notes out on his tablet.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My dad’s job might be transferring him down here. So, I just thought I might check out the football team. I hope that’s okay.” Asher explains worried that he might have made a mistake.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah it’s fine.” He says with a shrug waving away the boy’s worry. “Now don’t go back to Coach Baker with any of our plays.” He tells him with a wink.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, not sir.” Asher promises with a nod. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I should get going. But if you do decide to transfer here, I can’t promise you a spot, but you never know.” The coach tells him glancing down at his watch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Asher answers feeling deflated with a thought that he should have known better than to come here.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He watches the coach walk away with an empty feeling because he doesn’t really know where he belongs anymore. His mom left without even explaining why and lately his dad hasn’t been able to even look at him if he isn’t drunk. He’s torn between seeing his mom and listening to her story or staying with his dad and watching him continue to spiral. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey. Aren’t you from Beverly?” Comes a voice that he doesn’t recognize from behind him breaking him from his racing thoughts causing him to jump.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, yeah I am. I’m Asher.” He answers shakily as he extends his hand out to the other football player.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Delgado. Are you transferring here?” He inquires as they fall into step next to each other as they walk off the field.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really sure. My dad’s work might be transferring him down here. So, we’ll see.” Asher answers nonchalantly with a shrug deciding that this fabricated life sounds so much easier than his real one.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully you will then.” Delgado says with a nod.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Asher agrees with an easy smile feeling none of the pressure he does at Beverly to keep his mask on that he wears around them. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, there’s a party tonight at our quarterback's house. And if you want you can come and meet the team.” He offers as they walk through the gate. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like fun.” Asher says without much of an intention of actually going but the aspect of free alcohol and a house full of people who don’t know anything about him does sound enticing. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. I’ll text you the details.” Delgado says as Asher hands him his phone so he can type his number in his contacts list. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He waves to Delgado his fake smile slipping into a tired frown as he orders a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lyft</span>
  </em>
  <span> to take him to his grandparent’s house hoping that his mom really will be there. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lyft</span>
  </em>
  <span> driver turns onto his grandparent’s street a heavy rain starts to fall. By the time the car pulls to a stop in front of their house Asher has to wipe away the fog from the rear passenger window to be able to see the brick one story house before him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As his eyes scan the driveway for his mom’s car which is there he glances over at the front yard that him and Collin had spent so many summer evenings on throwing a football back and forth until the streetlights would come on and their mom made them come inside. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls his eyes from the house to glance down at his backpack lying next to him on the car seat as he swallows against the lump forming in his throat at the thought of seeing his mom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell am I supposed to say to her?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He wonders toying with the zipper on his backpack. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can wait until the rain stops. No extra charge.” Comes the driver’s gentle voice from the front seat as he locks eyes with Asher sending him a kind smile. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Asher whispers as he looks out the window again still filled with uncertainty. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe she won't want to see me. I mean she did leave without saying anything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He reasons feeling his heart start to pound loudly in his chest. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Closing his eyes, he leans his forehead against the car window finding the glass cool against his flushed skin as he lets out a shuddering breath as his thoughts switch to Olivia and what happened at the party. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There’s no way in hell she will want to ever talk to me again after she gets out of rehab and realizes how much of a fuck up I really am. Maybe it’s better she does now before it’s too late.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thinks bitterly as tears start to burn his eyes. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay back there?” The driver, Dave, asks him as he carefully glances back at him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Asher answers his voice coming out thick with emotion as he fights back his tears. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The rain has stopped.” He tells him gently shifting to find a more comfortable position in the car seat.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Asher says blankly blinking his eyes to clear his blurred vision. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this the right house?” Dave asks instead of asking what he really wants to which is if the kid thinks he’ll be okay here. Because his reaction at seeing the house wasn’t exactly a happy one. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Asher says with nod finally meeting his gaze in the rearview mirror. “Um, do you think you could just take me to the nearest bus stop instead?” He asks hesitantly averting his eyes back down to his backpack deciding that he isn’t ready to see his mom yet.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thinks as he buckles his seat belt again as Dave pulls away from his grandparent’s house — away from his mom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher swallows down his guilt he feels at not trying to mend things with his mom as the scenery outside the car window changes from his grandparent’s neighborhood to the interstate. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As the sky fully clears returning to its natural blue hue after they leave Malibu behind in the rearview mirror he watches silently as Dave puts on his turn signal and pulls into a gas station that was right off an exit.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got to fill up the tank.” Dave casually explains as he stops alongside a vacant gas pump. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher simply nods watching as he climbs out without another word or a look back. The silence that is left hanging in the air inside the car with all the windows rolled up is suffocating to him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He steps out of the car gulping in heavy breaths of fresh air deciding that he can just walk to the closet bus station as he feels he has wasted enough of this stranger’s time. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How much do I owe you for the ride?” Asher asks he steps out of the car and rounds the back of the bar so that Dave can hear him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But this isn’t the bus stop?” Dave asks confused as he crosses his arms over his chest leaning back against the car. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know but I’ve already made you drive too far.” Asher explains his backpack suddenly feeling heavy on his tired shoulders. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a problem really.” Dave explains with a shrug. “But for the gas it will only be twenty dollars.” He says unfolding his arms as looks over at the young traveler as an expression of skepticism clouds his boyish features. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But what about for the ride?” Asher asks in confusion as they both watch as the numbers on the gas pump tick quickly pass forty dollars. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My car only had a half tank of gas when I picked you up. And the ride we will just call that a favor.” Dave explains with a wink as the gas pump clicks off signaling that his tank is full. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re sure...” Asher trails off as he takes out his wallet hoping to hide from Dave’s watchful gaze that he only has one bill left after he hands him the twenty dollars that will only cover half of the gas. “Are you sure I don’t owe you more?” He asks with his wallet still open.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Asher.” Dave promises as he screws the cap back onto his car’s gas tank. “You’ll be okay getting back home?” He asks leaning back against the car making no move to get back inside. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” Asher tells him sending him what he hopes is a convincing smile before he backs away deciding to grab something to drink from the small convenience store. “Thanks again, Dave.” He says with a small wave before he turns away from the stranger that he felt the strongest urge to tell everything to as soon as he had climbed into his backseat. But he didn’t know why, and he needed to find his own way home before he did.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome.” Dave calls after him watching his nephew's retreating form disappear inside the store with a deep feeling of regret settling in the pit of his stomach that his own nephew didn’t even recognize him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Because until today they had never met. To Asher, they were just a driver and a passenger. But to Dave, they were an uncle and a nephew. But Dave knew his younger brother, Harold, well enough to know that he would be furious with him if he found out he had even looked at Asher rather than actually talking to him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But right now, Dave didn’t care about any of that all he wanted was to hear his nephew call him </span>
  <em>
    <span>Uncle Dave</span>
  </em>
  <span> like Collin had all those years ago but that was before everything went to Hell and never came back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The bell above the door chimes loudly as Asher pushes the door open stepping into the small store. He weaves his way through a few of the short aisles finding none of the snacks on the shelves appetizing. He walks back toward the coolers along the back wall eyeing the selection of alcohol with a longing to numb the emotions from the past few days but decides on just having a Coke instead. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all you need?” The elderly man behind the counter asks as Asher sits down his bottle of soda. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sir.” Asher answers timidly wishing he wasn’t so nervous. He avoids the older man’s questioning gaze as his eyes land on the faded </span>
  <em>
    <span>Help Wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> sign on the wall behind the man’s shoulder that looks like it has been hanging there since the store first opened. “Do you still need any help around here?” He asks gesturing toward the sign. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s asking?” The man asks as he takes a long drag of his cigarette that was resting in an ashtray. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, my name is Asher Adams and...” He informs him before he gets cut off by the man’s laughter.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you Arnold Adams’ grandson?” The clerk asks not believing the odds.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I am. But how did you know my grandpa?” Asher asks his brow furrowing deeply in confusion. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well your grandpa and I were in the army together.” He explains with a faraway look in eyes as he remembers things that he is glad that the boy in front of him will never have to see. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You were?” Asher questions shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I was.” The man says after he blinks a few times willing the memories of the battlefield to fade away. “How is your grandpa? I haven’t seen him in so long.” He asks sitting back again on his bar stool without bothering to ring up the soda on the cash register. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I haven’t really seen him in a while either.” Asher says honestly remembering the last time he did see his grandpa which had been after his brother’s funeral and what he told him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’ll make us proud one day out there on the field just like his brother but only if he can learn how to catch the damn ball. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The older man nods before letting out a long sigh as his back starts to ache. “If you want the job it’s yours.” He decides as he thinks it will be nice to have someone to talk to and to help pass the long hours by with. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Asher asks surprised. “I can work every day after school and football practice.” He tells him with a determined nod. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. It won’t pay much though.” He tells him sliding his soda back to him across the counter. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s okay.” Asher says pulling out his wallet to pay for his drink. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The soda is on the house.” He informs him with a slight smile. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Asher asks with a questioning look. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” The older man nods as he extends out his hand. “I’m Paul by the way.” He introduces himself as Asher gives his hand a firm handshake. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Paul, for giving me a chance.” Asher says once the older man hands him an old receipt with his number scrawled out on the back of it. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome. See you tomorrow.” Paul states with a slight question in his voice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“See you tomorrow.” Asher affirms before he backs away from the counter. Paul watches his new employee walk out the door and the bell above the door chimes leaving him alone once more in the store. He sits awhile remembering the past when he decides to call his old friend to see how he is.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher is thankful when he searches the nearest bus station on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Google Maps</span>
  </em>
  <span> and sees that it is only a half a mile awhile from the gas station — from his new job. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He finds his seat on the bus that is closer to the front this time instantly laying his head against the window with a dull ache throbbing against his temples hoping that his small headache doesn’t turn into a full-blown migraine as he settles in for the short ride back to Beverly Hills to wait for Olivia to come back home.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher’s brow furrows into a deep crease of confusion when he sees a moving truck in their driveway parked in front of the garage.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe mom came home after all.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thinks as he passes by the truck. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad?” He asks hesitantly when he finds his dad talking with one of the movers by the front door.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the hell have you been?” Harold asks when he sees his son his anger showing instead of his concern. “We’re moving to the guest house.” He says sharply his eyes narrowing when he sees his son just shrug in response at his question. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why?” Asher asks his voice raising as he crosses his arms over his chest. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because we are. Now go pack your stuff.” Harold says through his gritted teeth nodding his head curtly toward the opened front door.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher pushes pass his dad not caring when his shoulder roughly bumps him in the side and his dad calls angrily after him. He slams his bedroom door well at least what he guesses once was his bedroom door anyway letting out a long breath his anger still seething. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How the fuck did dad lose our damn house?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Asher wonders as he paces back and forth on the carpet. Needing something to help him release some of his anger he throws the pile of textbooks on his desk so forcefully against the wall that he is surprised that the impact doesn’t make a hole in the drywall. Not that he would give a damn if it did though.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He continues to pace around his room until a thought ices through him that makes him stop dead in his tracks so quickly that it makes his head spin.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If I have to pack my stuff, then that means that Collin’s stuff has to be packed too.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thinks with his hand already on the doorknob the panic rising in his chest. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He pauses outside his brother’s room taking in a deep breath before he opens the door because he never goes in there unless it’s his brother’s birthday. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Throwing open his brother’s bedroom door he feels his heart skip a beat when he sees that the room is completely empty. Everything that his brother had is just gone. It’s like his brother was never there. Like he had never existed at all. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How could you?” Asher snaps out when he finds his dad in the kitchen. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you talking about?” Harold asks his son not caring this time when his voice comes out angry. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You got rid of Collin’s stuff. How the hell—” Asher shouts paying no attention to how loud his voice is and how a pair of movers pause their movements in the living room where they are moving the couch to stare at the father and son. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Asher.” His dad says cutting him off abruptly. “I didn’t get rid of Collin’s stuff. I couldn’t do that. It’s all already in the truck.” Harold explains his voice softening as he watches the expression on his son’s face change from anger to a mix of guilt and sadness. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Asher whispers out his apology without meeting his dad’s eyes before he turns away from him and disappears out the patio door to sit by the pool. He stays there digging his fingernails into his palms to keep his panic attack at bay until his dad appears in the doorway to tell him it’s time for them to go to the guest house. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He follows his dad reluctantly as they make the short walk away from the only home that he has ever known to the much smaller guest house behind it. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Walking through the door he instantly resents the house because it is only a reminder of everything they have lost; his brother; his mom; and now their house. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s next?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He wonders as he walks down the short hallway to find all his stuff packed neatly away in cardboard boxes that are stacked inside one of the bedrooms. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He sends his dad what is his best attempt at a small smile when he hears him walk up behind him. After taking the pillow and the blanket that his dad’s offers him without a word, he lays heavily down onto the futon with one thing for certain that the headache he had earlier has now turned into a full blown migraine.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He lays still on the futon hoping to help the pounding in his head from getting any worse as he hears his dad close the refrigerator door with a long clang as he gets out a beer and he escapes out of the back door to the patio.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As the silence surrounds him in the guest house that is now his new home the loneliness creeps up on him with an unwelcoming coldness that makes him shiver even under the blanket. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He lets the tears finally fall that he has been holding back all day as he realizes that he feels lonelier than he did the night his brother died.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>From the pain of his migraine and the emotional roller coaster that today he lets his eyes fall shut as he slips into an unrestful sleep. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>On Tuesday twenty minutes after two o'clock Laura hastily parks her car in a parking spot ten cars away from the door grabbing her purse before she hurriedly makes her way into Gwen’s oncologist’s office.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Gwen I’m so sorry I’m late. Traffic was horrible.” Laura apologizes as soon as her eyes land on her best friend and her mom who are thankfully still sitting in one of the corners of the pastel painted waiting room. “How are you?” She asks Gwen sitting down next to her offering her a kind smile. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Laura. Thank you for coming. Even though you didn’t have to after everything that happened with Olivia.” Gwen says clutching her mom's hand tightly as the conversation she had with Laura last night about her daughter and everything that had happened replays in her mind.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to be here.” She promises her as she settles back against the back of the hard plastic chair to wait for them to call her best friend back to her appointment. Even though she hasn’t prayed in years she finds herself praying that the doctor’s news won’t be as bad as all of them are bracing themselves for it to be. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor closes the door behind them to her office that looks way too small for a life changing diagnosis to be given inside these walls. The air fills thick and the view of the outside world through the slit of the blinds brings little comfort. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you doing today Mrs. Adams?” The doctor asks as she sits down in the chair behind her desk.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm fine. And you?” Gwen answers with a tight smile as she sits down in the middle chair in front of the doctor’s desk and her mom and Laura sit down next to her in the other chairs taking each of her hands in their own offering her what support they can. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Doing well. Thank you.” The doctor says as she types her password into her computer. “I'm always glad to see when my patients have a good support system.” She explains smiling over at Laura and Gwen's mom. “So, who do you have with you today?” She asks turning her attention back to Gwen.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“This is mom, Mary, and my best friend, Laura.” Gwen explains after she takes a deep breath. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It's nice to meet you both.” The doctor says with a polite smile before glancing down at Gwen's file. ”Mrs. Adams.” She starts before Gwen speaks up.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please call me Gwen.” She instructs gently. Because to her the formality the doctor was using was making the situation all too real for her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Gwen it is then.” The doctor agrees with a nod. “Gwen, I wish I had better news for you.” She tells her sympathetically folding her hands laying them on top of her patient's open medical file her lips pressed into a thin line. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Gwen swallows against the lump forming in her throat as the doctor searches for the right words to tell her what her diagnosis is grateful when she feels both her mom and best friend clutch her hands more tightly letting her know that she isn’t alone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve looked over the scans of your left breast and your biopsy and I am afraid to inform you that your cancer is at stage three.” The doctor informs her in a gentle tone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Gwen can’t catch her breath as she processes what the doctor just told her that her cancer is much worse than she initially thought that it was. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what are her treatment options?” Her mom, Mary, asks as she’s the first one to find her voice after the doctor delivers the earth shattering news about her daughter wiping at her eyes as tears gather in them with a tissue from the doctor’s desk. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we will be trying chemotherapy first along with radiation to see how that works.” The doctor explains trying her best to sound hopeful.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And if that doesn’t work?” Gwen asks meekly once she finally finds her voice blinking back tears.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we will discuss that only if we need too.” The doctor answers sending all three women an assuring smile. “I’ll sit up your appointment for your first chemotherapy treatment and then I’ll have my receptionist call and let you know when it is.” The doctor explains looking at the calendar on her computer that holds her upcoming appointments. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there for your first treatment.” Laura promises her speaking up for the first time since learning the extent of her best friend’s cancer diagnosis. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laura follows Gwen and Mary out of the doctor’s office and back out into the fresh air of the Autumn day, but the air feels heavy out here too after everything the doctor had said replaying on a loop in each of their minds. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we grab some lunch? My treat.” Laura offers after she hugs Gwen once they make it to her car.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be nice.” Mary answers for her daughter before giving Laura a hug. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laura lets Mary lead the way to the restaurant for lunch with her thoughts racing as she wonders how everything had went downhill so quickly. First her precious baby girl almost died from her overdose and now her amazing best friend is facing the fight of her life against cancer. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She grips the steering wheel tighter as she feels at a loss on how to help either one of them. But she knows that she’ll do anything for either one of them because she can’t fathom losing either one of them. She won’t let herself even have that thought. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once they park in front of a small café Laura reapplies her usual shade of red lipstick before she swallows her own fears and puts her on her best hopeful smile as she steps out of her car hooking her arm through Gwen’s as they walk into the café finding a small table covered with a white lace tablecloth near the back. From the outside looking in they are just three ladies meeting for afternoon tea but if only it could have been a happy occasion that had brought them there.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I a terrible mother?” Gwen asks suddenly sitting her fork down with her food still untouched.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Laura and Gwen’s mom both exclaim at the same time surprised at her question. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Honey you are a wonderful mother.” Her mom assures as she grabs her hand from across the table.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not.” Gwen argues shaking her head. “I walked away from my son. What kind of mom does that make me?” She scoffs fighting back tears. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Gwennie listen to me.” Laura says as she scoots her chair closer to her best friend grabbing onto her other hand. “Your diagnosis turned your world upside down, so you did what you thought was best for Asher by leaving. You were only trying to protect him.” Laura tells her with a kind smile. “You did what any other mother would have done to protect her child from something bad.” She explains further when Gwen starts to silently cry.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel so guilty.” Gwen admits clearing her throat. “I mean he still gets nightmares about the accident and then there’s his migraines too. And I know that Harold won’t be any comfort to him. Maybe I should just have him come stay with me for a while.” She says looking down at her mom’s and Laura’s hands covering her own finding little comfort in their touch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that of course, we are no substitute for you, but we will be there for Asher in any way that we possibly can.” Laura promises her placing her free hand on her shoulder. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you seen him since I left?” Gwen asks after a few minutes silence pass between them. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw him yesterday. He rode with us to get Olivia from the hospital before we took her to the rehab facility.” Laura explains still clutching onto Gwen’s hand.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How was he?” Gwen finally asks meeting Laura’s soft gaze for a brief moment before she looks down at her plate of untouched food. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He was okay.” Laura tells her carefully leaving out the fact how she could tell that Asher was guilt ridden about what had happened with Olivia. “I gave him your new number before he left to meet Harold for lunch.” She explains taking a sip of her overly sweet coffee. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I don’t what he would do without you and your family.” Gwen states her guilt intensifying at the thought of how alone her son must be feeling. “Do you think he will ever forgive me?” She asks voicing her worst fear that her son will never want to see or speak to her ever again. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, he will Gwen. You’re still his mom and Asher loves you so much.” Laura assures tightening her grip on her friend’s hand. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re right.” Gwen whispers before the waitress comes to clear their plates and asks them cheerfully if they want dessert. They all politely decline her offer. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Laura arrives home shortly after six to find Billy in his office and Jordan upstairs in his room feeling completely exhausted from the day’s events.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, honey how’d everything go today?” Billy asks his wife after shutting off his computer once he heard her come through the front door. He walks swiftly over to her giving her a quick kiss waiting for her to take off her high heels before pulling her into a hug. “That bad. Huh?” He guesses at seeing the stress lines on her forehead and the way her shoulder slump with exhaustion. He tightens his grip around her before he leads her to the couch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk to Jordan first. I just need to think about something else for a minute.” Laura admits feeling her nerves fraying a little more with each passing minute that her only thoughts are of her best friend and her cancer. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Billy agrees getting up from the couch to go get their son. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jay.” Billy says as he knocks on his son’s open bedroom door. “Will you come downstairs for a minute your mom and I want to talk to you.” He tells his son as their eyes lock in the mirror above Jordan’s dresser. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure dad.” Jordan agrees before he closes his textbook with an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach before he follows his dad in silence. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Take a seat.” Billy instructs gesturing toward the couch as he takes a seat next to his wife on one of the kitchen chairs that they had placed in front of the couch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I in trouble?” Jordan asks as he cautiously takes a seat across from his parents. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No of course you’re not.” Laura assures her son unfolding her arms. “We just want to check in with you after everything that happened with Olivia and to give you the new house rules.” She explains in a gentle tone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine mom. I’m just glad that Liv is okay.” Jordan admits honestly even though he still feels guilty for not noticing how far his twin had spiraled with her addiction before it was almost too late. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But you know if you ever need to talk about this or anything else that we're always here for you.” His dad assures him sending him a smile. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, dad I know.” Jordan says nodding as he returns his dad’s smile. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Now for the new house rules.” His mom states her voice taking on a more authoritative tone. “There’ll be no more parties; no more drinking; all the alcohol that your father and I do have will be locked in a cabinet out in the garage; you and your sister will both have a ten o’clock curfew every night; and Gloria will be coming back and will be staying overnight when your dad and I are away.” Laura explains reading the list of rules that her and Billy had agreed on last night from her yellow legal pad. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Jordan simply agrees knowing that his parents are only worried that Olivia may relapse and something even worse may happen than it already has. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you see Asher at school today?” Laura asks worriedly about her children’s best friend.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Jordan answers as he shakes his head and Laura feels her worry only deepening at hearing that. “He texted and said he had a migraine.” He explains as he shows his parents Asher’s one-word answers that he had texted earlier that day before school. “I texted him after school though and he said he was feeling some better.” He tells them scanning over the short conversation he and Asher had. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” Laura says the new information only elevating her worry a little. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ve got a lot of homework. So...” Jordan states trailing off as he waits for his parents to excuse him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Yeah, you can go now.” Billy tells him watching his as his son hurriedly makes his way back upstairs.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how's Gwen doing?” Billy asks breaking the silence between them long after their son had disappeared upstairs with Laura curled into his side as they are settled back against the couch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She's putting on a brave face about the cancer.” Laura sighs as she feels Billy run his fingers through her hair. “But I know her well enough to know that she's scared.” She tells him swallowing against the lump in her throat. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are the doctors saying?” He asks gently studying her worried face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They're hopeful they caught it earlier enough and that the chemo and radiation will be enough to treat it.” She explains placing her face in her hands. “I just keep thinking about Asher. It would absolutely destroy him if something happened to her. I mean after losing Collin he couldn't take losing her too.” She says fighting back her tears at the thought of losing her best friend.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope they did.” Billy agrees placing a cautious hand on her shoulder. “And if it comes to that we'll be there for him.” He promises squeezing her shoulder when he feels her lean into his touch. His own heart breaks at the thought of Asher losing his mom.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“All of this that's happened with Collin and now with Olivia and Gwen has made our problems seem so trivial and small in comparison.” Laura explains pulling her cardigan tighter around her as she leans her head against his shoulder.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll talk about us another night.” Billy decides as he feels the same way deep down. “But for tonight we really should head up to bed. It’s been long a few days.” He says moving to get up from the couch bringing her up with him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t we just sleep here?” Laura half whines with her eyes already closed. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Billy lets out a halfhearted chuckle before he picks her up bridal style like he had all those nights ago when they first got married and carries her up to bed. They both fall asleep before their heads even hit their pillows. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher wakes the next morning an hour before his alarm is set to go off with only a slight soreness behind his temples left behind from his migraine the day before. With a frustrated sigh after thirty minutes of tossing and turning he gives up trying to go back sleep throwing off his covers he gets up and trudges across the hallway to take a shower. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later he walks through their now empty house suppressing all the memories that want to resurface as he looks around at the bare walls. He locks the front door behind him after he looks out to see JJ's dad's truck waiting at the end of the driveway.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And he's alive!” JJ exclaims jokingly as Asher climbs into the backseat of the truck, but he can hear the relief edging into his voice at seeing that he is okay.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better Asher?” James asks before he puts the truck in drive.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Asher answers still feeling tired even though he slept all day yesterday but it's a usual aftereffect for him to feel drained like this the day after a migraine.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>James nods catching his son's friend's eyes in the rearview mirror before he pulls away from the curb heading toward the high school.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once they get to school Asher lets JJ reluctantly pull him toward Coach Baker's office after he simply explains that Coach had called a team meeting.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning boys.” Billy greets with a warm smile when he looks up to see JJ and Asher standing in the doorway to his office. “Come on in Asher.” He tells him gesturing toward the empty seat in front of his desk.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought this was a team meeting?” Asher asks in confusion looking between JJ and Coach Baker for an answer.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It is of sorts.” Billy tells him evenly watching as Asher takes a seat next to Jordan without looking at him. “Are you feeling better this morning Asher?” He asks after JJ shuts the door behind him as he leaves.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Is the only response that Asher has any energy to give.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That's good.” Billy says looking more closely at the boy's face taking in its pale coloring and the dark shadows underneath his eyes, but he decides not to comment on it. “Giving recent events I have decided to cancel practice for the rest of the week.” He explains sliding his eyes over to son's face to find his expression relieved at the news and then over to Asher finding his expression blank. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all you wanted dad?” Jordan asks taking a cautious glance over at his best friend shifting uncomfortably in his chair. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” His dad answers shaking his head. “Look sons we need to discuss what happened with Olivia.” Billy tells them pausing for a second when he notices the guilt that flashes through Asher’s eyes at the mention of his daughter’s name. “I’m not here to blame anyone for what happened. We just need to talk about it.” He explains holding Asher’s timid gaze as he speaks. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t have anything to say to him.” Jordan says sharply crossing his arms over his chest defensively. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Jordan what did I just say?” Billy asks his son his lip truing down into a frown as he looks over at him. “We are here to discuss your sister. But we are also here to discuss what happened between the two of you.” He says with a knowing look sliding his gaze between both boys. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was all my fault.” Asher says quietly staring down at his feet. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Son, it was no one’s fault.” Billy assures him wishing that he would look him in the eyes. “But I did want to thank you Asher for getting Olivia help.” He says with a proud smile because he feels so thankful that his daughter wasn’t alone when she overdosed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t do anything.” Asher mumbles out with a shrug as the image of Olivia passed out in his arms flashes through his mind.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you did.” Billy affirms with a nod. He watches his godson as he continues to stare down at his shoes for a moment longer before he glances over to his son. “And Jordan even though your only ten minutes older than your sister, you're still the big brother, so I except you to support her when she comes back home. For both of you too. She’s going to need you both.” He exclaims gently smiling at them both as Asher finally lifts his head. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We will.” They say at the same time in matching tones of sincerity. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Billy nods as he watches both boys get up from their chairs and walk out of his office both relieved that the conversation is finally over. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can leave the door open.” He instructs Jordan before he can shut his office door, before he turns his attention to his computer to answer the long list of unanswered emails waiting for him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher walks alongside Jordan in silence until they reach the staircase, he has to go up for his first class. Jordan’s voice stops him from escaping their inevitable conversation. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span> “Do you want to come over to play video games with me and JJ today after school?” Jordan asks with a hopeful smile. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A peace offering?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Asher wonders tiredly after hearing Jordan’s offer. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Asher answers in a skeptical tone but deep down that’s all he wants. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Ash. I’m sorry for hitting you at the party I didn’t mean it. You’re my best friend and I hate it when we don’t talk.” Jordan apologizes stepping closer to his friend, but he doesn’t place a hand on his shoulder like he wants too.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Took you long enough to apologize.” Asher says with a smirk relieved that he and Jordan are finally talking again since the last few days have been so lonely. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And he’s back.” Jordan exclaims with a smirk of his own as he slings an arm across his best friend’s shoulders happy to have him back. “See you around five?” He asks as his smirk fades into a wide grin.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“See you then.” Asher agrees with a nod since Paul had given him today off as well to recover from his migraine before he makes his way up the stairs to his first class thinking that maybe this day won’t be so bad after all. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After school as he waits for JJ’s dad to swing by to pick him up because he is going to give him a ride over to Jordan’s, he passes the time in his old driveway underneath the basketball hoop that his dad had hung up for him and Collin years ago playing a solitarily game of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Around the World. </span>
  </em>
  
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should’ve tried out for the basketball team too.” Harold states after watching his son take another shot as the ball swishes through the net from where he stands by the gate to the guest house. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted too. But you wouldn’t let me in the second grade.” Asher snaps out through gritted teeth as he takes another shot.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Harold lets out a sigh as the memory of him telling his eight-year-old son that the only sport either one of his sons was ever going to play was football.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why haven’t you unpacked your stuff yet?” Harold asks changing the subject as he remembers all the boxes still stacked in his son’s new room. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t want to stay at the guest house.” Asher says finally facing toward his dad not caring when his basketball bounces away under one of the shrubs. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Asher, we talked about this.” Harold says in a warning tone not ready to have this discussion. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we didn’t. You just said we had to move away from the only home I had ever known without any explanation why.” Asher exclaims his words coming out sharply. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only temporary.” His dad says trying to diffuse the situation. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But right now, it feels like forever.” Asher admits shaking his head slightly as he crosses his arms over his chest refusing to believe that his dad won't be living in the guest house for a long time. “Mom left because of me didn’t she.” He states his gaze turning steely as he watches his dad’s face harden at the mention of his mom. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No, she didn’t leave because of you Asher.” Harold stumbles over his words shocked by his son’s statement. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then tell me why she did.” Asher requests his words coming out barely above a whisper. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why she did for sure, son.” Harold tells him honestly even though his best guess is that his wife had gotten tired of putting up with his shit. But he knows with one hundred percent certainty that she would never leave because of her son. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you don’t know for sure then that she didn’t.” Asher reasons disgusted at himself. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before his dad can answer James and JJ pull at the end of the driveway giving Asher a temporary escape from having to think about his parents for a while. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He picks up his backpack from off the cement before he brushes pass his dad without another glance back as he walks down the driveway putting on his best fake smile as he shoves his trembling hands into the pockets of his jeans. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Harold stands alone in the driveway long after he watches his son climb into the waiting truck and they pull away out of his sight.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Harold stares absent mildly into the refrigerator with his argument with his son replaying over and over in his mind. Slamming the refrigerator door after he grabs a beer with anger directed only at himself coursing through his veins not caring when something falls off one of the shelves. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He unscrews the cap off the bottle throwing it onto the countertop before he takes a long drink. The familiar taste a welcome antidote to his racing thoughts. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He frowns at the sound of the doorbell ringing making his way to the door as he calls out a gruff, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m coming</span>
  </em>
  <span> to the unwanted visitor. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Charles, what are you doing here?” Harold questions when he opens the door to find his father in law standing on the porch instantly regretting that he had left his half-full bottle of beer behind on the kitchen counter.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Gwen mentioned you were having some financial struggles.” Charles explains as he reaches into the inside pocket of his suit jacket. “So, I wanted to help.” He says handing Harold the check with his lips pressed into a tight line. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m managing just fine. Thank you.” Harold snaps not even looking at the amount on the check after he takes it. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. And that’s why you and my grandson are living in the guest house.” Charles states curtly looking over his son in law’s shoulder into the house. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be fine.” Harold tells him as he holds the check into between his fingers wanting nothing more than to rip it into a million tiny pieces and to throw it in his face. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I only came here because of Asher.” Charles explains glancing down at the check. “You can rip it up if you want too but I’ll just write another and then another if I have to.” He promises sternly meeting his heated gaze. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you care about him now?” Harold questions moving his hands down limply by his side still holding the unwanted check. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean I’ve always cared about Asher.” Charles scoffs his eyes narrowing. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not much as you did Collin.” Harold says taking a step forward. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If I remember correctly Collin was always your favorite especially when it came to football.” Charles recalls crossing his arms defensively. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare you say that. I love both of my sons.” Harold bites back as his shoulders tense up. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Love has nothing to do with it.” Charles explains shaking his head. “I’m surprised my daughter stayed with you as long as she did.” He sneers remembering how broken Gwen had looked when she showed up at their house in the middle of the night. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know anything about mine and Gwen’s marriage.” Harold scoffs his clouding over with something that Charles can’t quite decipher. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know the real reason why she left do you?” Charles guesses surprised at the emotion he hears in his own voice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I always assumed that it was me.” Harold states truthfully feeling unsure of where the conversation is headed. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She has cancer.” Charles breathes out dropping his gaze to the floor, so he won’t have to see the hurt that he knows that is crossing his son in law’s face. “My baby girl has cancer.” He repeats still not able to come with terms with the news himself. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What? How?” Harold asks the news hitting him hard. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gwen has cancer. My wife has cancer. The mother of my children has cancer. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The news plays over and over in his mind as he tries not to fall apart in front of the other man. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She has stage three breast cancer.” Charles informs him after he finds his voice again. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I had no idea...” Harold states trailing off as he painfully remembers how the last time, he and Gwen had been intimate was months before Collin had died. And he wonders almost pointlessly if maybe they had been intimate more recently that he could have noticed that something was wrong with Gwen before now. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt instantly settles in around the shock as he thinks of how he was treating his wife and his son. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There’s no way I can tell Asher about this. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Harold thinks when his thoughts switch over to his son. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want Asher to find out about this yet.” Harold tells him after a moment of silence passes between them. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Gwen wants the same thing.” Charles explains with his lips pulled into a tight line once more. “I’m sorry Harold.” He tells his son in law as he didn’t have any intention on telling him about Gwen’s diagnosis when he drove over here. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for telling me.” Harold says after he lets out a long sigh rubbing at his tense neck muscles. He also wants to tell him thank you for the check but his pride won't let him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After Charles leaves Harold sits against the front door with his head in his hands with tears streaming down his face for the first time since his son had died over three years ago with the same thoughts running through his mind over and over. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gwen has cancer. My wife has cancer. The mother of my children has cancer.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>***</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher grabs six cans of soda from the fridge knowing each of them can easily drink two apiece before he kicks the fridge door shut lightly with his leg since his arms are full with the drinks and the snacks he gathered from the pantry.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He makes his way back over to the basement door when his eyes land on the front door and then without thinking he lets his eyes drift down to the floor where Olivia laid just a few nights ago when she was overdosing. He swallows walking numbly over to kitchen island to sit down the snacks and drinks before he walks toward the front door finding it harder to breathe with each step he takes closer to it. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His legs turn to jelly as he stands in the same spot where Olivia could have died that night narrowly making it over to the stairs before his legs give away as he sinks heavily down onto them threading his hand through the stair banister to hold himself up against the dark spots floating in his vision. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Where the hell is Ash?” JJ wonders tapping his game control anxiously against his knee glancing away from the paused game on the television screen to glance at the basement stairs sighing when he still doesn’t see their friend. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go see.” Jordan decides looking down at his watch realizing that Asher had been gone for a good ten minutes upstairs to get them all snacks. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Ash are you okay?" Jordan asks concern edging into his voice when he finds his friend staring blankly ahead as he sits on the stairs.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Jay?" Asher stammers out blinking up in confusion at hearing his voice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you okay?" Jordan repeats in a softer tone as he steps closer to him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher shrugs fixating his gaze once again on the tainted spot on the floor.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"It scared me too the first time I came back home." Jordan admits ad he follows Asher's gaze down to the floor. "I never thanked you for saving her." He says sitting down next to Asher. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't do anything." Asher states with a shrug.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, you did. You got her help." Jordan assures him placing a gentle hand on his shoulder feeling him tense up at his touch. “You’re our best friend Ash.” He tells him sending him a smile when Asher finally meets his gaze with his eyes holding a question.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I still am?” Asher asks in a desperate whisper.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, you are Asher.” Jordan tells him squeezing his shoulder. “Besides who else is going play the referee between me and Liv when we fight.” He says with a laugh as he playfully punches Asher in the shoulder. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You do make a valid point about that Jay.” Asher agrees joining in on his laughter. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once their laughter subsides Jordan stands up from the step extending his hand out to Asher. “Now, let’s go kick JJ’s ass at </span>
  <em>
    <span>Call of Duty</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He says with a smirk as he pulls Asher up so he is standing next to him as they make their way back down to the basement after they pick up the snack and drinks that Asher had deposited onto the kitchen counter. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Harold pulls himself off the floor an hour after his son texts to tell him that he is staying the night at the Baker's deciding that he was going to go see Gwen. That he had to see so that he could see for himself that the news he learned from her dad was true. But deep down he had no doubt that it was. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before he walks out the door, he folds the check neatly in half before he places it in his wallet without looking at the amount that the check is written for. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Once he slides behind the steering wheel, he types in the name of the apartment complex that his father in law had told him that Gwen was moving to into the search bar of the GPS in his car. He waits for the robotic voice to speak giving him his first direction before he pulls out of the driveway. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Harold?” Gwen chokes out when she opens the door to her apartment to find her husband maybe ex-husband now she's not really sure. But the absence of the ring on her finger tells her otherwise.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, hi Gwen.” Harold manages to say looking like his second guessing his decision to come here as he glances down the hall and then back over her shoulder to inside the apartment without ever meeting her eyes. “Your dad came by and…” He says trailing off as he drops his eyes to the floor.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He told you, didn’t he?” Gwen guesses letting out a tired sigh as she studies his face finding it remorseful. “You didn’t say anything to Asher. Did you?” She asks fear gripping at her at the thought of her son finding out about her cancer. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he was gone when your dad stopped by.” He explains shaking his head. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just can’t do that to him after everything he’s already been through.” Gwen states her fingers playing with the heart charm on her necklace that her sons had gotten her for Mother’s Day the year before the accident — the last Mother’s Day she had with Collin. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t tell him. I promise.” Harold tells her with a look of sadness flashing through his blue eyes. Those same damn blue eyes that she fell in love with all those years ago underneath the blinking lights of the fair rides. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She whispers with a sad smile. “Um, you can come in.” She offers stepping aside so that he can come inside the apartment. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Harold stands in the middle of the small living room watching as Gwen crosses the small space into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee with shaky hands. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s Malibu?” He asks casually after ten long minutes of tense silence pass in between them as if there are just two old friends catching up and not an estranged husband and wife. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Like it always was.” She answers with a shrug before she pulls two matching coffee cups out of the cabinet above the sink. “Coffee?” She simply asks without turning around. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” He answers taking a seat on one of the bar stools. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How is Asher doing?” Gwen finally asks the question she had wanted to ask ever since she opened the door to find Harold standing there. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s angry at me and at everything right now.” Harold answers nodding slightly in thanks as she hands him a cup of black coffee. He doesn’t elaborate on what else their son is mad at, but he doesn’t need for her to know that it's her that he’s mad at. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn't have left him.” Gwen says leaning against the cabinet with a fresh wave of guilt crashing over her as she wraps her cold fingers around her warm mug of sweet coffee. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You did what you thought was best.” Harold tells her honestly as any anger he had toward his wife about leaving dissipated on the drive down to Malibu after learning the real reason why she left. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel so terrible for not telling him anything.” She says her fingers finding her heart charm again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look Gwen I’m not going to judge you for leaving. But it’s your decision what or when you tell our son about your diagnosis.” He tells her after taking a careful sip of coffee so it doesn’t burn his tongue unable to say the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>cancer</span>
  </em>
  <span> out loud. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just not sure when I’ll be ready to tell him.” She says her voice coming out strained as she looks away from his watchful gaze. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just promise me that if things get really bad that you’ll tell Asher...” Harold says trailing off not able to finish the sentence or the thought that Gwen might die. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I will.” Gwen promises taking a few steps across the tiles with tears gathering in her eyes at the thought of her son losing her like he did his brother. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Harold nods at her words knowing that she means them. Even though they’ve had their share of problems he knows that they both love their son more than anything.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If and when you’re ready to come back home.” Harold starts digging inside his pocket pulling out a small silver key. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I still have my key Harold.” Gwen explains confused when she sees the key in his hand.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a key to the guest house.” He informs her as he slides the key across the countertop to her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” She asks ignoring how she feels a warmth she has been missing for such a long time when their fingertips brush as she reaches for the key. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I lost our house.” He answers shamefully letting his fingertips linger against hers for a second longer before he reluctantly pulls his hand back. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I didn’t realize.” Gwen says shocked at the news. She knew they were behind on a few month’s bills, but she understands now just how much he hid from her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” He whispers as he stands up from the barstool. “I should get going.” He decides backing up toward the door. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Gwen doesn’t tell him he should, or she doesn’t try to get to him to stay either. She only watches as he leaves the apartment without a look back. She barely holds her tears in until the door click shuts behind leaving her alone with her thoughts. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>(Two Months Later)</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher paces back and forth nervously with his hands balled tightly into fists in the foyer of the Baker’s house waiting for them to return home with Olivia from rehab. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a total of sixty-three days since the party that she had overdosed at. Sixty-three days since he had held her in his arms when he thought that she was going to die. And sixty days since she had gone to rehab. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But today the wait was over as he finally marked off the last day on his calendar to count down the days left until she came home.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After the longest sixty days of his life his best friend was finally coming home. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a seat on the stairs he looks up at the banner that Laura had made for her at the local print shop with a smile reading it for the hundredth time.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Welcome Home Olivia! Love, Mom, Dad, Jay and Ash!</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tears gather in his despite the happiness that fills him at the thought that Olivia is coming home when he reads his name on the sign along with her family’s. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll have to thank Laura later for her thoughtfulness. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thinks as he wipes away a stray tear from his cheek since he knows that they are his family.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher stands up swallowing nervously when he hears the key turning in the lock and the front door starts to slowly open. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He nods toward Billy and Jordan who come through the door first carrying Olivia's bags. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His breath catches in his throat at the sight of Olivia when she appears in the doorway with her mom’s arm across her shoulders. He takes in her makeup less face in stark comparison to the dark makeup she had been wearing in the months before her overdose and her hair that is no longer straightened but tied loosely into a low ponytail with her natural curls cascading down her back. He lets out a shuddering breath when he realizes how healthy and happy she looks now. To him, she looks absolutely beautiful. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Asher?!” Olivia exclaims in disbelief when she steps fully inside the house when her eyes land on him standing by the stairs wearing a sheepish smile. She rushes over to him wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome home Liv.” He says with a smile that makes the corners of his crinkle as he wraps his arms around her returning her tight hug. “I missed you so much.” He whispers so that only she can hear his voice breaking off with emotion as he inhales the familiar scent of her vanilla shampoo and her soft floral perfume.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span> As he holds her in his arms, he knows that this will always be where he feels most at home. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you so much too.” She whispers back leaning her head against his shoulder for a second longer before the sound of her dad clearing his throat has them taking a step back. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher holds her at arm’s length staring her deeply in the eyes hoping that he can convey through his eyes how sorry he is for everything that happened during the party and before that night. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She nods softly as she drops her hands from his as they both feel a coldness settle into their bones without each other’s touch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You all got me a sign?” Olivia asks in surprise as she sees the banner hanging across the hallway that leads to the kitchen and the living room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, we did sweetheart.” Laura tells her pulling her daughter into a quick hug. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.,” Olivia says looking at each of them with a smile as tears blur her vision.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there’s a seven-foot tree in our living room that is just waiting on us to decorate it. So, should we get started?” Billy inquires clearing the emotion from his voice as he attempts a smile from where he stands holding his wife’s hand.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a great idea dad.” Olivia says with a bright smile already pulling Asher with her toward the living room.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to go down to the basement and get the decorations. So, Liv why don’t you and Asher get started on the popcorn for the garland.” Laura explains pulling a reluctant Billy with her as she motions for Jordan to follow them. “They need some time to talk alone.” She whispers to her husband once Olivia and Asher disappear into the kitchen.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember how we used to make popcorn garland every year when we were kids?” Olivia asks as she pours the kernels into the popcorn maker. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Asher says with a nod. “But I remember more of me and Jordan eating most of it and then your mom having to make more popcorn for the actual garland.” He recalls with a lighthearted laugh. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Some things never change.” She exclaims joining in on his laughter. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s true.” He agrees watching as she pushes the start button on the popcorn maker. “So...” He says trailing off searching for the right words to say. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry.” They say at the same time after a few kernels of popcorn pop causing them both to jump at the sudden noise.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Jinx you owe me a soda.” Asher tries an attempt at a joke, but his voice comes out flat. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She sends him a half-smile for his attempt at lighting the mood. “I'm sorry about what happened at the party Ash.” Olivia apologizes her smile slipping into a frown at the thought of how scared he must have been when she overdosed. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just glad you’re okay Liv. I don’t what I would've done if something had happened to you.” He admits taking a step closing to her as he takes her hand. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here because of you.” Olivia tells him squeezing his hand. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But Liv I...” He says pausing when his voice breaks off with emotion. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not everything bad that happens is your fault Ash.” She tells him gently with a hint If a smile returning to her face. “I’m glad that you were with me. I don’t want to even think about what could have happened of you weren’t.” She explains the image of her being alone in her bedroom when she overdosed playing through her mind. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I was there too.” He admits even though it hurts to think about the party and everything that happened. “I promise that I will never leave you. I am always going to be right here for you and with you.” He tells her taking another step closer as he flicks his eyes down to his lips before he meets her eyes again. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And I am always going to be here for you too Ash.” She promises giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. “But...” She begins taking a step back. “I need my best friend more right now than I need my boyfriend.” She admits grabbing his other hand afraid that he might get mad. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I need my best friend more right now too.” He agrees knowing that they both need to be there for each other as friends for now before they talk about resuming their relationship. “Best friends still hug each other, right?” He asks with a grin. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, they do.” She answers returning his grin. She leans into his embrace relishing in how good it feels to be in his arms and how safe she feels. She sighs closing her eyes for a moment settling into the fact that she is finally home and that he is her home just as much as her parents and Jordan are. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The timer on the popcorn maker alarms as they reluctantly pull apart both of them feeling more at ease. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, who is ready to decorate?” They hear Billy’s voice call as he appears in the basement doorway as Olivia pours the popcorn into a bowl shaking her head at her dad knowing his question was a warning for her and Asher to pull apart if they were kissing. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?” She asks Asher as she picks up the bowl before walking into the living room with her family. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready.” He affirms with a nod following a few paces behind her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to put an ornament on the tree Asher?” Laura asks as she strings another piece of popcorn on the garland.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…” He hesitates scooting toward the edge of the couch. “Sure.” He decides once Olivia sends him an assuring smile from where she is standing by the Christmas tree. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher takes the ornament, a glass Santa, timidly that Olivia hands him. He hangs it on a branch beneath the ornament that Olivia placed on the tree. His eyes widen as the glass ornament slides off the hook and falls to the floor shattering into a million pieces on the hardwood floor. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At the sound of the glass breaking, Asher takes in a shuddering breath as the image of the windshield shattering in his brother’s truck during the accident flashes through his mind.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit. I’m so sorry.” He apologies his voice coming out barely above a whisper as he takes a step forward bending down to clean up the glass. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop.” Laura instructs gently placing a hand on his shoulder after she walks up to him leaving the popcorn garland on the coffee table. “I don’t want you to get cut on the glass.” She explains when she sees Asher shake his head. “It's okay sweetheart it’s only an ornament.” She assures him when she takes in his pale face. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Olivia steps carefully around the glass to grab his hand pulling him away from the tree toward the couch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Ash.” She whispers to him when they sit next to each other on the couch. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” He stammers out placing his head in his hands. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” She says moving closer to him on the couch as he places a cautious hand on his knee. “I’m right here.” She assures him wrapping her arm around his shoulders.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay bud?” Billy asks in concern as he sits down on the edge of the coffee table across from Asher. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher only nods his head in response trying his best to catch his breath willing the fear that he felt all those years ago during the accident to dissipate. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” He apologizes again letting out a long breath as he runs a shaky hand through his hair. “It just happens sometimes when a certain sound reminds me of the accident.” He admits quietly as Jordan sits down on his other side. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I see.” Billy says with a knowing nod as he shares a look with Laura as she stands next to him after she cleans up the broken glass.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They all stay like for what feels like hours to Asher with Jordan and Olivia gripping his hands and with Billy and Laura placing a gentle hand on each of his knees until his breathing and heart rate return to normal. Until he no longer feels like he is stuck in the truck with his dying brother. Until when he opens his eyes and it isn’t the slumped bloodied body of his brother that he sees but the worried but caring faces of the Baker’s that he is surrounded by. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Olivia?” Asher asks when he opens the front door to find his best friend standing on the small porch of the guest house. “What are you doing here?” He inquires his brow furrowing in confusion. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Ash. I just wanted to check on you since you left kind of early yesterday.” Olivia explains stepping inside when Asher moves to the side. “And I brought you some cookies. We made them after you left.” She tells him with a sweet smile as she holds up a plate of gingerbread cookies wrapped in plastic wrap.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Liv.” He says with a smile he takes the plate from her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You're welcome.” She tells him as she follows him into the kitchen looking around the guest house.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“These would go great with some...” He suggests trailing off as he searches the kitchen cabinet by the fridge. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hot chocolate.” She finishes for him as she pulls out two packets of hot cocoa mix out of her purse. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The kind with the mini marshmallows?” He asks shutting the cabinet back before he turns around sending her a grateful smile. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Because I know it’s your favorite.” She tells him returning his smile watching as he pulls down two unmatching coffee mugs from the cabinet above the sink.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher smiles at Olivia as he grabs a cookie from the plate he sat on the coffee table as he offers her one and she shakes her head no before he settles down next to her on the couch handing her mug to her as their fingers brush lightly against each others. He pulls back after a second not wanting to push her into something that they both aren't emotionally ready for just yet. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He rests his arm against the back of the couch as he takes a bite of the cookie finding it more delicious than he could have imagined as he picks at a stray thread on the blanket that is thrown across the couch as he remembers so many nights in the last two months since his dad and him have been living in the guest house that he has covered his passed out form with the flannel material. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay Ash?” Olivia asks placing her hand gingerly on his forearm. His tear filled eyes meet hers and she softens her gaze. “How long have you been living in the guest house?” She inquiries in her caring tone as she takes a sip of hot chocolate. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How does she always read me just like a book?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thinks as he lets out a long breath moving his arm off the back of the couch to wrap both of his hands around his chipped mug of hot chocolate. He bites his bottom lip as he stares down into his mug finding that all the tiny marshmallows have melted. He stays quiet for a few moments longer feeling her steady hand against his skin as he takes a long drink of the now lukewarm liquid. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Since the day you went to rehab.” He finally admits cautiously meeting her eyes only to find an understanding look in them. “If anyone else asks we are just staying until our house is finished being renovated.” He explains dropping his eyes back down to his mug. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” She simply says rubbing her thumbprint across his skin leaving behind a trail of chill bumps as she does. “So, when will the renovations be done before Christmas?” She asks deciding to play along with the story he wants everyone else to believe.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He asks his brow furrowing until he looks about and sees the grin that she is sending him. “I don’t think that they will be.” He answers with a wink. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think we should put up your Christmas tree.” She exclaims with a brightness shining in her eye as she leans forward to sit her mug down on the coffee table.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I don’t know Liv.” He hesitates as he places his mug down on the coffee table next to hers. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to?” She asks and half guesses stilling her movements from getting up from the couch.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not that. It’s just we haven’t put up a tree since Collin died.” He explains down casting his eyes to stare a hole into the carpet. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Ash I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” She apologizes feeling stupid that she hadn’t noticed it before now.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Liv. I mean I’ve wanted to but my parents they...” He trails off not wanting to burden her with anymore of his problems.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe if we put up a small one.” She suggests waiting for him to nod in agreement before she continues. “Do you still have that the one that you and Collin use to decorate together?” She asks in a hopeful tone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I do.” He says remembering how Collin would always let him put all the ornaments wherever he wanted to and then how Collin would always put on the star.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to decorate it?” She asks gently not wanting to pressure him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I would love to.” He admits offering her his hand as they stand up from the couch to go search through the large pile of his and his dad’s things that are stacked in the hall closet that they couldn’t find room for in the guest house. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to put the star on?” Asher asks Olivia after they place the last ornament onto the three-foot tree that they sat on top of one of the end tables that they moved to the corner of the living room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I would be honored.” Olivia tells him taking the star carefully from the now empty tote on the floor between them. “There we go.” She says once she puts the star on plugging the cord into the end of the lights, so it shines. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s perfect.” He says while looking at her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it is.” She agrees sliding her eyes from the twinkling lights to meet his warm gaze.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Liv, for everything.” He tells her honestly as she pulls him in for a hug. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Ash, for everything too.” She tells him in a whisper with her head resting against his chest. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At the sound of the front door opening, she feels Asher tense and then relax when she cups his hand with her own as they pull apart. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, dad.” Asher greets when Harold appears on the top step that leads into the living room. “I’ll take it down if you want me too.” He offers as he follows his dad’s gaze to the Christmas tree. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, leave it up.” Is Harold’s only response as he turns away from his son willing all the memories that hit him at the sight of seeing his sons’ childhood ornaments on full displace to not resurface tonight as he walks down the hall toward his bedroom. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, should we watch a movie?” Olivia asks breaking the tense silence that fell between them once Asher’s dad disappeared from the room. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please.” Asher agrees thankful that Olivia always knew how to make any situation better. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher covers himself and Olivia up with the blanket from the back of the couch its only purpose tonight being the warmth that it provides as she presses play on the remote. He lets himself finally fully relax as the beginning scenes of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dr. Suess’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas</span>
  </em>
  <span> starts to play on the screen and Olivia snuggles into his side laying her head against his chest. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher stifles a yawn with the back of his hand as the movie credits start to roll on the screen not bothering to look for the remote since he doesn’t want to disturb Olivia who fell asleep halfway through the movie.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He gently brushes a few locks of her dark curly from her face as he smooths a comforting hand up and down her arm. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Did you mean to do it?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Asher thinks over and over in his mind as he listens to her soft inhale and exhales that bring him little comfort from his darkest fear that has haunted him since the night of Olivia's overdose that she had meant for it to happen.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I mean to what?” Olivia asks with her head still laying against his chest as she blinks her eyes open slowly against the warm glow of Christmas tree lights. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asher swallows nervously when he hears her question since he hadn’t realized that he had asked the question out loud. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing Liv.” He tries to blow it off unable to hide his nervousness that finds its way into his voice making it come out sounding strained. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it's something Ash.” She exclaims raising her head from his chest so she can look him in the face. “So, just tell me. We’ve promised to always be honest with each other.” She tells him searching his face.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve just been wondering if your overdose was…” He starts to say before he presses his lips together in a tight line not able to voice the rest of his question.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“On purpose?” Olivia finishes for him. “My parents and Jordan asked me the same thing. And like I promised them I didn’t have any intention of overdosing I just took way more than I ever have because I just wanted to numb my mind.” She explains remembering how the walls of the closet blurred together as she slipped into unconscious in his arms. “Thank you for getting me help.” She tells him as she interfaces her fingers through his. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome Liv.” He tells her looking down at their joined hands. “I would do anything for you.” He promises her with a determined nod. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I got you something.” She informs him as she gets up briefly from the couch to get his gift from her purse. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Christmas isn’t for another few weeks though.” Asher says as she sits back down next to him handing him the small red gift bag.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know but this is something that you can use now.” She explains as he pulls out the tissue paper from the bag.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“A key?” He asks looking down curiously at the small silver key after he takes it out of the bag laying it in his palm.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“To our house.” She explains with a kind smile.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” He whispers tears burning in his eyes at her kindness. “Thank you Olivia.” He tells her with the emotion thick in his voice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome Asher.” She tells him pulling her best friend in for a hug. “Now you can come over anytime that you want. Or need to.” She offers as she leans her head against his shoulder each of them enjoying the warmth of their embrace.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After Laura comes by to pick up Olivia he waves at her when she pauses to wave back before she rounds the corner of his childhood home disappearing from his sight.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stands in the doorway long after Olivia texts a heart back to him after he texted her how happy he was that she was back. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He looks down with a grateful smile at the key that he is still clutching in his hand tracing the one word that Olivia had engraved into it for him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Home.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! :)</p><p>I would love to read your thoughts on it if you would like to leave me a comment and/or about any predictions that you have for the rest of the story. :)</p><p>The next chapter is going to be called The Discovery which is a new idea that I came up with. In this chapter, Asher will be finding out a lot of different things out about his family. Any guesses as to what he will be discovering? ;)</p><p>Chapter Nine will be posted either at the end of August or early September. :)</p><p>Thank y'all again for reading my story, for your comments and kudos! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Discovery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Asher discovers some shocking information about his family it is the Bakers who are they for him to help through the aftermath of it. Harold comes face to face with two people from his past he honestly never thought he would see again. Gwen continues to deal with her cancer diagnosis and the guilt from leaving her son behind in Beverly. How much longer will the Adams continue to be a broken family before they start to make amends with each other.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, y’all! 😊 </p><p>I am so excited to be back with another chapter of <i>The Before and The After</i> and I hope that you guys are excited about it too!  </p><p>I am sorry to keep y’all waiting for so long for a new chapter, but I do want to thank you so very much for being patient with me and for reading this story and my other ones! Your guy’s support honestly means the world to me! And knowing that you guys enjoy my stories makes me so happy! 😀  </p><p>So, in this chapter will be showing Collin, Asher’s older brother, in a different perspective from three people that were also close to him. I hope that it will provide y’all with a deeper sense of his character and who he was other apart from being Asher’s big brother. (Which of course is still a big part of who he was.) It has been a lot of fun creating the character of Collin and I am looking forward to diving even deeper into him in the coming chapters because there is still a lot for Asher to uncover and remember about his brother.  </p><p>Please Note: This chapter does contain some sensitive topics that may potentially triggering to some such as mentions of cancer, panic attacks, alcoholism, depression, and a minor character death so please read with extra care and caution! &lt;3 </p><p>P.S. Thank y’all so much for 800 hits on this story! &lt;3 </p><p>Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow U.S. peeps!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On the Wednesday before his sixteenth birthday Asher climbs onto the bus to Malibu with his backpack feeling like it weighs a ton with the number of books and notebooks, he has stuffed into from all the homework he has.  </p><p>He takes his usual seat at the front of the bus where he quickly learned that no one would sit by him or ask him any questions.  </p><p>But as always, the growing sense of loneliness that eats at him every time that the bus pulls away from the station in the Beverly to make the hour and a half trip down the interstate toward Malibu feels him once more as he lays his head against the window.  </p><p><em> Can you come over to study? </em> Comes Olivia’s text halfway through the bus ride that gives him a small flicker of remembrance that he isn’t completely alone.  </p><p><em> Sorry, Liv I can’t today.  </em>He instantly texts back watching his phone screen intently as the three bubbles appear as she types her response.  </p><p><em> Are you working again? </em> She guesses since he had told her a couple of months ago about his job at the gas station.  </p><p><em> Yeah. I can come over tomorrow though. Sorry again. </em> He types out his apology feeling a pang guilt at having to let her down again.  </p><p><em> Don’t apologize Ash. Have fun at work. I will be looking forward to our study time tomorrow.  </em>She replies followed by a winking face emoji.  </p><p><em> Yeah, I will too. See you tomorrow. </em>He types instantly back feeling relieved that she doesn’t seem mad as the corners of his mouth slightly tick up into a small smile.   </p><p><em> Tomorrow.  </em>She affirms followed by a somewhat blurry picture of all her books and notebooks laid out across her bed.  </p><p>Asher smiles down at his phone until the screen goes black and he pockets his phone again feeling a little less lonely at the thought of Olivia wanting him to come over and study tomorrow.  </p><p><em> Tomorrow. </em> He thinks as he turns to watch the now familiar scenery fly by him through the fingerprint smeared bus window.  </p><p>Once the bus pulls to a stop at the bus station Asher shoulders his backpack as gets up so he can be the first one out of his seat when the bus driver opens the door. His eyes instantly squint against the bright evening golden sunlight as he walks down the sidewalk toward the gas station without taking a look back at the other passengers as they all go their separate ways.  </p><p>The bell above the door chimes its usual invite when Asher pulls open the wooden door to the gas station with the faded hunter green paint peeling from the worn grain.  </p><p>“Paul?” He calls out letting his boss know that he is there once he finds the barstool behind the counter vacant figuring that he is in the stock room or the office when he sees the small television is still playing on mute in the corner behind the checkout counter.  </p><p>“Paul?” He tries again his brow furrowing in confusion when he sees a bottle of Dr.<em> Pepper </em>laying on the floor by one of the snack shelves.  </p><p>“Shit.” He mutters out when he sees Paul lying face down on the tan tiles by the drink coolers. “Hey, wake up.” He calls out loudly after he kneels next to him facing away from the door with his heartbeat beginning to pound in his ears as he tries to roll his boss over but finding it impossible to do with how stiff his body is.  </p><p>Asher vaguely hears the bell above the door chime through his panic as he tries over and over again to roll the heavier elderly man over, but he lets his arms go in defeat when he can’t do it. </p><p>“Asher?” Dave questions when his eyes find his nephew kneeling next to his unmoving boss. “What’s going on?” He asks in a gentler tone when he sees Asher look at up him with wide eyes.  </p><p>“I don’t know. I find him like this. And he won’t wake up.” Asher exclaims crawling across the tiles to rest his back against the cooler that contains the alcohol after Dave takes his spot. </p><p>“Paul.” Dave calls out his voice echoing against the paneled walls once he rolls his dad’s old friend onto his back. “How long have you been here?” He asks turning his attention to his nephew who is watching him with fear-filled eyes and who looks like he is about to have a panic attack at any minute.  </p><p>“Not long.” Asher chokes out feeling that for sure he couldn’t have been in more than five minutes as he cautiously casts his gaze down to his boss’s ashen face.  </p><p>“Okay.” Dave nods before he grabs Paul’s wrist to feel for a pulse. “Asher, bud can you go call your dad and tell him to come pick you up?” He asks glancing up again at his nephew when he finds that Paul doesn’t have a pulse. </p><p>“What?” Asher stammers out as he blinks rapidly confused at what he was just asked. </p><p>“Can you call someone to come pick you up?” He asks again before he starts chest compressions. </p><p>“Yeah.” Asher answers gulping in a shuddering breath when realizes his boss’s heart isn’t beating. </p><p><em> Please be okay.  </em>He thinks as he continues to watch Dave perform CPR in a daze. </p><p>“Asher you can call someone outside if you like.” Dave suggests gesturing toward the door hoping that his nephew will get the hint that he doesn’t need to witness this anymore.  </p><p>“But…” Asher starts to say before Dave cuts him off.  </p><p>“<em>Now</em>, Asher,” Dave instructs in a sharper tone then he meant to feeling guilty at the hurt look that crosses his nephew's face.  </p><p><em> If you only knew our</em><em> story kid.  </em>He thinks warily before he gives his dad's old army buddy mouth to mouth. </p><p>He checks his pulse once again this time pressing his middle finger and index finger against the side of his neck feeling relieved when he feels a faint pulse.  </p><p>“He's got a pulse.” Dave informs his nephew with an encouraging smile as he pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket to call for help. </p><p>Asher nods as he stiffly gets off the floor with his legs feeling numb as he walks toward the door in a daze. He casts a long look back over to his boss hoping that he’ll be okay as he pulls open the door. When the bell above the door chimes this time it echoes loudly in his ears.  </p><p>He makes it over to the bench beside the ice cooler before his legs give out and he shakily takes his phone out of his pocket.  </p><p>“Dad…” He says as he presses his phone tightly against his ear his words getting caught in his throat. </p><p>“Asher, what’s wrong?” Harold asks hearing the way his son's voice is laced with fear.  </p><p>“I’m at work. And Paul he…well I’m not really sure what happened. But this guy, Dave, had to do CPR but he’s breathing now.” Asher explains all in one breath raking a shaky hand through his hair. “It’s a gas station off of I-10 in between Beverly and Malibu.” He tells his dad after he realizes he never told him exactly where he was working.  </p><p>“I know the one.” Harold finally says after the image of the gas station that he hasn’t been to since his sons were born flashes through his mind. “Okay, I’ll be right there.” He tells his son before he clicks off the call.  </p><p><em> How </em><em>the hell did this happen?  </em> Harold thinks as he grabs his keys as he hopes that the <em>Dave </em>his son was talking about wasn’t his older brother that he hasn’t seen in fifteen years.  </p><p>Asher stays on the bench watching with wide eyes as the paramedics wheel Paul out on the stretcher before loading him into the ambulance.  </p><p>“Is he going to be okay?” Asher asks as soon as Dave appears in the doorway.  </p><p>“I'm not sure.” Dave tells him honestly hoping that Asher didn’t notice the long scar on the elderly man’s chest. So, that he won’t ask how he got it. And so that he won’t have to tell him he’s the one that gave it to him. “Did you call someone to pick you up?” He asks before he turns away from his nephew after he nods in response when he sees his dad pull up as he instantly presses his lips into a tight line.  </p><p>“What happened to Paul?” Asher hears a familiar voice ask after a car door slams shut. </p><p>“It was his heart dad.” Dave tells his dad with a cautious glance toward Asher who is watching them with a confused expression.  </p><p>“Grandpa Arnold?” Asher finally says standing up from the bench looking in between his grandpa and Dave.  </p><p><em> Wait he called him dad so does that mean?...  </em>He wonders with his head spinning as he hears another car pull up in the gas station parking lot.  </p><p>“Asher get in the car.” Harold instructs his son barely looking at him before he settles his steely gaze on his dad and brother.  </p><p>“What? Dad, no—” Asher starts to protest before his dad cuts him off. </p><p>“I wasn’t asking.” Harold says through gritted teeth his misdirected anger making him let out a long breath as he watches his son turn away from him. “What the hell is going on?” He asks his dad and brother — two people he never thought he would see again.  </p><p>“I’m pretty sure that Paul had a heart attack.” Dave informs his younger brother in a cautious tone.  </p><p>“And who’s idea was it to let my son work around him?” Harold asks shaking his head in disbelief at the situation that his son has found himself in the middle of.  </p><p>“Look Harold dad and I didn’t have anything to do with Asher working here.” Dave tells him crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>“Bull shit.” Harold scoffs in disgust not believing for a second that his son found this gas station by chance.  </p><p>“I only stopped here for gas and he decided to go inside the store.” Dave explains sharing a look with their father. </p><p>“So, it was <em>you </em>that brought him here. Unbelievable. I never wanted him to know anything about this.” Harold tells him not knowing how in the hell he is going to explain this whole situation to his son.  </p><p>“He still doesn’t know anything.” Dave reasons taking a cautious glance toward his nephew that is watching them from the car. </p><p>“Well, he knows <em>you</em> now.” Harold exclaims gesturing toward his before he throws his hands up in frustration.  </p><p>“Harold look son—” Arnold tries to gain his son’s attention to deescalate the situation between his sons.  </p><p>“No, you lost the right to call me that a long time ago.” Harold says heatedly taking a step toward his dad.  </p><p>“Harold—” It’s Dave this time that tries to get him to listen, but his voice only falls on deaf ears.  </p><p>“I thought I was clear to the both of you that I never wanted to see either of you again or I didn’t want you around my son.” Harold tells them with his eye narrowing into silts as he shakes his head deciding that he is done fighting with them.  </p><p>“Just let him go dad.” He hears Dave tell their dad as he turns on his heel making his way toward his son.  </p><p>Harold can feel his son’s eyes on him before he even gets inside the car, but he keeps his eyes trained on the road ahead because he knows if he takes one look at Asher, he’ll tell him the whole story about everything. </p><p>And he knows that right now he’s not ready to tell the story and that his son isn’t ready to hear it — that Collin’s heart may have beat for its last time today.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“I'll be in in a few minutes.” Harold tells Asher once he parks the car inside the garage. He watches his son silently make his way into the house with a coldness seeping into his bones before he lets himself read the text from an unknown number. </p><p><em> Paul didn’t make it. Dad gave me your number. I’m sorry for everything.  </em>Reads the message that he knows could have only came from his older brother.  </p><p>After a few minutes of debate, he types out a vague <em>thank you </em>before he pockets his phone. </p><p>Harold throws his keys onto the kitchen counter before he turns toward the sink looking out the window above it. He lets out a tired sigh when he sees Asher sitting in one of the lounge chairs by the pool staring blankly ahead before he presses the heels of his palms against his eyes to stop the tears that threaten to fall as he vividly remembers the night that Collin died — the night that his life was shattered.  </p><p><em> The steady beating of his son's heartbeat </em><em>coming from the machine just below the </em><em>flat line that is displaying </em><em>his brain wave activity is a cruel reminder that his </em><em>son is gone.  </em> </p><p><em> “The sooner we can operate the better.” The doctor that Harold couldn’t remember his name informed him from the doorway with a sympathetic smile that actually just looks like a tight</em><em> grimace.  </em> </p><p><em> Harold gritted his teeth waiting to scream </em><em>at the doctor to save his son and that there must be something more they can do.  </em> <em> But with one look at his son </em><em>who </em><em>hasn’t moved in the last thirty minutes</em><em>, it is the truth that his brain knows that his heart won’t </em> <em> accept.  </em> </p><p><em> “Please, just a little more time. His boyfriend is on the way.” He pleaded </em><em>once he swallowed against the growing lump in his throat.  </em> </p><p><em> “Okay. A little more time.” The doctor decided lingering in the doorway for a moment longer watching the father </em><em>who was having to come to terms with the fact the son was dead.  </em> </p><p><em> Harold’s </em><em>neck was stiff from gazing down at his oldest son's pale face when a broken voice from the doorway made him look up. </em> </p><p><em>“Col?” Carter asked from where he stood in the doorway </em><em>with the apron from the pizza restaurant </em><em>still on and flour covering his black pants and his polo shirt.  </em> </p><p><em> “I’m sorry.” Is all Harold could get out before Carter</em><em> ran over and collapsed by Collin's bedside </em><em>clutching tightly to the blanket covering his bare chest </em><em>as he leaned his head down onto his chest.  </em> </p><p><em>“His </em><em>heart is still beating. </em> <em> ” Carter stated with a hopeful glance up toward his boyfriend's dad.  </em> </p><p><em> “It's just the machines.” Harold explained his voice thick with emotion. </em> </p><p><em> “No…” Carter cried out as he broke down into </em><em>uncontrollable </em><em>sobs </em><em>that caused his body to shake.  </em> </p><p><em> Once their cries had died down to a quiet sniffle the doctor appeared in the doorway. </em> </p><p><em> “It's time.” He stated giving a nod toward his team to enter the room.  </em> </p><p><em> “I love you </em><em>so much C."</em><em>Carter told his boyfriend giving his hand one final squeeze before he leaned down to kiss him on the cheek.  </em> </p><p><em> “I love you son.”  </em> <em> Harold said squeezing his oldest son's hand being careful of his IV in the of back of his hand before he followed Carter's lead </em><em>and kissed him on the other cheek.  </em> </p><p><em> They watched with tears falling down their reddened cheeks as the surgery team wheeled Collin down the hospital hallway until they disappeared behind the elevator doors.  </em> </p><p><em> “He's gone, mommy. Collin is gone.” Carter screamed as he cried clutching tightly to his mom that suddenly appeared at his side still dressed in her </em><em>scrubs from her shift at the nursing home.  </em> </p><p><em> “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”  </em> <em> His mom told him kissing the top of his head before she turned toward her son’s boyfriend's dad. “Harold I am </em><em>so </em><em>sorry </em><em>about Collin. I just can’t believe it.” She told him as her son continued to cry.  </em> </p><p><em> Harold only nods in response at the woman’s sentiments </em><em>as he shoved his shaking hands into his pockets before </em><em>he watched </em><em>them walk away down the hall leaving him alone.  </em> </p><p><em> Later as he sat by his wife's bedside </em><em>watching her sleep with sad eyes he jumped when his phone buzzed in his pocket with a text.  </em> </p><p>We made it home. Asher is sleeping. And Harold I am so sorry about Collin. Let me know if you guys need anything. <em> Reads </em><em>the text from Billy that Harold </em><em>knew </em><em>must have taken him at least ten minutes of continuation to write.  </em> </p><p>Thanks. And I will. <em> Harold typed</em><em> b</em><em>ack his short and curt reply </em><em>before he pocketed his phone once more. </em> </p><p><em> He took hold of his wife's hand shutting</em><em> his eyes tight against the fresh wave of tears that threatened to fall as he wondered how in the hell, they</em><em> were ever going to get through losing Collin </em><em>but deep down he had a sinking feeling they never would.  </em> </p><p>He watches Asher through the window for a few more minutes with his brow creasing with worry before he decides to go tell his son the news about Paul.  </p><p>“It’s a little cold out here isn’t it?” Harold questions as he leans against the doorframe of the patio door earning him a shrug from his son. “Are you okay after what happened today?” He inquires stepping out onto the patio as he wraps his arms around his middle against the chill of the wind.  </p><p>“I guess.” Asher answers with another shrug before he flicks his gaze over to his dad. “Did you hear anything about Paul?” He asks once his dad sits down next to him.  </p><p>“I did.” Harold informs him with a tight nod. “Asher I am sorry to tell you this, but he didn’t make it.” He explains gently watching how his son’s face falls before he covers it with a blank expression.  </p><p>“I didn’t think he would.” Asher says after a long pause as he remembers how grey his boss’s face was as Dave performed CPR on him.  </p><p>“Yeah, he’d been sick for a while.” Harold tells him letting out a long sigh because he knows that he has to tell his son the story that he was hoping he would never have to but after everything that has happened today it would have to wait for another day.  </p><p>“You knew him?” Asher questions titling his head to the side as he studies his dad’s face. </p><p>“I did. Your grandpa Arnold and Paul were in the army together. He was like an uncle to me growing up.” Harold explains looking out across the backyard to the wooden gate that is hanging from the hinges from where Collin had kicked a football into it years ago. He briefly glances into the new owner’s back yard, their old back yard, to find that they are remodeling the underground pool. </p><p><em> I need to repair the gate. </em> He thinks as focuses back on the gate knowing that until now, they hadn’t needed a gate to give them privacy between the two houses.  </p><p>“I’m sorry about Paul dad. And that I didn’t tell you.” Asher apologizes following his dad’s gaze to the wooden gate remembering that it was actually him who had kicked the football breaking the gate and that Collin had taken the blame for it.  </p><p>“Thank you, son. And I understand why you didn’t.” He tells his son turning back to him with his gaze softening as he says the confused look on his face.  </p><p>“You do?” Asher inquires in a skeptical tone.  </p><p>“Yeah. I mean not exactly the most approachable person.” Harold admits with one corner of his mouth curling up into a forced smile.  </p><p>“Dad it’s not that. I wanted to tell you and I wanted the job so I could help out. But now with Paul gone I don’t know what to do.” Asher explains casting his eyes down to his lap. </p><p>“Hey. Asher look at me son.” Harold says scooting closer to him as he places a hesitant hand on his forearm that is resting on the chair arm. “I appreciate you so much for helping out. But I’ve been job hunting and I think I will get a new one soon. So, I promise that I am going try harder because that’s what you deserve.” He promises his son after he lifts his eyes up to meet his own that reminds him so much of Collin’s that it causes tears to gather in his eyes.  </p><p>“Okay, dad.” Asher says with a stiff nod after a long moment of silence passes between them hoping that he can believe his dad but the way he can feel his dad’s hand shaking as it grasps his forearm diminishes any hope that he has.  </p><p>“Are you coming in?” Harold asks as he gets up hiding his trembling hands in his pant pockets as swallows down the overwhelming need to drink the alcohol, he has stored in the refrigerator and the liquor cabinet.  </p><p>“Yeah, I will in a little while.” Asher answers blankly turning away from his dad as he takes his phone out of his pocket.  </p><p>“Okay, just come in before it gets any colder.” Harold tells him watching for a moment longer as his son types vigorously on his phone.  </p><p>“I will.” Harold hears his son say before he opens the patio door and goes back inside.  </p><p><em> Can you talk? </em> Asher texts Olivia hoping that she can help him through everything that has happened today so that every time he thinks of Paul lying on the cold tiles, he won’t see his brother’s bloodied body instead.  </p><p>With numb fingers, he answers Olivia’s call after her name flashes on the screen.  </p><p>“Hey. Are you okay?” He hears her asks over his heartbeat pounding in his ears.  </p><p>“Um, yeah.” He answers too quickly for it be the truth. “No, actually I’m not.” He tells her honestly after he lets out a long breath.  </p><p>“What happened? Is it your dad?” She questions sitting up against her headboard her homework and her studying all but forgotten at the sound of how shaky her best friend’s voice is. “Ash are you still there?” She asks gripping onto her phone as she bites her bottom lip nervously afraid that something has happened to him.  </p><p>“Yeah, I’m still here.” Asher manages to say before a sob escapes past his chapped lips.  </p><p>“Hey. Whatever is I’m here just tell me. Okay?” Olivia assures him as she waits for him to regain his composure.  </p><p>Asher wipes hastily at the hot tears that are trailing down his cheeks with the back of his hand as he takes in a deep breath before he tells his best friend what happened to his boss.  </p><p>Harold is still standing in the kitchen in the warm glow of the fridge’s bulb when he hears the patio door click shut. He holds his breath as hears his son’s footsteps grow louder as he steps inside before they head down the hallway.  </p><p><em> I’m so sorry son.  </em>He thinks warily as he grabs a beer out from the bottom shelf behind the gallon of milk that he is sure expired two days ago. He pops the cap letting it fall onto the corner next to his keys.  </p><p>After he takes a long drink of the beer, he gets out the rest of the six-pack before he settles down in his recliner shutting his tight against the memories of how it is all his fault that his family was torn apart and never put back together again.  </p><p>*** </p><p>(One Week Later)</p><p><em>His voice gets caught in his throat as he sees the headlights illuminate his brother’s truck window. The other car slams into the driver’s side of the truck before he can call out a warning — before he can stop the accident from happening. The splinters of glass cut into his skin as he watches with wide eyes the way his brother’s bloodied body slumps against the steering wheel.  </em> </p><p><em> “Please.” He chokes out around a sob as he reaches for his brother, but</em><em> his fingers only grasp at air as everything fades to darkness.  </em> </p><p>Asher jolts awake as he sits up against his headboard trying his best to catch his breath as his nightmare about the accident plays over and over in his mind.  </p><p><em> I’m so sorry Col.  </em>He whispers into his hands as he buries his face into his half-moon scarred palms from where he digs his fingernails into the tender skin when he tries to fight off his panic attacks.  </p><p>Asher slowly peels himself off of his sweat-soaked sheets an hour after his nightmare shutting off his alarm went off that he had been pressing the snooze button every five minutes hoping that he would be able to go back to sleep. He rubs a tired hand over his flushed face feeling a dull ache behind his eyes with images from his nightmare about the accident flashing through his mind as he chooses to ignore the two text messages from Jordan and Olivia for a moment longer as he tries to forget what today is.  </p><p>Finally getting up from his bed he allows himself to unlock his phone ignoring the date as he takes in a shallow breath as he replies quickly to Jordan and Olivia’s text messages without even reading them since he knows that they are the same as every year on this day — his birthday and his brother's death date.  </p><p><em> A day that I wish I could erase permanently from the calendar.  </em>He thinks warily as he plugs his phone into the charger.  </p><p>With a tired sigh already feeling exhausted he drags his aching body to the shower letting the hot water run over him until it turns ice cold.  </p><p>After toweling off he throws on a loose pair of sweats and an old Beverly High football shirt that he is pretty sure is Collin's before walking over to the cardboard box of Collin's stuff that the movers had mistakenly placed in his room months ago.  </p><p>He takes in a deep breath before he opens the lid of the box readying himself to look at his brother's stuff. </p><p>He smiles down at the box when he sees his brother’s football jersey is laying folded on top of all the other stuff. </p><p><em> Eighty-three. </em> His eyes scan over the number printed onto the dark blue fabric as he holds it out in front of him.  </p><p><em> Adams. </em> He traces his index finger along their last name that is printed on the back of the jersey finding that the vinyl letters are peeling off which he guesses is from of the times that his brother was tackled during games.  </p><p><em> I hope I am making you proud of me Col. </em> He thinks as he lays the jersey on his bed before he peers back into the box his eyes catching the glint of something silver near the bottom.  </p><p>He pulls out his brother’s silver state championship ring with a blue gem in the middle that is still on its matching chain that he remembers his brother never took off unless it was to take a shower or to go for a swim.  </p><p><em> I hope I can win one of these one day for </em><em>you </em><em>big brother. </em> He hopes as he slides the ring into the front pocket of his backpack as the image of his brother’s bright smile when he showed him the ring flashes through his mind.  </p><p>The next thing he pulls out is a photo album that he remembers Collin use to keep in the top drawer of his nightstand.  </p><p>Flipping open the cover he smiles when he sees a picture of Collin and Carter which he assumes was taken in their kindergarten classroom.  </p><p>The next few pictures are of Collin and Carter in various stages of their childhood both of them smiling brightly at the camera with their arms around each other's shoulders.  </p><p>He stops flipping through the pictures when he sees one of Collin kissing Carter on the cheek. </p><p><em> Oh… </em>Asher starts to think as he swallows nervously after not knowing this side of his brother.  </p><p><em> The true side.  </em>He wonders as he closes the photo album not wanting to intrude on any more of the intimate moments of them that may have been captured in more of the photos.  </p><p>He slips the photo album in his backpack on top of the clothes he packed for his sleepover at the Baker's since he doesn’t want his dad to find it. </p><p>Unplugging his phone from the charger he shoulders his backpack leaving the rest of his brother's contents in the box to look through another day. </p><p>Passing by his dad who is already passed out on the couch much earlier than his usual time which Asher figures his dad was still probably passed out from the alcohol he had consumed last night. </p><p>He lets out a long sigh with his hand wrapped around the doorknob as he decides to go check on his dad because his worry and his deep-seated fear that he isn’t breathing won’t let him leave the house without knowing for sure.  </p><p>He stills his hand in the air as he watches his dad’s chest rise and fall as tears blur his vision at the relief that his dad really is okay. But he has to make sure anyway. So, he holds his hand with his palm face-up under his dad’s nose for five breaths as his dad’s hot breath hits against his skin. </p><p><em> He’s okay. He’s breathing. He’s just passed out. </em> He reminds himself replaying the mantra he has come up with for every time that he has found his dad passed out on the couch.   </p><p>He backs away slowly from the couch casting one last long look at his dad before he walks out the door not caring when it slams shut behind him as he begins his walk toward his brother's grave. </p><p>*** </p><p>Asher stills his steps when he is halfway across the cemetery when he sees Carter sitting on the small cement bench that his parents bought a few months after Collin's funeral. </p><p>“Hey.” Carter greets once he sees Asher making his way slowly over. </p><p>“Hi.” Asher says with a stiff nod as he steps up behind the bench ignoring the words on his brother's headstone that he knows by heart. “I always thought my mom was the one who brought the flowers.” Asher tells him gesturing toward the bouquet of artificial flowers lying beside Carter on the bench. </p><p>“Maybe she brings some too.” Carter offers sending Asher a smile over his shoulder. </p><p>“No, there’s always just yours here.” Asher explains taking a seat on the bench when Carter gets up to place the flowers on his grave. “They look nice.” He compliments when Carter sits back down next to him. </p><p>“Thanks.” Carter says as a comfortable silence falls between them as Asher finally looks up at his brother's name on the headstone.  </p><p><em> Collin Harold Adams. </em> </p><p>Seeing his brother's name engraved onto the grey stone always makes it real again that his brother is really gone. </p><p>“I was going through some of Collin's things this morning and I found a photo album of pictures of you and him if you would like it.” Asher explains unzipping his backpack to get out the photo album.  </p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want to keep it?” Carter asks running his hand gingerly over the photo album cover.  </p><p>“No. From what I saw it was pictures of you and him.” Asher tells him watching as Carter opens the photo album and he smiles down at the first picture. “I stopped at the picture of Collin kissing you on the cheek.” He explains clearing his throat. </p><p>“Oh…” Carter says not sure of what to say since he knows that this must be shocking news for Asher refusing to meet the younger Adams’ son’s gaze.  </p><p>He pauses on the picture of Collin kissing him on the cheek as the memory of the night they took the picture plays in his mind. </p><p><em> Carter </em><em>pulled Collin by the hand across the parking lot once they had escaped from the locker room unnoticed as the other players had hit the showers after their victory at the state </em><em>championship. </em> </p><p><em> “Congratulations on that winning touchdown wide receiver</em><em>.” Carter told him as they make their way onto the bus.  </em> </p><p><em> “Thank you and congratulations on that winning throw quarterback</em><em>.” Collin said with a smirk as he pinched </em><em>him lightly on the side. “I didn’t think we were ever going to get away from the team.” He exclaimed leaning in close to place a soft kiss by his ear.  </em> </p><p><em> “And I didn’t think we were ever going to get away from your dad.” Collin said with a chuckle thinking about how Collin’s dad had kept going on and on about his son’s winning touchdown before he turned around in the aisle to face him.  </em> </p><p><em> “Well good for us we finally did.” Collin whispered against his lips before pressing a searing kiss to his waiting lips. “I wish you would have let me take a shower though.” He told him as he waited for Carter to slide into their usual seat at the back of the bus.  </em> </p><p><em> “We can always shower at my house.” Carter reasoned with him as he took his hand dragging him down on the seat with him. </em> </p><p><em> “Sorry but I can’t. You know my dad he’ll be wanting to go over the game and how I can do better in college.” Collin explained with a disappointed look as he pulled at the hem of Carter’s jersey so that he could run his hands up along his abs.  </em> </p><p><em> “He pushes you way too hard.” Carter exclaimed with a slight pout before he pulls him in close. “You’ll just have to make it up to me tomorrow.” He said before pressing a kiss to his jawline not caring when his stubble pierced his lips. </em> </p><p><em> “Don’t I always?” Collin teased with a smirk before capturing their lips in another searing kiss.  </em> </p><p><em> “Let’s take a picture to remember this night.” Carter suggested as he fished his phone out of</em><em> his pocket after he pulled back from their kiss that left his head spinning.  </em> </p><p><em> “I had another idea of how we could remember this</em><em> night though</em><em>.”  </em> <em> Collin told him with a dramatic pout </em><em>as he groped Carter between the legs </em><em>through his shorts </em><em>finding that he was already hard.  </em> </p><p><em> “Well, we can do that tomorrow. But right now, I want to take a picture with my hot as hell boyfriend.”  </em> <em> Carter said with a smirk when Collin leans in close for a quick kiss. </em> </p><p><em> “You know I can never say no to you.”  </em> <em> Collin exclaimed as they pose for the picture.  </em> </p><p><em>“Yeah, and</em><em> you better always remember that too.”  </em> <em> Carter exclaimed </em><em>smiling toward his phone.  </em> </p><p><em> “I will.” Collin whispered turning to kiss Carter on the cheek </em><em>just before the flash went off. “That's my favorite picture we’ve taken.”  </em> <em> He said as Carter showed </em><em>him </em><em>the picture. </em> </p><p><em> “Mine too.” Carter agreed kissing him on the cheek before they found their way to each other's </em><em>lips once again. </em> </p><p><em> They reluctantly pulled </em><em>apart when they </em><em>heard </em><em>the rest of the team climbing onto the bus with their cheeks flushed and their hearts hammering in their chests.  </em> </p><p><em> “I can’t wait for tomorrow.” Carter whispered into his ear before he slowly </em><em>leaned </em><em>his back against the window putting as much distance between himself and Collin that he can.  </em> </p><p><em> “Me either.” Collin agreed before he </em><em>looked </em><em>from Carter’s swollen and red lips to greet their teammates.  </em> </p><p><em> On the way home back to Beverly Carter </em><em>leaned </em><em>his head against the window as the exhaustion from the game finally hit him</em><em>. He lets out a tired sigh when the conversation turns to how hot the cheerleaders had looked </em><em>cheering them on and Collin joins in. </em> </p><p><em> He tensed at first when he felt Collin's touch but eased up when he got </em><em>the message, he</em><em> was trying to send him.  </em> </p><p><em> I want this and you.  </em> <em> Was always Collin's promise after he had shied away from Carter’s </em><em>touch or like how he was now pretending to be straight </em><em>in front of everyone else. </em> </p><p><em> Carter takes in a sharp inhale of breath when Collin starts </em><em>to trace a message along the skin on the inside of his wrist </em><em>with his index finger </em><em>that sent shivers all over his body.  </em> </p><p><em> C plus C equals love. </em> <em>  Was the message that Collin</em><em>traced over and over until Carter</em><em>was sure that if </em><em>he looked</em><em> at his wrist </em><em>the words would be permanently imprinted there. </em> </p><p><em> I want this and you. Collin </em><em>expressed once more when he interlaced his fingers through Carter's after some of their teammates had fallen asleep or had started small conversations amongst themselves.  </em> </p><p><em> I know. Carter wanted to say back to let Collin that he understood him and that he would wait for as long as it took for him to be ready to come out to the team but for that moment in the back of the darkened bus on the way home, he settled on giving the boy's hand that he loved a reassuring squeeze.  </em> </p><p>Carter looks back up from the photo of him and Collin to find Asher staring at his brother's headstone.  </p><p>“Did you love him?” Asher asks his voice barely above a whisper as he cautiously glances over at Carter.  </p><p>“Yeah, I did.” Carter affirms with a nod before he glances down once more at the picture before he closes the photo album saving the rest of the pictures for later feeling a wash of sadness fall over him as he thinks of all the pictures that aren’t in the photo album —their prom, their high school graduation, their college graduation, or their wedding.  </p><p>“How long were you guys together?” Asher questions sliding his eyes back to his brother’s headstone to reread the words engraved under his name. </p><p><em> Beloved son. Beloved brother. Beloved friend. </em> </p><p>“Almost two years.” Carter answers pulling his jacket tighter around him as the evening air breeze turns colder. </p><p>“He never told me.” Asher states hating how shaky his voice sounds.  </p><p>“After your dad didn’t react well to the idea of us being together, he wanted to wait until you were older to tell you.” Carter explains not able to hide the edge from his voice at thinking how Collin always tried so hard to impress his father. </p><p>“I don’t think there’s anything that Collin could have ever done to disappoint our dad. He was our dad's pride and joy.” Asher says with a hint of sadness dripping from his words. </p><p>“Well for Collin telling your dad he was gay was something he thought would destroy their relationship and it almost did.” Carter tells him watching as Asher's jaw clenches which he isn’t sure if it’s from anger or to keep from crying.  </p><p>“I wish he would have told me.” Asher admits his voice coming out thick with emotion feeling slightly hurt that his brother kept a huge part of who he was from him. </p><p>“He was going too. We were going to take you out for pizza the weekend after your birthday and tell you that we were together. But...” Carter explains trailing off as he gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze. </p><p><em> What you mean though is if he hadn’t fucking died you and him could have still been together.  </em>Asher thinks heatedly as tears blur his vision.  </p><p>“Oh...” Asher says vaguely taking in what Carter told him knowing deep down under his own hurt and anger that his brother didn’t keep that part of him from him to hurt him.  </p><p>“Well, I should get going my shift at the gym starts soon.” Carter explains getting up from the bench. </p><p>Asher just nods in response not trusting his own voice anymore.  </p><p>“Happy Birthday Asher.” Carter says after he takes a few steps away from his lover's grave. </p><p>That’s all it takes for Asher to break down into sobs that cause his body to shake. </p><p>“Oh, shit I’m sorry.” Carter apologizes as he wraps his arms around the younger boy awkwardly at first but then he relaxes when Asher leans into his touch.  </p><p>“I'm sorry.” Asher whispers pulling back out of Carter’s arms slightly embarrassed. </p><p>“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I can’t imagine how hard today must be for you.” Carter tells him following his gaze back to Collin's headstone where their eyes linger on his birth date and death date.  </p><p><em> August 31, 1995 – March 28, 201</em><em>4. </em> </p><p>“I thought it would be easier by now.” Asher exclaims casting his gaze down to the ground.  </p><p>“Every person has their own process of grief. And honestly losing your brother the way you did was a tragedy. And I know that he would be so proud of you.” Carter tells him wrapping his arm around the boy that he always considered as his little brother. </p><p>“I doubt that he would…” Asher says trailing off with a shrug. </p><p>“Well, I know that he would. You were always his favorite person.” Carter promises as he pulls him in for a quick hug before gets up from the bench. “So, where are you heading after here?” He asks not wanting to leave Asher alone without a way home. </p><p>“Um, I’m going over to the Baker's.” Asher tells him quietly picking up his backpack from the ground.  </p><p>“Well, come on I’ll give you a lift.” Carter tells him turning to walk back toward his car. </p><p>“What about your shift?” Asher asks getting up to follow him.  </p><p>“Well, that’s the perks about owning the place that you work at.” Cater explains with a teasing smile as Asher falls in step beside him.  </p><p>“Okay.” Asher finally decides returning his smile.  </p><p>“So, do the Baker’s still live in the big white house on the hill?” Carter asks once they make it to his car.  </p><p>“That’s the one.” Asher tells him before he turns to cast one last long look towards his brother’s grave before he climbs into Carter’s passenger seat. “I found this too in the box of Collin’s stuff that I think you might like to have.” He says before they pull away from the cemetery as he unzips the front pocket of his backpack.  </p><p>“What’s that?” Carter asks curiously gesturing toward the object that is hidden in Asher’s closed palm. </p><p>“Collin’s state championship ring.” Asher explains opening up his palm to reveal the silver chain and ring.  </p><p>“You should keep it.” Carter states stilling his hand in mid-air above the console to stop himself from taking the ring.  </p><p>“No, Collin would want you to have it.” Asher insists moving his hand closer to Carter. “I mean you and him did kick some major ass that night during the state championship game.” He remembers how amazing it felt to cheer on his brother from the bleachers alongside his parents and how happy they had all been. </p><p>“Yeah, we sure did. Didn’t we?” Carter agrees as he takes the ring from Asher. “I don’t really know what to say about this....” He says trailing off before he slips the chain around his neck.  </p><p>“You don’t have to say anything because the look on your face says it all.” Asher tells him with a small smile before reaching to buckle his seatbelt. </p><p>Carter looks in the rearview mirror at his reflection noticing how the silver ring shines brightly in the sunshine just like Collin’s smile always lit up a room. </p><p>“Thank you.” Carter whispers to Asher before he pulls on his own seatbelt before pulling away from the cemetery — away from their beloved brother and beloved boyfriend.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Gwen takes in a deep breath before sending Laura a small smile as she holds the door to the doctor's office open for her. </p><p>“I’ll get us a seat while you sign in.” Laura tells her offering her best friend an assuring smile before she chooses two seats in the corner for them.  </p><p>Gwen smiles politely at the receptionist as she signs her name on the sign-in sheet her heart skipping a beat when she writes the date by her name.  </p><p><em> March 28th —</em><em> Asher's birthday.  </em>She thinks automatically as she steps away from the desk with tears blurring her vision. </p><p>“Maybe it won’t be such a long wait this time.” Gwen states as she sits down next to Laura leaning back stiffly in the chair. </p><p>“It’s fine.” Laura tells her shrugging off her cardigan. “I am sure that your scan will show that your tumor has shrunk.” She tells Gwen sending her a hopeful smile as she looks up from an article in an old issue from the fall of Cosmopolitan that is ironically explaining the importance of early detection of breast cancer and the survival rate.  </p><p>Laura closes the magazine before Gwen can see the article when her best friend sends her a nervous as she locks their gazes. </p><p>“I hope so.” Gwen says her voice thick with emotion as she breaks their eye contact to stare once again at the picture of the ocean on the wall across from them as she shifts to find a more comfortable position in the hard plastic chair.  </p><p>Another twenty minutes tick by on the clock that echoes loudly in the quiet waiting room before the nurse appears in the doorway to lead them back to the room for Gwen's scan.  </p><p>“I’ll be right out here waiting for you.” Laura assures Gwen squeezing her hand for a brief moment when her best friend appears out of the bathroom dressed in a hospital gown. </p><p>“Okay.” Gwen says taking in a shaky breath before she follows the nurse inside the room with a CT scan machine.  </p><p>“Okay, hon please take off any jewelry you have on.” The nurse instructs her pointing toward the small metal tray that’s on the countertop. </p><p>Out of habit Gwen reaches for her left finger to take off her wedding ring but pauses when she glances down to find it missing from her finger — as it’s been missing since the day, she left Beverly behind in her rearview mirror months ago.  </p><p>With shaky hands, she takes off the golden hoops that her mom had gotten her for her birthday a few years ago. With a wash of sadness falling over her, she unclasps the latch on the golden heart charm necklace that Collin and Asher had gifted her on the last Mother’s Day that she had with both her sons.  </p><p>“Ready?” The nurse asks when Gwen turns away from the counter and the memories that flood through her mind.  </p><p>Gwen nods stepping stiffly up to the CT machine before the nurse helps her up onto the narrow table that is impossible to find a comfortable position on. </p><p>She takes in a deep breath as the table starts to slide back into the machine placing her right hand onto her chest where the golden heart charm usually hangs remembering the day her sons gave it to her.  </p><p><em> Gwen looked up from her book when she heard another loud clatter of dishes coming from the kitchen and the mummer of her sons’ hushed voices.  </em> </p><p><em> She smiled down again at her book knowing that her sons were wanting to her surprise her with their annual Mother’s Day breakfast.  </em> </p><p><em> “Happy Mother’s Day Mom!” Collin and Asher said at the same time as they stood in the doorway to her bedroom wearing identical happy smiles.  </em> </p><p><em> “Oh, thank you boys.” Gwen exclaimed with a warm smile as they made their way over to her. “You know Mother’s Day is always my favorite holiday.” She told them as they sat on either side of the bed after Collin placed the tray with her plate of pancakes onto her lap.  </em> </p><p><em> “How come?” Asher asked after he sat the small gift box wrapped in pink wrapping paper onto the floral comforter.  </em> </p><p><em> “Well because it’s the day I get to spend all day with both my boys.” She explained grabbing ahold of both of hands giving them a gentle squeeze.  </em> </p><p><em> “You sure it’s not the gifts or the breakfast?” Collin teased with a playful grin.  </em> </p><p><em> “They are both nice touches for sure. But all I need really is the both of you.” She told them giving their hands another squeeze.  </em> </p><p><em> “Do you want to open your gift now?” Asher questioned holding out the gift box toward their mom after she let go of their hands.  </em> </p><p><em> “Or we can just take it back to the store.” Collin interjected with a chuckle at the mock look of shock that his mom sends him as she took the gift from Asher. </em> </p><p><em> Collin winked over at Asher as they watched their mom untie the white silk ribbon and then unwrap the pink wrapping from the small black jewelry box.  </em> </p><p><em> “It’s beautiful babies. Thank you.” She complimented once she unwrapped the box to find a necklace with a golden heart charm with the word ‘Mom’ engraved in the </em><em>center</em><em>. </em> </p><p><em> “You’re welcome.” Collin and Asher said in unison with identical happy smiles. </em> </p><p><em> “Here I’ll put it on you.” Collin offered taking the necklace out of the box for her before he </em><em>placed it around her neck </em><em>clasping the latch with a satisfied smile as he leaned back next to his little brother </em><em>throwing an arm loosely over his shoulders.  </em> </p><p><em> “You know I am the luckiest mom in the world.” Gwen exclaimed as she kissed</em><em> each</em><em> of her sons on the cheek before she leans back against the headboard holding the golden heart charm between her index finger and thumb. “How about you boys go get your breakfast and we’ll all eat in here together.” She suggested before taking a drink of her orange juice. </em> </p><p><em> “But we never get to do that.” Asher exclaimed </em><em>with wide eyes and a curious smile.  </em> </p><p><em> “Well, today we can. </em> <em> ” Gwen decided with a chuckle as her youngest son </em><em>jumped up from the bed running </em><em>toward the kitchen. </em> </p><p><em> “I'll get yours Col.” Asher called happily over his shoulder </em><em>before he disappeared down the hallway.  </em> </p><p><em> “I love seeing him</em><em> so happy.” Gwen admired as she reached for her oldest son's hand.  </em> </p><p><em> “I do too.”  </em> <em> Collin </em><em>agreed </em><em>with an amused smile. </em> </p><p><em> “So, you and Carter were on the phone late last night.” Gwen observed </em><em>with a wink since they had a moment alone.  </em> </p><p><em> “Sorry about that mom. Did I keep you up?” Collin apologized </em><em>feeling his cheeks heat up at the thought of his mom overhearing his and Carter's conversation last </em><em>night.  </em> </p><p><em> “Oh, no not at all sweetheart. I just wanted you to know that I’m happy for you.” She explained </em><em>waving away her son's worry before </em><em>giving his hand a gentle </em><em>squeeze.  </em> </p><p><em> “Thanks, mom.” Collin said squeezing his mom's hand back.  “I</em><em> just wish dad would be happy for</em><em> me too.” He stated with a look of sadness flashing through his </em><em>blue eyes</em><em>.  </em> </p><p><em>“He’ll come around eventually.” </em> <em>  Gwen reasoned </em><em>wishing more than anything that her </em><em>husband would learn </em><em>to </em><em>accept </em><em>this </em><em>beautiful </em><em>part of </em><em>their son </em><em>patting his</em><em>hand </em><em>before </em><em>she let it</em><em> go </em><em>when they hear</em><em>d A</em><em>sher hurrying back toward them. </em> </p><p><em> “</em><em>Maybe one day.” Collin whispered before replacing his frown with a smile as he turned </em><em>toward </em><em>his little brother. “Did you bring the whole kitchen with</em><em> you Ash?” He teased in a lighthearted tone </em><em>when he </em><em>saw </em><em>the amount of food that Asher </em><em>was balancing in his arms. </em> </p><p><em> “I didn’t want to have to go back.”  </em> <em> Asher said sticking his tongue out playfully </em><em>causing them all to laugh. </em>  </p><p><em> “Well let’s dig in.” Gwen exclaimed after </em><em>their laughter subsided </em><em>before gesturing toward their plates of pancakes</em><em>.  </em> </p><p><em> “Happy Mother's Day mom.” They told her again </em><em>with their mouths full of </em><em>pancakes </em><em>sharing sly smiles with each other with how their cheeks were puffed out.  </em> </p><p><em> “Thank you, babies.” She said with a joyful smile feeling so grateful to have two amazing sons as she does.  </em> </p><p>“Okay, hon you’re all done.” The nurse explains breaking Gwen from her memory the white-walled room she blinks her eyes open to find herself in is a stark reminder of her reality.  </p><p><em> That Collin is dead.  </em> <em> That she had </em><em>left Asher behind in Beverly. And </em><em>that </em><em>she has cancer.  </em> </p><p><em> God, what else could happen?  </em>She wonders getting up shakily from the table before grabbing her jewelry from the metal tray putting on her necklace before she puts her earrings back in.  </p><p><em> Mom. </em> She thinks the word as she touches the heart charm feeling a pang of guilt settle deep inside of her gut at the thought of her youngest son.  </p><p><em> I'm so sorry baby.  </em>She has imagined herself saying to Asher so many times, but she hasn’t brought herself to call him yet.  </p><p>“The doctor should be able to read your results either later today or in the morning.” The nurse explains in a warm voice that is full of hope before as she holds the door open for her.  </p><p><em> Why can’t she now?  </em>Gwen wonders the nurse's cheerful voice grating on her already frayed nerves. </p><p>“Thank you.” Gwen politely says to the nurse as they step out into the hallway to find Laura waiting right where they had left her.  </p><p>“How'd it go?” Laura asks with a soft smile as she hands her best friend her clothes.  </p><p>“Okay.” Gwen tells her holding her clothes close to her chest fighting back her tears. “Thank you.” She says with her hand on the bathroom door.  </p><p>“You're welcome.” Laura says watching her carefully slip inside the bathroom to change as she knows she is talking about so much more than her holding onto her clothes or even driving her to her appointment. </p><p><em> Thank you for staying </em><em>by </em><em>my side.  </em>Laura knows is what else her best friend wants to tell as she sits back down in the hard plastic chair staring sadly at the bathroom door when she hears her best friend of over twenty years crying on the other side of it.  </p><p>Later after they have made it back to Gwen's apartment Laura absent-mindedly pours the boiling hot water from the electric tea kettle into two matching mint-colored mugs of peppermint tea which she knows is her best friend’s favorite.  </p><p>“Here you go.” Laura tells Gwen as she walks into the small living room where she is sitting on the couch covered in a throw that she is sure that her boys got her years ago for Christmas. </p><p>“Thank you.” Gwen says wrapping her cold hands around the warm mug. “This will make the first birthday of his whole life that I won’t be seeing Asher.” She voices the sad truth that has been weighing her down since she first woke up this morning as she watches the steam raise up from her cup of tea with a blank stare. </p><p>“You could call him if you want.” Laura tells her gently turning toward her on the couch being careful not to pour out her tea.  </p><p>“And say what?” Gwen exclaims shaking her head feeling disgusted with herself.  </p><p>“Happy Birthday.” Laura suggests sending her a soft smile as their lock eyes.  </p><p>“I can’t. I mean he probably hates me for what I’ve done.” Gwen says sitting her mug down on the coffee table.  </p><p>“Gwen listen to me please. Asher doesn’t hate you. He misses you though.” Laura assures her best friend as she grabs onto her hand finding her fingers ice cold.  </p><p>“I wish I could take it back.” Gwen states as a stray tear falls down her cheek.  </p><p>“You can’t but you can explain to him why you left.” Laura tells her gently giving her hand a squeeze.  </p><p>“I don’t want him to know about my cancer.” Gwen explains readjusting the beanie on her head that is covering her bald spots where she has lost her hair from all the chemo.  </p><p>“You could always text him.” Laura suggests after taking a cautious sip of her tea. </p><p>“Maybe I will later.” Gwen decides after a long pause before picking up her mug again as she stares at the picture of her sons, that she hung on the wall above the television. </p><p>*** </p><p>“Happy Birthday Asher!” Olivia and Jordan sing in unison wearing identical happy smiles as soon as they pull open the door after Asher rings the doorbell.  </p><p>“Thanks guys.” He tells them sending them a small smile as he steps inside.  </p><p>“So, we got pizza. And we got the movie set up in the basement.” Jordan tells him over his shoulder as he leads their way to the kitchen. </p><p>“The classic birthday celebration.” Asher exclaims with a happy smile when he sees the chocolate cake on the counter.  </p><p>“Yeah, we wanted your day to be special.” Olivia says as she opens the pack plates for the pizza.  </p><p>“You guys always make it special.” Asher tells them feeling so thankful for his two best friends.  </p><p>“So, I’ll get our pillows and stuff set out on the couch.” Jordan tells them after he gets his pizza out.  </p><p>“Okay, we’ll be down in just a second.” Olivia calls as Jordan walks down the basement steps. “So, are you okay Ash?” She asks staring intently at Asher across the kitchen island. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine Liv.” He tells her meeting her gaze as he stills his movements of getting a slice of pizza out of the box. </p><p>“I just wanted to check in with you since I know that today is….” Olivia says trailing off as she walks to the other side of the kitchen island where Asher is. </p><p>“A day that I wish I could forget.” Asher finishes for her with a half-smile. </p><p>“Sorry I didn’t mean to steal away your happiness.” She apologizes casting her eyes to the floor as she tucks a lock of her curly hair behind her ear nervously.  </p><p>“You could never do that Liv.” Asher assures her as she grabs onto her hand. “Being around you and Jay are the only times I do feel happy.” He explains honestly giving her hand a gentle squeeze once she finally flicks her eyes up to meet his. </p><p>“Well, I’m glad we have each other than to bring each other happiness.” She says with a soft smile before she gives him a quick hug. “So, Jordan is probably thinking we ran off somewhere.” She states when they pull apart as she clears her throat.  </p><p><em> If only we could. </em> He thinks warily as he picks up his plate.  </p><p>“Shall we?” He asks after she gets her pizza gesturing toward the basement doorway.  </p><p>“Yeah, we shall.” She agrees with her signature sweet smile that he could stare at all day.  </p><p>“After you best friend.” He tells her letting her go down the basement steps first.  </p><p>“There you guys are.” Jordan exclaims as he glances up from his phone when Asher and Olivia descend the stairs. “So, pick which movie you want to watch first Ash.” He tells his best friend as he sits down between him and his twin.  </p><p>“Uh, I’m good with whatever you guys want to watch.” Asher says after he takes a bite of pizza scooting back on the sectional.  </p><p>“Nope that’s not how our birthday rules work.” Jordan says shaking his head with a teasing smile.  </p><p>“Okay how about this one?” Asher says pointing at the television screen at some movie that looks like it has a lot of action in it.  </p><p>“Cool.” Jordan says nodding as he selects the movie.  </p><p>He sighs when Olivia gets up to dim the lights so they can see the movie better which the darkness for him is welcomed because he is hopeful that it will ease the pain behind his eyes.  </p><p>He smiles over at Olivia even though she can’t see him in the dark when she leans in close to his side finding her presence comforting as he tries his best to focus on the movie.  </p><p>“How about some popcorn?” Olivia asks once the movie credits roll on the screen and Jordan gets up to turn on the lights. “Ash?” She whispers placing a gentle hand on his shoulder when she sees he has his eyes closed.  </p><p>“Yeah.” He says as he blinks his eyes open slowly against the bright lights his cheeks reddening when he finds them both staring at him with worried expressions.  </p><p>“You okay Ash?” Jordan asks taking a step closer to the couch.  </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep well last night is all.” Asher explains sitting up straighter. </p><p>“If you’re sure.” Jordan says in a skeptical tone watching Asher for a few more minutes. “I’ll go get the popcorn started.” He decides after sharing a look with Olivia that he decodes as she’s got him.  </p><p>“Did you like the movie?” Olivia casually asks after Jordan disappears upstairs.  </p><p>“The first half I did. But the ending I’m not so sure.” He tells her honestly with a dry chuckle.  </p><p>“You didn’t miss much.” She says with a small laugh.  </p><p>“Sorry I feel asleep.” He apologizes still feeling embarrassed but glad that he didn’t have a nightmare.  </p><p>“Don't be. I’m glad you got some sleep.” She tells him placing a gentle hand on his forearm. “So, I should probably make sure that Jordan isn’t burning the popcorn or eating it all.” She explains with a playful smile as she nods toward the stairs without getting up from the couch.  </p><p>“Yeah, I would say that’s a good idea.” Asher agrees returning her smile. </p><p>“And in case you need it there’s some <em>Excedrin Migraine in</em> the guest bathroom medicine cabinet.” She tells him with a knowing look after she sees his dark under eye circles and the way his forehead lines are showing faintly and the way the corner of his mouths is pulled tightly into a grimace.  </p><p>“Thanks.” He tells her with a small smile as he takes her hand that she extends out to him when she stands up from the couch. </p><p>“Anytime.” She promises him giving his hand a comforting squeeze as they start up the stairs.  </p><p>Asher splashes cold water onto his face hoping that it will help to wake him up before he opens the medicine cabinet smiling when he finds the migraine pills that Olivia told him were there.  </p><p>He decides to take four hoping that the dull ache won’t turn into a full-blown migraine. He cups his hand under the faucet to catch enough water to take the pills as he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror.  </p><p><em> I don’t remember the last time I</em><em> looked like myself.  </em>He thinks as he swallows the pills chasing them down with the tap water.  </p><p>He dries his hand on the front of his jeans as he flicks off the light making his way back downstairs.  </p><p>He stops abruptly on the landing before he goes down the last eight steps to the first floor when he hears hushed voices coming from by the front door.  </p><p>“How is Ms. Gwen?” He hears Gloria asks in her sweet and caring tone that she always speaks in.  </p><p>“She got a scan done today. And the doctor should have her results in a few days to see if her tumor has shrunk.” He hears Laura reply in a tired voice.  </p><p><em> Wait, a tumor. Does that mean my </em><em>mom has cancer?  </em>He wonders as he holds his breath waiting for them to say something else about his mom. </p><p>“I hope she will be okay.” Gloria tells her as they move to the kitchen.  </p><p>Asher leans heavily against the wall as he tries to catch his breath as his mind spins with a million questions.  </p><p>It’s another five minutes before he is able to walk back up the stairs so he can take the back stairs that lead down to the family room. Because he doesn’t want anyone to think he overheard Gloria and Laura's conversation.  </p><p>“I was about to come looking for you.” Olivia tells him with a playful smile when he walks into the kitchen to find the Bakers and Gloria at the kitchen island.  </p><p>“Here I am.” He says hoping they don’t hear how shaky his voice sounds.  </p><p>“Happy Birthday Asher.” Laura and Billy tell him as they smile over at their godson.  </p><p>“Happy Birthday Mr. Asher.” Gloria says as she gets a knife from the drawer by the sink to cut the cake with. </p><p>“Thank you.” Asher says almost shyly as he steps next to Olivia and Jordan.  </p><p>“You're welcome.” The three of them answer in unison.  </p><p>“So, are we doing candles this year?” Laura asks looking over at the kids.  </p><p>“No, just the cake.” Olivia answers smiling at Asher who sends her a relieved look.  </p><p>“Gloria, I got you me and Laura some Chinese takeout since the kids got pizza.” Billy informs them after they cut the cake. </p><p>“Oh, thank you, Mr. Baker.” Gloria tells him after she takes a bite of cake.  </p><p>“Now Gloria you know you can call me Billy.” He tells her with a warm smile as he glances over at the kids who are sitting on the barstools. </p><p>“Right.” Gloria says returning his smile.  </p><p>“Present time.” Laura exclaims after they finish their cake sending Asher a happy smile. </p><p>“Oh, you guys didn’t have to get me anything.” Asher states sending them a questioning look.  </p><p>“We wanted too.” Olivia tells him with a sweet smile as she gets up from her seat to get his present.  </p><p>“Now if you don’t like it when can always get you something else.” Billy tells him after Olivia hands him the gift. </p><p>“I know I’ll love whatever you guys got.” Asher tells them as he eyes the gift wrapped in blue wrapping paper with a red bow.  </p><p>“Open it Ash.” Jordan instructs his eyes lighting up at the thought of his best friend seeing what was inside the box. </p><p>“Oh, you mean the box isn’t my gift?” Asher asks with a teasing smile earning him a laugh from Jordan before he starts to unwrap the gift wrap. “Wow. This is too much. You guys shouldn’t have done this.” He exclaims in slight disbelief as he lifts the tablet from the box.  </p><p>“So, you like it?” Laura asks as she smiles happily over to her godson.  </p><p>“I love it and each of you so much.” He says sincerely as he meets each of their gazes as tears burn in his eyes.  </p><p>“And we love you too Ash.” Olivia tells him as she gives him a quick side hug. </p><p>“So, we set it all up for you already. There’s an icon so you can video chat me and Liv and we added JJ on there too.” Jordan explains once Asher turns on the table.  </p><p>“Wow, thank you guys so much.” He tells them again shaking his head in disbelief at their kindness.  </p><p>“You’re welcome Asher.” Billy says before sharing a pleased look with his wife. “So, have you guys eaten the pizza yet?” He asks as he gets out the boxes of Chinese takeout.  </p><p>“You know it.” Jordan exclaims as he moves over to the microwave to turn on the popcorn. “And now I got the popcorn going for our second movie.” He explains after remembering the popcorn after he had got distracted from where he came up from the basement to talk to his dad.  </p><p>After they have eaten the entire bowl of popcorn and the movie is half over Asher falls asleep again hoping that if he can sleep that his headache that has almost turned into a migraine will go away.  </p><p><em> Collin's truck rolls to a stop at the stoplight with the rain pouring </em><em>down as Asher turns over to look at his older brother. </em> </p><p><em> His brow furrows in confusion when he sees Olivia and Jordan sitting next to him and </em><em>his brother behind the wheel. </em> </p><p><em> “What are you guys doing here?” He asks above the sound of the rain </em><em>pelting against the truck's metal roof. </em> </p><p><em> “Happy Birthday Asher.”  </em> <em> They say together </em><em>turning toward him as the light turns green. </em> </p><p><em> His voice gets caught in his throat </em><em>when he sees the headlights illuminate his brother's truck window before the loud crunching of metal </em><em>feels the cab of the truck. </em> </p><p><em> Everything fades to black </em><em>as a high-pitched scream pierces his ears. </em> </p><p><em> When he opens his </em><em>eyes, </em> <em> he is instantly filled with fear when his eyes land on Collin, Olivia, and Jordan laying still next to him covered in blood. </em> </p><p>He jerks awake with a scream catching in his throat as blinks his eyes against the darkness in the basement. He covers his mouth when he feels the bile rising in his throat as he jumps up from the sectional. He tries to make it to the bathroom, but he is only able to make it to the small kitchenette sink before the vomit is coming out of his mouth.  </p><p>“Ash, are you okay?” He hears Olivia asks from behind him with her voice still thick with sleep. </p><p><em> Shit, I didn’t mean to wake them up. </em> He thinks as he throws up again into the sink as he holds onto the edge of the counter, so he doesn’t fall into the floor.  </p><p>“Hey, at least you didn’t throw up in the bed this time.” Jordan jokes as he flips on the light in an attempt to lighten the mood.  </p><p>“Jordan, not helping.” Olivia snaps as she steps up to Asher’s side rubbing comforting circles on his back when he throws up again. “Can you get me a washcloth please?” She asks her twin in a softer tone than before. </p><p>“He’s kind of has a point though.” Asher says glancing up slightly from the sink to catch Olivia’s eyes finding them filled with worry.  </p><p>Olivia just nods in response before Asher hangs his head over the sink again but this time, he only dry heaves since his stomach is now empty.  </p><p>“Here you go.” Jordan says handing the damp washcloth to Olivia.  </p><p>“Thanks.” She tells him without taking her eyes off of Asher. “Do you think you’re done?” She asks him quietly when Asher takes in several deep breaths.  </p><p>Asher nods as he takes the washcloth from Olivia so that he can wipe the vomit from his mouth. He smiles warily at Jordan as he guides him back to the couch as Olivia stays by the sink to clean the vomit out of it.  </p><p>“I’m so sorry.” He apologizes as soon as both of them sit down next to him feeling his cheeks heating up. </p><p>“Ash you don’t need to apologize for anything.” Olivia assures him as she and Jordan place their hands on his shoulders. “Was it because of your migraine?” She inquires quietly giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.  </p><p>“Yeah.” He answers knowing that part of it was and then the other reason was the nightmare that he is trying his best to forget about.  </p><p>After several minutes of silence and their eyes growing heavy again, Jordan gets up to turn the lights off again deciding to leave the lamp on in the corner just in case Asher got sick again.  </p><p>Asher waits until Jordan’s and Olivia’s breathing evens out before he eases himself gently off of the couch so that he doesn’t wake up his two best friends before he climbs up the basement stairs to the kitchen. </p><p>“Couldn’t sleep?” Laura inquires when she looks from her laptop to find Asher standing in the basement doorway.  </p><p>“No.” Asher answers casting a glance back through the basement door before he crosses the cold floor to sit at the table across from Laura.   </p><p>“I think I have just the antidote for a sleepless night.“ Laura exclaims after she turns off her laptop with a wink before getting up from the table. </p><p>Asher watches with a questioning look as she turns on the electric tea kettle as he leans back in the kitchen chair letting out a long breath as he tries to calm his racing heart from his nightmare.  </p><p><em> Liv and Jay are fine.  </em>He reminds himself closing his eyes against the images of them laying lifeless in his brother’s truck next to him.  </p><p>“Here you go.” Laura says breaking him from his thoughts as she sits a mug down in front of him.  </p><p>“Thank you.” He tells her smiling down at the mug when he sees it’s hot chocolate with the mini marshmallows – his favorite.  </p><p>“You're welcome Asher.” She says smiling over at him wrapping her hands around her mug of tea.  </p><p>An easy silence falls between them as they watch the steam rise from their mugs and as they listen to the rain falling softly as it hits the windowpanes and the patio doors in a steady, calm pattern.  </p><p>“What kind of cancer does my mom have?” Asher whispers the question that has been running through his mind ever since he overheard Laura and Gloria's conversation.  </p><p>“Wait, how do you know about that?” Laura asks carefully as she locks eyes with her godson finding him with the same expression he was wearing the morning after the accident when he thought he was going to lose his mom.  </p><p>“I heard you and Gloria talking earlier.” Asher explains before dropping his eyes back to his mug of hot chocolate. </p><p>“Oh, sweetie I’m so sorry.” Laura apologizes as she reaches across the table for his hand. “Your mom didn’t want you to know yet.” She explains in a gentle tone.  </p><p>“Will you tell me, please. Is she going to die?” He asks afraid of the answer that he will get.  </p><p>“I don’t know Asher. But your mom is a fighter, and she has been fighting every day to be able to come home to you.” Laura explains giving his hand a comforting squeeze. “She has stage three breast cancer.” She informs him watching as a look of fear mixed with hurt crosses his face.  </p><p>“All this time I thought she left because of me.” Asher admits after a long silence as he glances up to his godmom as he tries to come to terms with the fact that his mom has cancer.  </p><p>“Asher listen to me please there is nothing in this world that you could do to make your mom ever leave you.” Laura assures him finding tears gathering in the corner of her own eyes as a few silent tears fall down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” She tells him the words that she knows that his mom has been wanting to tell him for months as she gets up to pull him in for a hug.  </p><p>After he cried for what felt like an hour, he finished his hot chocolate before he left Laura alone in the kitchen as he climbed back down the basement steps as quietly as he could.  </p><p>Just as he steps off the bottom step his phone buzzes in his pocket signaling that he has a text.  </p><p><em> Happy Birthday, baby. I love you. </em>Reads his mom’s text from the number that Laura had given him months ago that he has almost called so many times.  </p><p><em> Thanks, mom. I love you too.  </em>He instantly texts back as he smiles down at his phone with the thought that his mom really does still love him.  </p><p>Asher lays back onto the sectional being careful not to wake up Jordan and Olivia as he takes his spot in between them once more. </p><p><em> They’re okay. </em> He reminds himself once more as glances back and forth between them as his eyes grow heavy with exhaustion before he falls into a deep sleep.   </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, I would love to know what you guys thought of this chapter! And I would love to hear any predictions that you may have for what’s coming in the next chapter(s)!   </p><p>Were you surprised at the discoveries that Asher made about his brother? What are your thoughts on Collin so far?  </p><p>If you did enjoy this chapter, then please leave me a comment with your thoughts and/or a kudo!   </p><p> Your guy's comments and kudos make my day and make me smile! 💛 </p><p>The next chapter is going to be called <i>The Lesson</i> and here is a little preview of what’s to come: </p><p>-Asher learning how to drive and having to deal with his PTSD from the accident while he does. (This is going to be something that is really hard for Asher and that is something he will be continuing to deal with throughout the story.) </p><p>-Gwen and Asher will be reuniting (I have already teared up just thinking about them seeing each other again. Are you guys excited for them to start to heal their relationship?) </p><p>-Harold and his brother will be making amends and their full story will be revealed. (Any ideas what has caused these two brothers to be estranged for fifteen years?) </p><p>I am planning to have the next chapter written and posted by mid-December if I can! (I already have it outlined so now I just have to start writing it!) 😉</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So there it is Chapter One of my first ever published fan fiction story! :D<br/>I hope y'all enjoyed it! ;)<br/>I hope it wasn't too long or wordy because I wanted to the take time to show the family dynamics in detail.<br/>Leave me a kudo or comment and let me know your thoughts! &lt;3<br/>P.S. Constructive criticism is always welcomed and thanked.<br/>Sending y'all lots of love during these trying times. Hope y'all are staying safe and healthy out there. &lt;3<br/>P.S.S. The story will eventually follow some of the story lines of Season One and Season Two but the timeline will be arranged some. I have 15 chapters outlined so far but I may add more or take away some once I start writing the rest. I am working on the next chapter and I hope to have it out really soon. :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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